As the morning sun leaks through the curtains the next morning, you awake to a very familiar, yet unrecognizable aroma. You roll over on the bed, wrapped tight in a warm quilt, and prop yourself up on your elbows. You notice the binds still attached to the bed hanging loosely from each post. Across the room you see him standing there, his back to you. He is half dressed, wearing a pair of Levi's with no shirt and barefoot. You think back on the night before, you smile and a warm glow overcomes your body. Never in your life have you felt this way about another person. Until now, your life's work has been your two wonderful children, they are everything to you.
You remember how emotional you were the moment each were born. You let down at the birth of the first child and cried. People had seen you. You were angry with yourself afterwards, crying is for the weak. You felt just as happy the second time, but fought off the tears. You would not let anyone see you weak, you could be stronger than them always, or so you thought. Now that they are yours alone, you realize how lonely you have been your entire life. How without even knowing it, you have been searching, drifting really, lost without an anchor. Your life had no real course, nothing that made you look forward to the future. Was it just as much your fault as anyone else's? Had you built so many walls around you that it trapped you in as much as it held everyone out? You thank God that there was now a definite light at the end of the tunnel and you are watching that glorious light make breakfast without him even knowing you are awake.
You wrap the quilt tighter around your naked body as you throw your legs over the edge of the bed and walk silently up behind him. "Mmmmmm, what smells so wonderful?" He doesn't answer as he turns around and smiles. "Good morning sweetheart. Hungry?" "Famished," you reply. After a soft kiss, you cuddle against him as he dips another piece of thickly sliced, homemade bread into a batter before dropping it on a griddle. "French toast? I haven't had that in years. It was always my favorite when I was little." "I know, your mother told me. She also gave me her special recipe." Now you remember why the smell was so familiar, yet it had been so many years. "I thought she wouldn't give that up until her deathbed. How did you get it from her?" His reply was simply a smile.
You always knew that your mom really liked him, especially after the first time they met. They spent the entire time laughing and flirting, mostly at your expense but you were so glad they hit it off so well. It really made things so much easier when the hard times hit later, during the divorce. Your family understood about your situation. They too were worried about the one thing that mattered the most, the children. Knowing the way things were destined to workout really helped. The biggest obstacle in the entire plan was you, would you let the most wonderful thing ever in your life get away from you? Could you commit? Really commit to him? Love him unconditionally? Most of all, would you let him love you the same way? That has always been the problem. Yesterday's walk in the woods and last night had really opened the world up to you. A glimpse of the world you were missing. A world where you were completely open to your partner, vulnerable to everything, most of all...no walls. The pleasure of it all.
The breakfast was as wonderful, the best part was that it was served on just one plate with the two of you sharing. He cut the toast up and fed you both. You cannot remember eating so much and not feeling guilty. A lot better than that chocolate diet shake you normally had. You figured that with all the calories you burnt off last night and the thoughts of the day ahead, you would need the energy. The last thought brought a smile to your face. As you looked at him you realized he had been watching you, a look of fascination in his eyes. You could look into his eyes forever. After putting the freshly washed and rinsed dishes on the rack to dry, he turned to the counter you were sitting on and moved close to you. You open your legs to let him get closer, the quilt falling around you. He takes you in his arms and holds you close to him. Your head against the soft hairs on his chest, he smells so good. He pushes you back gently and takes your face gently into his hands. He kisses you softly. Your head spins in the pleasure of it all. It had never been this wonderful before, never. His quiet voice breaks the trance, "I love you very much and want you to marry me. I don't want you to answer me now, especially if the answer is 'no,' but wait until later. I will ask you again, answer me then, OK?" You can only nod as your eyes are locked in his. His hands slide down to your shoulder as he smiles and says, "Now get your shapely ass in the shower. We have errands to run today before we can come back here and play."
