I arrived at Miles and Helen's house at around 5.30, to find the kids so full of what they had done all afternoon, the girls had helped out in the stables and even helped exercise some of the less temperamental animals, whilst Tim had spent most of the afternoon with Miles, working on getting his classic Jaguar ready for a show the following week. Helen greeted me with a warm smile and asked if we had had a nice afternoon, I thanked for her interest and assured her we did, tell her of our walk and saying we had come back to the house and relaxed for a while. She gave me wicked grin and told me that a little "relaxation" never hurt anyone, I laughed at this, knowing exactly what she meant but choosing to ignore the innuendo.
When we got back Rachel was dressed and had started to make us beans on toast for tea, it was lovely to have someone there to share moments like this with, the kids exploded into the house telling her everything they had done, even Tim who normally held back at such times was full of his afternoon working on the old car. She, laughed and hugged them, telling them to go wash their hands before eating, smiling at me over their heads showing me what a great afternoon she had had too.
I knew somehow that this weekend meant as much to her as it had to me, and after they were settled at the table, I went to back to the kitchen to fetch ours and she kissed me lightly on the cheek, telling me how much she had enjoyed the last two days, I hugged her close and almost dreading the answer, asked her if this weekend was a one off or did she feel that it was something more. She looked me straight in the eyes and pulling me gently down to her kissed me deeply for what seemed a lifetime, when we parted, she smiled at me asking me if that answered my question. I laughed, telling her if that how she was going to answer my questions, I'd keep asking!!!! Our food had cooled down, and needed re-heating but we didn't care, we just giggled and joined the kids while they laughed and joked with each other. I hadn't been happier for a long time.
We said our goodbyes, a little while later agreeing to call each other to arrange when we could get together as we kissed each other lightly on the lips. The hardest thing was going to be able to see each other without the kids, so I began wondering how we could meet and get to know each other without going everywhere with them. I got everything ready for the next day and the kids went to bed at their allotted times. This is normally a time on Sunday that I sit down and arrange my diary, and plan for the week ahead, looking at this week I was particularly quiet and made a mental note to try and keep it clear.
It was about 10.30 and I was just sitting at my desk looking at my schedule on screen when the phone rang, it was Rachel, my heart just skipped a beat at hearing her voice, she wanted to tell me how great a time she had had, and that if she closed her eyes, she could still feel me inside her. I laughed, telling her how great she made me feel also, and asked her when we could do it again. She laughed again and said now if she had her way, I just groaned down the phone as I remembered the soft contours of her body as we made love. I grinned and said that we better get used to phone sex at times like this, but she laughed coyly and said it was the real thing she needed, I laughed out loud, and she giggled infectiously back at me. Telling me to hold that thought and call her in the morning before she went to work.
I thought long and hard about the weekend, whilst being excited, I was incredibly nervous, it was about eleven thirty when I heard movement on the stairs, it was Tim, he had obviously looked in the lounge, before checking the study.
"Dad, I need to talk to you"
"What about son?" I smiled.
"Do you think Mum saw how happy we were this weekend? Are you and Rachel going out with each other?"
"Would you be happy if I saw more of her?"
"She's nice and Alice is cool!" he smiled; "but I'm worried about what Mum would think, I miss her so much Dad, I felt so guilty tonight, because I even hoped we would see more of them."
"Look Tim, Mum and I loved each other so much, I never would have thought about loving someone else, but we have been so terribly sad since she died, she would want us to be happy, we talked about it before she left us, and believe me I know that she would want us to move on, don't ask me how I know, but I do" I hugged him close, and he sobbed into my chest, something he hadn't done for a while. " Do you want to watch the tape Mum left?.... It might help?"
"Its ok, I want you to be happy Dad, but I don't want to forget Mum, I miss her so much, she used make everything ok!"
"I know Tim...... I miss her too. I try so hard you know? To be there for you when you need me..............." There were tears in my eyes I didn't know what to say or do at times like this. It was so rare for him to open up like this, and when he did it took a lot for him to do so. "I love you Dad, I know you do your best"
"Its just not enough sometimes is it?" I grinned He looked worried, then realised that I knew he needed his mum to smooth it out for him, he just hugged me, cried a little more and told me that Mum would want us to be happy. I agreed trying not to show him my tears either, then he said: "If you need to cry Dad, I'm always there, but I think Rachel might know what to say more than me...She seems like she would help" I was stunned, I knew that this was his way of showing his approval too, I thanked him and he smiled before saying;
"Can I play on my Play Station for a while?"
"No go to bed!!" I laughed, "School tomorrow"
He just grinned said good night and went out of my study.
I sat there reflecting on the last two days, wondering if I could find happiness with the first person I met after Jane, I decided that I would just see what transpired. She seemed to really like us, I knew I thought she was fantastic, but she was so much unlike Jane, yet in many ways they were very similar, the kids loved her, my closest friends thought she was great, and I thought she was good for me too.
The next three weeks were great and we began to get closer by the day often having tea together and she twice dropped Alice round on the Thursday when she had to work evenings, I said Alice could stay, but she said she would pop around to check on her anyway, but the first twice she went home. She always said this with a grin, and I always hoped she was really coming to see me too!!!! The third Thursday this happened I had decided to work whilst waiting for her to arrive, there was food in the kitchen waiting for her, so I decided to concentrate on finishing the bones of a large bid my company was working on. Spring was beginning to take hold now, and after an hour or two, I decided to take a short break and decided to step outside to get some fresh air. The night was still slightly cool for this time of year, but the bright star-filled sky was irresistible. Leaning back against the wall I stood there drinking in the freshness of the country air and just enjoying the quietness of the evening, I started to remember the night Jane and I had sat out here enjoying the view wrapped in thick jumpers just thankful that we had such a great view and I sighed softly. "I can still remember when we would sit and hold my hand out here" and I thought to myself, "I wonder if I can ever be so happy again." Shaking my head and moving back inside to finish up, the images of both Jane and Rachel rushed around my head and I decided to call it a night and wait for her to arrive. Picturing her face when she arrived, I couldn't help but smile in anticipation.
