Just like Jeff I am a very smart person.
Alright, not
just
like Jeff, but I am very smart. But just like Jeff that doesn't necessarily mean I'm going to think things through before I say them or rely on them.
Jeff kept pressing to join my birthday drinking celebration. I kept refusing. I was driven by emotion. He limited his arguments to logic.
"I recall hearing on the news that something like fourteen hundred college-age kids die each year due to alcohol. If you need the citation, I can Google it.
"Some die directly from alcohol poisoning. They flat out drink so much it kills them. I know you won't do that. The rest die from accidents, primarily vehicle accidents.
"You don't have a designated driver. Everybody with you is probably going to drink too much to drive safely. I just want to be there to drive."
"You're just being controlling. You're around me all the time. You don't even give me a chance to breathe. I've always been an independent person but you seem to want to take that away from me."
I threw that together on the spur of the moment because I just wanted a night out with my friends, my older-than-Jeff friends. I probably should have tried that but it didn't seem equal to the weight of trying to control me.
"Would you like to change your, argument, before I get my opportunity? I'm giving you a freebie here," said Jeff.
"See. This is so typical. It's completely patronizing."
I was ready to make it worse, but Jeff jumped in.
"I'm around you all the time? I work five days out of the seven. My hours are long enough that I rarely get to see you before seven, usually later.
"Rather that rent a summer place, which either of us could easily afford, you live at your parents' house so we don't see each other late at night.
"I still do some family stuff on weekends, and we invite you because all of us think of you as family.
"You've been home a little over a week from a one-month vacation where I didn't see you at all. You got angry on Friday so we saw each other less than three hours.
"I'm not complaining about that time we haven't spent together. It's been entirely appropriate. But explain to me how the few hours we've spent together this week amount to smothering you. And when you finish that, please recall for me a single instance where my behavior impinged upon your independence."
Firm and to the point. Not angry, but not disengaged either.
Impinged? Humans might have said "intruded on" or "took away" or even "made you less independent."
As to the first part, that has to be the stupidest argument I ever made in my life. To characterize seeing me every night I wanted him to see me as controlling was, well, embarrassingly absurd.
As to the second part, I couldn't think of a single thing he'd done either. I had to make a decision immediately.
Did I look thoughtful or angry? If I looked thoughtful it was because I was thinking about the way to best articulate my counterargument.
