Author's note: I wrote about Tanya and Paul's first encounter in my story "Taking Tanya's Picture"
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I have a friend that I am in love with. We were lovers years ago and recently reconnected. He is funny and sweet and smart and talented. And I think he cares for me. I know he desires me and god knows, I desire him. So, what's the problem, you ask? We are both married. To other people. And we are happy with our lives. But we connect on lots of levels. And the temptation is sometimes so overwhelming.
Can anyone survive, loving two men at once? Wanting both, fully and completely. I don't think so. So I tried sitting on the sidelines. Wanting so much more, but thinking there is a line I cannot cross. And Paul wants more. Would it compromise him like it would me? I am not even sure what I mean to him. I know he cares for me but I am pretty sure he doesn't love me.. And I know he wants more. So we flirt, chat and lead each other down a dangerous, yet exciting path.
Then a few months ago I finally got together with Paul. He took some really wonderful erotic pictures of me, but things went a lot farther than I expected. We didn't have intercourse, but we had gotten naked and had oral sex. And it was wonderful and so much better than I had remembered! But then I told Paul I needed a break from seeing him. I wasn't sure if I wanted to continue having a sexual relationship with him. So we continued to chat several times a week, talking about all sorts of different things. But mainly we chatted about sex. What we wanted to try, what we wanted more of and how much we still wanted to explore each others bodies.
I decided that I wanted to see him again. So we finally arranged a time for Paul to come and meet me for lunch. I am staying with a friend and she isn't home during the day, so we will be able to relax and visit and be alone with each other. Nothing more than kissing, I told him, because I still need to figure out just what I can handle without interfering with my marriage.
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I wait nervously for Paul to arrive. Looking in the mirror again, I brush my light brown hair and smile at my reflection. I am wearing my favorite jeans and a v-neck shirt. I think I look sexy and that helps boost my confidence. I've waited so long to see him again, to touch him again. Trying to convince myself to relax, I remind myself that we are only friends. Very good friends, maybe, but just friends. But my body knows differently as the tingles of anticipation run up and down my spine. Impressing on me how intensely I desire him. Waiting is so hard.
The dogs start to bark and I know he is here. The doorbell rings and I jump, my heartbeat accelerates even as I take a few, hopefully calming deep breaths. Opening the door, I drink in the sight of him as all my senses go on full alert. "Come in", I tell him as I pull the door wide. My mind is racing.... should I hug him, kiss him, take his hand and lead him upstairs to bed? But the dogs jump on Paul's legs, distracting us and I close the door and lock it.
Now I am shy. I want to be bold, but I just say "Hi, how are you?" Paul says he is tired, that he didn't get much sleep last night.... thinking about today. Oh, does that mean he is having second thoughts about seeing me? Or was he anticipating today as much as I am? I am afraid to ask. So instead I ask "Are you hungry?" Paul smiles at me and we walk into the kitchen. I start pulling out plates and food.
"What do you want on your sandwich, mustard or mayonnaise?" I am so nervous as I move around the kitchen making our lunch. I keep bumping into him, brushing my breasts against his body. Wishing I had the courage to just stop and put my arms around him and kiss him. I feel so silly (I think I'm babbling) as I continue to smile and make our lunches. I am so very happy to be with him.
I lead him into the living room and put our lunches on the coffee table. We sit on the couch, facing each other but too far away to touch. I am just looking at him, lost in his smiling eyes, when Paul motions to my plate. One of the dogs has come over to investigate my lunch. I snap back to reality and pick up my plate and hold it in my lap as I try to eat. We talk and smile and laugh as we eat our lunch. I can only eat half my sandwich, I am so distracted by him.