I suppose, looking back, you wonder how a lot of things happened in your life.
Most of them β all of them β seem very innocent. A string of mishaps at school β fourth form, fifth form. Some embarrassing enough that I rub my fingers into my eyes at the memory, groaning softly. But still, even the worst of them are so childish, compared to the night that I spent with Lara and Evan.
Good God β it's been a few weeks β and the memory of that night still makes me squirm, and squeeze my thighs together, no matter where I am. And what's funny is that I know exactly how it happened. The bread-crumb trail of events is clear in my mind. But that night has had an effect on me that I can't shake-off, and which has changed me somehow. And so, perhaps hoping for a better answer, I keep asking myself the question β how did that night with Lara and Evan happen?
One
I worked for Lara at her flower shop, through sixth form. If I was seventeen and eighteen at the time, Lara would have been in her late twenties. Evan, her husband, was a touch older, perhaps 32 or 33. He'd visit her in the shop, pick her up for lunch, and we'd smile and say hello. Did Evan flirt with me? No, not in the slightest. Did Lara flirt with me? Well, in hindsight, perhaps she did. Nothing outlandish. But a close, intimate friendship quickly developed with Lara β an older woman, but not so much older, running her own small business, with an attractive and attentive husband. She was a role model, and a friend, and perhaps something more intimate ebbed just below the surface when we were together. I remember moments in the shop where her hand rested on my lower back as we looked at an arrangement of flowers. Or sitting together after one of us made a run to the coffee shop, and trading a sip of her Caffe Americano for my iced white chocolate mocha, hands trading the warm coffee cups back and forth, her eyes smiling into mine as her tongue slid over her lips.
If Lara flirted with me, I was too young or too naΓ―ve to notice. She never pressed, and so nothing really stands out from the time I worked for Lara. Except for the warm, slightly reverent friendship I felt with this beautiful older woman who seemed to be doing everything right.
When I left Bath to study psychology at Leeds, we remained in touch via Instagram and Snapchat. I visited her when I came home for bank holidays and breaks. She and Evan had a baby early in my 2nd year at Leeds, and I ooed and ahhed via Insta like all her other friends. Second year passed, then third year, and then with my BSc finished, and feeling uncertain about next steps, I came home to Bath and worked for Lara again.
And so β that "how did it happen" question β part one of the answer is that I came home after university, and Lara needed me at the shop again.
Two
They needed a babysitter.
They had a wedding in Salisbury. Wanting to enjoy herself, Lara had pumped a few days' worth of breast milk in advance, so that I'd have some for the baby while they were gone, and she'd have some the next day when she was presumably hung-over. I went to their house in Newbridge early on a beautiful Sunday morning in July, and was given the tour of baby bottles, milk, change-table, nappies, pushchair, books, while Lara and Evan swirled around the house getting ready for the wedding.
And pardon my French β but sweet Fuck β they looked glorious.
I knew from an old flurry of party photos on Insta that Lara had crossed the "30" thresh-hold. I suppose she was 31 now. She was an inch or two taller than me, standing at about 5'8, and from girl-talk discussions about calorie-counts in our favourite coffees, I knew her weight hovered around 10 stone. She had long dark brown hair that reached below her shoulders, and while not a gym-goer, I knew that she was a dedicated walker. With Evan home looking after the baby, she went for long walks with their dog, and walking alone kept her trim, with lovely toned legs and curving hips that led up to her now nicely full breasts. The dress she was swirling around in that morning had a snug fitting bodice top, that flowed down to a maxi skirt, with ruching on the side. Sleeveless, with spaghetti straps at her shoulders, it was burgundy with a soft floral pattern.
Evan β well, picture 5'10 or 5'11 β with brown hair a bit softer in colour than Lara's near raven-black hair. A footballer and a swimmer, Evan had broad shoulders that tapered down to an athletic waist and legs. For the wedding he was in a tasteful grey β grey slacks, shoes and jacket, with a dark blue tie, and a slightly off-white dress shirt.
After each of them repeatedly told me things about the house and the baby and the TV that the other had already told me, they leapt into their car and sped off to Salisbury, and I spent the day, and evening, and night, with their not-quite two year old.
Three
Part three of the "how did it happen?" question, and likely the most important part, was what I was looking at on my phone when Lara's hands settled on my shoulders, and her voice, at my ear, whispered "that one is so sexy, Caitlin."
Oh my God. Sorry. Squirming here again. Fuck. She actually brushed my ear with her lips. Sometimes I wonder if she really did or not. I recreate that moment and feel like it was just her hands appearing on my shoulders, and her voice purring so close, and so unexpectedly, at my ear. But right now I'm sure of it. Her lips briefly brushed my right ear, as her breath stirred my hair. Damn. And now I'm squirming here as I type.
Okay okay okay. Fucccckkk.
Okay.
I didn't hear them come home.
That might even be a "Part Four" to the "how did it happen?" question.
I didn't hear the door open, didn't hear any voices. I think Lara probably entered the house first, and Evan came in a few minutes later, but either way, I didn't hear them come home. I was on the couch in their living room, just a table lamp glowing in the room, looking at lingerie on my cell phone, when Lara's hands settled on my shoulders.
Why lingerie? Well, not because I had a boyfriend or a hot date or any real reason to need lingerie. Alone, with the baby asleep, and time to kill, I'd watched a few shows on Netflix, and then I had switched to reading stories on an erotica site, and in one of the stories lingerie figured prominently. I finished the story and, now curious, found a lingerie site, and began scrolling, and exploring. When Lara's hands settled on my shoulders, and her voice purred "that one is so sexy, Caitlin," it was a somewhat ridiculous lace teddy, with an open crotch, and open bra cups, that was on my phone.
I wasn't startled. Or at least, I didn't jolt upright and drop my phone and physically react to her sudden appearance. I think I just turned my face towards her, over my right shoulder, and breathed her in. It was lovely. If she'd done more, if she'd slid her hands around my chest and hugged me, pressing her left cheek to my right, I think I would have utterly basked in her warmth, her softness. But, she whispered "that one is so sexy Caitlin," with a playful somewhat sultry note in her voice, and I turned my face towards her, and simply whispered "Lara."