September Sunsets

The alarm sounded at 6:30am. Saoirse and Neil got up and ready with barely even a word between them in their sleepy states. They went downstairs to find the others and loaded all the boards and belongings onto Neil's car before driving down to the beach. It was much busier than Saoirse had thought, with other surfers also there to catch the sunrise, dog walkers and joggers and a sunrise yoga class on the beach.

The weather was quite mild which Saoirse was glad of, she didn't like getting up early, dark mornings or getting cold and wet; much less to get into the sea! She chuckled to herself thinking how it was exactly what Neil thrived on and wondered how they were a match at all. She was apprehensive but looking forward to the experience. They suited up and entered the water to start paddling out. Mike led the charge while Jay and Neil hung back to support Saoirse, and Emma followed behind them. They went out further than Saoirse had imagined but it probably wasn't as far out as she thought. They stopped and paddled to stay in place as the sun started to come up. Neil set up his GoPro at the end of his board and moved the top of his board almost alongside Saoirse's to try and keep her steady in the water. Saoirse felt quite vulnerable and her body was tense, she couldn't really relax because she had to concentrate so much on controlling herself. Paddling on the board was a bit more difficult with her life jacket on; paddling so as not to drift, staying afloat, not getting too tired or cold. She also felt like a burden to the others who kept turning to check on her. They made it all look easy, they just chilled out on their boards, watching the sunrise, laughing and joking with each other. Neil and Jay took turns supporting Saoirse and guiding her how to move her body to manoeuvre herself on her board and her board in the water. She wasn't as fit or adept as them. She was shocked to discover she felt more at ease with Jay than with Neil. They paddled back in to the shore, got changed and piled into Neil's car. Saoirse sat in the back passenger side beside the window, Emma at the opposite side and Jay sat in the middle.

Jay could tell she was subdued. "You were great there, you know." Jay said discretely, turning his head to her. "Especially for someone who's had only 6 hours on a board. Ever!" he smiled. Saoirse looked at him and smiled shyly, she still felt embarrassed or nervous or awkward, she wasn't sure which. "You did really well." Jay nodded at her. "You go girl!" he said quietly in an over-the-top American accent, putting his hand up subtley for her to hi-five.

Saoirse hi-fived him half-heartedly and smiled awkwardly. "I still feel a bit...embarrassed or something," she shrugged, her eyes started to well up with tears. "I don't know." A tear rolled down her cheek and she quickly wiped it away and bowed her head.

"Embarassed? You should be proud of yourself, grinning from ear to ear!" Jay said louder with a chuckle that halted the conversation between the others in the car. Neil looked at them in the rear view mirror, frowned, and then turned his head quickly to look at them before turning back to the road.

"What's happened? Saoirse, what's up?" he asked softly but concerned, looking at her in the mirror.

"Nothing, no I'm fine." she said, sitting up straighter, wiping her eyes quickly and smiling with her lips pursed.

Jay started "She was saying that..."

"Jay, don't!" she pleaded softly, putting her hand on his wrist.

"It's alright." he said quietly to her. "She was just saying that she felt embarrassed and I said she should be proud at paddling out with only 6 hours board time. That's all." he said to the others, realising he was compounding Saoirse's anxiety and trying to recover the situation.

"Yeaaaah!" Emma nodded, looking across to Saoirse. "Fucking right! There's no way I could've done that after a few lessons." she said.

"That's impressive Sha-Sha," Mike said, turning round to his left in the passenger seat to look at her through the gap between the seats. "I'm impressed." he said, smirking at her. They all agreed. She smiled at Mike and he turned back round in his seat.

Emma leaned across Jay and clasped Saoirse's hand. Just as she started to talk, Saoirse saw Mike lean over and say something to Neil, who shook his head. "You definitely shouldn't feel embarrassed! Be so proud of yourself Saoirse!" she smiled. "I'm the least experienced of us 4 and I've been surfing for nearly 8 years! You're doing great!" she said. "Don't be so hard on yourself, lovely!" she smiled and squeezed Saoirse's hand. Saoirse smiled gratefully at her.

Neil looked at Saoirse in the mirror. "Was it scary?" he asked. She looked at him in the mirror and nodded. "Yeah? Did you do it anyway?" he asked with a smirk. She nodded shyly. "Yeah you did," he smiled "and you fucking bossed it!" he said. The others cheered and Saoirse smiled shyly. "Well done, gorgeous." Neil said sincerely as he reached his left hand behind him through the seats to fist bump her.

"The only person who should be embarrassed here is Neil." Mike said. "He spent all morning hoping he'd have the chance to do his impression of The Hoff, isn't that right mate?" Mike teased. They all laughed.

"Fuck off!" Neil laughed dismissively.

Mike started to sing the Baywatch theme song. "I'll be ready, never you fear. No don't you fear. I'll be ready..."

"Fuck off!" Neil shouted, nudging him. The others laughed.

They arrived back at the Air B&B and Emma went straight to the kitchen to make sure she had everything she needed for brunch, Jay and Mike sat and discussed ideas for their next trip and Saoirse boiled the kettle, setting out cups on the counter for everyone. Neil put a tea bag in each cup and fetched milk from the fridge. "D'you want time on your own?" he asked in a low tone as Saoirse poured water into the cups. She shook her head. "Wanna sit outside with me?" he asked, looking at her. She nodded as she poured the milk. "Ok," he said, guiding her towards the patio doors. "Teas are on the counter, folks. Come and get 'em." he said loudly, walking through the living room as he followed Saoirse out onto the patio and shut the door behind them.

It was a much warmer day already than the previous 2 days. The sun shone brightly on the patio and warmed their skin. They sat in silence as Saoirse blew on her tea. The birds sang loudly in the trees, the distant sound of the waves rumbled on the beach and the end of season bees flew around the sunflowers in the plant pots. "Sorry for being embarrassing in the car." Saoirse said, breaking the silence. "Crying I mean. Not really sure why that happened." she said, looking into her cup.

"You weren't embarrassing!" Neil scoffed. "Neither should you BE embarrassed. What happened to make you feel like that?" he asked softly.

Saoirse sipped her tea as tears stung her eyes and she tried to stifle them. She shook her head. "S'pose I just felt embarrassed cos I realised I wasn't as able as you all." She cleared her throat. "I had to rely on you more than I thought and that wasn't fair." she shrugged. "Sorry." she said softly.

"Stop apologising! We all look after each other." Neil said, sympathetically. "6 hours you've been on a board. 6 hours, Saoirse. And you're comparing yourself to..." he gestured behind him. "I've been doing that for 20 years." he shook his head. "I think you're doing pretty fucking well and you need to give yourself a fucking break!" he looked at her intently. "AND if it wasn't safe for you, we wouldn't have brought you." he said, matter-of-factly.

"Well, yeah. I know you wouldn't have, I trust you. It's not just that. It's harder being short and it doesn't help being so..." she sniffed hard. "Out of shape." she mumbled.

Neil set his cup down hard on the table and looked at her. "Come on! Who the fuck are you and what have you done with Saoirse?" he teased. She didn't smile. He frowned. "Has someone said or done something to make you feel like this?" he asked, concerned, reaching to rub her shoulder. She shook her head. "I thought we had a great time, all together in the sea watching the sunrise?" he asked, perplexed, lifting his cup again.

She nodded slightly. "We did, I just didn't think about the logistics of it and it wasn't how I imagined. It scared me a bit but it was too late cos we were out there and I realised how difficult I was making it for myself being like this." she gestured down her body.

Neil looked puzzled. "But that's...I don't...nah..." he sighed a laugh that made Saoirse glance at him in a way that he realised she was hurt by it. "But you did it! You did it, Saoirse. Good for you!" he brimmed with enthusiasm. Saoirse didn't react. He shook his head at her. "Why aren't you letting yourself enjoy that? Why aren't you feeling proud of yourself?" he asked, shaking his hands at her in frustration. She looked at him and furrowed her brow and then looked down into her cup again. "You've never done anything like this before." he said in an encouraging tone. Saoirse looked at him. He raised his eyebrows and nodded. "Yeah, not a thing to take lightly!" he smirked.

Saoirse nodded slowly and smiled shyly as she thought. "Yeah, you're right." she said slowly. "4 days ago I couldn't do any of that." He could see her mind whirring as she thought. "I should use it all to make the most of my last surf lesson." she said.

"Now THAT'S more like it! I missed you for a moment." he smiled.

They finished their tea without speaking but catching glances at each other and smiling.

They all piled back into Neil's car and headed back to the beach, dropping Saoirse off to her last surf school lesson and then heading further down the beach to surf.

Saoirse felt a bit more confident but also a bit more nervous after the paddle out. She concentrated hard on keeping her posture on her board and paddling without moving her body so much. Her arms and her core muscles were aching but by the end she managed to stand up on her board a couple of times without wobbling and falling in. Her legs trembled and her arms waved around trying to keep her balance but she did it. The instructor and other students cheered each other and by the end everyone ran out of the water happy. As Saoirse walked up the beach with her board, trying not to stumble in the soft sand with her wobbly legs, she was surprised to see Neil sitting on the sand with his legs crossed and his arms round his knees, in his wetsuit, waiting for her. "That was brilliant, well done!" he said excitedly, smiling widely and hi-fiving her.

Saoirse sat down beside him, trying to catch her breath. "Thanks!" she smiled. "I'm buzzing but also I really need a nap!" she laughed. Neil snaked his arm over her shoulders, pulling her into a hug beside him and kissing her head. Then she thought about it. "You were watching?" she asked, looking up at him. Neil nodded, his top lip curled in a way Saoirse knew he was dying to say something but always looked like he was trying to hide a fond smile. It usually made her smile. "Oh." she said, sheepishly, looking down. She squeezed her hair and rattled her fingers in her ears before tipping her head to each side to try and get the water out. "I'm going to rince off and get changed." she said, looking behind her at the surf school building. "Will you come with me to return everything?" she asked. Neil nodded and hummed in agreement, gesturing that he'd wait on the wall outside for her to get changed.

Afterwards, Saoirse felt sad to have finished her lessons and proud at what she had achieved and she told Neil so as they walked up the hill to the car. "THANK YOU! Finally!" Neil teased. Saoirse sighed a shy laugh. Neil stopped and kissed her quickly. "I'm happy you're proud of yourself because I'm so proud of you." he said as he gazed in her eyes. She smiled.

They picked up the others and drove back to the house where Emma made brunch. Saoirse roped Neil into helping and the 3 of them stood side by side in the narrow kitchen. Emma made hummus, she grilled halloumi for the others and mushrooms for everyone. Saoirse chopped up peppers, carrots and celery and also made a salad bowl. Neil toasted the pitta bread on top of the toaster, despite Saoirse's pleas to use the grill. Soon the smoke was billowing out of the toaster as bits of bread fell in and got burnt to a crisp while the rest of the pitta pocket stayed on top still cold. "NAHHHH!! FUCK SAKE!" Neil growled. Saoirse and Emma looked up. Neil quickly pushed the kitchen door open and shut to try and disperse the smoke from reaching the detector on the hall ceiling. Emma and Saoirse looked at Neil then at each other and laughed. "Stop laughing!" Neil hissed. They laughed more. "It's not funny! Do we get charged if the fire brigade get called out when we're here and there's not a fire?" he asked.

"Yeah, a big one right out of your wages!" Emma joked. Neil looked at her sharply and made a face and she shook her head.

"Would'na happened if you'd used the grill..." Saoirse sing-songed in a teasing tone. She held her hands up in front of her. "Just sayin'..." she said through a wincing smile then raised her eyebrows and smirked at him.

"Alright clever dick!" Neil stretched his leg behind Emma and nudged Saoirse on the ass with his foot. "Right, you're getting the one that's so burnt it's like a fucking brick, yeah?!" he teased. "Actually just grind it up and snort it, would be easier to consume!" he laughed, holding up the incinerated bit of pitta bread. Saoirse made a disgusted face.

Minus a few pitta pockets, they all sat down to eat together. They took their time, everyone was relaxed and in good spirits, they chatted and laughed for a few hours.

Late in the afternoon they went up to the Point to walk in the forest. It was dry and warm and they followed the most popular trail that led up to the lookout Point. They hiked up to the top of the Point just in time to watch the sunset. There were lots of other people there with the same plan. Saoirse moved to stand next to Neil and slid her hand into his. The sky was painted in waves of pink and orange, dotted with wispy white clouds. The sun was like a burnt orange descending into the horizon. The forest below them, a mixture of evergreen and deciduous trees, was a dense, lush green contrast to the whimsical pattern of the clouds in the sky above. Saoirse sighed a quiet, contented sigh and caressed Neil's hand with her fingers. He looked down at her, let go of her hand and lifted his arm, putting it round her shoulders and squeezing her to him. They walked back down from the point to the car, Jay drove them all back to the Air B&B then they walked to the local pub for dinner.

It was a small pub, full of regulars standing at the bar sipping pints of beer or glasses of whisky. They got a table near the jukebox and ordered food. Before long, it was 9pm, the drinks were flowing and they were all already pretty drunk. It was Saoirse's round and Mike followed her to the bar to help carry the drinks. "Emma's changed her mind, she wants a double vodka and Red Bull." he said.

Saoirse looked at him and laughed. "Are you being funny?" she asked. Mike frowned and shook his head. "Is Red Bull vegetarian?" she asked.

Mike raised his eyebrows. "Are YOU being funny?" he asked.

Saoirse laughed. "No, genuinely serious question. Whatever crap Red Bull is made from, is it suitable for vegetarians?" she asked.

"Crap? Says you drinking Coke!" Mike sniggered. He turned back to the table and shouted. "Em! You did say Red Bull, didn't you?" Emma nodded and gestured a thumbs up. Mike turned to Saoirse and nodded once. "There you go!"

The barmaid approached them. "2 pints of Guinness, a single Jack & Coke, a pint of Peroni and a double Vodka and...is Red Bull vegetarian?" Saoirse asked. The barmaid turned round and lifted a can, holding it out to Saoirse to read the label. "Oh, it is. Ok, so a double vodka and Red Bull please." she smiled. The barmaid looked unamused. Saoirse thought they must be at the annoyingly drunk stage of the night already. "Have we've peaked too soon?" Saoirse whispered to Mike. Mike turned up his nose glancing at the barmaid and shook his head. "Resting bitch face with job satisfaction?" she whispered, raising her eyebrows. Mike sniggered and nodded.

They returned to the table with the drinks and into a conversation about coming out. "He was just saying when you came out to him he wasn't sure what you meant at first." Emma laughed, nodding at Neil as she took her glass from Saoirse and took a gulp of her drink.

"Pardon?" Saoirse asked, feeling awkward. She and Mike sat down at the table. "How did that come up in conversation?" Saoirse asked.

"We were talking about being out at work," Emma said, "Or not." she held her hand out towards Saoirse.

Saoirse blushed and looked down then regained her composure. "Hang on, what?" she asked, looking at Neil and Jay.

Emma gulped her drink and carried on talking. "And Neil said he didn't know you were bi until you were dating and I asked were you not out at work and blah blah blah..." Emma's words slurred as it became apparent she was quite drunk.

Saoirse looked at Emma. "It's not anyone at work's business because it has nothing to do with my job. In fact in life I'm out only to people who I feel deserve to know." Saoirse said sternly. "People I trust and love and care about." she smiled firmly, trying to control her reaction to the conversation.

"Aw shucks, Sha-Sha!" Mike gushed. "You trust and love and care about me?" he asked exaggeratedly.

"Even you, Mikey!" she laughed, turning to look at him beside her. "Well, maybe almost 1 out of 3 of those anyway." she teased. He laughed and held up his pint to clink her glass.

"What do you mean you weren't sure what I meant?" she asked Neil.

He sipped his pint and laughed. "Remember when we first went out we went to that restaurant where you catch your own fucking fish or whatever?" he asked dismissively. "When I asked you when you'd last had sex, you said 'With a man?' and for a split second I thought you meant something else." he laughed nervously.

"It wasn't the very first night we went out that we talked about that!" she clarified to everyone at the table. "The night you're talking about we went to the place where you cook your own steak on a stone." she said to Neil. "How could you forget?! You spent all night saying 'can you smell what The Rock is cooking?'" she said, mocking his voice and shook her head. Neil laughed and nodded enthusiastically and Jay and Mike started chuckling. "Anyway what else would I mean?" she asked, puzzled. She looked at Emma who shrugged as she gulped her drink.

"I dunno," he said, putting his head down and smirking. "Your collection of ornate dildos or something." he mumbled, sipping his pint as he glanced at her with a sneaky smile in his eyes. Mike sniggered and coughed as he swallowed his drink, Jay inhaled sharply and Emma tutted.

"NEIL!" Saoirse hissed putting her head in her hands on the table. "WHAT THE FUCK?" she sat up, glared at him and leaned back in her chair, throwing her arms out in front of her as she spoke. "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?" she asked, glaring at him across the table.

"WHAT?!" Neil interrupted, talking loudly as he sat up straight. "I'm only joking, that was a joke, IT WAS A JOKE!...which clearly backfired." he said, trying to laugh it off. "I didn't mean it, alright? I didn't think that! Saoirse! Just forget it, forget I even said it." he said, with an awkward look on his face.

"Just forget it?!" Saoirse snapped. Neil looked down at the table, clenched his jaw and said nothing. "I'm hard to offend but in case it's not obvious, this entire conversation has offended me." Saoirse said sternly, glaring between Emma and Neil. Jay and Mike got up and left the table, suddenly becoming very interested in memorabilia on the wall by the bar. "I don't appreciate being discussed like that when I'm standing not even 12 feet away. Buying you drinks, might I add. And I really..." she seethed.