The Hug

I first met my colleague, Hamish Cooper at a shopping centre. It was my day off and I had decided to hit the shops and browse for a dress for an upcoming ball. As usual, I had not found a dress, but I had found a gorgeous pair of silver shoes and a matching clutch, so I figured the morning had not been a waste.

Walking out of a shop trying to bleach my eyes from the monstrosities of items they called formal dresses, I saw a gentleman who looked like he was in his mid to late 50s collapse in front of me. I launched into my role as a nurse in the emergency department and ascertained he was not breathing. I started CPR and screamed for onlookers to call for an ambulance and see if there was an AED around.

I had been a nurse for over ten years, and this was the first time I had had to perform CPR in public. It was totally different to the countless times I had performed it in the ED- I was the one in charge and I had no drugs to aid in resuscitation. The first minute was a blur- I could hear someone on a phone speaking to the ambulance dispatcher and I remember yelling "just say RN present performing CPR, wait- someone has just arrived with an AED..."

That person was Hamish. He talked to the patient, "Hi there mate, I'm Hamish, I'm actually a doctor but I'm just here shopping today, I'm placing some sticky pads on your chest and we are going to check the rhythm your heart is in today because I'm guessing it's gone a bit wonky."

Hamish had a very calming presence about him. Another bystander mentioned they had completed a first aid course and I tagged out with them on CPR as Hamish applied the pads. Being an automatic machine, I was so relieved to hear the robotic voice say, "Shockable rhythm, stand clear, stand clear, stand clear," however it advised us to resume compressions. Instinctively I looked around to draw up adrenaline however there was of course none available, and the patient did not have any intravenous access.

After two more minutes during which Hamish had taken over compressions, the machine again told us it was going to analyse and to stand clear as it delivered a shock. With relief, and paramedics running through the door, the patient returned to a sinus rhythm meaning their heart was beating regularly. Hamish insisted I handover to the paramedics as I was first on scene, so I told them all that had happened, how many cycles of CPR we had performed and how many shocks had been administered.

The paramedics recognised me from work and praised my efforts. I was quick to remind them, and everyone present, that having a member of the public trained in first aid and an AED saved this man's life.

Watching this man being wheeled away to the waiting ambulance saw the rush of adrenaline hit me. I started shaking and bent forward, resting my elbows on my knees. Hamish placed a hand on my shoulder and pulled me up for the most amazing hug I had ever experienced. I know I'm tall at almost six foot, but Hamish seemed that right amount taller with broader shoulders that just enveloped me and held me as I shook.

"I'm sorry, I don't even know your name, but I'm Hamish and I'm newish in town and I don't think I've met you around the hospital," Hamish said still holding me tight.

I did not want to break away, but knew I had to. "Thanks, I seem to be calming a little now. I'm Lucinda, or Lucy and I work in ED. This is my first non-hospital cardiac arrest and I'm just thinking how much worse it could have been if you hadn't come along."

Hamish laughed, "You had everything well under control. I saw him collapse too but remembered also seeing an AED at the other entrance, so I ran for that. I think we both now are in need of a cup of tea. Come on, my shout!"

I smiled and agreed. Maybe it was the hug, but I was also not going to complain at looking at this handsome man for the next half hour or so over a cup of tea. He had deep green eyes which he accentuated with green tortoiseshell-like glasses frames and wavy reddish-brown hair that seemed to just sit perfectly. He only had to run his hands through it post CPR for it to sit perfectly again. I knew my long blonde hair, which I usually wore in a bun for work, but wore down for my day off would be floating everywhere by now and no manner of tucking it would settle it.

We found a booth in a local coffee shop and Hamish ordered us both a Chai Tea. We sat and debriefed about the incident with Hamish again reminding me I had done everything by the book. Hamish told me he worked as a medical registrar and one day wanted to become a respiratory physician. Conversation flowed freely and I laughed at Hamish's jokes. He was exactly my type of guy; except I had been recently burnt and was not looking for a relationship.

As we finished our teas, I simply stood with my parcels and said, "Hamish, thanks so much for tea, but I have to go, um, perhaps I'll see you around the hospital," before I turned and walked out. I knew I wanted to ask him for his number and suggest we catch up for dinner or a movie sometime, but I also knew I was not over Dereck.

Dereck had been my partner for the last five years until several weeks before this incident. He was a radiographer at the hospital, and I thought things were going well until he decided that one woman wasn't enough for him, especially one who had recently turned 30, and he started coming home late or making excuses about trivial things. It was finding a red lace thong that certainly did not belong to me in his pocket that was the final straw.

We had both moved to this regional town together away from the city when he was offered a promotion a few years before. He begged me to come stating I was the one and I thought an engagement, marriage and a family would follow. He talked about how his father was a philanderer and the effect it had had on him as a child and how he wanted to be different. The sting as I was moving my things out of our former joint apartment was when I told him he had ended up like his father after all and he replied, "No, I made sure we didn't have any kids to hurt."

I had always thought our sex life was great. It was regular and varied. We loved to role play, usually as teacher as student as I did not like to sexualise my profession of nurse. We would tie each other to the bedpost with silk ties but that was about as far as I was prepared to go. He loved telling me I was a naughty girl, but apparently, I was not naughty enough.

Dereck still worked in the radiography department and I still bumped into him on a regular basis. He always made a point to flirt in my presence, but never with me of course. It made things uncomfortable and people had noticed. I was beginning to think I might move back to the city.

My parents and younger siblings still lived in Brisbane where I had grown up. Mum was a nurse who had been working in Aged Care and Dad was a respiratory physician, just as Hamish wanted to become. I had two younger sisters, Penelope, never Penny, sometimes Pen, who had followed Dad into medicine and Amanda, just call me Mandy, who had joined the Navy. No one in the family knew where that had come from, but we knew Mandy was happy. Lincoln was the youngest in the family and had arrived after Mandy had started school and was himself in his final year of school. He had wanted to study radiography however Mum had told me recently that Dereck had put him off and he was 'assessing his options.'

I missed my family dearly, especially Lincoln who I had babysat for so many years. Mum explained to everyone that he may not have been planned, but he was longed for and made the family complete. Pen had married Richard, who only let her call him Ricky, six months ago and he was like a second brother. He was also a doctor and I tried to encourage them both to move closer to me, however I wondered if it was time for me to move closer to them.

The evening after the incident I had dinner with my best friends from work, Sally, Bec and Jon. Sally and Bec were in the midst of wedding planning for their upcoming nuptials. I was to be the Best Women and Jon was Best Man. Jon was an admin officer in our department and the four of us were inseparable. Jon was also gay and had recently started a new relationship. They all joked that I was the 'token hetero' of the group.

Over dinner I recounted the events of the shopping centre and tea with Hamish. Bec had been working in the department that day when the man came in and was able to report that he was in ICU but appeared to be doing ok. Sally was more intuitive and focussed on Hamish, "So when are the two of you next catching up?"

I explained that I had bolted from our tea date before I could even ascertain if he was single or not and well before any exchange of numbers could take place. "And anyway, after last Saturday night I know I'm not up for anything at the moment."

The trio went quiet. They had taken me out the Saturday night before in the hope I would score a one-night-stand in my journey of 'getting over Dereck. I'd had a few too many drinks and a guy who was shorter than me, but very full of himself had started chatting me up. I had gone along with it and we started kissing on the dancefloor. He hadn't kissed that well and I didn't really feel turned on, but he obviously was. He had suggested we go somewhere to talk, and I had been a little too naïve to realise his real motives.

He had me in an alleyway before I knew it trying to lift my dress and pull my knickers down my legs. I was obviously not drunk enough for him as I kneed him in the balls and walked away. I realised with that incident that I really didn't do casual sex anymore. I had no judgement on those who did, and heaven knows I did enough in my uni years, but I recognised that for me, sex was now a connection and that was what I looked for. Plus, Jon, Sally and Bec had given me a couple of vibrators as a housewarming present when I moved into my new flat.

Over the next few months work was busy. I managed to take a week off and caught up with my family down in Sydney as we watched Mandy sail out on a ship on her first real adventure. We spent the weekend in Sydney before Mandy sailed as a family again, of course with Richard included and I mentioned I was thinking of moving closer to home. "That's a shame," giggled Pen, "Because Ricky and I are moving to be closer to you!"

Plans change and Bec, Sally and Jon were thrilled when I came home to tell them I was staying put for a while. Things worked perfectly and Pen and Richard moved the week after Sally and Bec's wedding. It was a stunning ceremony on the beach as the sunset and then a party in an old town hall that had been decorated with tropical plants and fairy lights. I danced with the Brides and Best Man along with several of the guests. It was nice to know that several of the men there found me attractive enough to dance with. It did get me to wonder though after six months if I might be ready to move on from Dereck.

I enlisted Jon and his partner Andy to help move Pen and Richard into their new apartment. It was in a block on the same street as mine, but they managed to score a large two-bedroom unit in a new complex compared to my single bedroom box in a building that was older than me! Their complex had a pool however and I was looking forward to relaxing in it over the coming Summer months.

One of the reasons Pen and Richard moved was because Richard gained a place on a training program in surgery. Pen had discovered that going into Mental Health she would be able to score a job almost anywhere. I saw both of them fairly regularly in the ED. Pen told me one day she took great pride in telling Dereck not to be such a dick in front of her or her colleagues when he had wandered to the ED to 'flirt a little' as he had put it to Pen.

An emergency call came in one day a while later- a tourist bus had rolled down an embankment and several very sick people were coming to our department. Emergency protocols were put in place and I was put in a team to work on one of the critically injured. Doctors appeared from all over the hospital however I was too caught up in what I was doing to notice who was where doing what.

The young lady we were working on had lost a lot of blood. She had a deep gash in her leg with an obvious crush fracture to her arm and it was not looking good. We were trying to pump fluids and blood into her as fast as we could whilst teams were trying to save her. At one stage she went into cardiac arrest. We worked smoothly and efficiently and as we were able to get her again into a normal heart rhythm after lots of medication and several shocks from the defibrillator, she was wheeled off to surgery. I started removing my gown and gloves and again rested my elbows on my knees leaning forward.

Suddenly, I heard a familiar voice, "Lucy, we need to stop meeting like this!" and turned to see Hamish. He offered his arms and I leant in for a hug. It was again exactly what I needed. This hug probably only lasted a few seconds, but it felt much longer. We were all called into a debrief together and I sat next to Hamish.

There were still people with minor injuries waiting to be treated, but we were told we must go and take 20 minutes to gather our thoughts. "I can't do a chai here, but I am going to make you a cuppa- you were incredible in there, Lucy. How do you have it?"

I explained a dash of milk, no sugar. Hamish returned with two cups of tea and suggested we go and sit outside. We found a bench near a secluded garden that I knew of but was new to Hamish.

"Lucy," Hamish started, "You ran off after our last cuppa together and I took that to mean that you are probably married or at least in a relationship, so I let you go, but I have seen you several times when I've been down to ED since then and I smile when I see you."

I sipped my tea slowly trying to work out what I wanted to say. "I must say, Hamish, that you do give the best hugs," I started eliciting a small laugh from my companion. "When we first met, I had recently had my heart broken by the man I thought I was going to marry. That was over 9 months ago now, but I still don't know where I'm at."

Hamish smiled, "I moved here in similar circumstances and you were the first woman I had spoken to outside of work after the incident at the shops, and when you ran away, I really thought there was something wrong with me!"

It was my turn to laugh. "From what I can see so far, there is nothing wrong with you!" I asked Hamish if I could give him my number and he got his phone out and typed it in. I headed back to the department and helped clean wounds prior to stitching and the like.

After work Sally told me a few of them were going for a drink and I readily accepted. On the way I told Sally of the tea with Hamish. She commented that she wondered where I went after the debrief.

I checked my phone regularly over the next few days and there was nothing. I was disappointed as I thought Hamish was someone I could trust and explore things with. I did not notice Hamish around the department, and I had no real way of contacting him. I replayed those twenty minutes over in my mind and wondered what had happened? Had he typed my number in wrong? Had I just misinterpreted things?

It was Christmas Eve when I received a text, but at first I was not sure who it had come from, 'Sorry for this impersonal bulk message, but I know I have flaked on so many of you over the last few weeks. Dad died suddenly on the 3rd and I have been in Brisbane looking after Mum. Becky and I are doing OK. Baby Olivia is gorgeous and distracting us a little. Friends up north I'll be back with you in the New Year. Spend time with those you love this time of year as you never know when they will be taken from you.'

I could not think of any friends named Becky who had a baby nor who their husbands could be. I replied 'I'm not sure I was meant to get this message, but I am always sad to hear of the death of anyone and I can only imagine how agonising it would be to lose a parent. Whoever you are, you are in my thoughts, Lucy Constable xx'

Barely a minute had passed since I replied to the unknown texter when I received another message, "Lucy, it's Hamish, I'm sorry- I forgot to put my name on the group text- I think I even sent it to my former dentist! It's been a rough few weeks, but I still would love to catch up with you when I get back to town. I'm back on 2 Jan. H'

This did explain things and I assumed now that Becky was Hamish's sister and Olivia was her daughter. I didn't know what to say so I tried to keep it brief, 'Hamish, I am really, really sorry to hear about your dad. I would love to catch up with you when you return and hear all about him. L xx'

Mandy was still at sea and Mum, Dad and Lincoln had flown up to spend Christmas with us. I had drawn the short straw, well I had actually volunteered, to work Christmas Eve night shift. I had had Christmas off the previous year and had spent it with Dereck's family in Brisbane. I was working with Bec and Sally that night and I told them of Hamish's father. The shift was mercifully quiet and I thought of texting Hamish several times, but I stopped myself thinking that I did not want to be seen as a stalker.

I napped a few hours after work and headed over to Pen and Richard's place. Pen had outdone herself with the cooking and we had a lovely time. After lunch we sat and watched cheesy movies as we had always done as a family. Midway through one I texted Hamish, 'H, my Christmas is a little different as my sister is at sea, but I suspect yours is a lot more different and I really am thinking of you.' It only took a few seconds for his reply, 'Thanks, Lucy, that really means a lot. Hugs, H'

The week between Christmas and New Year used to drag as a child, but as a nurse it never did. People still had accidents or got sick and the hospital didn't close. Lincoln had stayed up north with us after Christmas as a reward for being Dux of his school. He had decided that he too wanted to study medicine, despite my protestations that he would make an awesome nurse. I was working New Year's Eve until 9.30pm and did not feel like partying. I knew Pen and Richard had a few friends over and Sally, Bec and Jon were at a party at a club in town but decided to just go home by myself.

I threw my bag on the counter when I got home and checked my phone. There was another text from Hamish, 'Hey Lucy, I know this year has been tough on both of us, here's to the next being better, Hugs, H.'

Several attempts were made at replying, but nothing was coming out right. In the end I simply said, 'Amen to that!' Several minutes later I followed it up with 'I'm home from work and don't feel like partying, but I'm here if you want to chat.'

It did not take long for my phone to ring. We chatted like we were old friends. Hamish told me about his Mum and sister, and I recognised I was correct with the assumption of Olivia being Becky's daughter with her partner, Jimmy. Hamish also told me that he had spent a lot of the month holed up in his childhood bedroom avoiding his ex who literally was the girl next door. He didn't go into details. I told him about my family and confirmed that my father was indeed Dr Constable, the respiratory physician.

"You know he's the one who encouraged me to head north to work," Hamish told me at one point, "But that really is a story for another day!"

I arranged to collect Hamish from the airport when he returned, mentioning that I would be coming straight from work so would be in my scrubs and might be late. He told me he didn't mind at all. Before long I heard fireworks and looked at my watch, "Hamish, Happy New year!" We talked for about an hour more before we both decided we needed to sleep.

After hanging up, I kept smiling and rethinking our conversation. I knew I was attracted to Hamish and it seemed he was attracted to me. It had been a long time since I had been at the start of a relationship, but I was enjoying the butterflies I was feeling when we spoke or when I thought of him. Our conversation had not been sexual at all, yet after talking with Hamish I felt very aroused. I reached for a vibrator and brought myself to climax. It was satisfactory as all my masturbation sessions over the last several months had been, but I knew I was missing the sensual touch of a lover or simply having someone snuggle with me and cuddle.