I had to go back to work! There was no way I could sit in this house by myself any longer. All of the tears are gone now, I know it is time.
I called management at the HMO where I work as a General Practitioner and talked to Sally, the Chief Resident. She was tickled pink, they were always short of staff.
It had been nearly 4 months, the last few months I had spent caring for my late husband, Ted. Some of you know of him from his writings under the name of Magichands.
I spent nearly a Month by myself, with myself, after his passing. I did go spend a day with my Mother, she is 78 and frail. She is from the old school, I was "supposed" to grieve for a full year.
But my mind was already beginning to play tricks on me, and my body, used to release 3 to 4 times a week, was beginning to scream out for comfort!
Yes, I had to go back to work!
My first appointment did little to cheer me. It was a lady, barely 40 years of age. She was a good 50 pounds overweight, blood pressure through the roof, smoking 2 packs a day and 3 bottles of Vodka a week. I sighed and checked her vitals, going into my lecture on eating right and quitting all of the things that would likely kill her before she was 60.
No real conviction in my words, I see it all day, every day. I closed her file, and told her to check back, offering as much encouragement as I could. I got the usual murmured promise to "try" in return, and ushered her out.
Then I glanced at the report for my next patient. His name was Norman. 52 years old, 6', 200#, It all looked familiar but I couldn't quite place it. So I checked farther back, sure enough, there was my report on him.
He had come into my office for a normal Health checkup just bit over a year earlier. His reports had looked normal, and I expected the usual. But I took his blood pressure at 260/80!! OHOH...I took it again on the other arm, same reading.
I looked him over, nice looking man, a sprinkling of grey mixed in with the black hair, good strong features, the lines around his eyes were from a perpetual smile. Off with his shirt, I pressed my fingers into his abdomen. The white spot left by my fingers stayed. I had him remove his socks, there were the heavy telltale lines from the elastic, no doubt about it! Serious fluid retention was obvious.
I asked him about shortness of breath, he confirmed, describing it as "Like there is no air in it!" adding, "but I have been working long days, that's probably it!"
"Damn men!" I thought. "Always in denial!"
I listened to his heart, the sounds of struggle were clear as a bell. This man was near dying right in front of me and he had no idea at all!
The first step was to get the fluids out of him, and get his blood pressure down before a blood vessel let go! I had Pharmacy bring up some fast acting medicine, sorry, I can't name it here. It encourages urination, and often works quickly.
Then I called transport, and explained to Norman that I was going to put him in the hospital!
Now this was a bit of a shock to his system, he was just coming in for a usual checkup! He tried to argue but I would have none of it, finally I was right in his face telling him to listen to me and do what I told him to do!
