Philosophy Tutorial

This is a fictional story. But uses real philosophical insights and real Newport (Wales) landmarks.

THE STORY SO FAR

I am Julie, a Newport born Welsh lady, 24, but married to an Englishman. Steve is 26. We have been, married for nearly 3 years. I am a student studying Philosophy at Newport University, South Wales.

But I am also attracted to the University rugby captain James, and he to me. It is 50 - 50 whether I sleep with him before my Uni course ends.

I think it may be helpful to understand my "should I or shouldn't I commit adultery" dilemma if I showed how good my husband has been to me. Its a sort of flashback that they had in the film Casablanca, though there is no piano player to sing "As time goes by".

But it does contain my take on a song from "My Fair Lady".

HOW I MET STEVE

Steve lived in the outskirts of London. The firm he works for wanted someone to become the newly created post of Wales Area Manager. The company wanted to expand its operations in Wales. They wanted someone from HQ to oversee the expansion plan.

Many at HQ thought going to Wales was a step backwards. They didn't want to move from the comfortable lifestyle to be by themselves in a strange country. Worse, from the HQ point of view is that the Welsh HQ wouldn't be in Cardiff or Bristol but in lowly Newport.

POSSIBLE BIAS ALERT

My home town is an undiscovered gem, and being between Bristol and Cardiff doesn't help our reputation.

BACK TO STEVE

Steve wasn't deterred by the prevailing HQ opinion. He saw this as a chance to grow the firm and then go back to HQ and perhaps become a Director. He thought of this as a challenge that would take 2 or 3 years. But that changed when he met me.

Now he is happy to be the Welsh Area Manager and live with me in Newport permanently.

BURNT BRIDGES

He sold his flat and we used the equity to buy a nice house. We were cash buyers. That made us very attractive to people selling property.

He has burned his bridges since it is unlikely he could afford to buy the same flat.

Property prices rise in London at crazy rates. An average property in London is over £700K. The flat he sold would probably sell for £550K. He sold it £350K and paid off the mortgage.

That gave him £200K profit. To show how ridiculous house price inflation is, Steve earned more by owning a flat than he earned from his job in the same period.

The firm gave him a generous relocation package to pay for removals, solicitors and estate agents fees for selling his London flat and buying a house in Newport.

Steve even got my parents to come with us to house viewings. He reasoned that they would be more critical than either of us. And we all wanted the perfect house.

ROMANTIC

He wanted to call the house "Tye Tywysoges Cymru" (The Welsh Princess's house). But my father and I persuaded him that this was over the top.

But it was charming to think that he wanted the world to know what he thought of me. Or at least the portion of the world that passed by our house.

We have improved our 3 bed terraced house. But it would probably be worth only £210K.

PROOF OF COMMITMENT

That showed his firm was pleased with the expansion plan and committed to continuing with it. It also showed how committed Steve was (and still is) to being with me. The expansion is working well.

Steve still goes back to London for meetings. I occasionally go with him. London is so large and overwhelming.

HOW WE MET

Steve was staying in the Newport Weatherspoons Hotel (a nationally known UK "cheap and cheerful hotel and sports pub" group hotel). It has the largest bar and TV screen in Newport. It attracts a lot of people for the rugby internationals and for major football matches.

Steve got a set rate for expenses of £75 a night. He could actually make money if he stayed at that hotel.

I (like a lot of single girls) went to the sports bar, hoping to meet a man to go out with. Men went there for the cheap beer, the live sport and to meet the girls who might want to be their companion. The sports bar was (and still is) known as "the meat market".

I had noticed Steve a few times but thought nothing much about it. Newport has some business men that stay here. He was another just another one. But he stayed longer than the others.

ENGLAND RUGBY

But what got him noticed was when he appeared in the pub wearing an England rugby top to watch the England v Wales international rugby match. It was a World Cup Warm Up match which took place on 11 August 2019. England beat us 33--19. He wore the same shirt for the return match (which we won). He was the only one wearing the White top. The rest of us were wearing the red top that Wales wear.

His "chat up line" was unique.

THE CHAT UP LINE

He said "I have noticed you a few times. You don't have a wedding ring on your pretty little hand. If you don't have a boyfriend then the Welsh men are mad not to queue up to have a date with you. If you are free I would like to take you out for a fancy meal with wine. I will pick you up in a taxi and for pay for a taxi to take you back home. I am on expenses so I have lots of cash but no one to enjoy my time with. And certainly no one as attractive as you. Where would you like to eat?"

I was flabbergasted. I couldn't think of where I could reasonably say. I said the first name that came into my (now smaller than usual) brain which was "Las Iguanas".

Steve never batted an eyelid. He said "What time do you want me to pick you up? and what time do you want to eat? I will make sure that we have the best available table."

I said "Taxi at 7 30 to eat at 8" and I gave him my address and telephone number.

He said "Good I will phone you to confirm that we have a reservation. I take it smart casual clothing is the order of the day."

OUR FIRST DATE

I nodded and went home. I told my parents "I have a date and I will be home late. I will phone you at 10 to confirm what time I will be coming home. He will pick me up in a taxi. He will phone to confirm our reservation at Las Iguanas."

Dad said "He must be Mr. Moneybags. Las Iguanas is pretty posh."

Mum however was thrilled. When the phone rang I rushed to answer it. Steve said "I have booked a table and the taxi. Do you want me to say hello to your parents?"

I wasn't expecting that question but replied "Yes, but just a quick hello. We don't want to run up a taxi bill or lose our table."

I have never spent as long deciding what clothing to wear.

And so, our first date went swimmingly. Steve got out of the taxi and met my parents. Then we got into the taxi and had drinks and then a meal. Steve gave me his mobile phone so I could tell my parents that I was enjoying the meal and that I would be back before midnight, but that I would be a bit tipsy.

Being open and honest I would have gone back to Steve's hotel room. But Steve was a perfect gentleman. We went back to Weatherspoons for a dance and a last drink.

When it was 11 he said "I suggest that you call your parents and tell them that you will be getting a taxi home in about 30 minutes time. It will stop them worrying what is happening to their Welsh princess."

I said "Thanks for the meal and the taxis. Next time you choose where we eat."

MY FAIR LADY

You may know that song "I could have danced all night" from the musical "My Fair Lady". Well I felt like that. The lyrics go

"Bed, bed I couldn't go to bed.

My head just couldn't settle down.

I couldn't sleep tonight.

Not for all the jewels in the crown."

That rang true. But I changed the subsequent words (the rugby song malaise strikes again) to

"I could have spread my wings

and let him do a thousand things

that only happen to a whore."

RUGBY TOPS AGAIN

Steve still wore his England rugby top whenever England played. He didn't mind the comments from the Welsh supporters. By the time the the March 2020 match came we wore our different coloured tops and held hands and kissed.

We were an item, but I was still chaste. Unfortunately Steve remained the perfect gentleman.

Unfortunately (from my point of view) England won 33--30 in a Six Nations Championship match.

Steve was relieved when the final whistle went. I had hoped we could snatch a late victory or a draw.

TAKING MY VIRGINITY?

After finishing our drinks he said "Do you want to come up to my room?"

I said "Yes" expecting this to be the time that we got down and dirty.

He had some bottles of Desperados Tequila Flavoured lager in his room. He knew by now that this is my favourite brew. I thought that it would be the "we need to get to the next level" speech.

Steve said "I really love you. I mean like getting married and having children together love."

i was already thinking of how best to take off my clothes. I looked around for a towel to place underneath me for the blood that would flow when he took my virginity.

Steve then said "I want to ask your Dad for his permission that we sleep together."

NOT IN MY PLAN

This wasn't in the plan at all. It was more than a surprise. It was a disappointing shock. I glugged some of my Desperado as i thought how to respond. I mean who asks permission for the daughter's hand in marriage? But, no one asks permission to set up home with a daughter?

But Steve had prepared for my questions.

I said "Are you aware that Newport isn't stuck in the 18th century?"

He countered with "I do. But I think it's a sweet, courteous and respectful thing to do. And anyway 70% of all engagements happen with the partner's parents approval."

I said "I suppose you are right. I don't think they are going to object."

A PROBLEM

I think there may be a problem. I know it is usual for the bride to choose the venue, and its usually their usual church. But I want to float an alternative. My mother and I would like for us to get married in the Cathedral. She is old, I am her only son and I have lots of colleagues who would want to see my, sorry our, wedding.

She has put away a lot of money for the costs of the nuptials. I know its a lot to ask. But if you are set on having our wedding elsewhere then so be it."

I was annoyed so I said in a slightly raised voice "So you have discussed our marriage with your mother even before you discuss it with me?"

Steve said "Yes. She is old and no one knows how long she has left. She is pleased that I have finally found my soulmate. Should she die at least she would go knowing that I have found the woman that completes my life."

DAD IS A PROUD MAN

Steve had turned my anger into a positive. I was even more in love with him.

I said "Dad is proud. Don't offer to pay him money. That will piss him off."

Steve replied "Thanks for that tip. Will you tell your mum that we plan to live together?

Then I want to ask for your Dad's approval a month before we actually start living together."

I said "You have really thought about this, haven't you?"

He said "Once a management planner, always a management planner."

I asked "And where are we going to live. You haven't purchased a house already, have you?"

He replied "No but I know the region I want us to live in. But until then I will, sorry we will, share a double bedroom in this hotel. I know it's not the most romantic venue but it will serve its purpose."

HOW OUR PARENTS ARE TO MEET

One more thing my Mum would like to meet you and your parents over a weekend at The Priory Hotel. I know its not in Newport but its not too far away either. Mum would pay the bills.

Would your parents agree to that? Its a very expensive hotel."

I replied "I don't think Dad would like to think he is receiving charity. But we can perhaps find a compromise. Or perhaps Mum might work her charms on him."

NAKED AT LAST

He said "One last thing. As we are in a hotel room and in love I think it is time that we see each other naked."

And that we did. Not only that but we kissed and cuddled nude. That was as far as we went.

To go the whole way, I would need to wait until my father gave Steve permission.

I still think its a bloody silly 18th Century tradition. I wanted Steve to shag me. Now I have the same want with James. I hope this potted history shows why I hesitate to have an affair. Steve deserves better.

But I am still 50 - 50 as to whether to have sex with James.