Is Love All or Nothing?

Yes, I have a new chapter up in less than month for once! Once I got started I couldn't stop writing and everything just seem to write itself. I hope everyone enjoys this chapter as much as I had fun writing it. Of course I must thank Tigersman for being my editor and also helping me with the general story as I bounce ideas off of him.

For everyone new to my series, please go back to the beginning so can get better familiar with the background and start to fall in love with the characters as many of my readers have.

*****

"Why are you so nervous?" Jackie asks completely baffled.

"I don't want to hurt your feeling if I don't like it."

"You will love it! I promise."

"I don't know Jackie," Keith says not sure if he can go through with this. His anxiety is starting to get the best of him as they walk around the grocery store.

"I know you like stir fry already. We've had it together before."

"I just..." Keith isn't quite sure what to say. All of a sudden Jackie became very persistent that she make dinner for them. He wasn't apprehensive about the idea of having a stir fry, he just didn't want to make Jackie feel horrible if he didn't like it. He was always weary of when people made things their way because once in a while they would add something that would make him not want to eat the dish anymore.

Jackie stops walking and lays her hand on Keith's arm as he is pushing the cart. "Keith, look at me." He turns his head to look at her big smile. "The recipe I have in mind is something you will love. Beef, peppers, onions, baby shrimp, carrots, water chestnuts, and of course noodles, all with a teriyaki sauce. Name one of those things you don't like."

Keith laughs at himself for feeling so stupid. "I should have known you would make sure you only put in things I like."

"Duh! What type of girlfriend would I be if I didn't?" They continue to walk around, gathering everything Jackie needs. Just when Keith thinks they are all set, he sees Jackie grab a small package of mushrooms. "These will be for me. I can't completely compromise on everything when it comes to food."

"True, but really? Mushrooms?"

"Yes mushrooms. How else will I be able to survive a hit from a goomba?"

Keith busts out in laughter not anticipating that response. "First Star Trek and now video game references. How are you not the complete package?"

"Maybe if I start liking the same anime as you then I'll be the complete package."

"That would be awesome, but I don't think you can handle some of the anime that I like."

"Is that a challenge?" Jackie asks not feeling intimidated.

"No, it is not a challenge. I just think some of the anime I have watched and re-watch might be too intense. Not many shows made here in the States push the limits of morality and ethics like some anime can."

"I watch Game of Thrones and that pushes it pretty far."

"Incest and killing nearly a whole family in a wedding still have nothing on Death Note," Keith says very confidently."

"That's it, after dinner we're watching Death Note."

Keith stops in his tracks shocked at Jackie's decision. "Jackie, I love you but Death Note is not for everyone."

"Oh come on," Jackie objects. "I got through the first half of Sword Art Online. How bad could it be?"

Keith is having a hard time figuring out what the hell is going on with Jackie. It didn't surprise him that much when she offered to make him dinner tonight. But now she is wanting to watch more anime with him, something she never expressed interest in doing before. He never experienced anything like this before with any woman he has dated. Then he realizes maybe this is something to not question, but to accept.

"Ok, we'll start the first episode after we clean up all dishes."

Jackie's face beams with excitement and happiness when she hears this. More than ever, she wants to make the person she loves feel loved.

They continue gathering the food needed for Jackie to make the stir fry, steak for Keith to make the next evening and snack foods to munch on. Keith also grabs a six pack of beer. Once they get through the checkout they load the car up, make the short drive back to the lake house, unload the groceries and Jackie gets started prepping the food.

"Do you need to prep this early sweetie?" Keith asks, noticing it is only four in the afternoon.

"Yes honey," Jackie responds smiling and shaking her head. "There is a lot of things that need to be cut and diced. Peppers for example take a good amount of time and effect. I'm also making a lot so we don't have to worry about lunch tomorrow."

"I thought we were just going to have each other for lunch," Keith says with a naughty grin.

"We can have each other for our after lunch dessert. I'm sure we'll need to burn off all the calories we'll be eating."

Keith watches as Jackie cuts everything up noticing that she is pretty good with a knife. There seems to be no waste in time or effort for her. After getting the peppers, onions, mushrooms, and water chestnuts prepared, she heats up the skillets and starts cutting beef. Each slice, each cut seems so precise.

"Who taught you how to cut like that?"

"Myself and YouTube," Jackie responded not losing focus.

Keith continues to watch her, amazed how proficient she is. Once everything is prepped she puts all the vegetables and noodles in one skillet and beef in another. She adds seasoning to the meat as it cooks.

The passion, the care, everything how she approaches making the food seems down to an art. Keith can't help but wonder what other good secrets she's been keeping from him.

Jackie finishes cooking everything and puts a hardy portion on two plates and the rest in a Tupperware bowl. She puts the leftovers in fridge and sets the plates down on the table.

"Dinner is served."

"This looks really good," Keith says, ready to dig into the food. "What do you want to drink?"

"One of your beers if you don't mind."

"I'd let you have the whole six pack if your stir fry tastes as good as it looks."

Keith gets a beer for each of them and they sit at the table next to each other. Jackie anxiously waits for Keith to take his first bite and he doesn't keep her waiting. He gets a good forkful of noodles with a piece of meat and a pepper and puts it in his mouth. His eyes are closed as he savors the flavors all the while keeping Jackie in suspense.

"Well?"

Keith finally swallows and has a big smile on his face. He turns his head to see Jackie wanting an answer.

"You have a talent for cooking." Jackie finally relaxes knowing Keith loves it. "I would love to try more dishes that you love to cook."

"You really would?"

Keith gives her a kiss on the forehead. "Yes, I really would."

Jackie gives her man a kiss on the lips before she starts eating her food.

As they eat, Keith asks her what got her into cooking. She tells him that even though her and her mom weren't that close she always wanted to help her mom make food for dinner. She shared fun stories with Keith about some of the dishes they made, including some disastrous ones that could only be fixed with a delivered pizza. Once she moved out on her own, she continued to cook because it was cheaper than getting most premade meals and she could season them to her liking or try something new.

Keith enjoyed hearing Jackie talking about her love of cooking. This was a side of her he hadn't really seen before. She was confident, proud, and just in her element. She had a glow about her that he had not seen before.

"Is there something on my face?" Jackie asks.

"What? No, of course not. Well other than your amazing natural beauty."

"That's sweet, but you've been just staring and listening to me as I rant on about this."

"Why wouldn't I listen?" Keith responds. "This is something that you love and are passionate about. I feel like I'm seeing another deeper level of you and I love it." Jackie isn't quite sure how to respond to what Keith is saying but he continues. "I want to keep learning more about you. I want to know what else you are passionate about and what you love in life."

"Are you saying you want to actually listen to me?"

"If you mean by actually hearing what you're saying and learning about what makes you tick, hell yes. You are the woman that I love and the only woman I want to be with."

Jackie takes all Keith's kind words and can't believe she really did land such a keeper. "You are seriously the sweetest man ever. I don't think I could get any luckier."

"Maybe if I didn't have Asperger's and was more normal."

"No, I prefer you the way that you are, including your Asperger's."

Keith takes a sip of his beer before he responds. "I don't know. My Asperger's hasn't made this relationship any easier or any with family and friend for that matter."

"While that might be true, you also have experienced life and continue to experience it in a way most people will never know about or understand. But if there is one thing I know is that because of your past bad experiences is that you treat people with genuine kindness and love, even to people who didn't deserve it like my younger brother at Thanksgiving."

"Andy told me this past week that I helped make him a better man because he met me. I truly believe him at his word, but I know there were times he wanted to kill me."

Jackie is starting to get frustrated that Keith keeps finishing his sentences with a negative thought, but this isn't the first time she's seen him do this either. "Keith, do you think Asperger's keeps making you look at the negatives sometimes?"

"Yes," Keith answered quickly without thinking about it. "I know it does, but I just have some painful memories too that won't leave me alone."

Jackie scoots her chair closer to Keith and holds his hand. "I want you to be honest with me. Do you still think about Jillian?"

"Yes," Keith again answered quickly. "I know I shouldn't since I'm with you and you make me so happy, but every once in a while my thoughts just go back to her and how I wish I didn't do what I did. I want to forgive myself, but I just can't."

Jackie can see the pain in Keith's face as he just stares down at the table. She starts to regret bringing up this topic, but realizes that this needs to be talked about at some point. "What if I could talk to her and somehow get her to forgive you? I know she doesn't think well of me already but it is worth a try."

Keith faces Jackie and looks into her warm, loving hazel eyes. He can see she wants to rid him of this pain that haunts him. "That would be amazing if you could pull it off, but even then I don't know if I would be able to forgive myself or if I want to."

"Why do you say that? This just seems to weigh you down."

"It does, but in my messed up mind it keeps me from doing something like that again and forces me to think of what the woman wants, not what I want. As much pain as it gives me, I feel like I'm a better man for it if that makes sense."

"Not really," Jackie admits, not comprehending how this makes sense to Keith at all. "But I guess I don't need it to make sense to me."

"I know it is hard seeing me like this, but know that being with you takes most of that pain away. You have helped heal my scared heart, something that I thought would never happen. I love you Jackie and you make me want to fight through the pain."

"You helped heal my heart too. I never thought I would be able to give myself to another man after being cheated on and not knowing about it for so long. I didn't think I could love again, but then we had our awkward encounter where you saw right into me. I know now it must have been fate for us to meet because I love you Keith and want to be with you forever."

"I love you too and want to be with you forever as well."

**************************************

"Cheers to good times," Melissa says as she and Lauren clank their shot glasses together before they down the shot in a single gulp.

"Good thing I'm the designated driver because you two would not be able to drive until tomorrow morning at this rate," Luke says, watching his girlfriend and Lauren have their third shot of the young night.

"Hey, it was your idea that we meet here in the first place and offered to pay for everything," Lauren shoots back. "Besides, this is helping me loosen up a bit."

"Hopefully not too much," Andy says as he stops by the tall table. "I can't have you spilling everything about us."

"Don't worry baby," Lauren says as she strokes Andy's arm. "I won't tell them how much of an amazing lover you are."

"I'm sure my man is a better lover than Andy," Melissa says while slightly slurring her words.

"And you two are cut off for the next hour," Luke says knowing Melissa is about to say way too much.

"I'll go get them some water and bring some wings over to make them a little happier," Andy says, wanting to keep what happened in the bedroom between him and Lauren private.

"Could you put buffalo sauce on mine?" Lauren asks.

"Of course sweetie. I was planning on it because I know you like your food hot and spicy."

Andy walks away back to the bar greeting a few of the regular patrons as he passes them.

"So how many times have you and Andy..." Melissa starts to ask before cut off by Luke.

"We don't want to know that. It's bad enough you pressure Jackie to tell you about her love life, but we not on that good of terms with Lauren yet."

Lauren has a huge grin on her face knowing what Melissa was asking and not so subtly put three fingers up for her to see.

"Three times?" Melissa asks shocked. Lauren simply nods, looking away, trying to be nonchalant about it, but the big smile on her face said it all. "Girl, you have to tell me everything."

"No she doesn't," Luke objected. He knew his girlfriend was very open about her sex life to a lot of people, but he didn't want it discussed so openly in public especially when Andy could come around at any time.

"Luke is right," Lauren says. "We can talk more about it tomorrow while we're shopping when the boys won't be around."

"Shopping?" Luke asks not knowing about this.

"Oh yeah. Lauren and I are going shopping to get the secret Santa gifts. Sorry that I forgot to mention it Luke."

Luke smiles and shakes his head. "It's ok. I was just worried you were going to go to Victoria's Secret and max out your credit card again."

"You didn't seem to complain with what I bought," Melissa says with a naught smile.

"No, no I did not complain," Luke admits, thinking to some of the outfits she did wear for him from there.

Their waitress comes by and drops off two bowls of boneless wings and three cups of water for them. They continue to talk about random things as they eat. Lauren learns the story about how Luke and Melissa met and adventures they have had together. She can see their deep love for each other as they kiss each other when either of them says something sweet to the other. Then there are times Melissa says something slightly insulting about Luke which leads her to getting tickled on her side for a few seconds that causes Lauren to laugh at them.

"Do you like rum and coke?" Luke asks Lauren somewhat randomly.

"That is actually one of my favorite mixed drinks to have." Luke flags down their waitress as she passes and asks for two rum and cokes. "Why two?" Lauren asks.

"Because that is my favorite mixed drink as well and he knows it is either that or another shot," Melissa says answering for Luke.

"Is there anything you two don't know about each other?" Melissa and Luke look at each other and shake their heads no. "You two are amazing to be around. I'm glad I can call you, Andy, Jackie, and Keith my friends."

"I'm not sure calling Keith a friend is the best thing," a woman says as she is standing next to the table. That gets the attention of all three of them with Melissa and Luke recognizing the woman. "Just wait and you'll see. He'll hurt you."

"I don't know why you have it in for Keith," Luke speaks up ready to defend his friend, "but whatever he did to you is in the past and if anything, from what I saw last time you two interacted with each other, he is still haunted by what he did."

"It should haunt that fucking psycho. He fucking told me I had Asperger's. I don't give a shit that he has it himself, but telling someone else they have that disease is fucked up."

"It is not a disease," Melissa shouts. "You have no clue what it is like for someone with Asperger's or their loved ones."

"I don't give a shit. He's a worthless person and I hope him and his slutty girlfriend breakup and it forces him to commit suicide," the woman says with great conviction.

"That is enough Jillian!" Andy says from behind her and that gets her attention. "You either leave them alone or take yourself somewhere else. I will not having you harassing any patrons, no matter what you think of their friends."

Jillian turns to face Andy with a smug smile on her face. "I don't know what you're talking about. We are just having a pleasant conversation about a mutual friend."

"Stop the bullshit and leave them alone or leave the building."

"What are you going to do about it?" Jillian asks while poking Andy in the chest. "You wouldn't lay a fucking finger on me," she says poking him harder, trying to get him to physically respond.

"Hey bitch," Lauren yells to get Jillian's attention. When Jillian turns to look at Lauren she is met with an open palm slap across the cheek. "Don't ever physically assault my boyfriend ever again or speak badly about Keith every again. I don't give a shit who you are from his past but he's one of the nicest men I have ever met."

Jillian rubs her cheek, shocked and furious that this woman slapped her and is now telling her off. "You will regret this day you fucking slut."

"Miss, it is time for you to go," a bouncer says approaching the table when he saw the slap.

"Good," Jillian says ready to see Lauren be dragged off. However, the bouncer gently grabs her arms instead. "What? Why me? That bitch is the one who slapped me!"

"You provoked it by assaulting her boyfriend and our boss," the bouncer says calmly. "You either leave quietly or we'll get some assistance from the local authorities. The choice is yours."

Jillian weighs her options and concludes that she should leave. She knows her point has been made. "I'll leave without you escorting me." With that she walked towards the door and out of the bar. The bouncer walked a yard behind her and stopped at the door. He gave a thumbs up a minute later signaling to Andy that she had driven off.

Andy turns to face everyone at the table. "Sorry about that. I didn't think she would ever show up here ever again after things between her and Keith went south."

"It's ok," Luke says trying to comfort Andy, "but we did get to see that your girl has one mean slap. Remind me to never piss you off."

"She had it coming," Lauren says, still angry with what Jillian did. "I don't like bitches who just start drama for no reason, especially when it is something from the past."

"Yeah," Melissa says as her thoughts go to thinking about her brother. His suicide had left a mental scar that she never fully recovered from. When Jillian brought up that she hoped Keith would commit suicide, thoughts of the day she found her brother lying in his bed no longer alive came up. That was one of the worst times of her life and something she would never want anyone else to experience.

"Are you OK Melissa?" Lauren asks noticing Melissa's eyes starting to well up with tears.

Luke looks down and sees Melissa is about to start bawling and tucks her head into his chest so her tears run down on his shirt.