"I love you," I whisper, my hand on your cheek. "You are my everything."
"Mi Amour," you trail off. I know that you are searching for words, but I can't hear them. Whatever they are, I need you. So I kiss you.
My mouth slants over yours just as perfectly as it has for weeks, neatly, every day in the elevator. Your hands on my waist feel like fire. Just sitting there, just above my hips, I feel the space between us more than I feel anything else. I cant take it. I can't stand the space. I need you. So I close that space, sealing it completely. My body pressed tightly to yours from thigh to chest. Its not enough.
I can feel every place I can't feel you, through our clothes. I'm desperate to feel your skin again. Right here in your kitchen. Moments from your wife coming home, knowing that at any moment, she will come home. She will come back from the store and I will never have this chance again. I can't breathe. I need you more than I have ever imagined needing anyone before. The way I pretend every time I go home to him. You are my heart and my air and I need you.
Your mouth goes to my neck, sucking and kissing and I can't think. Warning bells start screaming. You will leave marks. My skin is so pale and though I can feel you holding back, you're being anything but gentle. How could you be? My head falls back and hits the cabinet. I feel the clunk and I feel you try to pull back. I feel your concern for me in my own chest, connected by this gossamer thread that binds us, that sets us on fire when we touch.
I hold your head down. If you look at me, if you ask me if I'm OK... I'll cry. I may cry now. But you don't push it, instead you suck harder and pull me closer, tighter against you, trapped between you and the counter. And I feel your mouth... I can't breathe. My heart is pounding and you are everywhere. How can I describe sheer intensity? I gasp and fight through the fog in my mind and the only thing I can get out is, "Marks!"
"I'm being careful," you sound almost hurt. I know you are, but I can't form the words to tell you that I can feel the bruises forming anyway, so I just pull you in, closer and closer, touching first at our chests, then lips, locked once more and the fire... Its everywhere and my eyes are so heavy, but I force them open. I need to see you.
I need to see your dark olive skin against my palms and my pale fingers wrapped in your thick dark hair. I need this memory of the way your dark eyes look into mine. So I force them open, I make myself look, just long enough to see these things, seconds at most, and then they fall shut and in the dark, I fuse with you.
I feel myself melting into you and I feel your thick fingers slide my shirt down, pulling out first one breast and then the next. I feel cold, all over as you step back for the first time since we began kissing. I feel the cold from all of the places you suddenly aren't touching and my nipples harden, swiftly, painfully.
I ache for you to touch me, I ache for you. My eyes fall open and I see the look on your face. The awe and raw desire splayed all over your rough features. And I feel heat. So. Much. Heat. From your eyes. And it warms me from head to toe. I feel myself begin to glow again, alone this time. I feel the pull. I feel powerful. As you look over my body, slowly lifting my shirt up and over my chest and off, I feel beautiful. I realize I have never felt beautiful. You look up at my eyes and I can see that you feel it too. This inexplicable need to be close. Now.
You lift me onto the counter. This one, effortless move from you makes every cell in my body sing. I am not a small woman and yet you lifted me like a child onto the counter and pushed yourself between my knees, bending and kissing me so deeply. Its tongue and teeth and I feel your teeth tear my lower lip and I'm moaning and I can't stop. Especially when you move down to my bared breasts.
Through the breathing, the whimpers and the moans I make, I hear it. Your low voice whispering to me in Spanish. Whispering to me that I am beautiful and you love me and I am everything to you and...oh God, the things you tell me you want to do to me...
In this moment, you are mine. You belong to me the way that I will always belong to you. With every word, with every breath, I need you more. Almost distantly, I feel my hands between us, unbuttoning your jeans, sliding the zipper down as you move back to my throat. I feel more than hear your gasp as my small hands wrap around your thick cock. It is the first time I have held you and I am amazed by the thickness.
I cannot imagine how you will fit inside of me. My heart skips a beat, suddenly the intensity is too much. Its too much for me. I can't breathe and I'm not ok.
You pull back and run your fingers through hair.
Looking deep into my eyes, you whisper, "I love you, baby." You place my hand over your heart and I can feel the way it races. In that moment, my fear melts away. It is no longer too much. I am comforted.
You have such a hard time saying that. I know you do. Every time, it sends a shock through my system. How could she ever take you so for granted? How could she not spend every waking moment earning the privilege of hearing you say those three little words? You are my everything. Even your flaws are perfect. The taste of you, drunk. The sound of your voice, giving orders. Demanding obedience... You are my Adonis. And you... The idea that you could love me baffles me. And makes me want more. Makes me want to give you everything to earn that gift.
"I need to feel you inside of me. Please, I need you so much!" I am not above begging. Nor am I above doing it while running my teeth and tongue around your ears, licking the shell of them... Stretching your resistance. "Please, I need your cock, please, baby, I need to feel you soo damn deep in my pussy."
"I'll get a condom..." I can hear how badly you don't want to leave. I know you would never ask me to skip it.
But I also know that I want nothing between us right now. Nothing at all. I know that if you wore a condom right now, all of this would have been for nothing. I want to give you what she can't. I want to give you a son.
I know that you would give me a son. Our son. With your name. We talk a lot and I know you want your son to have your name. I know I say no. I know I never allow myself to really imagine out loud. I know she will give you a son and I know he will have our son's name. I know I will hold him and see her holding him. I will watch her taking this life for granted, desperate and helpless to do anything. How can I stand to tell you that, in my dreams, every night, our son bears your name? A name I will one day use for your son. How can I tell you? How can I describe wanting? This much?