Imagine if you will...
It is a windswept night, the stars are appearing as the sun slowly disappears behind the hills. You are on a beach 6 miles from civilization with a possible new partner in life. A campfire is slowly warming you as the last rays of daylight slowly reflect off the ocean. The quiet crackling from the fire just fuel the sparkling effect of the sunlight feebly flickering from the water....
Behind you is a well prepared campsite, the tent he erected for you both, the backpacks arranged against the tent in an ordered way, the sleeping bags are already laid out and ready for use, even with blow up pillows already inflated.
The sunset and the walk have made you a little sleepy, the sleeping bags are looking just so inviting...
Still he isn't back yet, so you resist the temptation. Where is the 'bugger' - surely he hasn't got lost? Has he? Or is he playing some stupid kid's game to scare you? No he wouldn't do that, he's too honest, isn't he?
Suddenly there is a rustle from the beach. Is that him or is it something else? He's left you all alone on a strange beach miles from anywhere and he's bloody well not here when you need him. Nervously you stand up and walk to the other side of the fire, determined at least to face what ever the thing is. You look intently but can't see anything - you are getting worried.
Suddenly you hear swearing, is that him or is it someone else? He went for wood in the other direction. You call his name, and he answers "Don't worry beautiful, it's me. I just slipped off a 'flamin' rock".
The Bastard, you could kill him. Here you are, nervous, worried and thinking he'd gone off and 'done a bunk', and all the time he's off, falling off rocks. Well if he wants you to kiss it better - he's got another thing coming. Any kissing for that matter.
He appears off on your right, limping a little and hiding something behind his back. "Where's the firewood?" you ask.
"Beside the backpacks," he replies. You turn around and yes it s there, but you didn't hear him put it there. This bloke is strange, and bloody spooky too.
He strolls up and past you to the backpacks, almost silent in his movements. He reaches into a backpack, rummaging around for something. You step back wondering if you've made the mistake of your life and come camping with 'Freddy Krueger' or not.
He pulls out a frypan .. your fears ease. He puts butter in the pan reaches for a some rocks on the ground. He pulls a knife and with his back to you starts working away, swearing from time to time. Your fear comes back.
This is definitely not good, you think.
Ten worrisome minutes later, he places the pan on the fire. He stabs his knife into the ground and turns to you.
Oh Jesus, what have I got myself into here?, you think.
He rises and says, "Sorry about being away so long. I just wanted to surprise you with fresh oysters cooked in butter. But I guess me bush skills are still rusty and I made an racket."