It was the last morning of my last day, and it was not going to be a good one. My admin assistant saw it on my face as I walked into my office. She handed me my coffee; said I was free until 10 and shut the door behind her. Marge knew me better than anybody, especially when I needed to be alone, and I needed to be alone.
Last night, my wife busted the PI who I hired to follow her. She left a video message with him that they were going to send over in the morning.
There were things I needed to do, but first I opened my book, full of highlights and stickies. The book is called "The Benefits of Self Pity" and had been savior since my world went to shit six months ago. It followed the Serenity Prayer made famous by Alcohol Anonymous: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
But it took all those steps further. Not just accept the things you cannot change, but while you are wrapped up in self-pity, ask yourself why you can't change it, what would be the personal cost. Not just change the things you can but develop a plan while wrapped in self-pity and evaluate the effectiveness of your plan. In sum, life will suck sometimes, the hurt can be tremendous, and you will want to curl into a ball and cry. Do so, but put it to work for you.
Six months ago, the CEO called me into his office. We had been friends for years and normally he would just stop by my office. He probably wanted to talk to me about the merger our company was going through. I was worried because I had not been interviewed for any of the positions going forward, likely because being in my late 50s, I was too old.
"Jack," he said, "I'll be blunt, there doesn't seem to be in a position for you in the new company organization. This kills me, we've known each other for decades and climbed the corporate ladder together. I can't imagine coming to work and you not being here. There's a significant number of board members who are also disappointed with the outcome. Have you thought about retiring?"
"Yes I've thought about it. The complete lack of interviews has been telling me the same message you shared. I investigated retiring but I need another 18 months to be eligible and I don't think I have 18 months."
"As I said Jack, there are a significant number of board members who are unhappy with the way you're getting treated here, fortunately those board members are on the compensation committee. I think we have a way to get you over the hump if you're interested."
"That's the best news I've heard since they announced the merger."
"Great, I'm going to have Peggy from HR give you all the details. I think you'll be pleased at what the board decided to do, way more than I hoped for."
Peggy came down to my office later that day. Peggy and I never got along. It must have killed her to have to come to my office instead of being summoned to hers. She didn't get along with anybody except Bill and most people joked that she had pictures of Bill naked with farm animals.
Their offer was astounding, I would work until the end of the year, and they would add another 12 months to my employment, making me eligible to retire with full benefits. Since I was being separated as part of the reorganization, I would be entitled to a severance package, normally two weeks of pay for every year of service, but they were going to give me three weeks per year. Basically, almost 100 weeks of pay which I could take lump sum on my last real day of employment.
I took it, I would be a fool not to, but I didn't want to retire. My work had been my life, and I had no idea what to do about it. That's when the pity party started.
It was only a few weeks after my meeting with Bill that I received an anonymous email containing a picture of my wife, kissing a man with his hand on her ass. His face was blurred so I had no idea who he was. I recognized the dress she was wearing. She always looked hot in that dress, and it brought back memories of the nights I took it off her.
No job. No wife and I hadn't spoken to either of my two kids in years after I cut them off. I paid for their college education, and their weddings and gave them the money for the down payment for their first homes. Then my son wanted me to buy him a Tesla and my daughter wanted me to pay to have a built-in pool installed at her house. I told them both to fuck off. They both had good jobs.
So, I did what most men would do, I got shit faced drunk. Marge almost shit herself when I went into work the next day. She took the cup of coffee back and sent me home. She handed me a copy of "The Benefits of Self Pity" on my way out and told me that book and my shoulder were the only things that got her through the sudden death of her husband. He died when she first came to work for me fifteen years ago. One day her husband complained of a headache, and he was dead from a brain aneurism an hour later.
There's an argument on whether it was better to go quick or die after a long drawn-out illness. Me, I would like to go quick. Marge had only been my admin assistant for a year when her husband died. She never had a chance to say goodbye, or to apologize for the times she was mean to him, or to tell him how much she loved him. There were many days those first few months that she would hand me my coffee, put her head on my shoulder and cry. Those days got fewer and fewer, and she credited her recovery to that book.
My marriage was dead, all I had left was hate for my wife. My career was dead, granted I had a nice package, but what the fuck was I going to do with the rest of my life. My relationship with my children was past tense. I had never met my grandchildren.
I cried and I read the book, multiple times. During my multiple self-pity parties, I looked at my marriage. That had to change so I hired a private investigator and a divorce lawyer. I couldn't change my pending retirement, but I had almost complete control over what I did when I retired. When I was younger, I always liked the outdoors, I rented a cabin on a private lake in central Florida for three months with an option to extend for another three months. I also did a long-term rental on a car there. The cabin came with boats and off-road vehicles, I could have a lot of fun. I thought about my children and for now, I was going need serenity to accept what I couldn't change.
That brings us to the present day.
The PI company sent over the video message my wife gave to the PI; she was actually sitting in the car with him. He said he was waiting for her to come out of the restaurant when she opened the passenger door and sat down. She told him to video record her:
"Jack, what are you wasting money on private investigators for, especially as clumsy as this guy is. You want a divorce, and I want a divorce. You'll be served tomorrow at your office. I don't want anything from you, there's nothing you have that would be worth talking to you again. You can have the house; I don't want or need it. You can have your car, your 401k, your retirement and I'll keep mine. Although my 401k is healthier than yours, your retirement is better than mine, we're both well off and I don't see the need to fight over it. Don't think anything from your PI is going to influence the children, they have been fully supportive of my affairs since they began. I am sorry that your relationship with your children went south, I don't know what happened, but I assume your pigheadedness has something to do with it. Do me a favor and just sign the papers and we can move on. I hope you enjoy your retirement."
Marge was knocking on my door a few minutes later, she let the woman in who served me with divorce papers. When the woman left, Marge asked me if I needed a shoulder.
"Tomorrow maybe Marge, not today. It's almost time for our gallows march. Can you have a courier take this to my lawyer please."
Marge had decided to retire with me. She said it took her 15 years to train me, and she didn't have the time or patience to train someone new. There was a get-together in one of the conference rooms where we would hear a couple of speeches and say our goodbyes. We had spent the last couple of weeks emptying our offices. All my stuff went into the dumpster, I know Marge still had the picture of her husband on her desk along with a picture of her kids and grandkids. We left at noon, giving each other one last hug.
The next morning, I was on my way to the airport and my flight to Florida. There was a line from my high school graduation that said. "this was the first day of the rest of my life." "The Benefits of Self Pity" discussed that often and how to make the most of it. I flew first class, not the first time I flew first class, but it was always special. After picking up my rental at the airport, there was a two-hour ride to the cabin. I was surprised to see a car in the driveway. Maybe it was the owner or rental agent. It was not.
I climbed up the steps to the porch and Marge handed me a cup of coffee. Marge and I sat down on a couple of rockers looking out over the lake.
