My Sentinel 1

Author's note: I had a very vivid dream recently. I do not know where it came from, but it has stayed with me as it was frightening, but also comforting and arousing. I awoke feeling confused, sexy, a little disorientated, but also content to be who I am. I have embellished the dream a little in order to make it readable and hopefully believable. It is just a dream, so do not be harsh.......Dreams are not supposed to be real.

My Sentinel

I am writing this one year later. I still marvel at how far I have come in this time and how much life has changed. I thank him for the part he played one year ago. I would not be sitting here today recalling these events if it were not for him. I have so much to be grateful for....

A new Lady in town.

I had relocated from my home town to further my career. I was able to finish my old job with three weeks holiday in lieu, so had a bit of time before starting in my new job role. I had immediately moved into a one bedroom flat in an old Georgian building which I instantly loved. The living room / diner had a huge bay window. When I was viewing the flat, the sun was streaming in, giving the place such a warm and welcoming feel that I accepted a six month contract there and then with no doubts whatsoever.

I spent a good three days unpacking my belongings and making the place into my new home. I had discovered a grocery shop just a few minutes away, but once settled decided that I must spend some time orientating myself to the local area and familiarising myself generally.

On the first day I had decided to explore my surroundings, it took a little courage to step out properly into 'the big bad world' I knew no-one, and only had a little tourist map given to me by the estate agent from which to gain my bearings. The map was not terribly detailed, but showed a green space not far away, so I wrapped up warmly, stepped outside, and made my way in what I hoped was the general direction of hopefully a city oasis.

Sure enough, after following a main road lined with mature trees and large old houses, I found myself walking through the cast iron gates into a pleasant-looking park. In the distance was a large lake with benches surrounding it, a children's play area, and an old fashioned bandstand. I decided I would walk around the lake, and then perhaps sit on a bench and just take-in the scenery before heading back home. The lake looked very peaceful and beautiful, and by the time I had completed my circuit and sat down on a bench, I wished I had brought some stale bread with me to feed the ducks as this was something I had not done for many years.

I let my mind just wander as I sat. I wondered what my new job would be like, what the people would be like, and whether I would make new friends quickly or not. I was vaguely aware of someone else sitting at the other end of the bench, but did not mind nor pay them any attention. After another five minutes or so, I decided it was time to move, so stood-up and headed back in the direction in which I had come, telling myself that I would definitely return the following day with bread for the ducks if it was not raining.

I let myself into my flat, took off my scarf, boots and coat and decided that a hot bath would be just the thing. I added some luxurious bath salts, and once the bath was semi-full, lowered myself into the warm bubbles with a sigh of relaxation. I couldn't be bothered to wash myself straight away, so just lay with my eyes closed until the water began to cool. Despite knowing that my skin would become prune-like after being in the tub for so long, I let a little of the water out and ran some more hot, then washed and stepped out, wrapping myself in a warm towel. Once I had dried myself, I looked at my naked body in the mirror. This was something I had not done for some time, having had no interest in how I looked for quite a while. My heart had been broken six months prior to me moving to my current abode. The man who had repeatedly told me I was beautiful, clever, desirable, gorgeous, had left me abruptly for another woman. A little tear rolled down my cheek as I recalled this, and I just let it. It was time to move on, time to think about me once more, time to look to the future. I studied myself in the mirror once more and decided that I didn't look bad for a woman of 41. Okay, bigger boobs would be nice, but at least everything was still perky and I had a trim waist and slim long legs. Perhaps someone would love me again? I hung up my towel and headed to the bedroom to get dressed and think about fixing myself some dinner and finding a good book to read.

I spent the following morning feverishly arranging and rearranging my CD's into categories which although a little time consuming, was very satisfying. Once I was happy with my new system, I prepared and ate a sandwich, and headed out once more, this time taking the end of my loaf with me for the ducks. Once more it was cold but the sun was shining.

I walked for about twenty minutes before settling myself onto the same bench as the day before. I began to break-up pieces of bread and throw them to the ducks, all of whom immediately showed an interest. I stood up and aimed some of the bread pieces carefully so that a small weak-looking duck got some of the spoils too.

"I always make sure the little duck gets fed too," a voice behind me announced. "I'm sure he or she is actually better fed than the rest!"

I turned to see a man perhaps in his late 30's or early 40's standing a few yards away also with a bag of bread. He had short dark spiky hair. His complexion was pale but pleasing. He had piercing blue eyes, was wearing jeans, Doc Martin boots and an old fashioned duffle coat. He looked like someone who had also dressed for warmth rather than glamour and so I smiled at him.

"He looks so small and pathetic though," I replied. "Surely he must miss out normally."

"I feed him or her every time I am here. Must have a fast metabolism."

"A bit like me," I returned. "I can work my way through some nosh and seem to stay the same."

"Yes you are small too," he smiled. "Perhaps I should feed you up too."

"I am fine, "I replied. "I expect that when I settle, I will relax a little and put on the pounds."

"You are new here then?" he asked.

"I have literally been here a few days and start a new job in a couple of weeks."

"I thought I hadn't seen you before," was his response. "I would have noticed you definitely."

He was looking at me intensely and I dropped my gaze feeling a little exposed and embarrassed. I wasn't used to being looked at and immediately felt under scrutiny.

"I must go," I quickly responded. "I have to unpack and arrange more things."

I looked at him as I emptied the rest of my stale bread into the pond. He was looking at me again thoughtfully.

"Will you be here tomorrow?" he asked simply.

"I guess I can be," I replied.

"I am here from about midday onwards, so will look out for you. What is your name?" he questioned.

"Analise," I admitted.

"I am Matthew," he told me whilst looking into my eyes. "I hope to see you again."

I arrived home in a bit of a fluster. I had never been looked at and visually studied as intensely before. Matthew. I repeated the name to myself. I had never known a Matthew before despite it being a common enough name. Would I return to the park the following day? I smiled to myself and decided I had nothing to lose in doing so.

I could not concentrate on anything much during the following morning. I made myself try and do some household chores, but caved in at about 11.00AM and had another bath and washed my hair. As it began to dry naturally, I despaired in the disorder of my long fair curls and wished for straight shiny hair which would sit prettily and tidily. At 11.50AM I shrugged to myself, put on a coat and scarf and headed out.

I saw him before he spotted me. He was standing very still by the lake in the park apparently lost in his own thoughts.

"Hi Matthew," I called with a nervous smile.

He turned, and for a moment looked as though he was still deep in thought. As his eyes focussed on me however, his face broke into a big grin, and he began to walk towards me.

"I hoped you would come and meet with me Anna," he smiled.

I found I did not mind him shortening my name like this, and could not stop myself from grinning back at him.

"I brought some sandwiches just in case you were here," he said earnestly, rummaging in a small rucksack and retrieving a foil parcel.

"That is so sweet and thoughtful," I replied, dreading confessing that I was a vegetarian.

"I brought some ham and some cheese as I didn't know what you ate," he told me with mild concern and an eagerness to please in his tone.

"Could I take the cheese sandwich," I asked?

"Please do," he said with relief in his voice.

We sat companionably on a bench by the lake, un-wrapped our sandwiches and ate. Matthew had bought a flask of tea too and poured us both cups.

I wish I could clearly recollect our entire conversation. Time seemed to fly. There was no awkwardness, no difficult silences, and I felt comfortable with this virtual stranger. I told him about my previous job and about the new one I would start in just under a fortnight. He told me that until recently he had been a freelance writer, but was taking a break from this for a short time. We discovered that we both shared a love of music, the outdoors, and of gardening, though in my current home I had no garden. He told me that if I were free to meet him the following day at the same time, he would take me to see his garden and make me a proper cup of tea also. I readily agreed.

As Matthew stood up to say goodbye, I thought he looked a little strained and pale whereas he had looked vibrant and full of life only an hour or so before. He squeezed my hand, then turned and walked away. I stayed seated on the bench for a few minutes longer feeling pleased that I had begun to make a new friend after only having lived in my new home for a short time. I too eventually stood and wandered home.

I thought about Matthew as I cooked my tea, ate it and then washed my dishes. He had said he was taking a break from his work at present. Was he unwell? He hadn't looked unwell initially. I decided not to speculate, and busied myself for the evening before retiring to bed gratefully.

I headed to the park for the fourth day running. Matthew was not there when I arrived, so I sat on the bench and admired the scenery. He arrived slightly out of breath about five minutes later.

"Darling Anna, I am so sorry," he gasped as he hurried towards me. "I got caught-up and, well, here I am."

"No problem," I replied. "It is just nice to be outside in the fresh air."

"Come see my little garden," he offered.

We walked for about ten minutes. After leaving the park, we took a couple of turns and eventually arrived in a small road of pretty Georgian terraced houses.

"This is mine," Matthew announced, opening a gate into a small neat front garden of roses with a small lawn.

"Please follow me," he instructed, putting a key into the front door and then holding it open for me in a gentlemanly fashion.

I followed him through the hallway and then into a small kitchen. I took in my surroundings as Matthew filled the kettle and switched it on. The kitchen was modest and practical, and certainly not modern. I smiled to see a clipping from NME pinned to a cupboard door. I looked more closely and saw that it was a brief concert review of a band written by a 'Matthew Edgware'.

"Is that you?" I asked, peering more closely.

"That was me in an old life," he replied looking a little sad. "Come on, let's go outside," he suggested.

Matthew's back garden was small, but he had made it into something really special. Large shrubs gave the space privacy, and even though it was not the best season for gardening, there were winter blooms dotted here and there. We sat on outdoor chairs, chatting and drinking tea. He asked me if I was seeing anyone. I replied that it had been six months since my man had left me. I found that I could not look at Matthew upon telling him this, so focussed my gaze ahead and asked him whether he had a girlfriend.

"I did have a girlfriend a long time ago," he replied looking sad.

"I tried to save her, but in the end I just couldn't. It wasn't to be."

I decided not to ask any more as the subject was clearly painful for Matthew. Instead, I took one of his hands in my small gloved hand and we sat in silence.

"Let me walk you home," he said after a few minutes, letting go of my hand and standing up to leave. "It is getting cold."

"That would be lovely thank you," I replied, following him back into the house.

We placed our cups on the kitchen work area, and our hands briefly touched again. I looked at him. He had a slightly strained looking but kind face, and I suddenly had the urge to stand on tip-toes and kiss him, but 'chickened out' of doing so.

Matthew walked me home, and held my hand. It was only a short walk, and we paused outside my front door. There had not been much conversation during the walk, but this did not seem to matter.

"Are you going out Saturday evening?" he asked.

"I wasn't planning to, no," I replied, hoping he was about to ask me out.

"Please be careful sweet Anna," he implored, again looking at me with those intense blue eyes.

"Of course I will. I am always careful," I told him, feeling a little confused now.

"I have to go now, but will try and come back soon," was all he said as he turned and began to walk away.

"Bye Matthew," I called after him.

I looked down to fumble in my bag for my keys, found them and looked up once more. Matthew was no-where to be seen. I concluded that he must have taken a short-cut. I had already discovered that there were multiple alleyways and paths between houses in the area. I sighed to myself and let myself into my flat.

The following day, I walked to the park once more and fed the ducks. There was no sign of Matthew. I did get chatting to a girl of around the same age as me who was walking a dog which was nice, but I returned home feeling a little disappointed. I thought about knocking on his door, but decided that this would be a bit forward of me. After all, I had only met him a handful of times. I spent the evening listening to music and had an early night.

The following day was Saturday. I was initially annoyed as I went to button my coat to find that a bright red toggle button was missing part way down. It was not exactly a button that could easily be replaced. I would have to sew a plain one on it its place. I sighed to myself and strolled out to the local grocery store to buy some essentials during the morning. In the afternoon I worked out how to get to the town centre from my flat, and did a little window-shopping, deciding to myself that spending money on clothes would not be a great move after only recently paying a hefty deposit on my flat. I arrived back home late in the afternoon and wondered to myself whether Matthew would call for me during the evening. I hated myself for doing so, but did make a little effort with my appearance just in case he should call.

By 8.00PM, I knew he was not coming and poured myself a glass of wine. By 10.00PM, I realised I had nearly finished the bottle and made myself put the remainder in the fridge. As I undressed for bed, it occurred to me that I felt a little lonely for the first time in quite a while. I mentally told myself that this would soon change when I started my new job. I settled myself under the covers, and slept almost immediately.

I was woken by a noise. I sat up urgently and looked at the clock. It was just after midnight. There was someone hammering at my door! I sat up feeling a little scared, pulled a long t-shirt over my head as I had been sleeping nude, and tip-toed out of my bedroom without turning on any lights.

"Anna! Open up! It's me, it's Matthew!" accompanied by frenzied hammering at the door.

"Matthew?" I called through the closed door.

"OPEN THE DOOR NOW!" he cried.

He practically fell through the door as I opened it, turned to shut it quickly, and stood in my kitchen panting.

"What......" I began to ask him.

"Shhhh," he whispered.

Suddenly there were screams and pleas for help from outside! It sounded like someone was being hurt, and very close by! I lunged for the door, but was pulled back so roughly that I fell, landing on Matthew who had also fallen, such was the power in which he had grabbed me!

"I must help," I urged him.

"No," he replied, holding onto me tightly.

"But someone is being hurt," I whispered back.

"Trust me Anna, you do not want to go out there," he whispered, continuing to hold me firmly.

Suddenly we were deafened by the sound of an explosion which sounded nearby! Before I could even react, Matthew's hand went over my mouth, stifling the scream that was building.

"That was a gunshot Anna," he whispered. "I could not have let you go out there."

My eyes had adjusted to the dark a little, and I realised Matthew was looking at me intensely once more. I realised that I was shaking and tearful.

"How did you know?"I asked him tremulously.

His response was to hug me more tightly to him and we lay just like that on the kitchen floor until the sounds of sirens cut through the now late night quiet.

"Do you trust me?" he asked.

I nodded, and this time did what I had not the courage to do the other day. I simply kissed him, my body still trembling but a little less so now. I felt his intake of breath as our lips met for that brief kiss. I buried my face in his neck and breathed-in his smell, feeling safe and protected, then kissed him again, this time for longer.

"Anna, I mustn't," he gasped.

He looked at me once more. We were bathed in the flashing blue lights of emergency vehicles not far away, shining through the frosted glass of my front door. I had not realised that in our fall to the floor, my t-shirt had ridden up my body. Matthew's gaze moved from my face to my legs and bare crotch, which I felt immediately come to life in response.

"Oh God," he sighed. "I want you, but I shouldn't."

"Why shouldn't you?" I whispered, breathing into his ear, and then finding his lips with my own once more. This time he kissed me back with passion and his grip on me released a little, enabling me to turn and press my whole body against his.

I nearly cried out when his hands began to stroke my bare bottom, stroking in soft circles and very gradually working their way lower, but not yet venturing any further.

"Please love me," I whispered to him.

"You'll need to help me," he replied softly. "I am not as strong as I once was."

I think I knew what he meant, moved into a kneeling position over his body and undid his coat and the shirt beneath. I leant to kiss him gently under his chin, covered his neck in little kisses, and worked my way down to his gorgeously furry chest with my lips, loving every centimetre of his skin. I felt his body tremble as I worked my way lower, then paused to undo his belt and trouser fastenings.

"May I?" I asked softly as I admired the large bulge in his undershorts.

Matthew simply nodded in response, and watched me lower his shorts and kiss the tip of his very erect cock. He shuddered as I ran my tongue down his shaft and back up again.

"Is this okay darling?" I asked tentatively.

"Very okay. Very, very okay," he whispered back.

He watched as I removed my t-shirt. I let him look at me just for a short time, then lowered myself onto him slowly and carefully, sitting on him bit by bit until I had his whole length inside me. He struggled to a seated position then, allowing me to wrap my legs around his waist, and allowing him to bury his face in my small bosom. I sighed with pleasure as his tongue found one nipple then the other, kissing, teasing as his hands stroked my slender waist.