The Dna Test

She walked into the kitchen, gave him a hug and a long passionate kiss. "Have I told you how much I love you?"

"Yeah, about a hundred times a day."

"Well, it's not enough. Happy Father's Day, Blake. Last night was fabulous! But then it's always fabulous with you. What are you doing up so early? It's your special day, you should be sleeping in."

"Last night gave me a lot of energy I guess."

"Wait. You opened your present. You're not supposed to do that!"

"Hon, we bought it together, remember?"

"Yeah, but...Did you try it out?"

"Yes! And it's great. Two waffles at a time! Here, sit down and we can have a nice, quiet breakfast alone. The boys are camping and Emily, well, she won't get up for hours. Just the two of us, Katie."

"Did you like your card? I made it on the Cricut I got. Neat, eh? And I meant every word."

"Loved it." They kissed again.

"I'll get some coffee and the syrup. This is going to be great. We can eat before..."

"Hey, Mom, Dad. I have a question. Happy Father's Day, Pops. Here's your card. I..."

"Em, we were just sitting down to some waffles. Could your question wait?"

"It'll only take a minute. It's a project I'm working on. It's about family trees and stuff and the importance of family."

Katie froze for a second. Her face grew worried and she could feel the color fading. "Emily, please let your dad and I eat his first batch of waffles..."

"It's alright, Katie, that's what fatherhood is all about. What is it pumpkin?"

"Well, we did these DNA tests..."

Katie felt the floor beneath her crumbling and her life about to fall into the abyss. "Emily, you have to be eighteen to get those without parental consent..."

"I messed up, Mom. Again. I forgot to have you sign it and got to school and had to turn it in so I kind of signed your signature? I know! I know! I shouldn't have done it. Should have been more responsible. So I'm grounded, no driving, whatever you want. Sorry."

Sternly, "Why don't we just talk about it in a bit, Emily?"

Giving her an odd look. "It's alright, Katie. What is it, Em?"

Handing each of them a sheet of results, "Here's the DNA stuff. We're supposed to pick out one relative from each side that we don't know and reach out to them. I know a number of these folks on mom's side, but, dad, on yours...I don't recognize any of the names."

Blake picked up the report and glanced at it then crumpled it into a tight ball. His face reddened and contorted in anger, pain, then rage. "YOU FUCKING BITCH! YOU FUCKING, LYING, CHEATING BITCH!"

Fear, anguish, pain flooded her face and her voice shook. "Blake! It's not what you think! I never cheated on you. Please! Let me explain! Please! I love you! Please! I'm sorry."

She reached out to touch his arm and he pushed her away hard enough to make her fall sideways off her chair. "DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME! Don't ever fucking touch me or come close to me again! I'm leaving! HAPPY FUCKING FATHER'S DAY!"

As he started to storm out, his foot caught on her chair. He kicked it and it struck the bowl of batter which fell to the floor along with the waffle maker.

"Mom? Mom! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! But I don't understand."

Her mom got up off the floor with tears falling, her voice shaking, hands trembling, but pulling it together for a moment she touched Emily's arm, "You have no idea what you have just done, Em. But it's alright, Em. It's all my fault. All my fault. Not yours. Do the boys know? Anyone else?" She shook her head.

"Good, please just go to your room for now and I'll explain it all to you later. Please try not to listen, okay?" She nodded. "That's my girl. Now go." Emily was stunned, couldn't think clearly, in shock at what had just happened. She'd never seen her dad angry. Never heard him swear. Had never seen any violence. Up the stairs she trudged, crying, but sat at the top to watch and listen. Wondering what had just happened. What the problem was.

Katie walked to the bedroom door. A condemned soul facing the end of everything she loved. Nearly twenty years of happiness with the man she loved. The door was locked. She knocked. "Blake please? I never cheated on you. Never had sex with anyone else. I love you. I would never. Please! Just let me explain." Pleading, "Please!"

"OUR WHOLE FUCKING TIME TOGETHER, OUR WHOLE MARRIAGE WAS A LIE! A sham! You betrayed me! Lied to me!"

"But you've been happy for seventeen years! We've been happy, I've been happy. I did it to make you happy, Blake."

"BULLSHIT!" He opened the door with a suitcase in hand. She reached out to snag his shirt sleeve and he turned and grabbed her by her shirt and jacked her against the wall. "I told you never to touch me again!" and threw her to the floor.

"Blake! What about the kids? What about the children! They're just sixteen and fourteen. They need you."

"I DON'T HAVE ANY FUCKING KIDS! THEY'RE YOURS! YOU FIGURE IT OUT!"

"Blake, do whatever you want to me. Divorce me, whatever. I deserve it. I'll leave! I'll pack my stuff and go--today! But it's not their fault. Please? You can't just walk out on your kids! IT'S NOT THEIR FAULT! It's mine! All mine! You've been their father since before they were born. In every way possible! Please!"

"I. DON'T. HAVE. ANY. KIDS."

"You're a wonderful father. The best! Please. Don't walk away from them. Please. I'm sorry! I'm sorry. But it's not their fault! It's not their fault!"

"You're right! IT'S YOUR FUCKING FAULT! And they're victims of your lies and cheating just like I am. So, yes, I'm getting a divorce. None of you will ever see me again and don't you try for a second to get any money from me or I will sue the shit out of you for all the money I've spent since we found out you were pregnant. Now get the fuck out of my way, I'm leaving. I'll send for the rest of my stuff."

"But, Blake...the kids...please..."

"I DON'T HAVE ANY FUCKING KIDS!" He stomped out the front door and slammed it hard enough that the stained glass insert she'd made of the five of them around a Christmas tree shattered and fell in pieces to the floor. Just like her life. In moments, all the love, all the happiness, all the joy in her life shattered like the stained glass panel--pieces on the floor. She curled into a ball clutching herself and sobbed. Twenty years with the man she loved more than anything--gone. Gone in a moment.

A few minutes later" she felt an arm touch her shoulder. "Mom? Mom? Are you alright? Your elbow is bleeding..." Katie twisted around and clutched her daughter to her and sobbed even harder.

"Oh, Em...I am so sorry. I'm just so sorry..."

"Come on, Mom. Let's get you off the floor and onto the bed. Please. Here, I'll help."

"But I don't know what I'm going to do? How we're going to make it..."

"We'll figure it out, Mom. We'll make it work. Do you want to take a nap, get in the shower..."

"I can't. I have to talk to you...talk to your brothers."

Putting her arm around her mom, "Alright. So what's so awful?"

"I just lost the man I've loved since I first put eyes on him...and you, unless I'm mistaken, just lost a father."

"What! Shit, Mom! What the heck is going on? I've never seen Dad act like that. I don't think I've ever heard him swear and he threw you on the ground...Tell me! What'd I do!"

She sighed, "We were juniors at State when we met. We fell in love immediately and got very close. He wanted a bunch of kids. I wanted a bunch of kids. All our goals and dreams were aligned and we just fit together like two pieces of a puzzle. We clicked. Oh, how I loved him. I couldn't stand to be away from him.

"Towards the end of the year a measles outbreak hit the campus. Most of us were vaccinated, so no big deal, but a few like your dad were not. He was from Asheville and at the time they had about the highest non vaccination rate in the country.

When little kids get the mumps, well, their cheeks get all puffy and they feel crappy for a while. When men get mumps, well sometimes their, uh, seeds swell up and get real big."

"Seeds?"

"Testicles. Balls. Nuts. Whatever. His cheeks got big, like a chipmunk," and she used her hands to demonstrate, "but as they went down, his balls started swelling. He could hardly walk. We put ice on them, heat, saw the doctor...all we could do was ride it out. They finally got smaller and went back to normal, but then he would never let me touch him down there. He said it hurt too much or something. I thought it was weird, but never touched them. Even today, that area is off limits.

"Halfway through senior year, we knew we were going to get married, we both wanted a baby as quickly as possible, so I went off the pill. Nothing happened. We married right after graduation and no baby. A year went by, no baby.

"I started to dread every month when it was time for my period. He felt like a failure. Not man enough to make a baby. And he made me feel like such a failure. He never said it, but it was clear that he blamed me. That it was my fault. I felt so bad about my inability to have babies. To make him happy.

"Towards the end of the second year, we talked and I went to a fertility clinic. No way we could afford it, but your dad just got so upset, so depressed...but my period started again and again and there was no baby. It was tearing him apart and he was making me feel so guilty, so awful. I started to dread the days as my next cycle approached.

"All the tests were perfectly normal. They could find nothing wrong with me. He wouldn't accept that and wanted more tests, so they did biopsies of my ovary and a bunch of other stuff and it was still normal. Cost us our whole savings and a lot of debt.

"I took my temperature every day to determine when I was ovulating, had charts and graphs and when I was ready to ovulate he would do it like crazy, over and over to fill me up and I would lie there for hours afterwards--hoping it would happen. Absolutely no fun at all! But he was obsessed! And it was making me crazy. It became all consuming.

"But every month my cycle would start and the blame and feelings of failure for both of us would started again.

"'All this time he refused to be tested. He 'knew' he was fine and got angry at the doctor every time it was suggested. I finally met privately with the doctor and he suggested I bring in a sample of your dad's stuff. After we did it, I went to the bathroom, put it in a specimen jar and then took it to the clinic.

"He had almost no sperm and the few he had didn't work right. I did it twice. So what then? He wouldn't even discuss the possibility that it was his issue, not mine. I snuck a hand down there and they were...I couldn't find them.

"Turns out, 20-30% of men who get the swollen testicles end up infertile or subfertile. He was one of those. But I didn't know what to do, Em...," Crying harder, "I never told anyone. There was no one I could discuss it with, but we were headed for divorce. Divorce from the man I loved more than anything.

"But he was blaming me more and more and getting angrier each month. I'd never seen that side of him. He started pushing me around; like you just saw. Wouldn't talk to me. Each time my period came I was afraid he was going to punish me, maybe even hit me or something. He was so angry every month. And started to stay angry. It leaked into the rest of the month; every aspect of our life together. it was poisoning it. I was scared, but I was having a harder and harder time biting my tongue.

"Your father is the greatest man in the world, but he has this one tragic flaw. He was convinced that if he didn't have children then he was a failure as I man and husband, a failure in the eyes of his friends and family. No one else felt that way, well, except his folks.

"Lots of couples have problems. I suggested adoption, fostering, Big Brothers...anything, but he wouldn't discuss it at all. He was getting more depressed, angrier. He started having trouble at work. I was becoming more and more afraid that he might get really violent like he just did...

"Finally he grabbed me the day my period started, shook me, and called me a failure. The time had come, and I knew I had a choice to make. So instead of divorce and him continuing to feel like a failure, I decided to have someone else make me pregnant."

"Mom!"

"No! I did not! I did not have sex with him. Grant was a guy I worked with. He looked like your father, had a lot of the same mannerisms, it was weird. It was clear that he liked me and if I weren't married I would have been interested. Smart, relaxed, easy going. He checked all the boxes. So, I talked him into being a sperm donor.

"When I was ovulating, we'd go to his place at lunch, I'd go in the bedroom and wait. He'd go in the bathroom, do his thing into a syringe, I'd inject it, he'd go back to work, I'd lie there an hour and then go back to work too. Every day for a week and then wait a month. He NEVER laid a finger on me. NEVER! The second cycle I got pregnant.

"When I showed your dad the positive test he was so happy. The happiest I had ever seen him. And as you know, he's been a terrific father ever since. Eighteen months later, I did it again and got the boys. Grant said he couldn't do it anymore and felt guilty about the way we were doing it behind your father's back; thought it was all wrong. He actually left his job, left town, and we lost touch.

"When your dad wanted more, I lied and said the doctor recommended against it because things 'weren't right' in there from having twins and we'd lose the baby. And I was surprised, but he was okay with it."

"Holy crap, Mom. I can't believe you did that!"

"I didn't know what else to do and never even thought that someone would get a DNA test."

Emily teared up, "I'm sorry, Mom...I"

"Please, Em. Never blame yourself. This is all on me. 100%."

"But how do you know he didn't recover or something?"

"We're pretty active, Em, and I've never used any birth control. None. I have a package of birth control pills, you know, so he thinks I take them, but I never do. Fourteen years since the boys were born...I was always hoping, just hoping every month that just one of those little buggers would be able to do his thing, but it never happened."

"So what happens now?"

"He divorces me, which I completely understand..." sobbing again, "although I don't know how I'm going to find the strength to go on without him. But worse, and I may be wrong, I'm afraid he'll walk away from you three as well."

"That's what the 'I don't have any f'ing kids' was all about?"

"Yes. And, if I'm not mistaken, the boys will blame me and I'll no longer be a part of their lives either. I just hope they don't blow up and ruin their futures to punish me. I'll try to get your father to be a part of your all's lives, but I think we've seen the last of him. I'm sorry, Em, so sorry about what my choices are doing to you three. Please! Please don't hate me! Please! I'm sorry!"

She pulled her mom tight. "We'll figure out how to make it work, Mom. He was a great dad, but you are a terrific mom. And besides, if you hadn't done what you did, I wouldn't be here; the boys wouldn't be here? Right?"

"God, how I love you, Em. How was I so lucky..."

"Because you've been such a terrific mom and, I guess, gave me a good set of genes. Now, the boys..." Katie managed a weak smile. "Now, let's get you cleaned up. The boys'll be here soon. And...I think you're right about their reaction. But I'll work to try and keep them on the straight and narrow." Smiling, "Of course, I'm not sure they're on the straight and narrow now."

An hour later she heard car doors slamming and many loud voices topped off with good natured insults. "And tell your sister she needs to go out with me. I know she's dying to."

"I'm pretty sure she'll be old and grey before that happens, so dream on." The commotion entered the garage and as the door from the garage opened her chest tightened and she found it hard to breathe.

"Hey, Mom. Well, you look like crap. What'd you stay up all night drinking?"

"No, I..."

"Where's Dad? His car was gone. We got him a present and he's going to like it much better than anything her highness got him."

Katie shook her head and smiled, but then took a deep breath. "Your dad's gone boys."

"Yeah. Got it. When's he coming back?"

"I don't think he is coming back." They stopped banging around in the kitchen and turned to stare at her leaving the refrigerator door open. The microwave started beeping to indicate the cycle was completed and Katie felt it symbolized the count down to the explosion she knew was coming.

"What do you mean he's not coming back? What did you do, Mom?"

She knew it was going to be her fault, which, of course it was. Then she caught herself. NO! It wasn't ALL her fault. If he hadn't been so obsessed. If he had gone to couple's therapy with her. If he had been willing to adopt, which in essence he did, although without knowing it. Her strength grew and she stood a little taller. She felt a hand on her arm and looked over at her daughter, who nodded to her.

"Do you want the short version or the long version?"

They looked at each other, "Short!"

"Your dad is sterile and unable to have babies so I had artificial insemination. He is your father, but not your biological father."

"What! Why didn't we know?" The twins looked at each other and reached an understanding. "Well, I guess people do that. So..."

"So the problem is that your dad didn't know and found out this morning. That's why he's gone. He's going to file for divorce and...and I...," she brought her hands to her face and started to sob. "And I just don't know what he's going to do about you three. I'm sorry! So sorry! I never thought..."

"Holy shit, Mom! I don't blame Dad. I'd divorce you too. God, how could you...you wrecked everything!'

"SHUTUP! That's enough! Leave her alone! We may have lost a father, but she's lost the guy she loved! So shut the hell up! Come on, Mom. Let's go back to your room."

The twins looked at each other again. "Well, we're leaving too! I'm calling Dad and we're going to live with him or with friends or anywhere but here. Let's go, Aaron."

Emily guided her mother to the bed and pushed her down. Her mom rolled to her side and cried. Placing a hand on her shoulder, "That's it, Mom. Have a good cry. It always helps, right? Maybe he will talk to them and let them move in, but he didn't sound that way while he was yelling. Yes, I heard it all. Let me close the blinds. Can I get you anything?"

Her mom swung around and hugged her, crying on her shoulder. "Oh, Em, what am I going to do? What are WE going to do?"

"We'll figure it out. We'll make it work."

"But I can't put this on you. It's not fair."

"Sure it is. Look. I'm a wonderful daughter. You said so yourself. You're a wonderful wife and mother. You made him happy every day. The way I look at it, any man who would turn his back on us and just leave? Well, he's not the kind of man I want for a father or you should want as a husband. Just saying..."

"Oh, Em. How did you get so smart?"

"You."

"I should get up and check on the boys."

"If I were the mother, I would let them go. Let them reach out to Dad and see what happens. Maybe he'll answer and take them. If not, they'll cool down, realize they have nowhere to go and no money so they'll come back. I'm sure they'll still punish you, but that gets old. They won't be able to keep it up. So unless you want a further thrashing, let them go. At least for now."

On Friday, Emily was doing homework, jumped up and looked out the window. Aaron and James had returned. She went to the door from the garage and flung it open as they climbed the steps. She grabbed them by their shirt fronts, pushed them back down the steps. "Before you come back into the house, we need to have a little chat."