I'm known by all my friends as a giver. Yeah, I'd give the shirt off my back for a friend, maybe even a stranger. I'm a soft touch. Rescue animals, damsels in distress, you know the type. So when my buddy Jeremy called on Friday night and said he was in a pinch and needed an extra driver for his fledgling limo business, he knew that I wouldn't say no, even if it did mean having to cut my planned day of fishing short.
So instead of working my crankbaits along a brushy shoreline, waiting for that tug followed by exploding water as a largemouth takes my bait, I was already sitting in the driver's seat of a moderately long limo headed out to pick up my fair at two thirty in the afternoon. Not what I had planned on, but Jeremy needed a hand, how could I say no?
I picked up my fair at a little condo in the middle of town. He was a younger guy, thirty something, wearing typical cowboy garb, though I doubted that he'd ever seen a horse other than in a picture. He gave me the address of where we were headed without so much as a 'good afternoon'. I punched up the address in the GPS while he made himself comfortable in the back. Like I said, it wasn't a big limo by many standards. It would hold six or eight comfortably, but was still small enough to make the turns and curves. It also wasn't what I had typically driven when Jeremy called, one of the plush Lincolns. Nope, this customer wanted the custom hummer limo. I suppose he thought it would make him look cooler or some such thing.
It was almost a forty minute drive to the front gate of what looked like a sprawling ranch. I drove down the driveway that was longer than the road I lived on, and pulled up in front of what had to be easily a ten thousand square foot two story home. I stopped, dutifully got out and walked around to open the door for my passenger, sweltering in my wool three piece suit while I waited by the car door as he bounded up the steps and knocked. He didn't have to wait long before a young woman answered, stepping out into the afternoon sun in a very short powder blue western style dress with white frilly accents on the pockets and neckline. The button down dress was open about three buttons and revealed a pleasant amount of cleavage, and her blond curls framed her very pretty face and held up a cream colored Stetson. I held the door as they came down, her pointy toe boots, opposite her dress, cream colored with powder blue highlights, clomped loudly on the wooden deck and stairs.
"Good afternoon!" She greeted me cheerfully as she ducked to step up into the air conditioned hummer from the sweltering summer heat.
"Afternoon maam," I answered politely.
"You don't have to be nice. He's just the driver." The guy said as he ducked into the limo, ignoring me.
"Sure you do. You should be nice to everyone." She answered him.
'You tell him.' I thought to myself as I closed the door and walked around. I climbed in and he handed me the address of where they were going, a very fancy restaurant in the big city, nearly two hours away. I hoped Jeremy was charging him by the mile for this ride!
I drove down the interstate, keeping to the speed limit and listening to the country western tunes coming from the stereo in the back as the two talked. It didn't take long to figure out that this was their first date and that they had met on the internet. Somehow I got the feeling this wasn't going to end well when I saw him lean toward her to kiss her before we'd gone thirty miles down the road, a move she did NOT appreciate.
She fended him off several times, including his hands on her bare leg, trying to slide it up under the already short skirt. I was half tempted to ask her if she wanted me to turn around, but I didn't. I just did my best not to watch too closely, but also to make sure that I saw enough in my rearview mirror in case he decided to push things too far, if you know what I mean.
He didn't by the time we reached the restaurant, and I opened the door for them, getting a smile from her and ignored by him. No surprises there. They went in to eat and I took the limo for a short drive to find myself a McDonalds for some dinner of my own. Jeremy didn't give me much of an allowance for food, so a good meal was out of the question.
By the time they finished dinner at seven I was parked and waiting for them outside the restaurant. Again, I received a pleasant smile from the maybe thirty two year old woman, and ignored by the guy, except to be given the address on a slip of paper for our next destination.
The club was trendy. Obviously a country western theme. I opened the door and let them out, leaving him my cell number so that he could call when he was ready to be picked up. It'd already been a long day, getting up at four for fishing, and not expecting tonight to be home before two. I found a quiet place to park not far from the club and crawled into the back for a nap.
I didn't feel like I'd gotten much sleep when I was startled out of it by my phone. "Hello?" I asked groggily.
"Yes. Driver. I'd like to be picked up now please." The young lady said.
"Be there in about two minutes." I said, wiping the sleep from my eyes and hanging up the phone. Hell, it wasn't even ten yet. I didn't think this date was going to work well. I had left the hummer running to keep the AC going, so all I had to do was crawl into the driver's seat, after I put my suit coat back on of course, and drive the few blocks to the club. She was standing on the walk in front of the club, waiting patiently for me to arrive. I didn't even have a chance to get out and open the door and she was climbing in.
"Take me home please." She said sweetly from the back seat.
"Um. Yes maam. What about, um, what's his name?"
"He won't be joining us for the ride. He got himself another ride."
"Oh?"
"Yeah. He'll be spending the night as a guest of the local police." She said with a scowl.
"Yes maam. Home it is then." I said as I pulled away from the club and started down the streets headed toward the interstate. It was late, I was tired and I didn't want to drive another two hours in my suit coat. I pulled over at the base of the onramp, pulled off my coat, and then climbed back in. "Hope you don't mind maam. Getting a bit uncomfortable wearing it this long."
"Oh, no. That's fine. Might as well be comfortable." She said as she sat back in the back looking quite sad in the dim light of the rear.
"Yes maam."
"Don't call me maam. My name's Cynthia." She said quietly.
"Yes maam. I mean Cynthia." I answered her. "Sorry about your date."
"I'm not. He was turning into a jerk. Why is it so hard to find nice guys? I mean it seems like all I get are the jerks? Why are guys such jerks?" She asked.
"I don't know maam. Seems to be pretty common today."
"You don't seem like a jerk. In fact, you seem like a really nice polite gentleman. I bet your wife appreciates that."
"I'm afraid that my ex-wife would count me in with the jerks maam." I answered with a frown.
"Oh? Divorced? Why? If you don't mind my asking."
"Well, honestly I guess I fall in the jerk category. I let my better judgement fly out the window one time and that was the end of that, as they say."
"You're better judgment?" She asked curiously.
"Yes maam. To be frank, I met a young woman in a bar on a business trip and, well, I'm sure you can guess what happened."
"Ahhh. Yeah, guys are jerks." She said with a frown, turning quiet. It must have been ten whole minutes before she said another word, and when she did, it surprised me. "Why?"
"Maam?"
