Its So Hard To Meet A Good Woman

To bankers devoted to servicing their customers!

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"Hi, my name is Jack. I need to open an account."

"Wonderful! I'm Liz. Just come sit here at my desk with me. Did you recently move here?"

"How did you know?"

"I just happened to see you get out of a car that has Colorado plates. Educated guess."

"Yeah, of course. Another detail to work on with the move!"

"Did you transfer here for work or was it something else?"

"I sold my business and decided to retire. I was tired of Denver winters. I bought a condo here, so I don't have to worry about a yard."

"I love yards, but they come at a price!"

"They sure do! Eventually, it's just too much. Then you hire someone. They leave, so you look for someone else, then you say, 'I'm gonna buy a condo!'"

Liz was laughing. "That's probably my next move as well. So, Jack, are you moving money from a bank in Denver? What kind of account or accounts do you need?"

"I want to transfer all of my Denver bank accounts here. I need checking and a money market savings. Nobody writes many checks anymore, but I'll be keeping about $50k in checking and $150k in savings."

"That helps, Jack. Will these be joint accounts with your wife?"

"No.... ummm...."

Liz saw the tears forming. "Oh, Jack, I'm so sorry. Of all people in this bank, I should have known better. How long has it been?"

"Two years. Cancer. She fought it for two years, but it was late-stage."

There were tears in Liz's eyes. "It's been three years for me. Todd died 8 months after diagnosis. A glioblastoma."

"Those are so bad! I honestly have no idea which is better. Mariah suffered a lot for two years, and there was a toll on everyone. I say, give me a quick death any day."

"Here's a Kleenex, and I'll help myself to one as well."

"Liz, if you don't mind me asking, how are you getting along? Do you still feel lonely at night?"

"Yeah, Jack. I do. But it's slowly getting better. I'm at the point where I wouldn't mind dating, but it's easy to find jerks and hard to find a really good man. How about you?"

"The loneliness is the worst, at least at first, but I find the grief revisits at odd times, when I least expect it."

"So true. Like when a careless banker asks an unfortunate question?"

"No worries, Liz. We've all done it. Have you started dating, or are you just considering it?"

"I've gone out a couple of times, but based on that sample size of two, it's hopeless!"

I was laughing. "I can so relate! It's so hard to meet a good woman! I haven't dated yet, but I've at least been looking."

Liz changed the subject and talked about different account options. I chose the ones she recommended. She also asked about international travel. I plan to travel a lot, so she recommended a Visa card with no currency exchange fees.

"Jack, the bank asks about a new client's net worth. Just between you and me, they are just after clients for the investment arm of the bank. What would you like me to put down?"

"Am I signing anything that would subject me to perjury for not giving a truthful answer to this question?"

"No, this is supplemental, after the application, and answers are optional."

"Then let's just leave it blank. You can indicate I declined to answer if that helps you."

We worked through the digital form quickly and I got the wire instructions to make the big transfer. I gave her $1000 cash to open the two accounts, and made a note to download the bank's mobile app.

"Jack, is there anything else I can do for you today?"

"Actually, Liz, can I go out on a limb? You and I are both willing to meet a nice person. Would you like to have dinner with me?"

"I'd love that! I was hoping you would ask. The bank frowns on me asking bank customers out on dates! Give me your phone and unlock it, and I'll enter my name and number."

She entered the info, then texted her phone to have my info.

"Jack, I really appreciate the invitation. Please call me! You know I've already said 'yes.'"

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Driving home from the bank, I was smiling. Liz seems wonderful. I'm excited about this move, a nice change from the mass of people Denver has become. And the weather! Hot in the summer, sure, but only cool in the winter, even a little snow now and then, but a lot of mid-winter days of blue skies and mid-50s, even 60s temps. I can take that!

My mind kept returning to Liz.

Am I ready to see someone? To date someone? Even if so, I don't know if I'm ready for sex! Liz may not be either. That's ok. We're both recovering from painful losses.

I was grateful to her for helping me avoid the net worth question. That last thing I need is calls from the bank's investment people! They would sure love to get a piece of my business, though!

I waited a couple of days to call Liz. I had a great excuse! I was busy with all of the post-move address updates to accounts and phone calls with my attorney and my investment guy.

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"Hi, Jack! I'm glad you called."

"Hi, Liz. I called to take you up on your offer to say yes."

"Well, I have to have something to say yes to!"

"No carte blanche?"

"You know how particular bankers are, Jack. We insist on details. Clear, unambiguous facts."

I was laughing now. "So be it, Liz. Will you go to dinner with me on Friday night? I'd like to pick you up at 7."

"Yes. I'd like to go out with you Jack, and I promise never to jerk you around like that again. Unless it's even more fun than this was!"

"I'd expect nothing less!"

"Since you are new to St. George, do you need an insider's tip on local dining?"

"I was thinking of taking you to the Painted Pony, unless you would prefer McDonald's."

"Ouch! Couldn't I pick Wendy's? Actually, the Painted Pony is a great choice. You should probably make reservations for a Friday night, though."

"I'll do that and confirm the time I'll pick you up. Thanks, Liz."

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It's been 27 years since I asked a woman out for a first date. Although Liz was toying with me, I made it through pretty well. For some reason, the next phone call was a different story!

I was rehearsing what I was going to say, then I misdialed, then my hands were shaking. It was like high school revisited! Fortunately, I got my act together in time to hide my nervousness.

"Hi, Jack.... I guess I need to stop saying 'hijack!'"

"Especially if you're at an airport!"

"Can you imagine how bad that could get?"

"You're always fun to talk to! The reservation tomorrow is for 7:30. I don't even know whether I'm picking you up or whether you want to drive yourself on a first date."

"Jack, I'd love for you to come to my home and pick me up. I have zero trust issues with you."

"What time do you recommend?"

"I think 7 gives us plenty of time. I prefer being early and relaxed rather than rushing. I'll text my address. I'm not far from you. I remember thinking that when you gave me your address at the bank. You're in Santa Clara, right?"

"Right. Good memory. Liz, I assume this restaurant is casual, right."

"That's a pretty safe bet anywhere in St, George!"

I have 24 hours to figure out what to wear! Since when do I worry about that?

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I arrived at Liz's home at 6:55. Based on her comments at the bank, I'm guessing she values promptness!

Why am I nervous? So what if I haven't done this in 27 years? I am a multi-millionaire entrepreneur, and I'm quaking over picking up my date!

I rang the doorbell.

"Hello, Jack! I am excited to go out with you tonight."

"Nice improvement over 'hijack!' I brought you some flowers for your home."

"You know how to impress! Come on in for a minute while I put these in water."

Liz looked amazing. I hadn't paid a lot of attention to her good looks at the bank, but here in a casual setting, she is something! I am guessing she is about 5'6". She has strawberry blond hair, not quite down to her shoulders. I love her face. So beautiful.

She was wearing a skirt. Just above her knees. Great legs. As she walked into her kitchen I admired her ass.

It has been years since I have looked at a woman this way! It feels like cheating though!

"Liz, maybe I shouldn't admit to this, but this is my first date since Mariah died. Actually, first date with anyone else in 27 years."

"I'm honored to be your first... First date, I mean." She blushed. "Why do I get so tongue-tied with you?"

"You know, if we become friends, I will have to embarrass you with that at least a few times. If we knew each other better, I would likely have said something about getting your tongue-tied with mine."

"I hope you have that chance." She really blushed after that!

When we walked out the door, I held the car door open for her. When I got in the car, she leaned over and kissed me on the cheek."

"What was that for?"

"I just wanted to. You're a gentleman. I appreciate that. That makes you my first gentleman... to date. First gentleman I've dated. I'm hopeless tonight! I feel so nervous!"

"That makes two. I can't believe at my age and my business experience being this nervous over a beautiful woman."

"Oh, my! You

are

racking up the points now. Let me get out my scorecard and make a few notes."

I cruised around the parking lot and realized I would be parking some distance away.

"Liz, let me drop you off at the door and I'll park. I can hike back."

"Jack, you amaze me. I sure hope... Well, it will be hard to find another man like you."

I caught up with her in the lobby and our waitress immediately showed us to our table.

We got busy talking and laughing and the waitress had to come back twice before we were ready to order. I'm sure she hated that, but I'll tip her well.

"Jack, other than the banking stuff, tell me about Jack the person."

"Well, Mariah and I were married for 25 years. We have three children. The youngest, Kate, is still single, attending Colorado State. The next one, Trisha and her husband just had their first. My oldest, Jake, and his wife have two children."

"You have grandchildren! It's fun, isn't it? I have one."

"How is it possible for you to have a grandchild! Did you marry at 10?"

She laughed. "That's nice of you, but I'm only three years younger than you. Todd and I were married for 22 years. My only child is Monica. She's 20, got married to Jed, and just had a baby, Angel. 6 months ago."

"I'm not blowing smoke when I tell you I had no idea you were that close to me in age! I had put you at 38, max."

"Where's my scorecard? You may have just broken some sort of scoring record."

"Jack, tell me about Mariah. How did you meet?"

"We knew each other in high school but ended up at opposite ends of the country for several years. We both went to graduate schools, still far apart. We had stayed in touch and spoke often on the phone. Saw each other at the holidays sometimes. When I turned in my Master's thesis, I got on a plane and flew to see her and proposed."

"What was she like? Is that too hard to talk about?"

"No, it's fine. She was everything to me. We had a wonderful marriage. Not perfect, of course. None are, but the weaknesses in our marriage were probably all due to me. She was perfect."

Liz had tears in her eyes. "I asked the question because the way a man talks about his wife tells a lot about him. I'm throwing away my scorecard! You busted it."

"Tell me about Todd."

"We met as seniors in college. He was an IT major and had an offer for a fabulous job when he proposed to me. I was so in love. I should have said, 'We were so in love.' Todd asked me out on a date every week of our marriage, no matter what. Until near the end, of course."

She paused to wipe away tears. I was still digesting what she had just said and thinking about my shortcomings.

"This might be TMI, but I also made sure we made love every week, without fail. Neither of us wanted our sex life to get stale."

"You must miss him terribly. I'm sorry. I shouldn't say something like that. Obviously, you miss him. I miss Mariah, too."

"But life goes on, right? Now it's about finding another wonderful person. I know I would love to marry. How about you?"

"I tried to bury myself in work at first, to pretend I would be fine alone. I was trying to fool myself. I feel too lonely to remain single for very long, I'm afraid."

"That's a very honest statement. I'm a little surprised. Not at your honesty. At your self-awareness. Jack, why did you ask me out? What do you see in me?"

I got bailed out just then by the arrival of our food. "Hold that thought, Liz."

The food was delicious. We continued light chatter as we ate. We decided to share a dessert, and Liz insisted on feeding me. It was a surprisingly intimate gesture.

"Liz, you triggered some thoughts about myself, and I still owe you an answer to your last question. Would it be alright with you to sit at your house or at mine and talk more?"

"I'd like that. I enjoy being with you, Jack. You are something of an enigma to me, though. I've seen my house, but I'd love to see yours."

My housekeeper had come that day, so I knew it was presentable!

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"Can I get you something to drink, Liz? I don't have a great assortment, but I have still or sparkling water and various sodas."

"I'd love a sparkling water!"

"Go sit in the living room. Kick off your shoes and get comfortable."

I brought her the drink. She sat in the middle of the sofa. I could either sit next to her or choose a chair facing her. That might seem a little standoffish! I sat next to Liz.

"I was hoping you'd take the hint." She kissed me on the cheek. "Now, you owe me that answer!"

"Liz, you asked me what I saw in you. I'll answer that, so long as you answer why you accepted."

"Deal."

"As you know, I hadn't started dating yet. When I met you at the bank... I'm not sure I can even explain what I felt. I just felt I needed to get to know you. It wasn't just superficial. You were so nice and easy to talk to. I thought you were beautiful, but that observation came after my desire to spend time with you. So, why did you accept?"

"As I told you, I've dated a couple of times. Disappointment both times. I wasn't looking. Then you sat down at my desk. Something about you spoke to me. You are impressive, you are handsome, but it wasn't about those things. I just felt something. I found myself hoping you would ask me out. Then you did!"

"I'm glad I asked and relieved you accepted!"

"Relieved? I told you 'yes' immediately."

"Still, I had stuck my neck out. Liz, something you told me about Todd hit me hard. You mentioned he asked you out for a genuine date every week. I'm ashamed to admit I made some mistakes. I don't really measure up to Todd."

"I'm not asking you to, Jack. You're a different person. Why do you think you made mistakes?"

"I focused too much on my work. Not enough on Mariah or my kids."

"Tell me about your work."

"Together with two friends, we founded what started as a boutique software company. It rapidly developed into much more. We had a great concept and turned it into a gold mine. Long story short, the year before Mariah died, we were acquired by Google and the three of us negotiated exit deals separately, because we had different needs.

"By then I knew Mariah was dying. I had no desire to continue with long hours in building something. I got 90% cash and 10% Google stock. The other two stayed in the business and I believe chose about 25%/75%. Anyway, I ended up with about $80 million.

"I had worked long hours for a lot of years. I rarely took Mariah out on a date. All of my hard work was for that payoff, but she wasn't able to share it with me, and soon she died. Mariah had never complained, but looking back she probably felt lonely on a lot of nights. I was too focused to see it."

I had to stop. I was crying. Feeling embarrassed.

Liz wrapped both arms around me and put her head on my shoulder. I just cried.

"I'm so sorry, Liz! Great first date, sitting here crying."

"Jack, all I see is a sweet man. Sure, with hindsight, you can see mistakes. We all make them. Your capacity for self-awareness continues to impress me. What will you do differently if you remarry?

"It's not just that, Liz. I know now that my three kids were close to Mariah, but not close enough to me. Mariah was the glue holding the family together.

"It isn't that I did nothing with them. We had some fun family vacations, but I wasn't there helping with homework, or listening to their worries or disappointments. I wasn't there with my son to build things together. Now I'm paying the price, and my kids are becoming more, not less distant. It breaks my heart."

Liz kissed me on the cheek. Then she got off the sofa and knelt in front of me. She took my face in her hands, wiped away my tears and looked into my eyes.

"Jack, I repeat. I'm looking at a sweet man. I think you have an opportunity for improvement. You know the problems. You have the time. You need someone at your side, then you can turn outward.

"I'm going to be very direct with you. I would like to be that person. We just met, I know that, but I really like what I see. You are an amazing, bright, sweet man. It doesn't hurt your cause that I think you are one of the most handsome men I have ever dated. Can we date seriously enough to find out whether we have a future together? Are you interested in me enough to do that? Please be honest with me?"

"You see me that way? After Todd?"

"Todd wasn't perfect either, Jack. He

was

in some ways, not in all. The same goes for me. Don't expect me to be without shortcomings."

"You were perfect about sex."

"Ok, I should never have shared that! The only way in which I was perfect there was in frequency. Honestly, our sex had gotten a little boring. Does that happen to everyone?"

"I don't know. I think it takes a commitment to having fun and being creative."

"Here we are talking about sex on our first date! You dodged my question, though. Are you interested in me enough to date me seriously?"

"I didn't mean to dodge that. Liz, I'm fascinated by you. Physically, I feel a lot of attraction. You are beautiful. More than that, though, you inspire me to want to be better. I think that's a good thing in a girlfriend."

"Do you think of me as your girlfriend?"

"I would like to, if you have time for me in your dating calendar."

"I should never have told you about my lousy dates!"

"Liz, if this is too soon, just say so. I want to kiss you."

"You'll never know unless you try."

We kissed. A short kiss. Then we looked into each other's eyes and she stood and straddled my lap.

Then we really kissed!

"Jack, that was easily my greatest first kiss ever. I hope that's a good sign."

"I feel the same way. Actually, Liz, I think it might be wise to stop there. We are both trying to heal from loneliness and missing sex. If we go there tonight we might not take time to get to know each other."

"Wow, Jack. You just keep scoring massive points with me! Thanks for thinking long-term instead of seducing me. Believe me, you could have tonight!"

I drove Liz home. We shared another fabulous kiss at her front door.

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I went to the bank Monday to see Liz. About banking.

"Hi, Liz. I'm here to ask you a banking question. Now that you know how much money I have, I need to tell you almost all of it is being managed by an advisor I've known for about 15 years. He's wonderful.

"My question is this: Does it help you in any way to refer a customer to your investment group?"

"Not directly. However, the bank tracks investment money sourced that way at the branch level. Particularly new money. Since I'm the branch manager, it helps that way. What did you have in mind?"