That Story About Larping

The sun was high in the sky on a warm and sunny afternoon in a pristine natural park setting.

She had rode in a van with assorted degrees of sweaty nerds to the location at the behest of her brother, who had begged and begged and begged until he'd offered her Christmas, and his next two birthdays as gift free to her and she'd finally relented.

It would be fun, he told her. If she loved Lord of the Rings, she'd love this he'd told her. This wasn't the goofy nerdy thing that people joked about on movies, acted out badly in skits, and mocked mercilessly in every group of people who she'd ever heard the topic come up with.

No, this was the real deal, serious people playing serious games of serious Live Action Role Playing. For serious!

The girl in the group had been sent off to her grandmother's funeral, and on short notice there was no filling her "very necessary" spot of "Healer," so instead of sitting by the pool, drinking a cold drink and reading a hot book she was here, listening to someone who went by Melnakk the Mystic drone on about packets of bird seed.

"I throw them?" she asked, disinterested.

"Yes, you throw them at an injured player, and say Cure Serious Wounds, or Cure Light Wounds and as long as it hits them, they're healed." Melnakk explained, with gusto, waving his arms in the air as he did so, and sending the unmistakeable wafting aroma of Gamer Funk to her nose.

"If I have Cure Serious Wounds and Cure Light Wounds, why would I ever choose Light Wounds for healing? Don't I just use Serious Wounds?"

"Well, yes, but you only have three Cure Serious Wounds." he said, gesturing to the blue sacks on her lap, placed on her skirt haphazardly. No one in the car had commented on her outfit. No one in the car had as much as recognized she existed until she asked about the spells.

"How do I tell if they need Serious Healing or Light Healing?" She picked up a light blue bag and aimed it at the back of her Brother's head, letting it loose.

"HEY! STOP! I'm driving!" he whined, rubbing the back of his head. "That hurt!"

"You're supposed to say Cure Light Wounds when you do that." Melnakk offered.

"Cure Epic Nerdosity!" she giggled, bopping him again. "Cure Monster Acne! Cure Virgin!"

"STOP! STOP THAT!" he yelped, tossing a bag back over the seat.

"I'm CURING you, Bro!" she grinned. "It's not supposed to hurt!"

"We're not THERE YET." he yelled back. "STOP IT!"

She sighed and turned her attention to Melnakk. "Nice rod." she grinned.

"It's a wand, actually." he sputtered. "Of fireballs."

"Fiery balls? Cure burning itch!" she grinned, chucking her last spell sack at him.

Melnakk acked. "No, I said, fireballs."

"She's trolling you, dude." said the guy in the back.

She hadn't heard him speak before this, and was wondering if it had something to do with his monk outfit.

"What's your story?" she asked, snatching at the loose spell sack that was still precariously close to Melnakk's burning balls.

He grabbed at it and tossed it to her, then turned to face the van door.

"I'm Rothgar." he said grimly. "Last of the Steel Bender Tribe."

"You do this for fun, then?" she shrugged.

"It's something to do." Rothgar shrugged back, trying not play it cool apparently.

"You a virgin?" she asked, nonchalantly, and he pulled his head down a bit and didn't speak again.

"Stop!" her brother barked from the front seat. "You're freaking everyone out!"

"Fine." she sighed, and they turned into a camp site, and piled out of the van.

"We're meeting the other guys here." her brother said, wrestling a bag from out of the back, and distributing binders. He offered Rothgar a foam sword that -at her best guess- was a mix of duct tape, PVC pipe and foam that was intricately put together and Melnakk a spiked mace with wicked foam bumps on it.

"What about me?" she gleefully asked, do I get a sword, or a mace or what?

"You're a Healer." Melnakk offered, as she crossed her arms with a grouchy look. "You don't use weapons, just your spells, your wits and wiles."

"Most of the time you just throw spells until you're out." Rothgar added. "Then try not to get kidnapped before you get back to the base and re-power your magic."

"Serious?" she asked, frowning. "What's my superhero name?"

"Your Character Name, you mean." her brother corrected her. "You're Belinda, the Healer."

"Healer of Doom?" she asked. "Healer of the Misty Dragon Mountains?"

"Just Healer." he said, grouchily. "You heal us, so we can fight."

"So freaking lame." she said, with a sigh. "Do I get awesome armor at least? Can I have a robe like Rothgar?"

"They're bringing your outfit." Rothgar said, nodding to an approaching station wagon.

A mixture of green and normal colored skin people got out, and she walked over to look a bit closer.

"Oh, you're elves?" she asked of a green skinned bespectacled man with a beard.

"Goblins actually." he said, looking awkwardly at anything but her.

"What's the difference?" she asked, tilting her head a little. She almost could see the steam start to shoot out of Melnakk's ears.

"Hail worthy adversary." her brother said, interrupting the rant to come. "Did you bring Belinda's garb?"

"What?" the Goblin asked, before nodding a little. "Yeah, sure. Sorry." He took a mass of pink and purple cloth out. "She might need to tighten it a bit, or wear it different. She's smaller than Bea."

"Where's the bathrooms?" she asked, accepting the outfit, and her brother laughed.

"The woods is our bathroom."

"Where do I change so no one stares at my ass?" she asked, instead.

"The trees will hide your derriere, goodlady fancypants."

"I hate you so much right now." she decided, shooting the group a look of utter contempt, but mostly giving her brother the sisterly glare of death.

She came back a few minutes later. "No to the tights." she said, pulling up what parts of the outfit she liked that worked for her.

"They keep your legs from getting scratched in the woods." her brother argued. "And no one wants to see you bare stomach, either. Why aren't you wearing the shirt?"

"Wear a shirt, and then wear the metal cups over it?" she asked, rolling her eyes. "I like the shorts, and I like the cups. I'll wear the robe thing open, if you're worried about me getting scratched in the woods. I look like that chick from the cover of your game book."

"Sort of." he said, shaking his head.

"That's what you nerds want right? Half naked healers?"

"No. Not when they're related to you."

"Rothgar?" she asked. "Melnakk?"

"No complaints." Rothgar said, with a half smile.

"She's fine by me." Melnakk said. "We can just give her a Ring of Shielding +3 for her Armor Class issues."

"See? I get a ring on my finger and EVERYTHING." she grinned, sticking her tongue out. She frowned as she was given a scrunch bracelet to wear on her wrist. "Okay, I'm armored up! Let's fight! Let's do this! Goblins look out, I'm going to use my magic on you."

One of them snorted. "You're going to heal us to death?" he asked.

"I'll get your weapon and stab you with it." she boasted.

"Like you're trained in Goblin Weapons." the goblin grinned. "You'd be at a negative five for using them!"

She looked at her brother, who had to look away to avoid bursting out in laughter.

"Okay Goblins, go hide. We'll find your base, and try and defeat the module." her brother said shaking his head.

"I can't use a goblin weapon?" she asked when they were out of earshot. "It's a weapon, I just get them to drop it with my heal balls, and pick it up and use it. Easy."

"The rules don't allow a bound weapon to be unbound with a spell." Melnakk quoted.

"Do I have that spell?" she thrust her binder at him.

"Well, yeah, but you just need healing spells." Melnakk said, as her brother gave him a look.

"I want that spell too." she argued.

"Well you'd have to give up one of your heal slots."

"I do that. Give me the weapon spell." she demanded, holding out a light blue bird seed sack.

With a sigh he took it and gave her a red one in return. "Use it if I tell you. Otherwise it's going to get us in trouble, okay?"

"Fine. But if I get a weapon I can use it right?" she felt a little like a warrior.

"Just don't use it unless I tell you."

"Fine." She put all the packets in a big pocket on the robe part. "When do we go after them?"

"It's been ten minutes." Rothgar said, lowering his swords. "That's all they get."

"Okay, keep close fellows." her brother said. "Belinda, stay to the back. We'll protect you if you keep us able to fight."

The group as a whole started through the woods.

"So is this like hide and seek with swords?" she asked after a few minutes of walking.

"Shhhhh!" hissed Melnakk.

Another few minutes passed as they trudged along.

"This is so boring." she moaned, kicking up a pile of leafs as she sighed.

A moment after that, everything went crazy.

There were green people throwing their own packets from somewhere, yelling "Wound!" or something, other green people running toward the group with their own weapons, and most of the group yelling their own attacks out as they waves their squishy swords around wildly.

"Do I heal?" Belinda asked, trying to keep out of reach of the "attacks."

One of the new guys in the group went down.

"Oh should I heal him?" she asked, tossing her birdseed packet at him. "Heal!"

"You have to say what sort of heal it is!" her brother yelled over, "If they're on the ground, they're knocked out, so just let him be until the fight is over!"

One of the goblins bopped her on the side. "Five damage!" he gleefully declared.

"How much damage can I take?" she yelled over to her brother.

"Eight."

"Can I use spells on myself?"

"Why?" He saw the goblin standing near her. The goblin seemed more interested in gaping at her now that he had bopped her, and rushed over to bop him with his weapon. "Just go back to base. We'll retreat, and we'll figure this out back at base."

"Okay!" she said, rushing off back the way they came. She could have swore she heard someone yell something about the "wrong base" but she was more interested in going somewhere where she could stop to think things out than stay in that nerd fest.

She didn't realize that she was being followed until she felt the swift

of a foam wrapped pipe across her buttocks.

"AAAOOOW!" she yelped, stumbling and going to her knees in the grass.

"Oh... Fuck... I'm sorry!" the goblin sputtered. She turned around and smiled. The bearded goblin guy. She could get a better look at him now that he was dressed up.

He was tall, sort of pudgy, and he wore glasses that sort of looked out of place given he was wearing what she assumed some sort of peasant would have worn back in ye olden ages. He looked completely apologetic, as well, though he didn't out and out say it.

"How much was that?" she asked.

"What?" He pushed his glasses up and looked totally out of place. His eyes kept drifting toward the cute metal top thing that barely managed to keep her chest decent.

"How much damage was that?" she repeated.

"Well, uh... three, but you have the ring so it cancels out the first three damage that you take so you're good still, I...guess."

"I'm going to run again." she said, with a mischievous grin.

"Well, your base isn't at the parking lot." he said, nervously looking away from her.

"Will you chase me if I run?" she beamed. This guy wasn't her usual sort, he was GREEN after all, but he was cute in his way.

"Well, I'm supposed to capture you." he said, starting after her as she got up and sprinted to her brother's van.

"Home base!" she giggled at the door to van, throwing a wayward look over her shoulder.

"It's actually not, it's over there." he raised his sword and dropped it again, uncertain as to what he was supposed to do.

"I liked it when you tried to damage me." she said, flipping the tunic up in the back. "How long does the ring last?"

"Well, once per game, usually, but...um..."

"Going to run again Mr. Big Bad Goblin." she warned.

He thwapped her across the butt again.

"Owie!" she teased, holding it out more. "Going to run all the way to base, Mr. Goblin."

He caught her with the side of the taped up weapon this time, and the resounded

of tape on skin made her jump.

"Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh!" she gasped, rubbing her burning backside. "Is that a bound weapon?" she asked, as she walked toward him.

"I...yes...I guess. There's better weapons out there right now if you're looking to use your..."

She beaned him with her weapon drop spell before he could go on.

"So now that's mine?" she asked as he dropped it awkwardly.

"Well, if you pick it up, it's...uh...yours." he said, watching her closely as she bent down and lifted it up slowly.

"Does that spell work on all your weapons?" she asked, moving closer, brandishing his sword at him fiercely.

"All the weapons I have on me, yeah." He was almost shaking.

She grabbed his outfit and pulled him toward the van. "Open the doors. You're my prisoner. This is my prison. If you don't give up, I'll punish you." She waved the sword at him.

He got in and she followed, closing the door behind him.

"I thought you said you had to drop all your weapons." she teased, gesturing at the rather noteable lump in his pants. She wasn't sure, but she could have swore she saw a few shades of red under the green.

"Is there a Mrs. Goblin?" she asked, going to all fours as she stalked closer.

"N-No." he said, scooting right up back to the backs of the seats.

"Mr. Goblin?" she asked, covering her bases.

"No, I'm not dating." he said, looking mortified.

"We can do this easy or hard. Or was it easy AND hard?" she mused. "Take them down. You're hiding another weapon in your pants, and the spell says that it's mine to wield."

He shivered a bit, his hands shakily going to pull them down.

She smiled. "Keep on going. I don't bite. Hard."

She reached over to help him, now. "See, there is another weapon right there, under your very modern looking underwear Mr. Goblin. I'm afraid I'm going to have to put it somewhere for safe keeping. If you know what i mean."

"You mean sex?" he asked, shaking a bit again as he reached over to tug at his pants a bit more.

"Yeah, that's what I mean." she growled. "Never did it with a goblin in the back of a van. Am I your first?"

He tensed slightly. "First what?"

"First girl. First sex. Oh, am I supposed to role play this? Am I your first dirty wench?" she giggled. "The first girl who wanted a ride on your magic rod? Get them off." She tugged at his underwear, and felt the unmistakable feeling of duct taped pretend weapon across her ass again.

"I took it back." he explained, wrapping an arm around her to pull her into a kneeling position off to the side of him, with her head pushed to the back of the seat.

That REALLY hurt.

"First thing, okay? You're sexy as hell."

She hit her head from jumping so hard, and her nails scrunched on the floor of the van as she scrabbled slightly and found no ground to turn herself around.

"I'm really, REALLY into you."

She felt tears at the corners of her eyes now as she nodded. "I like you too."

"Good." he said, putting her head in a lock under his arm so she couldn't move. "I don't like the way you approached this, to start off with."

"OOOOUCH!" she squealed, squirming to get away, but he wouldn't let her go.

"I mean holy crap, that was hot. Seriously, that's one of my top ten sex list things right there. A girl in a cute costume coming on to me. That's incredible."

"Thank you." she sniffled.

"You're welcome."

She jumped hard now, her scream muffled by the back of the seat.

"The foam part came off. I just have this pipe left." he said, almost apologetically.

She was bawling hard now.

"I'm not someone who wants to be your bar room anecdote." he said, sternly. "I'm not the guy you talk about when you're joking about the most weird sex you had. I'm a nerd, a geek, whatever you want to call me, yes. I'm not hard up, though. If you want to be with me, let me take you out, so we can get to know one another first. Let me know something about you. What's your name?"

"Belinda." she sniffled, tears running down her face. "But my friends call me Kimberly."

"That's a lovely name. Both of them."

She arched her back and howled in pain, but she didn't fight anymore.

"Kimberly, when this is all said and done I would like to go out on a date with you. I'll pay for the meal, you can pick the spot. Does that sound fair?" He gently stroked her butt with the back of her tunic, and she let her breathing slow down to normal.

"Yes, I'd like that."

"Good." he said, softly. "I'm going to die of fright now, okay. I don't know what came over me, and I think I might throw up."

She squirmed loose and hugged him tight. "No, not it's okay." she said, feeling little fingers of pain clutching at her backside. "I'm sorry. You don't have to be scared about it. I... I sort of liked it...a little."

She winced at the wet spot she'd left where her panties had been on his pants. Soaked right through.

"No, I mean I'm not used to being Dominant, I'm not used to talking to beautiful women, and I seriously am having a panic attack right now. Please get out of the way so I can puke."

She scrambled to the door, helped him out of the van, and winced as he seemed destined to double over from nerves, but thankfully he didn't grace her with anything worse.

"I'm sorry." she said, softly as he caught his breath and stood up.

"Don't be. I shouldn't have been so rough, it's just frustrating to me that I was so close to what I really truly wanted, but it felt like some cheap thing."

"No, not about that." she said. "Well, not completely about that."

"Then...?" he looked at her and she nodded down. "The wet spot? That's fine too. If you liked it that's sort of..."

"Three damage." she said. "Finishing blow."

She bopped him in the head with the sword.

"You biiiii-" he grinned, slumping down to the ground with a smile. "Not going to try and mount me again now that you defeated me, are you?"

She sat down next to him, yelping as her backside touched the warm asphalt.

"So not a necrophobe." she said, with a slight grin.

"Necrophile." he corrected her.

"That either." she laid down to put her head on his stomach. "Do you pick up many girls this way, Mr. Goblin?"

"It's Kevin." he said, "And you're the first."

"Well, if you keep beating them with a stick..." she teased, with a soft sigh. "is this where all the good guys are? Playing LARP?"

Kevin laughed a little.

"So what are we supposed to do now?" she sighed after a few more awkward moments.

"I know a spot we could hang out out of game for a little while." Kevin offered. "But it means we'd be done with the game."

"Can we talk?" she asked, perking up a bit. "Are you going spank me again?"

"Not right now. That's something that takes some working into too." he grinned back.

She smiled wide. "I'm going to save this." she said, fishing out a birdseed ball from her pocket.

"Cure Serious Wounds?" he asked.

"Nope. This one is Cure Serious Virgin." she teased.

"Who says I'm a virgin?" he asked, with a grimace.

"I read your mind." she declared.

"You don't have that spell!"

"Do too!"

"DO NOT!"

He stopped her in the parking lot and took a breath.

"Thank you." he said, simply, offering a hand.

"You're worth it." she said after a few moments. "Even if you made my butt hurt."

She raced off to the park benches with a grin.

This was SO not the way she figured this day would go.