At high school Dick Smith leaned he didn't have a name that came to the lips suggesting heroic qualities.
Everyone laughed when his beautiful English teacher and aspiring novelist, Ulyssa Ipswich-Carlton, used his appellation as an example of a name an author might use 'to project the image of a simpleton drifter chewing a straw while scratching'.
Dick had laughed along with everyone else of course but internally seethed and eliminated Miss Ipswich-Carlton from his short list of females he might like to date when he got older.
Much later Dick's mom wanted him to marry bright and beautiful Jessica Young who'd hung round Dick throughout his college years. But because she had a flat chest she never made it to Dick's list of possible brides. Understandably, his dad who wanted him out of the house was keen for Dick to marry just anyone.
Finally Dick married Jo Harriman who lived next-door.
Big mistake.
Dick and Jo had lost their virginity one night when Jo's parents were out till late and D&J became drunk for the first time. After that night of yelling and panting they stuck together to enjoy drinking followed by hot fucking encores. Although the couple found it easy to fight and not speak to one another for days on end, their marriage lasted a surprisingly long eight years. Jo's parents secretly handed Dick $30,000 to put their daughter out of misery and divorce her. Jo remarried and made life a misery for that poor sucker.
Now aged thirty-eight, Dick was settling into a new town. Ever since the divorce he'd felt he was running from something but without knowing what. He still didn't realize his mom had always held his unsteady personal life together and kept him from tumbling into depression.
For the fourth morning in a row Dick entered the diner in Eltham City and the waitresses gathered at the serving bar stared at him, leaving him to assume he was another jerk arriving early to spoil their quiet time together. A new waitress who looked about thirty-six and packing a great pair of 34s peeled off and came over. A nametag pushed out by a breast read Ida, making him think what a name pregnant with anti-heroine sentiment.
"Good morning," she said brightly, standing almost against his right hip, as if she'd had trouble stopping in time. Her brightness triggered his desire to be kind and he peered up and over an admirable curve and said, "Ah Ida, what a pretty name."
"Eh?" she said, sounding almost alarmed. "You know me?"
Dick bared his teeth a little and worked a finger up and over the breast gently and stopped it at the name-badge. "It says Ida here."
"Oh?" she said, pouring the coffee. "I'm not used to being branded."
"I thought not."
She asked defensively, "How did you know that?"
"A good guess?"
"Oh yeah," and looking at the blackboard said, "What would be your pleasure this morning?"
Thinking of the finger that had been on the softness of that breast Dick was tempted. Or god he was tempted to say it. But he was afraid that might repel her, making her yet another lost chance of easing an attractive woman out of her clothes.
Since his marriage ended, feeling a little listless and in denial, Dick had only made it with bar sluts and the disappointment at having been with him often showed on the faces of some of them as they left his bed, leaving Dick wondering if he should put himself out of his misery and cut it off. He knew there were other things to life than sex but how was it they were never so interesting and could never provide the thrill of being fully reclined with a nude woman over him and sinking downwards with lustful expectation?
Actually it was difficult to call those bouts seductions when as soon as those women felt him touch their thigh their legs would shoot open and they'd invariably grab his hand and attempt to ram it in.
Hmmm, he'd love to enjoy the romance of real and prolonged seduction.
He gave his order. "Baked beams on toast and tomatoes on the side."
"Do you order that every morning?"
Huh? Dick looked up and the sight of the curve of breast above him challenging the constraint of the blue uniform. That left him with hot flushes. "Ah yes, I suppose I do."
"You ought to be more imaginative."
"What would you cook me next morning if I stayed the night with you?"
She stepped one pace away and glared.
"Sorry," he mumbled. "You asked me to be imaginative."
"Oh so I did. My apologies," Ida said, returning to her former position. "I thought you were just being foul."
Eh? What was up with Ida, pussy neglect syndrome?
"I suggest two strips of bacon, a potato cake and scrambled egg."
"Will I like it?" he ventured cautiously.
"It's what I'd probably cook you in the unlikely event of you staying overnight with me."
Dick straightened and smiled broadly. "In that case bring it on."
She laughed cutely and said he was funny, and walked back to the counter, turning halfway to look back at him and caught him staring.
Dick's heart almost leapt through his shirt when she turned away and with a hand against her lower back gave the downward wave, indicating 'Down boy'.
Excitedly Dick squeezed his upper thighs together, pressing his flaccid cock and balls to make sure they were still there. If there was one certainty in his life if it was Ida knew he was interested and she'd acknowledged she knew that.
Dick watched Ida approach with his meal and heard her say, "You appear to have a fixation with my name-tag?"
His head jerked up to look at her and he knew his coloring face proclaimed GUILTY.
"Sorry."
"It's okay, I'm rather proud of my breasts and thighs."
"Thighs?"
"Come on," she chided. "Be a good boy and eat your breakfast. Pretend mommy made it."
"You mean I may call you mommy?" he gasped.
"No," she giggled. "I meant your mother. The girls told me your name is Dick?"
"Yes, I was named Richard but that didn't last. Dad's always been lazy."
"Is that Dick with a small dick or a large one?"
At least that's what Dick thought he thought she said. But had she? Because he hadn't replied she walked away and he was disappointed she didn't turn round to catch him staring at her ass. But then his pulse raced as she did the 'down boy' sign just as she reached the counter.
Dick ate slowly and watched her. She'd sometimes glance at him as she served but would look away without recognition. At least when she walked back to the counter she never gave anyone else that behind-the-back signal.
Dick paid and left, feeling quite sure he'd made a friend. It would upset his mom knowing she was 'only a waitress'. Dick had nothing against waitresses. He'd judge them as people, not by what they did. How could his mom know if Ida were a princess?
Princess Ida? He sighed. Even Prince Dick sounded better than that.
He decided to take that positioned of assistant accountant with Young and Rich he'd been offered yesterday. Initially he'd thought he'd look round for something better as the salary offered was rather on the low side. He called to accept and Jerry Rich said the senior partner Mr Young would like to see him.
The elderly Mr Young with hair drooping out of his nose said, "Dick normally we wouldn't employ an unmarried guy your age as assistant accountant and you appear over qualified for the position. Are you running away from something?"
"Yes sir but I don't now what?"
"So your haven't been involved in misappropriation, or sexual misadventure?"
"Alf, I checked out Dick's employer of fourteen years and the CEO told me they were devastated when Dick resigned. He said Dick had taken his marital breakup badly."
"Oh thanks for that Jerry. Well that explains it, you're adrift Dick. Yes I agree to you being taken on. Boost his salary by another ten thousand Jerry and Dick, if you show the promise I expect from you with your qualifications and level of experience, you probably will be a candidate to replace Jilli Wells when she retires as financial controller in three months to prepare for the arrival of her 'surprise' baby. Call me Alf and you'll report to Jerry."
Dick walked away from the administrative offices of Young and Rich Medical Supplies feeling really elated and wondering if his life was about to stabilize.
As usual Ida peeled away from the herd at the counter and arrived with the coffee pot.
"Good morning Dick," she greeted him brightly.
"Hi, great breasts," he'd replied, deciding his romance with Ida, if indeed one existed, was crawling along far too slowly. For a moment he thought she was about to hit him but instead she acted as if she'd expected that personal comment and smiled appreciatively, or at least that was his interpretation of the extra warmth in her smile.
On about his twenty-fifth morning of being greeted by Ida, Dick thought it was time to commence a relationship. As usually she was standing facing him against his right hip. Deliberately he reached across and quickly circled where he thought her vulva would be under the unflattering uniform.
He pulled his hand back wondering why she'd not reacted, either pushing against his fingers or knocking him off his chair. She then hissed, "Do that again and I'll divide your head with a meat cleaver."
Dick was horrified. God what had he done? This poor innocent thirty-something woman who probably a virgin and had heroic visions of men being gentlemen.
Head down he mumbled, "Forgive me Ida for I have sinned."
"Look at me Dick."
"What?"
He looked up to find her frowning at him.
"Dick I am not averse at you touching my pussy but not like that as if you were claiming ownership. In the right situation at the right moment I'd have no objection. Now what shall we have for breakfast."
"Baked beans on toast, tomatoes on the side?"
"I thought you'd order that under the circumstances," she giggled. "You look stressed."
His shoulders slumped and he sat staring at the menu board but not seeing it. Ida arrived with his breakfast and complained, "You didn't watch my ass when I walked away?"
Ah she must have turned back to check on him.
"Sorry."