Sascha Pt 02

CHAPTER 7

She went to her room and looked around. Nothing had changed. But everything seemed different. Sascha couldn't explain it. She sat at her desk and opened her laptop and checked her e-mail account: 462 messages were waiting for her. 'They'll have to wait," she decided silently. She found her backpack sitting next to her desk. All her books were there. She found her phone, but the battery was drained. She put it on the charger.

She decided to peek at a few of the e-mails. She ran a small program to sort out the messages by sender name/e-mail address. She noticed immediately that almost 100 of the messages came from Carrie. Each offered best wishes for a hasty recovery. Each offered heartfelt, emotional apologies for what had happened and praying that Steve would forgive her someday for causing his injuries.

Dear Carrie,

Thank you so much for your get-well-soon messages. I truly appreciate them. I'm sorry for taking so long to respond. Today is the first day I've had my laptop available. Honestly, I have absolutely no memory of the accident. I have been told that after I was injured you stayed with me, held my head, (even after I puked on you) and told people to call for help. I am grateful to you for that. I also have been told by my sister Stephanie that you were in no way responsible for what happened and there is nothing for me to forgive. I will be back to school next Monday. We will have a lot to talk about then. Get ready for a surprise.

Your Friend, Stephen

Unfortunately, there was also hate mail: mostly anonymous from one-time e-mail accounts; mostly threatening more injuries; mostly obscene. Stephanie visited her room as Sascha was reading a particularly vile message that had just arrived, she saw tears in Sascha's eyes.

"What's wrong Sasch?" She kneeled beside her sister. Sascha silently turned the laptop so Stephanie could read it.

"Oh my God!" Stephanie gasped, "Who could send something like this?" Sascha shook her head.

"I don't know. I suspect it's from the person that kicked me. See how it says 'I'll do it again if I get the chance'?"

"Forward it to me," Stephanie demanded.

Sascha did, without asking why.

Overall, though, the e-mails were generally positive notes wishing Stephen a speedy recovery and return to school. Sascha answered each with a quick thank you. With the e-mail inbox finally empty, Sascha realized she was starving. She walked carefully down to the kitchen and made a giant ham and cheese sandwich, grabbed a big handful of potato chips, and a glass of milk.

She couldn't finish everything, but she took the leftovers back to her room--for a snack. She sat back at her desk and looked at her books--but couldn't face schoolwork yet. She walked over to her mirror: a pale, emaciated, straggly-haired waif looked back at her, 'God I look like shit,' she thought.

She went to her closet and grabbed some comfortable leisure clothes and went to the bathroom. She stripped and stepped on the scale. She was down to 90 pounds. She checked the mirror again and saw her rib cage clearly sticking out. She turned away from the mirror and started the shower. After showering, washing and conditioning her hair, drying off, and brushing her teeth she felt 100% better. After moisturizing her skin 110%.

She got dressed and went back to her room. She eyed the leftovers. She hesitated, 'Damn, I just brushed my teeth,' she thought. "Ah to hell with it, I can brush again later." She scarfed down the food and went downstairs looking for more.

Sascha woke up late on Saturday morning. Hunger gnawed at her. She threw on a pair of yoga pants and tank top and went downstairs looking for breakfast. She downed two bowls of cereal and milk, a couple pieces of toast, an apple, and some coffee. She burped loudly as Stephanie entered the kitchen.

"You're excused," Steph teased.

"Sorry. Hungry."

"Any plans today?" Stephanie asked. Sascha shook her head no, her mouth full of a blueberry muffin top.

"Feel like going shopping to replace your school jeans that got ruined?" Sascha, had another mouthful of muffin, so she shook her head no again.

"Really? What will you wear?" Stephanie persisted.

Sascha held up a finger, indicating for Steph to wait just a second. She finally finished chewing and swallowed the last bit of muffin. "I don't need new jeans, at least not boy jeans."

"Why not?"

Sascha hesitated just a bit, "I am a girl. I'm never dressing in boy clothes again."

"School?"

"School too. Monday morning I'll go to the office and notify the school I'm transgender and that I intend to live full-time as a woman."

Steph nodded. She stood and patted Sascha on the shoulder. As she reached the door, Sascha called out, "Hey Steph?"

Steph stopped and turned, "Yeah?"

"I DO need school clothes for a girl. Can we go shopping, and you show me what to get?"

"Yeah. Sure. Let's get ready." The girls found their mother and told her of Sascha's decision. Allison hugged her younger daughter and told her how proud of her she was. She volunteered to drive the girls and they accepted.

At the mall they shopped slowly, but steadily. Sascha needed frequent rest breaks, but didn't want to stop. She accepted all of Stephanie's suggestions about what was--and more importantly what was not--appropriate for a high school girl.

As they walked, Sascha saw a small shop offering custom-made t-shirts. She asked her mom for some money, but said she wanted to do this store alone. She drew out what she wanted and showed it to the guy working the t-shirt machine.

"What color shirt do you want, Miss," He asked.

"Pink--of course!"

"Of course. How silly of me. Give me an hour, and I'll have it ready for you."

"Fine. Thank you." She rejoined her mother and sister. They questioned her, but she just smiled and said they'd see Monday morning. This time at the food court Sascha did get her triple cheeseburger and french fries. She finished every bite, and was eyeing her mother's plate sadly as Allison finished her salad.

Sascha picked up her package from the shirt shop and they drove home.

At home, up in Sascha's room, Stephanie asked what was in the bag.

"Like I said, you'll see Monday morning. I hope I don't get kicked out of school."

"That bad?"

"Not bad. Maybe, ah, controversial?"

"Maybe you should carry a spare? Just in case?" Steph suggested.

"Yeah, maybe. I don't want to be a complete bitch on my first full day as a woman." The sisters laughed together and started sorting out all the new school clothes.

Monday morning arrived and Sascha got up early. She ate a large breakfast. After eating she showered, and then sat at her desk for an hour, checking her schoolwork, and ensuring she had everything she would need. She pulled out her emery board and touched up the shape of her nails before applying her favorite pink nail polish. While it dried, she watched Metallica's 'Nothing Else Matters' on Youtube. She thought it was appropriate.

She went to her mirror and applied very light makeup to her eyes and put on her lipstick. She put on her new shirt, a new pair of jeans, and an old pair of sneakers. She packed a conservative white button-down blouse in her backpack--just in case.

She looked in her mirror one more time, grabbed her things and went downstairs.

Allison and Stephanie stared at Sascha as she turned for them. Her T-shirt was bright pink. On the front, in big, black, letters: MY NAME IS SASCHA

The back read: YES, I AM TRANSGENDER ⚦

"Well...?" Allison didn't know quite what to say.

"The way I figure it Mom, as soon as I walk in school, and one person notices my new hairstyle, or the eye makeup, or my lipstick, rumors are going to start flying. Why not just come right out and say Yes I Am, and get it over with? After that I'll just deal with it."

"What's that symbol?" Allison asked.

"International notation for a transgender person."

"I see. Are you sure you want to be so...so...'in your face', about this?"

"Are you kidding? I'm scared to death. But I've got to make a statement."

"I understand. I'll take you to school and to the office to see to the details of your name change and any other problems they have. Then you'll be on you own out in the school population."

"I'm ready, let's go."

Steph put her hand on Sascha's shoulder. "Relax Sis, I spoke to Tank this morning..." Sascha looked shocked, "...oh no, not about that..." she pointed to the shirt, "...I just told him you were coming back to school today. He swore nobody is going to bother you."

Sascha's mouth was dry, but she tried to make a joke, "Well...let's look on the bright side. No matter what happens, at least I don't have to worry anymore about getting kicked in the balls, right?" Silence, as Allison and Stephanie stared at her, "Come on guys, it was a joke. If I can laugh, so can you."

Allison shook her head, "Let's go girls."

Everyone was quiet on the drive to school. In the back seat, Sascha nervously tapped her nails on the armrest. Her feet beat out their own rhythm on the floor mat. At school, Allison found a parking spot and they walked in.

A few kids greeted Stephanie, but looked questioningly at Sascha and Allison, silently asking with lifted eyes, 'What's going on here? Who's the new kid?'

The Janovitch's marched into the registrar's office, the clerk asked politely how she could help. Sascha had been anticipating this opportunity since October, "My name is Sascha Janovitch. I used to be called Stephen Janovitch. I am a transgender woman and need to have my records amended to show the change." Allison smiled with pride at her younger daughter's composure. The clerk asked them to wait for just a moment.

A girl who'd followed them into the office turned and left the room quickly. "There goes the rumor mill," Stephanie commented.

The clerk came back with the principal, "Stephen it is so good to see you back. We were all..."

"Please, sir. My name is Sascha...Janovitch. From now on I identify and intend to live 24/7/365 as a female and I want my records amended to reflect that."

The principal had time to say" But..." before Allison stepped in and took over. She made it clear she wasn't leaving until her daughter's records and transcripts had been correctly annotated.

"Are we clear?" She asked the principal. He caved and a half hour later Allison wished the girls a good day and left for her morning classes at the university. The principal got busy notifying Sascha's teachers of what was about to happen. He tasked each teacher with advising their classes of Sascha's unique status.

After leaving the office the girls stopped first at Stephanie's locker, then Sascha's. She took off her coat, revealing her attitude laden pink t-shirt and grabbed her purse and book bag. Stephanie tapped her on the shoulder, "Good luck today. Don't do anything silly. Okay?"

Sascha had missed her first class while doing the registrar's paperwork. She got to her second class just in time to join the crowd filing into class. A few kids did a double take as they looked first at Sascha, then the t-shirt. Confused looks followed her.

"Good morning class. I know you're all wondering so let's take care of this first. We have a new/old student finally back with us. Let me introduce her...Sascha care to stand up?" Ladies and gentlemen you may remember Sascha better as the student formerly known as Stephen Janovitch." The class erupted in noise. The teacher gave the class about 15 seconds before demanding silence, Sascha sat down. The teacher continued, "Sascha is a transgender female. She began her transition therapies several months ago but intended to finish this school year as a male. Unfortunately, her accident last month accelerated things, and her doctors have recommended she begin living full time as a female. Need I remind you that this school is absolutely committed to diversity and inclusiveness? We will not tolerate any harassment or prejudice towards any individual in the student body. Is that clear?" Silence. "Good. Get out your books and let's get to work."

The class ended. As she stood up to leave the classroom, Mr. Woods asked to speak with her. "Sascha, three things: First, I want to tell how strong I think you are, and how proud I am of you; Second, I love your shirt; Third, the administration is not sure about how your gender status applies to the building's facilities. Until things get sorted out, they asked me to let you know that the faculty restroom next to the cafeteria has been designated as the 'transgender women' bathroom so you have a place to go with absolutely no problems. Sascha, I wish you the best of luck. If I can help in any way don't be afraid or embarrassed to ask. Now get to class. You don't want to pick up detention your first day back. Oh, and stop back so we can discuss how you'll make up the work you've missed."

"Thank you, Mr. Woods. I appreciate that."

She rushed off and made it to class just in time. Miss Bowers first asked how many students had met Sascha. Several from the first class raised their hands. For the rest of the class the teacher repeated almost verbatim the speech given by Mr. Woods. She didn't give the class much time before launching into her lesson. It was an intense lecture, there wasn't much time for people to glance over at Sascha. After class, Miss Bowers too, asked Sascha to stay for a second.

"Congratulations on your decision. I don't want to be insulting, but for the last couple years, when you've been in my classes, I've wondered when you'd realize the obvious. By the way, have you been advised of your bathroom arrangements?"

Sascha nodded. "Yes, Ma'am."

"Great. Off to class then. Oh, and Sascha?"

"Yes Ma'am?"

"Nice shirt."

Sascha laughed, "Thank you Ma'am."

The rest of the day went pretty much along the same lines. The number of students unaware of her status grew smaller with each class. Lunch was a madhouse. Students who'd been restrained by classroom decorum sought her out and inundated her with questions. A few boys and a few girls stared at her with obvious distaste, but for the most part, the student body was very supportive--and very nosey--everyone had questions. She also heard that every teacher, in every class, even if she wasn't in the class, was briefing their classes about Sascha's presence.

Sascha barely had time to eat before Carrie found her.

She whispered, "Are you the same Sascha that danced with me on Halloween?"

"Yes, that was me."

"Oh my God! I can't believe I didn't recognize you. I never knew. I never guessed. You're so beautiful." She blushed, "Ste...I mean Sascha I am so glad that you're okay. I was so scared when you got hurt."

"Honestly Carrie, I don't remember a thing. But thank you for your get-well e-mails, I appreciated them. I'm just sorry I took so long to respond; it took me a while to come around and get my act together." By now the novelty had worn off and Sascha and Carrie were left alone. Carrie looked around to be sure they were alone, "Sascha, you remember on Halloween, I asked you on a date?"

Sascha smiled, "I remember."

"You said no."

"I remember."

"Is there any chance you'll reconsider?"

"I'm sorry Carrie. But I'm 99.9% sure that when I complete my transition, I will turn out to be a completely heterosexual female. You and I will always be friends, but not girlfriends."

Carrie smiled sadly, "I hate him already!"

"Who?"

"The lucky guy you fall in love with. I hate him!" Then she laughed and held out her hand, "Friends?"

"Friends." They shook hands and left the cafeteria for their afternoon classes. On the way out Sascha stopped and checked out the hastily transformed 'TG Women' bathroom. It was clean and graffiti free. It still had urinals, but there were stalls where she could sit down. She would have preferred to use a regular girl's restroom, but understood that some girls would be uncomfortable with her walking in. She took care of her business, did her lipstick, and took off for her afternoon classes.

The only bad part of the day came on her way to last class--English Classics. She was walking down the hall and she heard a shouted, "Hey Fag! You F..." and a thud. She looked back and saw a guy she didn't know but recognized as a friend of Tank's holding a guy by the neck and pressing him against the row of lockers. He spoke softly into his prisoner's ear before letting him down and giving him a hard shove away from Sascha. Tank's buddy smiled and nodded to Sascha and went on his way.

When classes ended Sascha and Stephanie met up at Stephanie's locker. They headed for home. Stephanie challenged Sascha to a race, and they took off together. Sascha made it about a quarter mile before she had to stop, gasping for her breath. Stephanie stopped and jogged back to her.

"I can't believe how out of shape I am," Sascha wheezed as she bent and rested her hands on her knees.

"Yeah. You've lost a lot of weight that you really couldn't afford to lose. All that time in the hospital sure didn't help--other than keeping you alive of course." The sisters laughed and walked the rest of the way home. There was mail. Two letters addressed to Stephen Janovitch from Carnegie Mellon and Penn. Sascha's heart started to pound as she raced inside to open the letters.

After his profane rant at her, Robert fretted whether he'd lost Sascha. He didn't want to push her so he waited, each day hoping to hear something. Finally, a couple weeks into March, he received an e-mail:

Dear Robert,

I am finally beginning to feel back to normal. Today I went back to school and announced I am transgender and intend to live full time as a female. The school was pretty understanding and supportive. My biggest issue now will be trying to catch up with everything I missed while in hospital. I have attached a photo my sister took as we left for school. Sort of like a first grader on the first day of school.

I am trying very hard to find the strength to forgive the boy who kicked me--but it is hard. Thank you so much for all your support. My mother told me how awful you felt confronting me in the hospital and were worried I might reject you. I assure you I am not angry with you for yelling at me. I know that I needed it to get going again.

I did get disappointing news today when I got home from school--I received rejection letters from both Penn and Carnegie. As I expected I did get accepted at State. I guess that's where I'll be going. I hope you are doing well. I hope to see you sometime soon.

Sincerely, Sascha

Robert held his head in his hands and sighed with relief. Just then his e-mail pinged again. He grinned, looking forward to more news from Sascha; but it wasn't her, it was Stephanie Janovitch.

Dear Mr. Devereaux,

Thank you again for giving me back my sister. Now, I have another favor to ask of you, but please don't tell Sascha. Would you...

He smiled as he finished reading. He shot off an e-mail to Stephanie saying he'd be delighted to help. Then he picked up his phone.

The next several weeks were extremely difficult for Sascha. She had to make up all the work she'd missed, but also had to keep up with what was being assigned now. She doubled her study time and pretty much eliminated everything that didn't involve school.

As the third week of May approached, Sascha finally turned in her last past-due assignment and could take a deep breath. Stephanie knocked on her door. Sascha invited her in.

"So. Got any plans next Saturday?"

"No. Why?"

"You don't remember?"

"No?"

"It's our 18th birthday, dipshit."

"Seriously? Already?"

"We're getting old girl."

"Eighteen? I'll be darned." She paused for a moment and then smiled widely.

"You were thinking about Robert just then, weren't you?" Steph teased.

Sascha blushed bright red, "How'd you know?"