Welcome one and all to chapter right! Yes, you have enjoyed seven chapters so far and are ready to enjoy and the eighth. This chapter is a little heavier than previous chapters, but all for good reasons in the near and distant future. As always I enjoy getting and reading all feedback, no matter if an avid follower or first time reader. As always thank you Tigersman for your editing services.
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The drive to the cemetery was wasn't long, but very quiet in all three cars. No one said a word as none was needed. When everyone had arrived, they exited their vehicles to find a fourth car was already there with Jillian and Katie waiting. Scott immediately went to Katie and gave each other a small hug before separating and holding hands as they followed Liz, Melissa, and Luke. Other than the sound of the wind blowing, no other sounds were made.
A few minutes later they arrived at the tombstone where a pastor was waiting for them. He smiled at Melissa and Luke as they approached, trying his best to make them feel less sad about what was about to be done. He gave them both a hug before gesturing to everyone to form a semicircle around the tombstone. Once everyone was in place, the pastor bowed his head and folded his hands together as he said a prayer. There wasn't a single dry eye during the prayer, not even the pastor was able to hold back his tears.
Once the prayer was over, all four families laid a bouquet of flowers by the tombstone. Katie was the last one to lay a bouquet as she read the name on the tombstone, Susan Mary Jackson.
After this was done, everyone returned to their cars and a short drive was made to the Jackson's house. This was a yearly tradition the adults had decided on to help remind their children and themselves that life is a very precious thing. When Susan arrived into the world, she was stillborn. Everyone was left in shock when it happened. Life was never truly the same for anyone after that, especially for Scott who was only eight at the time and had a hard time grasping that a baby wouldn't be born alive. For a period of time whenever he saw Melissa, he would ask if he could give her belly a kiss to help heal the wound. No one wanted to tell Scott no at the time because it was a very sweet and kind act he wanted to do.
However, remembering the life that was never was much harder for Scott and it made him think more about death and his meaning in life. If there was any time when he questioned whether his autism made his life better or worse, this was when he felt like it made his life worse. He would think about all the difficulties autism brought to his life, making friends outside of Liz and Steve, having a small variety of food that he liked, always feeling like an outsider in school, and always having it be made known to him that he is 'different'.
When everyone had arrived at the Jackson's house, food that had been made beforehand was brought out for everyone to eat and some bottles of wine were opened as well. Scott was too depressed to eat and felt overwhelmed by the feeling of sadness. He went into the basement of the house, knowing that no one would bother him. In years past, he would sit on the couch in the basement to process what he was feeling without the pressure of everyone upstairs expecting him to act a certain way. Everyone knew Scott did this and left him alone. However, Katie didn't know about this so she came down the basement to look for him. She saw that he looked more depressed and was starting to worry about him.
"Scott, are you ok?"
Scott glanced at her before he looked down at the floor again as he shook his head. "No, I'm not Katie."
Katie sat down next to him but didn't attempt to put her arms around him or put her hands into his. "Would you like it if I stayed here with you?"
Scott closed his eyes trying to decide if he wanted her to stay or not, but couldn't make up his mind. He didn't want her to leave or seem to be rude, but he didn't want her to see him like this either. "I don't know," he answered after a few seconds, tears starting to well up in his eyes.
Katie got up off the couch and went upstairs. Scott thought he did something wrong and was ready to kick himself when she came back downstairs with a box of tissues. She pulled a few pieces out and handed them to Scott. "You can cry in front of me Scott," she said, trying to comfort and assure him. "I won't think any less of you and I never will."
That was all Scott needed to hear before as he stopped holding back his tears. He took his glasses off and set them aside so that the tears didn't stain his glasses as he cried. He tried his best to wipe the tears away but they wouldn't stop flowing. Katie sat back with more tissues in her hand, but also helped Scott wipe away the tears. After a couple minutes, she realized that this wasn't going to be a short cry. She pulled him into a tight hug as she placed his head on her shoulders, letting him cry onto her shirt. "Go ahead and cry all you need to Scott," she soothingly said as she rubbed his back.
Scott cried his eyes out for several minutes until there wasn't any tears left to cry. He just kept his head on Katie's shoulder, too exhausted and drained to move. Katie didn't mind at all. After all the time he had been there for her, she was more than happy to return the favor.
After about 15 minutes Jillian came down the stairs to look for her daughter to ask how long she wanted to stay. However, when she saw Katie comforting Scott she figured it wasn't time to leave yet and walked back upstairs, went to the family room and sat down on the couch. A few minute later Jackie came by and handed her a class of wine.
"Thank you," Jillian said, appreciating the gesture.
"You're welcome," Jackie said as she sat down with Jillian. "So where's Katie? I haven't seen her around."
"She's with Scott in the basement."
"That's good. I hate it when he goes off by himself and stays away from everyone."
"Is this really hard for him or something?" Jillian asked, not understanding why this was so hard for Scott.
"When we found out Susan was stillborn, it took us all by surprise. Scott was only eight at the time and was very excited to meet her. We tried to tell him what happened, but he didn't want to believe it. Even after we showed him her body, he still refused to believe that a newborn baby wouldn't be alive.
"He hadn't really been exposed to death much, at least at an age where he would understand what death is. He was depressed for the longest time and didn't snap out of it until we took him to the same psychologist Melissa and Luke had been seeing to help them get through it. Once Scott started seeing Bernie things started to go much better, until we decided to remember Susan on her birthday every year. Then he would fall be into depression, almost reliving the tragedy all over again."
Jillian listened intently as Jackie explained everything to her and some of it made sense. "So Scott hasn't really gotten over it."
"No," Jackie admitted, looking at her half full glass of wine. "Honestly, I don't think he will. It shook him to his foundation and autism doesn't let him forget any sort of memorable event in life, good or bad."
"I see."
A small smile formed on Jackie's face. "But having Katie there with him helps me know he is not grieving alone and that there is someone he is letting his guard down with."
"What do you mean?" Jillian asked.
"For the longest time, he wouldn't let anymore ever see him cry."
"No one?"
"Nope, no one. Not me, his father, or his sister. Not even Liz and Steve see him cry. He always finds someplace private to cry and if anyone finds him crying, he runs away or yells at us to go away."
"But he lets Katie see him cry?"
"Yes," Jackie said, still surprised by that fact. "He must really love her."
"And she loves him too." Both women sat there contemplating how things were going so well between Scott and Katie. Never in their wildest dreams would they have thought they would actually choose to be friendly to each other, much less date.
Jillian is happy for her daughter, but events of the day are also reminding her of a life lost to her as well. "Lately though...I've been thinking how much worse things would be had I didn't have my miscarriage."
Jackie looked a Jillian shocked by this revelation. "When was this?"
"Two months after Katie's first birthday." Jillian closed her eyes and tried to hold back the tears. "She doesn't know. I never worked up the courage to tell her."
Jackie put her hand on Jillian's shoulder. "I know you will tell her when the time is right."
"Thank you."
"You're welcome."
"So, I've actually been meaning to ask you something," Jillian said, unsure whether she should ask something of Jackie or not.
"What is it?" Jackie asked curiously.
"Well, I travel a lot for work and of course I can't take Katie with me so she is left home alone. I know she is a big girl and can handle it, but I still worry that something could..."
"Yes," Jackie interrupted, "we would be more than happy to have Katie stay with us if she would like to. We actually have a spare bedroom she can sleep in."
"Thank you," Jillian said very happy, "you have no idea how much more relaxed I will be knowing she is truly safe."
"It's no problem at all," Jackie assured. "I'm pretty sure Scott wouldn't mind at all."
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Before Scott knew it, the weekend was over and it was back to the reality of school on Monday. The morning seemed to fit his mood as well as it was cold and rainy. On top of everything else, he just felt numb to the world. Once he parked his car, he and his sister got out and went into the school building. Sarah ran as fast as she could while Scott just walked at a slow pace, not caring how soaked his jacket and backpack were getting.
Once inside, he immediately headed towards his locker to drop off his jacket but stopped a few yards short when he saw Katie standing by his locker. 'Dammit,' he thought to himself, 'here I am in a dreadful mood and Katie has no idea that she can't help me.' He proceeded to walk to his locker with his head down, not wanting to meet Katie's gaze. With a few spins he unlocked his locker, opened it, and shrugged off his wet jacket to hang it up, all without saying a word to Katie.
"I'm here for you Scott in any way that you need me," Katie said quiet enough so that only he could hear. He just continued to put his jacket away before closing his locker. "I love you Scottie and always will, even when you are at your worst."
Scott turned his head to look at her and didn't see what he expected to see. He completely expected to see her be over cheery with a huge smile trying to cheer him up. Instead there was a look of worry with a half-smile, showing her concern, yet at same time knowing there wasn't anything she could really do. Once again he had completely misjudged her and like before, he was glad to be so wrong in this case.
"I'll be OK. This just takes a while for me to...pull out of," he said not even convinced he believed himself.
Katie put a hand on his shoulder. "And until then, you just tell me what to do to help."
A small smile started to form on Scott's face, thankful that Katie was more understanding than he could have hoped for. "You can start by giving me a hug."
With that, Katie pulled Scott into a hug, but was surprised how much he was squeezing her. She simply accepted it as him just needing to release some of the tension and let him squeeze her for as long as needed. A few seconds later he let go and gave her a light kiss on the cheek. Before he could turn away from her though, she saw what looked like an actual smile on his face.
