Lets Make A Deal Pt 11

Author's note:

This is part of a long story. No part of it is intended to stand alone. I suggest starting with

Part 1

In revising the whole story, I've corrected errors, but also filled in a lot. This has inevitably made it all even longer. My apologies to anyone who read it in the original form and now finds it changed for the worse.

If you're looking mostly for explicit sex, this probably is not the story for you, so why don't you just go on to something else? There is explicit sex in some parts, but even there it's not the focus.

Also, some parts contain religious discussions which will offend some people and bore others. If you're one of those people, again, why not go on to something else?

49.

A little work, a little play, To keep us going

That Friday evening, Scott arrived with laundry and the things he'd need for Sunday. They fixed dinner together. They just had soup and sandwiches with a salad. Quick and easy, little cleanup needed, filling and—to Scott at least—delicious.

Saturday proved to be the day when things abruptly changed, though it all seemed normal enough until the afternoon. Lynda having reported that ice did indeed wake Martha up almost instantly, and fighting mad, Scott used his own quiet alarm to wake up fifteen minutes before Martha's big alarm. That gave him enough time to visit the bathroom, collect several ice cubes, and stuff wet kleenex in his ears. He gave her no more than five seconds after her alarm sounded before he dropped the ice in several places on her body. He thought that, in fact, she had started stirring even before he applied the ice, which seemed to be a hopeful sign. When the ice hit her, she sat up at once, and was out of bed after just a moment. Out of bed and trying to attack Scott, in fact. He grabbed her wrists and just immobilized her until she relaxed.

"Martha, I'm really sorry to torment you that way. On the other hand, I'd say things are looking hopeful." Without letting go of her wrists, he kissed her, just a quick peck. "When you're sure you're ready to say, 'Thank you, Scott,' instead of trying to murder me, I'll let you loose." He spoke very loudly because the alarm was so loud.

She laughed—another very good sign. She said, "Thank you Scott. If you'll let me go, I'll say good morning and thank you more properly." He let go, and switched off the alarm. She moved in to hug him, and gave him a very thorough kiss. At the first break, he paused long enough to unstop his ears. She said, "Can we please go back to bed for a while? And I'm not talking about sleeping." She did hurry off to the bathroom first. She didn't really get all that aroused when they made love, but Scott was ready enough for two. He made some effort to hold back for her, but she told him to just go in, which he did, and she didn't appear disappointed when he came almost at once. She said, "It's such a treat having you here when I wake up—yes, even waking up that way!—and I got plenty of fireworks last night, if you remember. Just having you hold me and make love to me is heavenly." They lay there for a good while, with him still inside her, just talking and enjoying being together. Eventually he rolled off her and she cleaned them both up.

After breakfast, they did housekeeping chores. Scott tried to look carefully for things they weren't getting to on a regular basis. He dusted and vacuumed the main living areas. He cleaned mirrors and a couple of very grimy windows.

50.

And the air was full of the smell of burning bridges.

After lunch, they sat and talked for a while, and then Scott and Lynda made love. Scott found this very frustrating this time around. Twice he brought her to the point of orgasm, but was unable to bring her over the threshold. He felt that he must have been doing something wrong, and it rather spoiled his own enjoyment. Afterward, as they lay there in what should have been the afterglow, he told her he was sorry.

"Scott Davidson, don't you dare apologize to me for that! In the first place, if you will think back, you don't owe me an orgasm, or even any pleasure at all. And it is not in any way your fault. You were just fine. I don't know what wasn't working right, but it was something about me, not you." He tried to interject, but she just continued, full speed ahead. He couldn't help thinking that her own sexual frustration was driving part of this. "Think about it. For weeks now, you've been giving me pleasure with your body, beyond anything I could have imagined. So you failed to do so now—not that I didn't enjoy it, because I did! So what? Do you really think I care? It's not your body or your sexual abilities that make me love you so much! Even though I love that too! The way you treat us otherwise, your whole character, that's why I love you!"

Martha broke in, "Lynda!" in a shocked tone.

Scott had heard of people's eyes going wide as saucers, and now he saw where that came from. Lynda's eyes didn't exhibit that kind of impossible growth, but they did open as wide as they possibly could, as her mouth opened wide and she covered it with both hands. "Oh, Scott! I didn't mean—!" She cut off and burst into tears.

She said, between sobs, "I can't say that! I promised not to lie to you, so I can't say I didn't mean that, or didn't mean it the way it sounds. I'm sorry! It's true. I didn't mean to tell you, I know you didn't want to hear that, but I do love you."

Scott gathered her to him. "Lynda, then why are you crying and apologizing again? Didn't I say that I want the truth from you, even if it isn't something I want to hear?" He kissed her forehead. "I guess once more I need to offer to hold you as long as you need me to. But if you can stop crying, it will help. I'm afraid we need to get dressed, and then all three of us sit down and talk."

She buried her face on his chest and sobbed. After a while, the sobs ran down. He handed her kleenex. She wiped her eyes and face, then blew her nose. Finally she said, "I think I'm all right. For the moment, anyway." He hugged her and kissed her briefly, and said, "Once again, I'm not sure why you were crying like that. But get dressed, and we'll talk." He hugged her again, then got up and began getting dressed himself.

51.

Just the facts ma'am, just the facts

They all went into the kitchen and sat. Scott got himself a glass of water. He was pretty sure he'd be about talked out before they were done.

He said, "I have a big bunch of questions, and another bunch of things to say, and none of it hangs together enough for me to know what order it all should go in. I should start with some questions, I think, because I need the answers to know just what to say afterward. What Lynda said is going to complicate our relationship a whole lot.

"So. First off. Martha, correct me if I'm wrong. But what you said and the way you said it makes me sure this wasn't a surprise to you. I mean, what Lynda said, not her saying it. I'd say you must have known about it, and that the two of you must have talked about it. Is that right?"

"Yes, Scott. That's completely right. And there's more. If this is coming out, then you need to know that it's not just Lynda. I love you too. More than I can tell you. And we've talked about that too."

Scott thought for a minute. There were too many different things. Finally, he chose one. "So, please tell me. What has this done to your relationship, the two of you?"

They looked at each other. Finally, Martha said, "Well, it has changed it. I still love Lynda, and she loves me. I don't know whether it's as much as it was before this all started, I don't really have a way to measure that. But if you're headed for questions about our sex life specifically, the answer is that there's not much left. We've only made love a couple of times since this all started. And, frankly, those were kind of odd. They only happened because you'd turned one or both of us on, and we weren't satisfied when you left. Remember that first Sunday, when you wanted to go home early? And that's not a complaint! But, well, I think what I feel for her isn't physical as much as it was. But for me anyway, the physical part was always secondary, anyway."

Scott said, "Some of that may just be that I'm, well, monopolizing your sexual impulses, or energies, which are a finite resource. If I were suddenly out of the picture, would you be looking for women as partners, either yourselves or other women? Or would you be thinking of men?"

Lynda spoke up. "That's hard to say for sure. I think for me, after a little while, I could want Martha kind of the way I did before, if I worked on it. But I think I'd be more back to where I was at fifteen, finding guys, good-looking guys anyway, exciting. I guess it's like this. What I want now, in terms of love, is a permanent relationship with a man just like you, given that I can't have it with you. I probably could be persuaded to settle for a woman, if I can't find the right man. And I do want to care for others the way I care for Martha now, which isn't that much different than it was before but without much of a sexual part to it."

Scott said, "Martha?" After a moment, she said, "She's right, it's hard to say. But I think that's the way I feel, too. But you need to understand, I think it doesn't work the same for me as it does for you, anyway. Sheila woke up desires that had kind of gone to sleep. When I had felt them before that, they weren't really set off by thinking of some specific person, not for a long time. And I had really kind of fallen in love with her without much sexual feeling being involved, if any. Of course I didn't think of it that way.

"Once she suggested sex, as I thought about it, things started stirring. And I learned, I guess, that sex went with affection for women, so after that I responded that way some. After Helen, I was turned off by the whole thing, and Lynda didn't really attract me that way because what I felt for her was more motherly or something. She's beautiful, and when she made me the offer it was easy to add sexual interest, but until then my feelings hadn't run that way. So I don't know.

"But what I can say is that watching you with her has turned me on from the beginning, and I think it's because I love her, but it's thinking about you doing whatever it is with me, not about her doing it with you. Does that make sense? But then again, I really already had loved you for a long, long time when we started."

52.

Let him who fears his heart alone stand up and make a speech.

Scott wasn't quite sure what to make of that last bit, but she didn't elaborate, and he decided not to pursue it at that point. He thought for a few moments, and then said, "OK, I've probably said a lot of this somewhere along the line. I've certainly thought it a lot. I'll try to say it in a way that makes some sense.

"When you two came and made me your offers, my first impulse was just to say no. Period. Sex is meant to be a part of marriage. It's kind of the glue that holds the relationship together against all the stresses trying to pull it apart. That last is my not very humble opinion, anyway. It goes a little beyond what scripture actually says. And of course there's more to it than that.

"But as Martha and I talked, well, I've definitely told you, I was lonely. I wanted sex. The physical pleasure was part of it, and you've seen how much that pleasure is for me. But for a lot of reasons I'd been at a point where I was short on intimate relations, not physically intimate but emotionally and spiritually, especially with women. I felt like I was starving, and here someone was offering me at least a crust.

"I think, I hope, I would still have turned you both down flat, except that you were lesbians, not—I thought—attracted to men sexually, at all. And moreover, you were already a couple, in love with each other, desiring each other. So I figured that you were protected from any kind of romantic attraction to me. I kind of hoped that after a while, say maybe long about as far along as we are now, you'd be able to relax enough to take some pleasure in sex with me, and that maybe by the end of the whole thing I might even bring you to orgasm a couple of times.

"Now, I knew up front that I was likely to fall in love somewhat with you, probably both of you. I don't think I could have sex with a woman, more than a one-time encounter and maybe not even then, without feeling affection and caring. Some men apparently can have sex with a woman they hate, using it if you will as a weapon to express contempt. Probably I could be brought to that, but I wouldn't like myself very much if I were.

"I was determined to make this a strictly temporary state of affairs, so it was really important that I try to keep you from falling in love with me. I thought that under the circumstances this would be easy. Obviously I was wrong.

"One more thing. I think you know that I think homosexuality is wrong, period. If you don't understand why, we can talk about that some other time. But truly loving, committed relationships are something precious, whether they're defective in other ways or not. I really was determined not to drive a wedge between you two. It seems that I failed. It seems that I was stupid to think that I could avoid it. I'm truly sorry. I've done you great harm, and saying I didn't intend it doesn't excuse me."

At this point Martha got up and came around and hugged him, hard. She didn't let go for a long moment. Finally she released him and went back over and sat down.

Scott continued, "Is that all clear, so far? Any questions? Or comments, I suppose."

Martha said, "Maybe. I need to think for a minute or two. Please."

About that much later, she said, "Scott, that last part is all wrong. I'm speaking for myself here, and Lynda may disagree with me when I'm done. But I don't think you've 'driven a wedge between' us at all.

"The sexual part of our relationship has changed as a result of you, yes, and I've got to address that, but this comes first. The important part, love, caring, respect, you haven't weakened at all. If anything, you've strengthened it. I felt motherly and protective toward Lynda, and I still do. When she said she had fallen in love with me, well, she felt that I had been treating her that way, but she made it plenty clear that those feelings of love came before the idea of us making love entered her head. She was responding to being treated with love and respect. I know I care for her as much as ever, and I think she does for me.

"So what about the sexual part? Well, because of you, in a way, that's over at least for now. But when this deal is finished, whenever and however that happens, we might go back to that or not, but it's not that you've come between us. What happened is that we both went from, well, good but kind of ho-hum sex to really wonderful sex, with you, and that's what you did. We both learned, I think, that what we really want for sex is a man, if we can find one as honest, faithful, caring, gentle, and all that, as you are. I do, anyway. As far as anything else goes, well, skill in making love or technique, anything like that, doesn't really seem very important. I'd need to have feelings for the man, I think, from all those other things.

"As I said, if that really doesn't apply to Lynda, she can speak for herself."

Lynda just said, "I totally agree."

Scott said, "Anything more?" and waited.

53.

What Is This Thing Called Love?

Nobody said anything else. Scott finally continued. "OK. I guess the next thing is—oh, do you have a piece of scratch paper I can use? I have more questions."

Martha pulled an envelope out of the wastebasket. "Will this do?" Scott took it, looked at the back, and said, "Perfect.

"OK, this is harder than it sounds. I want you to tell me what you mean when you say you love me. Each of you. You'll have to go slow enough that I can make notes. If one says something, I want the other to agree, or disagree, or qualify."

After just a moment, Lynda said, "I know I just said this wasn't the important thing, but I love it when you hold me and kiss me and touch me and when you're inside me. That's not all, but that is part of it."

Scott scribbled a note at the top of the envelope. Martha said, "You want a reaction from me, right? I agree one hundred percent with that, every bit of it." Scott added a check mark.

Martha said, "When I'm not with you, I miss you. I can't quite say that I'm only happy when you're there, but I feel like something's missing." Lynda said, "Me, too." Scott made a note and a check mark in the middle.

"I want to make you happy, even if that means doing something I don't like." "Agreed."

"I admire you, tremendously. I wish I could be like you." "Me, too."

"I just like doing things with you. That's kind of like wanting to be with you, but it's different, too. It can make a chore more bearable to share it with most anyone, but with you that's at a much higher level."

They continued for a couple more minutes, one or the other offering, the other agreeing. There were never any disagreements or qualifications. At the end, Scott had notes on the four edges of the envelope, with one or two in the middle. He said, "I think that's plenty. I want to talk about what love is, for clarification. Then maybe we can see where we stand.

54.

It's all Greek to me.

"One common way of approaching this is to start with four Greek words that are all translated 'love', explaining them and showing how they differ. There's a book by C. S. Lewis that I read, kind of quickly, when I was a teenager. I barely remember it, but it gave me a basis when other people used some of these points. I don't think that the Greeks had special insight here, or anything like that. It's just that our word 'love' is ambiguous, meaning a whole lot of different things, related in certain ways and by using just one word we think they're all completely the same. There are more than these four, but they're a starting point. I should add that I have a modest Greek vocabulary, from reading things that use Greek words and occasionally from going back from translations to the original, but I've never actually studied the language.

"The first is

storge

. That's the one I'm least sure about. I think Lewis said that it was based on habit or familiarity. You may feel it for family members, just because you're in contact a lot and helping each other out and doing things together. I think what you said about liking to do things with me probably comes under this heading.

"The second is

phileo

. (All these are in various forms, of course.) This is something like friendship, though today that word has been dumbed down so far that it's not too helpful. It includes a high level of affection and loyalty, I think. I don't know, I put the wanting to be with me one here, but that may not be the best place.

"Next is

eros

. This isn't just a generalized lust or being horny. Um. I think men are more given to that, but women do feel it too. That would be when I'm aroused, maybe out of the blue or maybe because I've, say, seen a woman bending over with her breasts hanging down, completely visible down her neckline, or in a really short skirt or whatever. In that case, I may be aroused because of her, but what I want isn't her but just release, and most any woman would do. That's not it. This is sexual desire for or attraction to a specific person. In English we can easily say, 'I love you,' meaning no more than this kind of thing. I don't think I need to say which of your ideas relate to that.