Tales of the eKids: E-man Loves Emmy
Β© 2004 by Andrew Wiggin
Part 20
The Attorney General of the United States thought that first he'd try the easy way. He had his secretary place a call to (where was it?), Statesboro, Georgia. He thought, 'we won Georgia pretty easily. Maybe they'll do what I tell them to do without too many questions.'
His phone buzzed and he picked it up. "Whom am I speaking to?"
"This is Chief McArthur of the Statesboro Police Department."
"Chief, Bill Ashton here. The President asked that I give you a call. There's a bit of a problem in your neck of the woods and we thought you would be the man to help us clean it up."
"Well, Mr. Attorney General, is there something going on down here that I don't know about? Everything is pretty quiet, far as I can tell."
"Yes, well, it's these individuals that call themselves 'New Man'. After a thorough investigation it has been determined that they are not human beings and in fact may be a serious subversive threat to the United States of America. We have decided that in their own best interests we should place them in protective custody. Then we can safely determine exactly how extensive a threat they are to society."
There was a pause at the other end of the line. Finally he heard, "Are you asking me to arrest the entire population of New Man University? Do you know how many kids they have there? It's something like a couple thousand, maybe more. My lockup handles eight perps at most. Where the hell do you want me to put them?"
The A.G. realized no one had thought of this particular contingency. Hell, no one had thought of any particular contingency. He was flying by the seat of his pants on this crazy whim of the Vice President's.
"Well, Chief, how about you just place the campus under martial law. Put a few officers at the entrances and don't allow anyone in or out. Then I'll organize things at my end and we'll handle it from there on out."
There was another pause at the other end of the line, and the A.G. imagined that this particular chief of police must think him to be one crazy motherfucker.
"Ahem. Uh, Mr. Attorney General, do you have federal warrants to arrest these kids?"
"Well, not exactly. Since they aren't human, it's been decided that those formalities are unnecessary. We just want you to place them in custody. We'll take it from there."
The A.G. heard the Chief snort at the other end of the line.
"Well, Mr. Attorney General", (the A.G. imagined he heard contempt in the voice of this small town cop). "To be perfectly frank, they are about the best citizens we have around here. That campus has been there for almost ten years and we haven't had a single complaint from anyone. The only time me or any of my officers has been there was for events we were invited to. And now you're telling me that some bean counter in Washington has decided that these kids aren't human? And you want
me
to arrest the whole kit and caboodle of them? Without a warrant? No offense sir, but do you think I've lost my mind?"
The A.G. was getting angry. Why can't this dumb-ass local cop just do as he is told?
"Chief, if you can't handle legitimate requests from the President of the United States of America, I guess I'll have to find a patriotic officer who
can
. I'll give this assignment to the County Sheriff."
"Mr. Attorney General, you won't find a cop in Georgia who will carry out this nutty assignment. Did you know that New Man Incorporated has paid for the schooling of tens of thousands of the kids of Georgia cops?
"Hell, they sent two of
my own
kids through the University of Georgia. I happen to know that the Sheriff of Buford County has a kid in college right now, Wake Forest I think it is. And New Man Inc. has given him a free ride.
"You go calling him to arrest those little kids and he'll tell you to stick the phone up your ass. No offense intended, sir."
With that, the Chief of Police of Statesboro, Georgia hung up on the Attorney General of the United States of America. It never failed to amaze him the bullshit those rear-echelon motherfuckers in Washington could come up with. He decided to place a call to Drew Adkins.
Part 21
"Hi, Daddy!" Emma Adkins was always pleased to speak to her father. She loved him madly.
"Emmy, it's shit hitting fan time. I just got a call from the Chief of Police. The feds are going to be after us as soon as they can find someone willing to do it. My guess is they'll call out the National Guard. What defenses do you have in place?"
"Daddy, we're ready for them. Our first line of defense is the old 'hide in plain sight' thing we thought up. I'm pretty sure that will hold them for a while."
When New Man University was in its planning stages, Andrew Adkins had engaged an architectural firm to design a modern campus with an antebellum feel about it. The buildings were well under way before Andrew found that his brilliant little boys had a better idea β build the whole thing underground. Emma (all of seven years old at the time) had convinced him to finish the buildings that had been started and then build the boys' design about a half mile down the road.
Any maps that showed the location of New Man University retained the old coordinates. Any global positioning system would lead a visitor to the middle of the original quad. Since the only local signs pointing to New Man University were virtual signs, they were turned off at Emma's command.
A machine kept for just this purpose in the maintenance shed of the real New Man U. immediately was employed to sod the road leading into the university. A hydraulic mechanism lifted the road where it entered the college, and a final piece swung into place joining the roadway with the surrounding countryside.
In minutes what had been a well-defined road leading down into the bowels of New Man University became just another country field.