Not just a touch and tickle...
Marie looked at me like she couldn't believe what I was saying.
"You are so blatantly innocent Janice. No wonder you have difficulty in holding onto a relationship" she groused - sounding like for the entire world she was being bullish and spiteful to me.
She obviously saw the upset in my eyes saying; "Oh dear! I don't mean to offend you Janice; I simply meant that you need to come out into the real world and not be stuck in that imaginary world of fifty years ago. Couples have sex period now and it is no longer thought to be shameful indulging before marriage, when now even marriage is not an option to enjoy a perfect loving and sexual relationship."
"But it is just the way I am, being the daughter of a vicar. I guess I have been brought up under strict religious guidelines and for me to indulge in any kind of sexual foreplay is repulsive."
"Come off it Janice, you must have had a sexual awakening like most do when puberty sets in."
"I did, I cannot deny that and frankly I do feel ashamed when I have partaken in any foreplay, like John likes me to French kiss him whilst I touch him down there. It just does not seem right, let alone the other things he asks me to do and be for him, under the excuse that it is all part of loving, and if I love him like I say I do, and then I should want to go further."
"You poor thing Janice, you really are missing out on the real thrill and joy of giving and taking, is that not what the bible preaches?"
I guess she was right to a degree but I just feel I am not ready to indulge in heavy sex like she does from all accounts. I told her so.
"Then I am sorry but I doubt in this day and age, you will ever establish a real close relationship with a boy."
"What are you saying Marie? It is not all about sex surely; love and compassion come into it and respectability."
"Fish!" she replied with a stupid grin on her face. "Loving a guy is about everything. I cannot believe that when you do French kiss and touch and hug John you do don't get those inner feelings that make you want to fuck!"
"Now that really is too much, do you really have to refer to such a wonderful intimacy between two people as that, it is so degrading."
"My God! Janice. I am simply saying it how it is, no matter how one describes it, I simply mean that it is natural, if you think anything of John and you fancy him that you would like to go further than just a touch and a tickle. You say John seems to be losing interest, well of course he is don't you see that? He wants you, he needs to fulfill his natural red blooded urge to have you complete. Just at least show him you are interested and give him something to look forward to. It is true not all of us want to go through with the whole thing, maybe we need the time to adjust, maybe some of us want to be sure that it is love on both sides before we do that. Most guys are not so emotional as us and aim to gratify their sexual issues just for the experience, it is not a question of love but more a matter of getting his leg over.."
"Thanks for being such a good friend Janice. I do begin to see your side of it and I know John is backing off because he starts to make excuses for not seeing me, and I find myself crying. I do love him so very much but I just wanted to do it right that's all."
"Then you need to talk to John about it, explain how you have been brought up and maybe you can come to a compromise. I know of two girls who regularly do something for their guys without going all the way. I remember Lizzy telling me that at first she thought it repulsive to do anything orally but actually came to enjoy it. And afterwards she felt rewarded in having made her guy happy and released all those real sexual tensions guys have."
"You mean taking her guy by mouth" I asked.
"You make it sound like a prescribed medicine" Janice laughed. "Look Reg and I do it regularly. It is wonderful and is an integral part of our foreplay. It makes for a wonderful and stimulating build up to a heavenly climax, and the way that he does it to me makes me feel so wanted and loved. His fuck is like a burst of energy, like a volcanic eruption that takes both my body and soul."
I realized that now that word so basic and in that contact, seemed so right. If I was honest with myself there have been many times when John kissed and fondled me that I have dreamt of how it must feel. And likewise when he has prompted me to touch him there and I have felt it grow so warmly in my hand. But then my upbringing cuts in and I quickly remove my hand and my lips from him, and he looks abandoned and so very sorrowful. I try to console him by saying that I do love him but we must wait.