The Decision

A note to the moderator

: I know that you do not want any suicide stories, and this is NOT a suicide story. It is about two people in stress, who do not know what to do but by fate, meet and overcome the disappointments of life together. It is a story of victory over the trials of life through a common love. Two people who meet their soulmates in the nick of time. Love conquers all.

A message from onetrickponey to the readers. Please know that writing these stories has been fun but proofreading them is the pits. Every one of my stories has included mis spelling and plain old fat fingering. I am not a typist but I am improving. THX

The Decision

This story is fictional. No one was injured in the writing. Please note that this is under the romance tag, but it does include some sexual content. Please do not try to guess about the intent of the story as you will spoil the flow. Just ride along and then judge for yourselves.

The pier was very long, extending out over 1000 feet, into the Pacific Ocean and into deeper water.

I noticed her at the end of the pier, as I walked toward the end myself. I did not know her, but I knew what she was thinking. I could tell from the way she stood. She was staring out to the horizon, with the thousand-yard stare. She then looked down at the water. She was standing with the appearance of resignation.

How did I know this you might ask. Because, six months earlier, I stood in the same place, just like her. I had felt the same way. I wondered when my life would be, what I had thought it would be.

I had finally understood the quote from Hamlet

To be, or not to be, that is the question

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer

The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune

Ot to take arms against a sea of troubles

And by opposing end them, to die - to sleep,

No more; and by sleep to say we end "Wm Shakespear"

The decision was to live or die.

I knew what she was thinking

There was a place, at her feet, that was one step too far.

My heart went out to her, because I had to make the same decision.

I had to make the same decision, and

she was on the edge

. What could I do to help her. I don't know why I had not taken that step, but it makes no difference now.

There was a bench, a few feet from her and I continued to it and sat down, not looking at her or saying anything to her. Although she did not acknowledge my presence, she knew I was there.

I sat quietly for some time, I don't know how long, it was either just for a second or forever. Finally, I said, very softly, so that I didn't startle her, "Six months ago, I stood exactly where you are now."

She turned her head and just looked at me with a question on her face.

After a moment I said," before you decide, can you give me just a few moments. Could you sit with me here, on the bench?"

She didn't speak!

Then I said, "Can just a few moments hurt, among friends?"

Finally, she said, "OK."

I scooted over so she could sit, even though there was enough room for her already, but I wanted to give her some extra space, not crowding her. She sat down as far away as possible under the circumstances.

I let her sit quietly before I spoke again. She was a deer in the headlights.

After the right amount of time, whatever it was, I said

"About six months ago, I was about as low as I could go. I felt that I had failed in everything. I had failed, in business, in my social life, in my love life, in every way."

"Some people in that situation turn to drugs, alcohol, and all the other ways to degrade themselves but I didn't want to do that. I thought if I just ceased to exist, that would show the world that I could do something right. I felt that I didn't have a friend in the world!"

"I stood here most of the day grieving, for myself. Then, for some reason, I decided to try and have at least one friend before I did "it" So that there would be one person who cared."

"I have been waiting six months for that one person. So, today, when I saw you standing in my spot, I wondered if possibly you could be that friend. Can I be your friend today?" I do not know why I said those things. It was her move, live or die.

I gave her all the time she needed. I would sit here until she made the decision. Either she would accept my offer, or walk away, or take the last step too far. Then after a while I said. "If you will not be my friend, then I will take that last step, with you."

After a while I could hear her weeping. Later she whispered something about a woman named Ruth, but I did not understand till much later. Then she said, "I need a friend too."

We chose to live

At this point neither of us knew what we were going to do. We both had a small apartment and we both had small jobs, our apartments were about equal distance so we flipped a coin to see which place we would go to. That was the best we could do at that time.

We kept our own apartment and lived as just friends. We needed time to get to know each other, learn what our history was, how we felt about things.

It is important to know that this was not friends with benefits.

Now there is a phrase that is deceptive at the best and dishonest at the worst. It is a phrase that is meant to obscure two people who have no real feeling for each other, only lust and self-gratification. The only difference between that and prostitution is the fee. That was not where we were.

Her name was Ruth as it happened. She was not ugly, she was not a stunner, she was just right. Shoulder length brunette, with smiling blue eyes, 5ft 6, 125lbs, medium breasts, wide in the proper places and narrow in the right places. She had good teeth, a nice laugh, a soft voice and she smelled great. What else could a guy ask for? And she was also smart. She would ask my thoughts on things and then make up her mind.

Ruth and I were good for each other. She was always encouraging, supportive, happy, thoughtful, caring. I could not understand why she thought she was a failure. How many other good things could I mention. I am reminded of the poem, "how do I love thee, let me count the ways?" Elizabeth Barrett Browning.

Part 2 Decision # 2 The Healing

In the beginning, we were very tentative at best. It was because we were afraid that we would both fail, again.

Although both of us were 30 years old and had experienced relationships before, we were not comfortable with the nuances of more than friends.

I wanted both of us to be normal people, without the history of what we felt was a failure in our lives. It started out as two discouraged confused people who did not know what to do. We were very careful not to intrude in or inquire about our personal experiences. these would come out a little at a time. We were also careful not to get close physically.

The real problem was that Ruth had endured some personal experiences that were not so easily solved. She had been brought up in a home with serious defects including spousal abuse, alcoholism, drug addiction and sexual abuse. I suppose that the combination of all these problems is enough to mess anyone up.

It was fortunate that I had started out gaining her trust slowly. After she became comfortable with me, she began to slowly reveal the many traumatic events in her upbringing.

We were not burdened with physical abuse, or substance abuse but, sexual abuse would take much longer to solve.

I realized that my task of bringing Ruth back to a normal he/she relationship would be much harder than bringing her back from the edge of the pier, but I was motivated by my self-interests. I knew that I wanted to save her for myself.

I had been reading an instruction manual for hooking up a printer to my computer and in the middle of the process were the directions "do not get in a rush as that leads to mistakes." Good advice from out of the blue.

My first thought was to prolong the process of gaining confidence and assurance of my feelings for her by allowing her time to respond to my careful attention to her needs, not mine. Ruth's comfort was confined to a private environment not out in public. She was worth the time

I missed the first clues that she was gaining in her comfort level when she began to wear clothes that were more comfortable. Up till then she wore blouses that covered her neck and sleeves down to her elbows. Hard to touch when everything is covered up

After some time, I began to consider her as more than a friend, but I was not sure how to approach her. So, being the age of enlightenment and the internet, I started searching for ways to show her more personal feelings without making her uncomfortable.

Considering the way, I found her, I had to be very careful and not move too fast. I learned that many women do not like to be touched at all until they have made a connection mentally.

They will display the connection by the tone of their voice, the willingness to look at you with interest, squaring up with you when talking, or even by touching their hair to make their face more visible.

If she touches you, it might indicate a willingness to have a closer connection. Do not rely on just one sign but some combination of several. If she is all right with it, then you will know. If there is any sign of discomfort, back off.

I was amazed at my ignorance about ways to make her feel secure, with touches that are non-threating and reassuring.

I found that there were certain places and ways to touch that made her feel protected and secure.

Most of these were to be light and to areas that

are not

considered erogenous areas but in fact can be, if applied properly. A light hand placed on the small of the back (above the waist) or on the back of the neck, make women feel secure and protected and can be important at any time in a relationship.

Other places where this touching can be used are on the arms and hands. For instance, did you ever consider the holding of hands as erotic? The important thing is to never make them feel that you are restraining them.

The holding of hands creates a feeling of security for both companions, being rather discreet, but not considered by most people. Light touches to the arms are equally reassuring and not considered by most. These are touches that will last a lifetime

Other intimate places to touch are the face but should be used only after a definite connection is established. If she will allow you to touch her face, then she trusts you.

Other zones that are even more intimate are the neck and ears. These are best approached by a gentle touch or better yet a light kiss. You can tell if these are effective if the touching or kissing are met with a positive sound from her.

The ear, neck approach is good for the men as well because it allows you to take a deep breath. I like to take a deep breath while kissing her ear to smell her.

My woman smells wonderful to me. And do not think that she will not notice this. Kissing the ear is best if only lightly and briefly and not at the start.

The hair is an erogenous zone also. If a woman is fiddling with her hair, it may be a sign that she is interested in you.

To use these areas effectively, they must be in appropriate places and times. Discretion is a must.

This touching, caressing, light kissing and smelling are never out of date and are good for a lifetime.

All the things mentioned above are both part of the initial courtship and the foreplay at the appropriate time.

I know that many men want to go for the breasts but don't do that at first. Many men get grabby like they have a right to do so. If you skip that at the first, she may wonder why you are not like all the other men. Anticipation is a wonderful thing.

I used these things to allow me to gently reassure Ruth that I was interested in her as more than a friend but not entering her space until she was ready. It was important for both of us.

In the long run, the woman will leave clues to how she feels about you by walking nearer, standing nearer, how she looks at you, her eyes, if she touches you. Remember that she will be evaluating you in the same way. It is the dance of the ages.

Our relationship was like a fine wine it took time to allow the various flavors to blend and the undesirable things to settle out.

At the beginning, it was not unusual for us to spend an evening together at one apartment or the other, simply sitting quietly in the same room but not together, reading or watching the TV where we could simply see each other, without even speaking, but feeling safe and relaxed.

Not pressured to "do" anything. That may seem silly to some, but we were trying to establish a "normal" existence like normal people.

This distant looking, was in fact, the beginning of trust that we both needed. The period of distance" did not last that long. After a few weeks we began to move closer together.

The simple act of sharing a meal across a table was reassuring. Table time allowed us to inspect, if you will, each other closer, trying to detect subtle hints of "us".

Remember the touching thing? Sitting at a table together provided opportunities to do just that with no pressure.

The touching of the hands is a simple thing, so natural in that situation that we might not really notice in the moment, but it is a step forward. Later, came sitting on the couch and eventually, siting closer to each other. Let the touching commence.

I do not remember just how long it took to get to the couch situation but not too long, I think. A matter of weeks! We were not keeping track of the time, like a sporting event. From this point, the touching of reassurance and protection was not too far away

One evening, when we were watching TV on the couch it was only natural to reach over to her and touch her shoulder and Ruth simply leaned up against me, which was a signal that she now trusted me becoming part of her space.

Later in the evening I was bold enough to put my arm around her and lightly touch the back of her neck.

According to my internet sources this is a very important step because it should be reassuring to her. If she shows any sign of displeasure, then back off. She did not!

The next day we went for a walk along the beach and somewhere along the way I found myself holding her hand but not knowing how it got there, and she seemed to enjoy it, as much as I did.

We were now sharing more touching and feeling but I was ready to advance to another level but wasn't sure just what that was.

One evening while she was in the kitchen I approached her from behind laying my hands on her shoulders, very lightly, and leaning forward lightly brushed my lips across her ear. The response was a positive sound.

Not the obligatory groan of porn literature, but a more subtle intake of her breath. This position also allowed me to inhale her scent.

I almost used the word smell but that is a rather crude word. Scent is a much better idea of the moment.

At this point I had to be very careful around her because of certain physical responses I was having. We were, at this point, sitting on the couch much closer.

Even though we were not making out, I was leaving some wet spots on the front of my pants. I didn't think she was aware of this but much later found out that she was not blind to the issue, so to speak.

For the initial attempt of kissing her ear from behind, I had to be careful because the uncontrolled appendage was excited and would have left a wet spot on her bottom. How embarrassing. Again, much later, I discovered that I was not that crafty, and she had felt it anyway.

Decision # 3

So, when do you advance to the next level. Hard to say but the best guess is she will let you know. One night, after about 6 months, I was with Ruth in her apartment when she went into her bedroom to change into something more comfortable, she said.

Of course, it was my hope that it meant something good. She returned with a pair of P J's no bra or panties were apparent. She sat with me on the couch as usual.

At that moment my initial thought was to go for it, but realized that this was the moment to proceed with caution. Any sudden grabbing or roughness would be counterproductive. Sometimes I do make the right decisions.

I contained my lust and let her settle in next to me where I could put my arm around her. I gave her a little time and then she carefully took my hand and placed it on her breast. I did not just grab her and start pinching her nipple. She had given her OK, but she was not asking for a mauling.

I tried a slightly different approach by massaging her shoulders, upper chest, arms, the areas around the breast with just light touching on the sides of the chest, breasts and stomach. I know this seems unusual but bear with me here.

I mentioned a lot of places there, but Ruth more or less let me know what was available by how she moved herself, She riled at this point.

After the preparatory touching I then lightly touched her nipples. The result was a gentle sigh, and she relaxed up against me. I reinforced this with gentle kisses to her ear and neck and appreciation for how wonderful she felt to me.

It would have been so easy to proceed right on down to the sensitive places, but I decided to save that for another night. I did not want to overload her senses. I was sure that she saw my raging erection, but she did not try to touch me. Maybe next time. If not, then I will try to be patient.

It is important to remember that I was trying to address the problems created by Ruth's early years in an atmosphere of physical and mental abuse. I was not trying to create a sex machine with all the bells and whistles but a normal person with normal desires and responses to life.

However, the abuse was a major issue affecting almost every other issue. The damage to her physical and mental condition was substantial.

This slow approach was not because of my great intellect but because I was very unsure of myself and lack of experience in our problems. I was slow on sexual issues because I was afraid of what I might do to make things worse. Sometimes ignorance can have a positive result.

After our first sexual experience on the couch, I did not just leap to the next level because I wanted to be sure it wasn't just a one-off event. Slow is good, good is fast. The next contact was a week later.

This time Ruth resumed her close contact but did not do the hand thing again but indicated her expectations by wearing an outfit that invited exploration with the top few buttons being open. She did not guide my hand, but her intense gaze indicated an unspoken request. I was unsure. But you know what they say, "Nothing ventured nothing gained."

I was not imagining the invitation and made my move with some trepidation.

Her response was positive even to the extent that she bared her neck so that I could nuzzle the neck and ears, lips, and the chance to catch the scent of her hair and touch her face.

That was the first time I caressed her face. She now trusted me to touch her face.

We then proceeded to the upper body massage which was very satisfying to me but was a decision point. What, oh what, was the next step. I decided to use misdirection to approach the nether regions.

So, I moved to her feet. I had heard that the feet (who knew) were erogenous zones. I figured that the only way to go after the feet were up.

This evening she was not wearing the PJ pants but something like a mans boxer shorts. The allowed a rather easy access to the pussy. I use that word as the most non-threatening name in current use. I carefully worked my way up her legs which meant that she eventually had to open her legs.

As I worked my way up, the warm and fury parts got exposed.