Tales of the eKids: E-man Loves Emmy
© 2004 by Andrew Wiggin
Part 20
The Attorney General of the United States thought that first he'd try the easy way. He had his secretary place a call to (where was it?), Statesboro, Georgia. He thought, 'we won Georgia pretty easily. Maybe they'll do what I tell them to do without too many questions.'
His phone buzzed and he picked it up. "Whom am I speaking to?"
"This is Chief McArthur of the Statesboro Police Department."
"Chief, Bill Ashton here. The President asked that I give you a call. There's a bit of a problem in your neck of the woods and we thought you would be the man to help us clean it up."
"Well, Mr. Attorney General, is there something going on down here that I don't know about? Everything is pretty quiet, far as I can tell."
"Yes, well, it's these individuals that call themselves 'New Man'. After a thorough investigation it has been determined that they are not human beings and in fact may be a serious subversive threat to the United States of America. We have decided that in their own best interests we should place them in protective custody. Then we can safely determine exactly how extensive a threat they are to society."
There was a pause at the other end of the line. Finally he heard, "Are you asking me to arrest the entire population of New Man University? Do you know how many kids they have there? It's something like a couple thousand, maybe more. My lockup handles eight perps at most. Where the hell do you want me to put them?"
The A.G. realized no one had thought of this particular contingency. Hell, no one had thought of any particular contingency. He was flying by the seat of his pants on this crazy whim of the Vice President's.
"Well, Chief, how about you just place the campus under martial law. Put a few officers at the entrances and don't allow anyone in or out. Then I'll organize things at my end and we'll handle it from there on out."
There was another pause at the other end of the line, and the A.G. imagined that this particular chief of police must think him to be one crazy motherfucker.
"Ahem. Uh, Mr. Attorney General, do you have federal warrants to arrest these kids?"
"Well, not exactly. Since they aren't human, it's been decided that those formalities are unnecessary. We just want you to place them in custody. We'll take it from there."
The A.G. heard the Chief snort at the other end of the line.
"Well, Mr. Attorney General", (the A.G. imagined he heard contempt in the voice of this small town cop). "To be perfectly frank, they are about the best citizens we have around here. That campus has been there for almost ten years and we haven't had a single complaint from anyone. The only time me or any of my officers has been there was for events we were invited to. And now you're telling me that some bean counter in Washington has decided that these kids aren't human? And you want
me
to arrest the whole kit and caboodle of them? Without a warrant? No offense sir, but do you think I've lost my mind?"
The A.G. was getting angry. Why can't this dumb-ass local cop just do as he is told?
"Chief, if you can't handle legitimate requests from the President of the United States of America, I guess I'll have to find a patriotic officer who
can
. I'll give this assignment to the County Sheriff."
"Mr. Attorney General, you won't find a cop in Georgia who will carry out this nutty assignment. Did you know that New Man Incorporated has paid for the schooling of tens of thousands of the kids of Georgia cops?
"Hell, they sent two of
my own
kids through the University of Georgia. I happen to know that the Sheriff of Buford County has a kid in college right now, Wake Forest I think it is. And New Man Inc. has given him a free ride.
"You go calling him to arrest those little kids and he'll tell you to stick the phone up your ass. No offense intended, sir."
With that, the Chief of Police of Statesboro, Georgia hung up on the Attorney General of the United States of America. It never failed to amaze him the bullshit those rear-echelon motherfuckers in Washington could come up with. He decided to place a call to Drew Adkins.
Part 21
"Hi, Daddy!" Emma Adkins was always pleased to speak to her father. She loved him madly.
"Emmy, it's shit hitting fan time. I just got a call from the Chief of Police. The feds are going to be after us as soon as they can find someone willing to do it. My guess is they'll call out the National Guard. What defenses do you have in place?"
"Daddy, we're ready for them. Our first line of defense is the old 'hide in plain sight' thing we thought up. I'm pretty sure that will hold them for a while."
When New Man University was in its planning stages, Andrew Adkins had engaged an architectural firm to design a modern campus with an antebellum feel about it. The buildings were well under way before Andrew found that his brilliant little boys had a better idea – build the whole thing underground. Emma (all of seven years old at the time) had convinced him to finish the buildings that had been started and then build the boys' design about a half mile down the road.
Any maps that showed the location of New Man University retained the old coordinates. Any global positioning system would lead a visitor to the middle of the original quad. Since the only local signs pointing to New Man University were virtual signs, they were turned off at Emma's command.
A machine kept for just this purpose in the maintenance shed of the real New Man U. immediately was employed to sod the road leading into the university. A hydraulic mechanism lifted the road where it entered the college, and a final piece swung into place joining the roadway with the surrounding countryside.
In minutes what had been a well-defined road leading down into the bowels of New Man University became just another country field.
The original campus was now used for community functions. It opened its doors to a church or two that was currently without a building. In the summer, Andrew and his lawyer buddy Jake Randolph ran a tennis camp there. So the buildings looked lived in. They also looked empty.
A day later, when a Georgia National Guard unit appeared at the group of buildings the map told them was New Man University, not a soul was in sight. The young lieutenant in charge considered his options.
He turned to his sergeant.
"Well, Sarge, there doesn't appear to be anyone here to arrest. Got any suggestions?"
"What do they think we are, the FB fuckin' I? If they aren't here, how can we find 'em? LT, we ought to report back and take the rest of the weekend off."
"Good plan, Sergeant. Pack 'em up and move 'em out. We can pick up some Mickey D's on the way back to the armory."
Part 22
Life went on as usual at New Man University. The cameras used to pipe down the views of the outside world were virtually indistinguishable from the grass surrounding them so the campus retained an open-air feel while remaining totally subterranean and undetected.
Elle and Emma Adkins were meeting in Emma's office. Elle and Eamon Turner had recently returned from Eamon's home in Florida.
"How did it go down there? What did you think of his family?"
Elle shrugged. "They were about what we expected. A lot of gorgeous smart women. Some strong handsome men. Everyone rich. His grandmother is very impressive. She's beautiful and seems to be in charge of the family business, kind of like our Mommas. And of course, Jake Turner is all man. And he seemed to like me. Oh, and so did his sister. I didn't need to be a mind reader to know she wanted to throw me on the ground and ravish me.
"Come to think of it, I'd say most of the men and the majority of the women there would have welcomed me into their beds. I'm not ready for such a complicated existence nor will I ever be. I'm just a little country girl from Georgia. I'm a one-man girl. I'm also a no-girl girl, if you know what I mean."
Emma laughed. "Edie and Eddie insist that we don't know what we are missing."
"Don't start with me, Emma! Boy on girl was good enough for our parents and it's good enough for us. Those two girls have convinced themselves that they are masturbating when they do each other. I don't know how you feel, but that sure sounds like a bit of a stretch to me."
Emma had a warm smile on her face. "You're right. What E-man does to me is plenty. After eighteen years of listening to Donnie and Dee Dee's blood-curdling screams, I wanted to do some screaming myself. You've gotta admit, Elle, that those two must be obsessed with sex. Every day, week in, week out, year in, year out. Aren't you just a bit interested in what Daddy does to those two to make them so darned enthusiastic?"
Elle turned a little red. "If Daddy offered to explain it to me, if you know what I mean, I certainly would be willing to find out."
Emma squeaked. "Oh, me too. Me too. I've wanted Daddy forever. I think I've propositioned him about three hundred times. But he has these
Homo sapien
scruples about father-daughter sex. I think it's very mean-spirited and old fashioned."