My Soul

Avery was on cloud 9 as she waited in line at the café, having just learned about a job opening she could apply for at work; a promotion, and definitely a pay-raise, if she got the job. When the barista greeted her, Avery responded with a full-watt smile.

"Hi! Can I please have a Chai latte."

The barista moved to begin preparing it, as he responded. "You have a beautiful smile!"

"Oh -- thank you!" Avery replied. The day was full of lovely surprises. She turned to look for an empty table; spotting one, she laid her purse and phone on the table, and sat to wait for her drink.

"Chai latte!" called the barista. Picking up the cup from the counter, she thanked him and was about to turn to her table when he added, "made with love."

Not sure how to respond, Avery gave him another smile, and sat at her table. Only then did she glance at the cup -- he had made a heart with the steamed milk. She glanced up, and he smiled at her. Her responding smile was weaker than normal; she wasn't sure whether he was just being nice, or whether he was flirting. His eyes were amazing, though, and she couldn't remember a guy ever looking at her like he was.

Turning her attention to her phone, Avery responded to several texts from friends, and an email from her realtor. He had found a townhouse he thought she might like, not too far from work. After checking out the promising photos, Avery responded with a request to view it as soon as possible. She couldn't wait to move out and leave her chore-avoidant roommate behind.

Opening a map app, she perused the neighbourhood the townhouse was in, and in another she looked at the nearby houses and park. Other than the fact that there was only outdoor parking, the place seemed ideal. Remembering that she needed to return to work, she glanced at her watch and realized she had been gone longer than she realized. Grabbing her latte, she packed up and left, not noticing the dark eyes that followed her to the door.

***

"I'm telling you, Bec, he is trying to make me feel so insignificant that I withdraw my application for the job. He demeans me every opportunity he gets. I'd report Jim to management, but with applying for this management position, I don't want them to think I can't handle problems myself. But he is being completely inappropriate!"

Her best friend moved her head so they were eye to eye, a foot apart.

"Avery. You. Have. This. You are so capable, and you are kind. Jim might also be good at what he does, but he is such a jerk that they would never want him in any sort of management position."

A warmth spread through Avery. "I think I'm starting to believe you. I just have to remember not to stoop to Jim's level. No putting him down to make me look better."

Bec rolled her eyes. "Please don't do that. Trust me, that's the biggest turn off when I interview someone. It's like politicians. Don't tell me what they can't or won't do. I can figure that out for myself. Tell me about you."

***

Tapping her phone against her leg, Avery scanned the line ahead of her, impatient to get to work. If she was at all late, even by a minute, Jim would make a comment and she couldn't risk her boss hearing about it. As she waited her turn, she went over her answers to the questions she thought they might ask in that morning's interview. She straightened her burgundy button-down shirt, praying that it made her look professional and didn't emphasize her ample chest too much.

"Chai latte, please," she requested as the line moved up and she slipped her phone into her purse.

"You seem tense today; are you alright?"

Startled, Avery raised her eyes to look at the barista, towering over his frothing machine. A rather personal question, but she saw only concern in his large dark eyes. God, they really were amazing eyes.

Realizing she was staring, she stammered "Oh, yes. Big interview for a promotion today."

He smiled. "Go in with your usual confidence; how could they not want you for the role?"

"Well, I wish you were doing the hiring!" she responded. "

***

Avery walked out of her boss's office two days later, beaming. As she rounded the corner and headed towards her cubicle, her eyes were drawn to Jim's cubicle, where he was throwing his belongings in a small box and trying unsuccessfully to hide his hurt at being turned down for the position. Avery took the long way around to her desk to save him the embarrassment of seeing her walk past.

Needing to enjoy the victory with someone she wouldn't now be managing, she grabbed her wallet and slipped out the door back to the coffee shop.

When he spotted her in line, the barista raised his eyebrow at her and she nodded, beaming.

"Congratulations!!" he cried, grinning broadly. "I knew you would get it!" Refusing to let her pay for her latte (On the house! It's not everyday one of our own gets a big promotion!), he surprised her by bringing her a gooey square on a plate, right to her table.

"You have to have a Sinful Square to celebrate. Tell me about the promotion!" he said, after getting her permission, with a nod of her head, to join her at the table. "I am Mateo," he added, holding out a hand towards her.

Avery was glowing inside from his earlier reference to her as 'one of our own', as though she was part of the coffee shop family.

"Avery," she responded, shaking his hand. "I'll be managing a group of 6 people in my engineering department. We work as a team, but I will be the one encouraging people to look at drawings from a different angle, to see all of the issues, or assigning people to certain tasks."

He sucked in a breath. "You're an engineer! Wow. My father would have liked me to study engineering, but I've always wanted to serve coffee and food. All that schooling would have killed me."

"You're very good at what you do," Avery assured him. "I love coming in here; it's homey and welcoming. I would make a horrible barista; I'd get impatient with people and they would never want to come back." She glanced at her watch. "Oh! Speaking of which, I'd better get back to work. I don't want to get fired before I get to start my new position!"

In a surge of goodwill, she threw her arms around him and thanked him for his support and the coffee and square. As she rushed towards the door, she missed that the corners of his mouth were no longer turned up in a smile, and didn't hear his sigh as he slowly headed back behind the counter.

***

The rest of the week Avery finished up projects and spent time reviewing the company's management policy book. When her work required less concentration, she found herself thinking of the muscular, attentive barista. Had she really been so distracted all the months she had been popping in for coffee, to have never noticed him? His dark eyes and sculpted arms filled her thoughts regularly now.

Her thoughts flitted back the last couple of guys she had dated. Alex was a good-looking sandy-haired engineer, serious about his career (at another firm, thankfully), and very academic. Their affair had slowly sizzled out, until they both agreed it had run its course. A few years before him was Nate; his wild, party-boy image had attracted her in university, being so different from the driven student she had always been. For eight hot months they partied and had loud, spontaneous sex in every location they could think of until Avery realized he was distracting her from her studies and would never be more than a fling, anyway.

Mateo? He was the best of both of them. The dedication to his café reminded her of Alex. His raw sexual energy when he talked to her? Like Nate. Except that Mateo was a man. There was nothing of the wild student in him. He was a full-grown, full-blooded male with the chest to prove it. Broad, hairy if his arms were any indication, and strong. As her tits perked up and she grew wet between her legs, Avery worked hard to think less of what Mateo's pecs would look like and more about bedrock and compressors.

***

Arriving early each day, Avery put all she could into being the best manager she could. She planned what she could assign each employee to for the day, thought of what questions to ask to get them thinking for themselves, and imagined new ways to use design in the buildings they worked on. For the most part, the junior staff responded well. Avery didn't believe in micromanaging and left them to their work for the day unless they asked to speak to her.

Life was going well, and she had everything she could have asked for. Except for love.

She could have sworn Mateo was interested in her; whenever she entered his café he met her eyes and nodded a greeting. The times she sat down to drink her coffee there, she could feel his eyes on her. But, he never again came over to talk to her. Never delved deeper in conversation than how the new job was going.

Surreptitiously (she hoped) she checked his ring finger and found it bare. That didn't mean anything, of course. Many people were in committed relationships now without getting married. How could the man be single? He was a teddy bear in a wrestler's body. His eyes bored into hers, making her feel that all her secrets -- and her body -- were laid bare before him. She wished that she were. He was caring; he had shown that with his concern when he sensed she wasn't herself. He asked about her promotion, and believed she was capable. That would be plenty to start a relationship with, except that...he seemed to have backed off.

***

Six months passed. Avery pushed herself at work, and gradually took on more work as her boss saw her potential. It meant another raise; now she could not only afford her place easily but was also saving money for the future and putting some aside for a trip.

She dated some; a few dates with one guy, a few dates with the next guy. The sex was never satisfying, and she always gave them an excuse before they could celebrate a 2-month anniversary. "It's not you, it's me."

Just before Christmas, Avery received a crushing phone call. "Ave, it's Mom. I don't know how to tell you this in any way to make it easier, but Nana died last night."

Avery's Grandmother had been her strongest supporter, her guardian angel, and the best hugger this side of heaven. Avery sobbed into Bec's shoulder that night as she let the reality of life without Nana wash over her. "Bec, I can't believe she isn't in this world anymore. The world without Nana isn't somewhere I want to be. She was my ROCK!" Avery felt like a little girl again. Any strength she had achieved, any semblance of adult-hood fled without her biggest supporter.

The Monday after the funeral, Avery got in line for a coffee, pale with puffy eyes, and unfocused on anything around her. As she waited for the line to move up, strong hands grabbed her arms and pulled her from the line. She found herself crushed into Mateo's chest as he wrapped his arms around her in the best hug she'd had since her Nana's last hug. He practically carried her to a chair in the corner, and sat her down. Kneeling in front her of her, his concerned face filled her vision.

"Avery, what is wrong? You do not look well at all. Tell me what has happened." Amazingly, she was able to tell him without crying. She now felt too hollow to cry.

After she filled him in, he grabbed her hand in his large warm one and led her past the counter, where he swooped up a latte he'd had an employee make for her, and into his office around the corner. Handing her the hot cup, he sat her down on a small sofa in the office and sat across from her in his desk chair. He still hadn't let go of her other hand.

"Avery, I am so sorry about your Nana. I was devastated when my Ya-ya died. It is so hard to imagine life without her, I know. Grandmothers are tied so tightly into our childhood, and they seem invincible."

He gently rubbed the tears from the corners of her eyes and tilted the cup up to get her to drink. Avery took a couple of sips, and the hot liquid did help to ground her somewhat.

"I'll tell you what. I have an extra ticket to go to Greece for Christmas. My cousin was supposed to go home with me, but now doesn't feel like he can take the time off work. Come with me. Spend Christmas somewhere you've never been with your Nana, where you won't be haunted by her memory, to give yourself more time to adjust before facing those memories."

Avery lifted her eyes to his. "Really? You would take me with you? Going somewhere new, with no memories, seems like the only way I will survive Christmas."

Mateo smiled his broad, warm smile. "Really. Come home with me; my family will love you. You can spend as much time with us as you like, and as much time alone as you like. We have a large property, large enough for you to take whatever space you need."

Avery's eyes closed. The darkness seemed a little lighter now. A little less suffocating.

"Thank you," she whispered. "Yes."

***

Mateo was attentive on their way through the lines at the airport and during their flight. Attentive enough that she didn't feel she needed to think about where to line up next or what she needed to have ready to hand an attendant, but not stifling. Thankfully Mateo and his cousin were both broadly muscular men, and had booked first class tickets to accommodate their build. This meant that Avery was comfortable enough to manage to sleep on the flight. Mateo nudged her as they prepared to land, and the beauty of the Mediterranean Sea and the surrounding countryside distracted her from her reason for visiting.

Mateo's family were, as he had said, very welcoming. His mama enveloped her in a hug, and his nieces and nephews practiced their English on her. "See, Thea? See what I do?" Being called "Thea" confused her until Mateo explained that it is a term of respect. After a suitable amount of time had passed, Avery slipped out and explored the expansive property. It was odd to hear birds at Christmas, and see sparkling blue water instead of snow, but it was a glorious break from reality, and Avery felt herself relaxing, felt the tension in her body slip away.

***

Several days passed this way; spending time with Mateo's large, boisterous family, then slipping away for some peace. In her times alone Avery was able to remember time spent with her nana, with fondness and somewhat less of an ache. Wandering an olive grove, hearing bird calls she had never heard before, and smelling the salty ocean removed her enough from her own reality that the ache of missing Nana was less, and the memories warm.

One day as she turned to meander back to the house, she was surprised to see Mateo's mama headed her way. She walked quickly to reach the older Greek woman, who usually wasn't far from a chair or counter to lean on. With one arm around Mama and the other clasping her hand, Avery took the opportunity to thank her for her hospitality.

"It has been such a healing place to be," she explained, knowing that Mama knew about her Nana's death. "Thank you for letting me join your family, and take time to myself when I needed it. You are a lovely family, and time with you is just what I needed."

She wasn't sure how much Mama understood of what she said, but figured she would get the gist of it. Mama patted her hand.

"You are family," she told Avery. "My son loves you; we love you."

Avery spluttered. Oh dear; this old woman had the wrong idea. Maybe it was inappropriate for her to come with Mateo when they weren't a couple?

"Oh, well...Mateo doesn't actually love me. We are friends. Mateo has been a good friend to me."

Mama slowly turned her arthritic body to face Avery.

"A Mama knows. My Mateo, he loves you. You love my Mateo." Ignoring Avery's wide-eyed stare, Mama nodded and began slowly walking towards the house again. Outside the door, she slipped her hand out of Avery's and called over her shoulder. "Ask him what Latria Mu means."

Unable to move, Avery's mind nevertheless ran through every conversation, every look, every touch she could remember between her and Mateo. He loved her? He loved her. He loved her?

The rest of that day Avery did her best to stick to the shadows, to watch Mateo and try to read him. Was he looking for her because he was worried about her grieving for Nana, or because he wanted to be with her? Was that concern or love and concern in his eyes? When he put his arm on her back to guide her to a seat at the table, did he get the same zing in his belly that she did?

She felt like her insides were being twisted into a million pretzels, and couldn't go to bed that night and get any sleep if this mystery remained unsolved. After the meal was eaten and the dishes washed and put away, Avery slipped up behind Mateo during a lively discussion with his brothers, and whispered into his ear.

"Can I talk to you outside?"

Mateo spun around and quickly tried to read her face. "Are you ok?"

Avery ignored the question, and led the way outside. She led them what she thought was a good distance from the house.

"Mateo, your Mama talked to me today."

High-pitched giggling interrupted her, and she realized there were nieces and nephews near-by.

"Is there somewhere we can talk where we won't be interrupted?" she asked Mateo.

Gently taking her hand in his and entwining their fingers, he led her through the olive grove, helped her climb over a low stone wall, and meandered until he led her between some trees and entered a moon-lit grove. Avery gasped as she turned slowly around. She never would have known this grove was here; the trees grew tightly together except for that one spot through which they had entered. In the middle of the clearing was what looked like a glowing platform. Bending down, she realized that the circular floor was made with thousands of shards of glazed pottery. Brightly-coloured pieces, covered with a shiny glaze, glistened in the moon-light.

She turned to Mateo, and he answered the question in her eyes. "My siblings and I used to play here. My parents never knew of it...that we know of. Whenever pottery was broken we would sweep it up and bring it here to make this floor -- and when it was done, we danced on it, performed on it...I know my siblings used to bring dates up here."

Avery's cheeks flushed, imagining the sights the floor had seen. "But not you?"

Mateo shook his head, but his eyes never left hers. "Never me. I knew one day I would want to bring someone special here."

Avery's heart-beat picked up. His eyes were mesmerizing. She knew she had to talk to him, had to ask if his Mama was right. If Mama was wrong, if he didn't love Avery, she would be humiliated, and his special spot might be ruined for him, too.

She opened her mouth, not sure what she was even going to say. "Mateo...do you have any idea what your Mama said to me this afternoon?"

Mateo moved a few steps closer. He didn't touch her, though she could feel the heat of his arms and hands millimeters from her own. Surely, he could hear her heart pounding. She forced herself to maintain eye contact, even though she wanted to look away to save her pride if his Mama was wrong.

Sensing her reluctance, Mateo offered her something. "My Mama is a very intuitive woman. She often senses things before most people do."

This gave her hope.

"Your Mama told me something I have hoped was true, but didn't believe. If she is right, then I have been reading things wrong for months." Raising her eyebrows in a question, she gave Mateo a chance to speak first. He stayed silent, but finally took her hands in his. Just his touch calmed her down enough to continue.

"You have been so kind to me since we met. You encourage me and always provide an anchor for my day. Coming to your café is usually the best part of my day. But for months I have felt that you...were keeping me at a distance. Have I...have I been wrong about that?"