When it comes down to it, love is all about connection. The feeling of having someone who truly knows all the good and bad about you, yet still chooses to be in your presence is what I think is the truest form of intimacy we can achieve. Perhaps one of the reasons why I idolize this idea so much is because I have never had it for myself. People are like jigsaw puzzles. We have a group of friends, family and lovers who we can connect with and it just feels right. You don't have to worry about if you go together, because it just works.
When it comes to romance, I feel like a puzzle piece that came from the wrong box. Not seeming to fit right with anyone who I've reached out to. I don't know why these relationships don't last, all I know is that it obviously wasn't right. Until I met her that is.
I'm not entirely sure what it was about her that drew me in. She was attractive for sure, but there's thousands of women who I'd consider attractive. She had long brown hair and was wearing a cute little jean jacket that was frayed at the bottom and was such a washed-out shade of blue you could tell it had been worn hundreds of times. Underneath that she was wearing a t-shirt that had a brightly colored peacock majestically standing on a mountain of skulls. I recognized it immediately because it was the album cover of one of my favorite bands. Not something you would typically see this particular dive bar.
She approached the bar with a group of girls, but it was immediately apparent they weren't the best of friends. While her friends chatted at the bar besides her, laughing about something that she obviously took no amusement in, she immediately put a hand up to indicate she wanted a drink. I would later find that these friends were her coworkers, and she had been pressured into going out with them.
I couldn't tell if I was drawn to her because of her because of our apparent mutual interest, because of her obvious attractiveness, or because we had both been dragged out to the bar by "friends" who we'd rather not be with. No, this was something more than any of those. Never in my life had I ever been so compelled to approach someone. It was like she was a magnet who I couldn't help but gravitate towards. Almost like the universe itself was encouraging me to find my puzzle piece. So I did approach.
"Hey I'm James, I was wondering if I could buy you a drink?" I asked nervously. Usually this was the moment that I was usually met with an uninterested glance and an excuse. Instead I was greeted with a sly smile and an enthusiastic look.
"Only if I can buy you one first James" she said while turning to face me. A gesture that indicated she might be just as interested in me as I was in her. If I played me cards right.
"Never had anyone ask me that before," I responded with a laugh. "I love your t-shirt by the way. Opeth has always been one of my favorite bands."
"Clearly they're one of mine favorites as well," she responded eagerly. Sounding like she would appreciate being rescued from an evening of drunken workplace gossip. For whatever reason the tension I had vanished. It was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders by her response of genuine interest in me.
From there we talked as if we were old friends. Normally I'm awkward around women and I can't help but fumble my words or say something dumb, but this time it just seemed like we were on the same wavelength about everything. We shared our passions, exchanged funny stories, and even felt comfortable enough to be vulnerable and open with each other. It was like I could feel this tension building with every word that came out of her mouth. The way she looked directly into my eyes and smiled made me melt.
