"H... h... how.... is he?" sitting up on the body board I asked hesitantly as soon as I saw my CO.
The Colonel shook her head sending a wave of panic through me "I'm sorry Natasha he... he's not good. They're going to try to stabilise him before they evac him to the main hospital at Bastion."
"Oh my god... he.... he took the full force of the explosion for me." I could feel the tears running freely down my face as I began to weep, "It's all my fault.... If I hadn't...."
Jane Moresby sat down next to me and took my hand "No it isn't Captain things happen and Danny Cantwell knows only too well the risks of being a soldier."
"But...."
She smiled feebly "No buts just let them see to your ankle."
It turned out that my ankle was just fractured and by the time it was properly strapped up for the helicopter journey back to Bastion the doctor, another Captain, was outside.
"Danny... Sergeant Cantwell... how... how is he?" I immediately enquired even though I wasn't sure I wanted to hear his answer.
"I'm afraid it isn't looking to good. He has a broken arm and several cracked ribs as well as multiple lacerations and other minor wounds which, taken together, are bad enough." He stated gloomily.
"But?" Jane Moresby stood next to me listening to his update on Danny's condition.
Sighing he continued "Two pieces of shrapnel are the problem. One is in his shoulder causing fairly extensive bleeding and the other, the worst one, is a small piece lodged close to his heart. They both require some very delicate surgery."
I couldn't stop the tears flowing unreservedly "C... can I see him?"
The doctor looked at me sympathetically before answering "He's being put on the chopper now. You'll be flying back with him."
Being lifted into the back of the helicopter I sobbed out loud when I saw Danny's pale unconscious figure strapped onto his stretcher. His breathing was laboured and the drip running into his arm only increased my sense of worry about him.
"Is he..." I started to ask the medical orderly tentatively.
"He's sedated ma'am. He can't hear you." He smiled and moved aside and let me take his seat.
Trying hard not to burst into tears again I leant across Danny and gently stroked his face.
"Don't you dare die on me Danny Cantwell. Please." I whispered in his ear despite being told he wouldn't hear me, "I love you."
"Better get strapped in ma'am." The orderly assisted me back to my own seat for the brief thirty-minute flight to the main base hospital.
Back at camp Bastion we were quickly disembarked from the chopper and I barely had time to say goodbye to Danny's unconscious form before he was rushed away. I was helped to the plaster room to get my broken ankle put into a proper cast and by the time they had finished with me Danny had been taken to the theatre for immediate surgery on his injuries.
"You'll be going home now Captain." The doctor who had treated me informed me as I was helped down off the table and onto crutches.
"Home?" I must have looked puzzled, "What, why?"
"That cast needs to stay on for six weeks minimum and after that you'll require physiotherapy. So, you won't be much use out here Captain." he told me with a grin.
"W... when?" I managed to stammer.
"Probably the day after tomorrow I expect."
Not having any permanent quarters at the base, I had to remain in the base hospital as I waited for my flight home. I tried desperately to get to see Danny but, as he was in intensive care, the doctors wouldn't let me near him, however they did tell he was now in stable condition although still very critical.
Knowing that I would be gone when he, hopefully, came round I decided to write him a letter. Determined to explain everything I poured out my heart and confessed just what I had done. I finished by telling Danny that I was in love with him and hoped he would write or call if he could ever find a way to forgive me. Once it was done, I sealed it in an envelope and gave it to one of the nurses to pass on to him when he was able to read it.
It was with a great deal of sadness that, a couple of days later, I boarded the transport that would start me on my journey back to the UK. My belongings from FOB Arnhem had been packed up for me and were already loaded on the plane.
As we rolled along the runway, I gazed miserably out at the base wishing I could stay and be close to Danny rather than flying back to England.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After a visit to the main hospital in the UK I was sent on four weeks sick leave much to the delight of my mother. Having me back at home she was able to invite a steady procession of potential suitors to dinner while I simply sat and, morosely waited, hoping Danny Cantwell would eventually write or call.
Fortunately, I was able to display sufficient apathy to dissuade the first few of my mother's would-be husbands for me from attempting to pursue me any further. That was until Richard Stapleton came to dinner. The son of Sir Hugo Stapleton, a baronet, the fact he would inherit his father's title had my mother in raptures as she imagined what my marriage to him would bring.
The one flaw in her ambition was the fact that I wasn't in the slightest bit interested in a balding, slightly overweight, arrogant, forty-year-old stockbroker and when he invited me to dinner, I said a very firm and categoric no. However, encouraged by my mother, Richard was tenacious in his pursuit of me and despite my turning down his repeated invitations to go on a date, he kept asking slowly wearing me down.
As my recovery progressed, I was posted back to a base about two hour's drive from my parents, on light duties, all the while still hoping to hear from Danny. Colonel Moresby had contacted me briefly to tell me that he was still in hospital but recovering well and would be sent back to England on leave eventually, although she had little more information than that.
Thoroughly miserable about not having heard anything from Danny, and coerced by my mother, I finally, reluctantly, gave in and agreed to have dinner with Richard. He was boring company and I had absolutely zero romantic interest in him but he proved something of a minor distraction from my unhappiness.
Over the next few weeks or so, much to my mother's joy, I saw Richard several times; we had dinner on a number of occasions, went to a couple of formal parties together and even had two trips to the theatre.
As casual friends it would have been a passable, if dull, way to spend an evening or two but Richard wanted more. He was intent on getting me into his bed and, although I staunchly refused to sleep with him, I did let him kiss me and grope my breasts on a couple of occasions.
Our relationship, if you could call it that, continued in the same vein over the next two months or so as I began to come to terms with the fact that Danny Cantwell had obviously not forgiven me. With my heart broken I tried to get on with my life as best I could.
I was kept busy at the base and only had every other week-end free which kept me occupied and away from home, and Richard, a lot of the time. Something which suited me but not him.
So, it came as a complete surprise when one week-end when I was home and he was over for dinner that, in front of my parents, he went down on one knee.
"Natasha, I know we haven't known each other very long but we get on really well and I enjoy your company so I wondered, would you do me the honour of becoming my wife?" he opened a ring box and proposed to me.
"Oh... Richard... I... err... I..... this... this is unexpected... I..." taken completely off guard I struggled to respond.
"Of course she will, won't you sweetheart?" my mother interjected answering for me.
With a smile and without waiting for me to answer he slipped the diamond ring onto my left hand. Suddenly, without actually accepting his offer of marriage, I found myself unwillingly engaged.
My mother was absolutely ecstatic and began the process of planning our nuptials immediately.
From the very start I found myself being swept along helplessly as she launched into a veritable tidal wave of wedding arrangements. I suppose I should have put a stop to it all but I honestly didn't care, Danny obviously hadn't forgiven me and, with my heart shattered, I felt my life was over.
It was a fortnight later and my week-end off base when, with a sense of dread, I headed home on the Friday evening.
Two week-ends previously, after his proposal, I had spent most of my time fending off the unwanted advances of my intended. Ever since I had, under intense pressure from my mother, not rejected his proposal he had tried even harder to get me into bed. My steadfast refusal to sleep with him was a constant irritation to him and a source of great enjoyment to me for the remainder of that week-end.
Eventually I knew I would, albeit reluctantly, have to let him have me and I had intimated to him that it would be this coming Friday night. It wasn't an event I was looking forward to and I imagined it would be just like it had been before when I had been sleeping with the two senior officers who had helped me further my career.
Richard had booked a table at a local hotel, and I suspected a room, intending to have me in his bed that night.
I had showered and changed before leaving the camp, slipping into a burgundy knee length dress with neutral stockings and my white lace underwear beneath. If I had to go through with this objectionable physical coupling, I would at least make an effort to look my best.
Parking I checked my make-up in the vanity mirror before making my way through to the restaurant.
"Natasha, you look gorgeous tonight." Richard stood to greet me as I approached the table.
"Thanks." I gave him a weak smile and sat down.
"I took the liberty and ordered a bottle of their best red. It's not up to much but it will have to do." His pretentious tone grated on my nerves immediately.
"But I don't drink red wine, you know that." my grimace illustrated my feelings.
He gave me a condescending smile "Sweetheart you'll need to get used to it. Once you resign your commission we'll be mixing in some very prestigious circles. Everyone will expect you to drink it."
"Richard, I'm not giving up my army career."
"Yes, yes darling I know you say that now but you'll be far too busy to be playing toy soldiers."
"Busy doing what exactly?"
The condescending look he gave me made me want to slap him "Oh keeping house, entertaining and, of course, having babies."
I suddenly felt nauseated at the thought of him impregnating me.
It was a discussion that was occurring more frequently the closer we came to the wedding. Despite the fact I had made it abundantly clear to Richard that I had no intention of leaving the army he simply ignored what I said and planned out my life for me after our marriage.
