Is Love All or Nothing?

Welcome one and all to chapter 17 of "Is Love All or Nothing?" WOOOOO!

Sorry for the long delay as I wanted to get this chapter and next one done and edited before I submitted because I don't want to leave you, the reader, in suspense for too long. Why you would be suspense you may ask? Sorry, you have to read to find out. As always credit for editing goes to Tigersman.

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Keith was woken up by a loud slam and a yelling woman's voice.

"God dammit, why can't you just tell me how you feel Andy?"

Keith knew that voice and immediately got out of bed, put a shirt and left his apartment to see Andy just chasing after Lauren as she was leaving.

"Lauren, I'm trying to right now. Please come back," Andy begged. "It's not easy for me."

"I don't give a fuck! You can't keep shutting me out."

"Lauren, I'm trying to open up but it's not easy for me."

"It really isn't easy for him," Keith said supporting Andy. "It is not easy for most guys to open up."

Lauren stops in her tracks before she reaches the door to the outside and turns around. "I just want him to tell me how he feels about me. I don't even know if he loves me."

Keith started walking over to her. "Let's go into Andy's apartment and talk about this."

Reluctantly Lauren agreed and they all walked into Andy's apartment with Keith sitting in a recliner and Andy and Lauren sitting on the couch, but on opposite ends.

"So what is going on between you two?" Keith asked once everyone sat down.

"He hasn't told me that he loves me," Lauren stated.

"You can't just force me to say that," Andy said. "You're always forcing stuff without even talking to me about it."

"Like what?"

"Not telling me until yesterday that we're going to your cousin's wedding in a couple of weeks, trying to change the plans we make the very next day, refusing to watch any movies I suggest and when you do, you're on your phone half of the movie."

"Well it's not my fault the movies you like are stupid," Lauren counters.

"How would you know?! You don't even give them a chance with your nose deep in your phone checking Facebook or texting someone," Andy yells.

"Maybe I'm trying to make plans with friends so they can finally meet you!" Lauren yells back.

The back and forth between them continues as Keith just sat there and listened to them bicker and argue. He couldn't understand why this was happening or how things were getting so bad. Then Lauren said something that Keith thought was really out of line.

"Why can't you be an amazing guy like Keith? He treats Jackie a lot better than you treat me."

"Leave me out of your fight with Andy!" Keith said sternly. "You don't know what she and I have been through and how hard we work to keep our relationship strong."

"So, you still treat her better than Andy-"

"I don't give a shit!" Keith screamed, his face beet red with anger. "You leave my name and my relationship with Jackie out of your fight!"

The room went silent after Keith's outburst. Eventually Keith left to go back to his apartment with Andy and Lauren still in shock.

"That was scary," Lauren finally said, fear in her voice.

"Yeah, he can go off like that sometimes."

"Is he always that...intense when he gets mad?"

Andy nods his head. "It has been a long time since I've seen him go off like that."

"I guess it was unfair for me to bring him and his relationship with Jackie into our argument." There was another long silence between them as they just sat there. "Are things really this bad between us?"

Andy takes a deep breath before he answered. "I think there are many things we should have been talking about but just haven't."

"You know that I love you Andy, but we can't keep going like this."

"You're right, we can't, "Andy said feeling hopeless, "but I don't want to give up either."

"Well, how are we going to leave this today? Still together or taking a break?"

Andy sat back and thought for a long time before answering. "Still together until we both agree there is no future for us."

"Ok."

Lauren got up and so did Andy. He walked her to the door and hugged her goodbye. She returned the hug and whispered into Andy's ear, "Will you tell Keith I'm sorry?"

Andy let go of the hug. "Tell him next time you see him. Once he has cooled down, he'll be very receptive to your apology."

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"Are you ok now Keith?" Jackie asked after Keith had told her what had happened between Lauren and Andy. Keith hadn't calmed down after screaming his head off at Lauren after a couple of hours so he called Jackie to see if she was home. Once he got to her place she could tell that he was very tense and not his normal, happy self. She asked him to join her on the couch and tell her everything that happened. He told her everything that happened and he seemed to relive the whole thing as his face got redder.

Jackie just sat and listened to Keith vent, often hearing him repeat how mad he was at Lauren for using their relationship against Andy. Not once did she interrupt him or tell him he was overreacting. She knew Keith needed this out of his system and didn't think there was any other way for him to do this effectively at that point in time.

When he finally stopped venting, he seemed more calm and relaxed. He still wasn't his normal happy, cheerful self, but she could tell he was finally starting to breathe normally, seem less angry, and his face was no longer red. She moved closer to him and tugged at him so he could lay his head on her chest as she wrapped her arms around him. In turn, Keith wrapped his arms around her midsection and relaxed his body even more.

Jackie would then rub his back, still not saying anything. She had no clue what to say because she didn't want to set Keith off again after he finally calmed down so they just sat there, embraced for over an hour before Keith finally sat up and gave her a kiss on the lips.

"Thank you," Keith said with sadness in his voice. "I know it must have been hard for you to just listen to me vent like that and not knowing what to say to help me."

"It's ok sweetie," Jackie said cupping his face with her left hand. "This is something that will probably happen again and I want you to feel comfortable talking to me about anything that happens in your day, including stuff that makes you mad or upset."

Keith couldn't help but smile at her response. "Since when did you become so understanding and knowledgeable of how to deal with me and my Asperger's?"

"You've treated me with nothing but respect and understanding of my past history with douchebag ex boyfriends," she said with a big smile. "As for the knowing how to deal with your Asperger's, I'm still learning on the fly."

"Just imagine how I feel trying to live with it and not seem crazy to everyone," he said with a laugh.

"Well if your Asperger's is even slightly part of the reason why you are such an amazing man, then I'd say the small negatives that come with it are a necessary evil."

"I didn't realize quick, angry outbursts were a 'small' negative."

Jackie looked down, laughing and shaking her head at Keith's response before looking back up at his face. "Ok, maybe not that small, but still worth putting up with because I love you."

Keith felt so loved by that statement and yet he needed to ask something. "So be completely honest with me, did I overreact with Lauren." Jackie hesitated to answer, but he wanted to know. "I promise I won't be mad for you telling me the truth right now. I need to know."

"Well..." Jackie still wasn't sure if she should tell the truth but figured he was asking for it. "From what you've told me, your first outburst wasn't that bad and in my opinion it was justified. However... you didn't need to scream at her after that."

Keith looked down, disappointed in himself, knowing that Jackie was right. "I really wish I knew how to control my outbursts better and not fly off the hinge."

Jackie used her left hand that was cupping his face to now lift up his head from his chin. "That is something that will take time for you to learn and something I will help you with anyway I can."

He kissed her again, but this one lasted long before he separated his lips from hers. "Sometimes I wonder how much worse off my life would be without you."

"Don't be going worst case scenario on me Keith Isaac James."

The use of his middle name caught him by surprise. "When did you find what my middle name is?"

"Your sister told me at Christmas," Jackie said with a big grin.

"That is not fair!" Keith protested. "You know my middle name but I don't know yours."

"Want me to tell you mine?"

'Yes!"

"Well, my middle name is..." Jackie prolonged the pause to add dramatic effect, "is something you'll just have to guess."

Keith glared at her for a few seconds before sighing and relenting to the fact he'll have to guess what her middle name is. "Is it Mary?"

"Nope," Jackie said shaking her head.

"Ann?"

"Negative."

Sue?"

"Not even close."

"Can I get a hint?"

"Your hint is that it is my middle name."

"You're such a tease."

"But you love me and will put with up with teasing," Jackie said with a huge grin.

Keith continued to guess any name he could think and Jackie just kept teasing and mocking every guess he could come up with.

"What about Lane?"

Jackie hesitated for a second. "Nope, that's not it."

Keith noticed that she hesitated and knew he had her. "So your full name is Jacklyn Lane Parker."

"My middle name is not Lane," Jackie said trying to convince Keith that is not it, knowing full well he actually guessed right.

"You hesitated when I said Lane. All my other guesses you denied right away, but you knew I guessed right with Lane."

"Nope, keep guessing."

"I may miss social cues because of my Asperger's but I know I got you. Your middle name is Lane," Keith said confident he was right.

Jackie couldn't keep up the charade. She knew she had been caught and tried twice to convince Keith he guessed wrong. "Ok, you guessed right. My middle name...is indeed Lane."

"What's wrong with the middle name Lane?"

"Nothing I guess," Jackie said quietly.

"I really like it."

"You do?"

"Yeah, better than Isaac."

"What's wrong with Isaac? There is at least one famous Isaac in history."

"I guess. Just that I've heard my middle name used more times than I would like."

"By who?"

"My mom mostly, but can't say it wasn't unjustified. I wasn't exactly a model kid in junior and high school."

"Why? What did you do? Get into a lot of fights?"

"No, actually I had a knack for not doing my homework and getting behind in class. More than one time I didn't do a big project and nearly failed some classes."

"What!?" This was news to Jackie. "Nearly failed classes?"

"Yes but my mom got my ass in gear and I usually ended up with B's in those classes."

"What about college? Did you ever fall into the same pattern?"

"Andy wouldn't let me." Keith went on to give examples from his freshmen and sophomore year where he wanted to slack but Andy wouldn't let him. "I would not be where I am without Andy's help."

"You and Andy really have been through a lot together."

"Yes we have, but I think he is ready to hand the reigns of my life over to you and worry about me less."

"Well I'm ready to take them on and...wait, you're not proposing to me right now are you?"

Keith laughs hard. "No, no, I haven't asked your dad for his permission yet and don't think we are ready for that."

"Good because I would have said no."

"And I would not have blamed you whatsoever."

Jackie and Keith spent the rest of the day playing various games, including many games of Boss Monster. When it came time for dinner, they made a chicken stir fry together, each prepping something different with Jackie cooking it in the end. After finishing off their plates, Keith took over cleaning the kitchen up saying the cook shouldn't have to clean up. After everything is all cleaned up Jackie goes over to her man, kisses him passionately on the lips and leads him to her bedroom. There they strip each other's clothes off and make sweet love to each other, each reaching their orgasms multiple times before they finally fall asleep in each other's arms.

The next morning they woke up minutes from each other, still holding each other tight, not wanting to let go. Eventually they got up, showered together and left Jackie's apartment as she had was going wedding dress shopping again with Melissa. Keith needed to get back to his apartment and do some much needed cleaning and laundry.

For the next few weeks it was more of the same. Jackie would spend time with Keith during the week, sometimes spending the night at his place after making love. During the weekends Jackie would take Melissa wedding dress shopping, trying to find a church for the service and a venue for banquet, but Melissa just couldn't find anything that she liked. At one point Jackie teased that she was being pickier than Keith and what food he eats. Melissa took offense at first but realized Jackie was right.

Over those weeks the relationship between Lauren and Andy never got better. He still went with Lauren to her cousin's wedding like they planned but her family could tell that something was off between the two. A few of her family members talked to Andy in private about what was going on, but he just said they were going through a rough patch. Lauren's family tried to press the issue, but he never told them anything feeling it was none of their business. Lauren also didn't say anything trying to keep things private as well. However, deep down they both knew things were going to end sooner rather than later and a week before Valentine's Day they told everyone they were breaking up. It came as no shocker to anyone and Melissa and Jackie asked if Lauren would still hang out with them if she had time. Lauren said she would think about it but needed some space.

After the breakup everyone gave Andy his space with the exception of Keith. He was there to give Andy a welcome distraction through basketball, video games, and guy's nights. Eventually Luke was added back into the mix as Andy started to miss his company as well. Keith and Luke never pressed Andy on what eventually lead to the breakup. They knew if he wanted to he would tell them.

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Jackie stirred as she slowly woke up. Her eyes opened as she started to remember where she was, in the bedroom of her boyfriend, except the bed felt empty. She turned over and saw that he wasn't there.

"Keith, are you still here?" she called out but with no response. "Keith! Where are you?"

She got out of the bed and walked out the bedroom. Everything seemed normal except for the fact Keith wasn't there. He had never left her alone in his place without telling her or leaving her a note. She walked around looking for a note, any clue as to where he went. Then she heard noises coming from the hall outside the apartment complex. To her surprise the door was unlocking from the outside. She was ready to hide from the intruders, but when the door opened it was Keith with someone else.

"I told you Jillian that you wouldn't regret it."

Jackie froze at that name. "Jillian!" she thought to herself. "What the fuck is going on? Why is that bitch here?"

Jillian appeared through the doorway as she and Keith walked into his apartment. Jillian spotted Jackie immediately with a quizzical look on her face. "Didn't you tell her it was over?"

Keith turned to face Jackie. "What are you still doing here? Don't you remember we broke up?"

"What? When?" Jackie asked having no memory what Keith was talking about.

"We discussed this last week. We aren't right for each other and well," Keith turned to look at Jillian. "Jillian and I are just made for each other."

Jackie put her hands over her mouth as tears flowed down her face, shock taking over. She couldn't believe this was happening as she cried uncontrollably. "No! Please don't tell me this is true. Keith I love you!"

"Wake up Jackie," Keith told her. Jackie only sank to the floor, tears pouring down her face. "Jackie, wake up!" he said again but more urgently. "Jackie! Wake up!" She only sank lower before laying on the floor, curling up into a ball.

"Why did you leave me Keith?" Pain present in her voice.

"Jackie, I didn't leave you! You're having a nightmare!"

Jackie opened up her teary eyes, waking from her nightmare with Keith on his knees next to his bed, his right hand on her shoulder. Her breathing was rapid and shallow, still recovering from what she saw, what her mind put her through. A few minutes went by before her eyes finally met his, seeing the look of concern on his face.

"Are we still together?" she asked, hopelessness in her voice.

Keith kissed her forehead before answering. "Of course we're still together."

"You and...Jillian aren't friends, right?"

"She is not my friend and you know she will never want to be my friend."

Slowly Jackie's mind settles down and her breathing returns to normal. "Thank god. I don't know what I'd do if that nightmare ever came true."

Just knowing Jillian was involved somehow in Jackie's nightmare was enough for Keith to not ask about it. He used his hand to start wiping away some of the tears from her face as she calmed down.

"Would you like me to make you some coffee?" Jackie nodded with a smile. "Would you like me to make anything for breakfast?"

"Would you pour me a bowl of cereal and have it ready for me with the coffee on the coffee table?"

"Of course," Keith responded. He gave her a quick kiss. "You're my girlfriend and I will do anything for you." She laughed at the cheesy line, but knew he meant it. He always knew how to lighten her mood.

Keith did as he promised to do and when he placed the bowl of cereal and cup of coffee on the coffee table Jackie sat on the couch. He turned on the TV and let her pick what they would watch. She told him to continue onto the next episode of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.

They sat and watched as Jackie sipped her coffee and ate her cereal. She didn't eat or drink much before setting the cup and bowl on the table and leaning her head onto Keith's shoulder. Immediately he could tell she needed to be comforted and wrapped his arms around her. When the episode finished he hit the back button on the remote for his XBox so it would not play the next episode and just continued to hold and comfort his girlfriend.

"I had a nightmare that we weren't together," she said trying to hold back her tears, "and you were dating Jillian." Keith slowly rubbed her arm as she cried. He said nothing because he didn't know what to say and didn't want to make it worse. This was a new experience for him and he didn't want to ask what he should do. "I don't think anything would be worse than losing you," she said after a few minutes of crying.

"You have nothing to fear because I'll never leave you Jackie," he said in response, wiping away her tears.

Jackie lifted her head and kissed Keith's cheek. "Since when did we switch roles and you become the emotionally supportive one?"

A small smile formed on Keith's face. "I don't know but I'm trying to figure out the best way I can help you right now. I feel helpless seeing you like this."

A small smiled started to form on Jackie's face amazed at Keith's naivete. "You are helping me by just holding me like you are and not trying to fix me."

"I'm sure I am the one who needs fixing anyway with my crazy mind."

"You're mind isn't crazy," she said with a bigger smile on her face, "it is just different in how it thinks and works."

"I know," Keith said looking away from her. "I just feel...like there is more I can do without being a screw up."