There's a little while to go before everything completely unravels, so you can relax. I'm telling you about one of the happiest periods of my life. Maybe it was the happiest, I don't know. It's hard to judge something like that. I went to bed that night full of melting happy tenderness. I could hardly have felt any better, could hardly have felt any more positivity for Ed, for the relationship growing up between us. I knew that I wanted him long term. And I would put the work into making that happen. Romeo hopped up onto the bed, something he does sometimes not to be with me as such, but just because he finds it comfortable there. He turned his back to me. Softly, I sang him a song, a lullaby, because I couldn't not sing. Even the large damp patch on the duvet, which I had caused in the throes of myself-pleasure, didn't bother me one bit. In fact it was a nice memento of what had gone on earlier, what I had done. With all those happy thoughts and many more, I fell asleep.
The next day, Friday, I dodged the girls at lunch so that I could call Brian. We had arranged to catch up, and I was bursting to tell him all about recent events, and as soon as we'd exchanged the briefest of pleasantries, I recounted the story. Or at least most of it. I played down my infatuation a little, so that he wouldn't scold me for getting carried away. And I didn't go into full detail on the intimate events which had taken place. But I gave him plenty to chew on.
"Wow, that's really something. So unlike you! Are you alright?"
"Yeah I'm alright, why wouldn't I be alright?"
"It's just so... out of character. You're normally so, erm..."
"- boring?" I said, interrupting his attempts to find a non-insulting adjective for me.
"No, I wasn't going to say that. I was going to call you cautious. Careful."
"Okay, sure." I was out in the courtyard between our office and several very similar offices. Some days I felt like a clone working a clone job in a clone building. But not on that Friday. On that Friday I was safe from those depressing thoughts.
"It's normal to be a bit like that, after the luck you've had. Anyway, sorry, yes, I am happy for you, and he sounds bloody good. And I'm glad you're finally getting some, you've been out of it for ages. You need a good seeing to every now and then just like everyone else. And I know better than anyone how frustrating it is when you can't find anyone decent to do it with!"
"We haven't actually done 'it' yet, as such," I said, kicking a piece of gravel. "But I know we will soon. I want to. I just want it to be right."
"Cool, makes sense. When are you seeing each other next?"
"I'm over at his house tomorrow evening, dinner with his housemates."
"Scary."
"It is a bit. I don't know what to expect. But it should be nice, I think."
"You'll charm the hell out of them," said Brian with a confidence that inspired me. We chatted for a bit longer, about a new project at his job, and the various ways in which his sister was driving him mad with her various life crises, and then we said goodbye. He told me to be myself, to enjoy meeting Ed's friends, to be brave about the whole thing. And I said that I would be.
The rest of the day was easy. I did my thing on spreadsheets and systems and even some old-school paper files. Daisy came by my desk to check on some things and said that I was looking 'all rosy and chipper', clearly fishing for gossip pertaining to why on earth I was smiling so much, but I fended her off with my extremely vague responses, and she got bored and left me alone. At home I messaged Ed and he sent me the address, and time, for Saturday, along with some nice words about how much he was looking forward to me. I fed Romeo and fed myself, and hunkered down on the sofa beneath two blankets, and with hot water bottle, to watch a documentary about politics in the USA in the build up to the last presidential election. That's one of my secret pleasures. Although not truly a 'secret', more something that nobody would be curious enough to find out. I like the depth of it, the layers of intrigue. Something about the drama and division calls to me. Perhaps I should be worried about that. But it's not important, it's not relevant to this story that I'm telling you. I won't mention US politics again. Probably. I probably won't. What I'm saying is that the Friday evening was a chilled one, and I felt happy, and excited for the next day, feeling that I was about to take another step forward with Ed, and that meant a lot to me. A level of optimism that I hadn't reached for ages. And that night I slept beautifully.
"How do I look?" I opened my arms to Romeo, showing him my final choice of green corduroy dress, down to the knees, black tights, brown brogues. Black cardigan over the dress, that I hoped to be able to shed if the house was less perilously icy than my flat. Romeo just stared back at me, from his bed by the radiator in the corner. "Okay, well I think I look nice. I think I look very presentable." I picked up my handbag and slung it over my shoulder, then took a long last look in the mirror. I'd put my hair into a bit more order than usually, I'd straightened it and it hung down to the small of my back. I liked it like that, and liked the dark brown against the dark green of the dress. I made a mental note to do my hair like that more often, and then put my bag down again and went back to the loo because I needed to wee again. Nerves, probably. A minute later I was out of the door, stepping out into the dull cold afternoon, but grey skies could not get me down, no sir.
I got the bus to his side of town. It's not really in the town, although it's got the postcode. I was curious to see somewhere I knew by name only, but of course it was essentially just like the town except a little bit quieter. The same terraced streets of red-brick houses built for millworkers around a hundred and fifty years ago. I checked my phone for the location, and walked there slowly because I was early. I'm almost always early, and I've been like that forever. I hate the idea of keeping someone waiting, or having to rush. I don't like the stress of it. I'll happily arrive early and have a little saunter round, and take it easy. I'm well aware that it's impolite to arrive more than five minutes early as well, so don't worry, I never do that either. And so it was that I ended up ringing the bell dead on six pm, just as I'd been asked to. It was answered by a skinny man with a baseball cap and a faint moustache. He looked me up and down.
"Yes? Can I help you?"
I felt like this was a little joke he was doing, I knew I had the right address. "Hopefully you can."
"We don't want to buy anything, sorry." He shook his head but his acting was sub-par, I didn't buy the annoyance he'd tried to slap onto it.
"Oh, that's a shame. Anyway, I'm Lizzie."
He grinned widely, almost manically, but somehow it was charming. "I know, I was only joking. Gareth. Nice to meet you." He offered his hand and I took it and received a firm and wet shake. "Oh, that's a very clean wet, don't worry. I washed my hands to come to the door. I was chopping onions when you knocked. Come on in."
