Chapter 4 - Daniel's story
Thank you to everyone who has voted and enjoyed the story so far. I have to admit now that there are not many sex scenes in this chapter – for reasons that will become obvious. But... I hope you still enjoy...
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I watched Kate walk out of the pub and felt the familiar despair. No matter what I said to her she never seemed to believe me. I sat and drank the last of my wine and gazed around at the busy pub. There were happy families out for lunch, couples sitting close together, groups of friends laughing and chatting. Where the hell had I gone wrong? Just a minute ago, I was sitting with the woman of my dreams, someone who made me happy in the midst of the mess that was my life, and now she had left me again.
Of course, she wouldn't open the door to my insistent knocking, wouldn't let me explain how important the changes at Jefferson's were and how I had managed to safeguard her job. That her name on the "safe" list was probably how my wife had found out about our relationship.
I drove away, my eyes fixed on the rear-view mirror in the hope that she would relent and open the door but it remained firmly closed. I had no choice to return to my house. There was no way I could describe it as "home" - that would have been ridiculous. A home was somewhere you retreated to, felt comfort and happiness in, but with my wife and the empty shell where I lived, I felt only anger and misery.
Jessica was sitting in the lounge when I arrived. The place was silent, except for the ominous ticking of the clock on the fireplace and it felt cold. My wife was reading a magazine and didn't even look up when I entered the room. She had her hand placed on her flat stomach, and I wondered if it was for effect. I was convinced she wasn't pregnant, knew that it was a plan of hers to make it up and then conveniently lose the baby when she got what she wanted.
"Jessica, are we going to talk about this?"
"What's to talk about, Daniel? You're having an affair with a cheap slut and I'm carrying your baby."
I sighed and went to the window where I stared out at the distant fields. This move was supposed to be a new start for both of us; an attempt at putting our differences behind us, but it had only managed to tear us apart.
"And this cheap slut, she's a lowly clerk at Jefferson's! I thought you would have been more original than that!"
She laughed and I turned to face her, the anger in my face evident. "Leave her out of this, Jessica. You and I had agreed to divorce before I met her. How long are you going to throw this in my face?"
"For as long as it takes, darling," the last word uttered with a sneer. "You put me through hell during our marriage, constantly asking me to move house, move countries, give up all the dreams that I had..."
I gazed at her in surprise. Never once had she mentioned how she felt. I had just assumed she was happy with the way our lives had turned out. Why had she never told me?
"Jessica, look, we need to talk about this. I can't carry on with this bitterness and if you are pregnant it won't be good for the baby."
She laughed. "Ha! You care about me? And the baby? What a load of rubbish! The best thing you can do, Daniel, is get out of my life and go back to your cheap slut."
I felt the anger rise up in me then and I had to keep my hands at my side in order not to hit her. Her contempt was deeply rooted and my attempts to be reasonable were futile.
"I'm going. I'll find a hotel for a couple of weeks and stay there. It's impossible to be here with you like this, but if you want any sort of divorce settlement without a huge fight, we'll need to talk about this calmly. Do you agree?"
Jessica ignored me and carried on reading her magazine, a sly smile on her face. All the rage and frustration from my encounter with Kate suddenly erupted and I strode over to the sofa and grabbed my wife by the shoulders.
"You fucking listen to me, Jessica! OK? We need to get this sorted and if you don't agree to meet me, then you'll regret it."
She gazed at me, her face impassive, and I lessened my grip. "Just meet me on Thursday at Oliver's restaurant. 8pm."
"Oh sure, Daniel, whatever you want."
I stared back at her, wondering how we had come to this, how my dreams of a happy marriage could have gone so badly wrong. How I had ever loved such a cold and passionless woman.
I left the room and went upstairs to throw a few things into a small suitcase. I had to get away and all I could think of was Kate. How badly I needed her now...
*
Over the next few days, I hoped I would see her at work but her desk was tidy and bare. She had obviously carried out her plan to get away and my text messages and emails went unanswered. I went through the motions at work, my mind on other things and I felt disgusted with myself. I was supposed to be here for a reason, for an important role that was going to secure the future of the company and all I could think about was a woman who didn't even trust me enough to hang around and listen to my explanations. Most of my time was spent in meetings and we'd decided to break the news of redundancies to the staff the following week.
I had a suspicion it was a secretary who had found out about my relationship with Kate. One of the women who carried out administration tasks for the Directors was friendly with my wife - they attended the same gym - and would often meet for coffee. Perhaps the secretary was curious as to why I had put Kate on the "safe" list. A glimpse of us leaving together was all that was needed to put two and two together...
On Thursday, I called my wife to confirm our meeting. Her replies were curt but polite and I braced myself for a heavy evening ahead. I had been staying at Oliver's all week as there was no way I could be at home. The hotel had special memories for me as I had stayed there with Kate. I realised it was silly and sentimental, but by being there, I felt close to her and it helped with the feeling of restlessness that seemed to overtake me.
I sat at the bar and waited for my wife to arrive. Nursing a neat whisky, I thought about our marriage and tried to work out when things had started to go wrong between us. At first, we had been happy. We took holidays to Europe and spent long weekends exploring the vineyards around San Francisco. I hoped that there would be children eventually when the time was right. Except it was never right and there was always the ghost of Louise in the background, useful ammunition for her to throw at me whenever we had one of our innumerable arguments.
Thinking back, I asked myself whether I ever really loved her or whether she was just an antidote to the memory of my first love. Watching her now as she walked confidently towards me I compared her to Kate. There was such a difference in the two women. Jessica was self-assured, cool and startlingly beautiful, whereas Kate was wonderfully natural, loving and kind.
"Drinking already, then?" Jessica remarked, raising her eyebrows. "I'll have a mineral water."
I ordered another large whisky and followed her over to a table by the window. Her perfume left a vapour trail and the smell of it made me feel slightly nauseous. I knew that after tonight, whenever I came across that particular scent, it would bring back bad memories.
"So why have you dragged me half way across the county, then?"
I took a gulp of whisky and looked at her. "To talk about our marriage. To try and sort things out amicably rather than keep hissing and shouting at each other."
Jessica smiled. "Oh, I think it's rather fun. I like making you angry, Daniel. I like giving you a little taste of what I've had to put up with over the years."
"Why are you doing this?" I sighed and downed the rest of my whisky. "Why are you blaming me for an unhappy marriage?"
"I blame you because you always promised me that we would stay in one place. Somewhere long enough for me to start the career I went to University for. Somewhere we could raise the kids we were never going to have!"
"You never wanted children, Jessica. You said that your career came first."
"Yes, the career and then, when it was the right time, I wanted to have children. Don't try and pin the blame for that on me, Daniel."
