Is Love All or Nothing?

Well things got intense, didn't they? For those who are sticking with the story after last chapter, thank you. I want to write an authentic romantic story about a man who has Asperger's Syndrome and that will involve elements that will lead to unhappy endings at the end of chapters at times.

My goal isn't to educate people about Asperger's. I enjoy reading stories on here where I feel like the characters are real and somewhat relatable. While I know not everyone knows someone with Asperger's, I feel like the only way I could write a romantic story well is from Asperger's perspective. Ok, enough of this rant, you want more of this story. Again, thank you Valphund and Tigersman for helping with editing.

*****

Keith wakes up still depressed about how the previous night had ended. He checks the alarm clock on the end table by his bed and sees it is only 7:30. "Boy, I feel great this morning," he says to himself. His mind goes to what would happen if he ever ran into Jackie again. In one scenario he plays in his head she kicks him in the balls. Another that comes to his mind is that Jackie yells out to everyone within earshot that he is crazy and not worth dating. Each scenario gets worse and worse in his head and he just goes deeper into sadness.

BUZZ BUZZ

Keith snaps out of his destructive thoughts realizing someone is trying get into the building and wants him to let them in. However, he feels too depressed to get up and is sure someone else will let that person in.

BUZZ BUZZ

Keith glares at the door wondering who is buzzing.

BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ

"Geez this person is persistent," he says aggravated.

BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ

Frustrated that whoever this is isn't leaving him alone, he gets out of his bed, walks over to the door and presses his intercom button to let the person know he is in no mood for any bullshit.

"Whoever is buzzing, I just want to be left alone right now."

"Keith, please let me in," says a familiar sounding woman's voice from the other side of the intercom.

"Do I know you?" Keith asks, having a hard time figuring out how he recognizes this woman's voice.

"It's Melissa, Jackie's best friend."

Keith lets out a sigh and thinks to himself that it is just great that Melissa wants to make him feel worse than he already feels.

"Sorry Melissa, I'm in no mood for being made to feel worse." He releases the intercom button and is ready to walk away.

"My brother had Asperger's Syndrome."

That stopped Keith in his tracks. He didn't know if Melissa was trying to get in his head to let her in or if she was actually telling the truth. Either way, she didn't start off by calling him an idiot or demanding to know what the hell he was thinking yelling at Jackie. He stood there debating in his head what to do but in the end he knew what he was going to do. He took a step back towards the intercom but instead hit the button to let Melissa into the building.

Keith opened his door and stepped outside to see Melissa walking towards him in jeans and a t-shirt. She reaches him a few seconds later and does something that catches Keith off guard. She wraps her arms around him and gives him a tight, loving hug.

"Umm, what is this for?" Keith asks confused as to what is going on.

"I can only imagine the hell that has been going on in your head after Jackie left last night and this morning. I know you can view and see things in extremes and I just want to let you know you don't have to worry right now about me hating you."

Keith breathes a sigh of relief and hugs Melissa back. "Let's go inside and talk."

They separate and Keith lets Melissa into his apartment. He closes the door behind them and they walk over to his couch.

"Would you like anything to drink?"

"No thanks, Keith. I'm just here to talk and find out what happened last night from your perspective."

They sit down and Keith takes a deep breath. "Well, everything was good once we got here after the walk in the park. We made dinner, enjoyed more great conversation and decided to watch TV. We settled on the show House and it so happened to be the episode where Asperger's is brought up. Jackie mentions how she hoped not all people with Asperger's are jerks like House. Everything spiraled out of control after that. I reached my boiling point and yelled at her in an angry tone and voice I haven't used in a long time. She then told me she didn't feel safe around me and that she was going to get an Uber to take her home. She soon left and I was left alone here to deal with the aftermath of me not being able to control my temper."

Melissa sat there listening to Keith explain everything with a calm look on her face. She took a minute to process all the information he told her before deciding to talk.

"Do you normally lose your temper?"

"No, I've gotten better over the years at keeping it at bay or realizing that I just need to try to walk away."

"Why weren't you able to keep it at bay?"

"Jackie kept pushing me to tell her why I was defending people with Asperger's. I tried to ask her to drop it but she wouldn't and I didn't want to reveal in the heat of the moment that I had Asperger's. I wish I knew how to handle that situation better but I feel like I fucked everything up."

"She is worried about you Keith. She hadn't seen that side of you and she's now scared that you'll go off over something small and hit her."

Keith went from a look of worry to seriousness. "I would never ever hit any woman. I would rather die before I lay a hand on any woman."

Melissa smiles at his response. "You are so like my brother. Taking things to the extreme. God I wish you two could have met and become friends. He needed someone like you to not feel so alone and actually feel understood."

"What happened to your brother?"

"He committed suicide during my senior year of high school. He left a note saying my family and I would be better off without him." Melissa thought she would be able to hold back the tears but they started flowing down before she knew it. Keith moves over to her and lays her head on his shoulder. She cries onto his shoulder for a few minutes before she composes herself and wipes the remaining tears from her face.

"I'm sorry to hear that Melissa. I can't imagine what you went through during that time."

"It's not something many people know about, not even Jackie."

Keith was shocked by that. "Why doesn't Jackie know?"

"We haven't talked that much about my past personal and family life. She knows that my brother died but I haven't told her how. It's been years and there are nights I cry missing him."

"Sounds like you two were very close."

"We were. I was only a year older than him and we were inseparable as little kids. I was always there to help him with anything and everything. Even when we were in high school I helped him out with social situations. There were still times he embarrassed me but I never held anything against him."

"I have an older sister who was the same way. When I got to college Andy took over that role when I finally told him the truth. It took a while but we finally got to a point where we didn't want to kill each other and could coexist. Next thing we knew, we became best friends."

"I'm glad Andy is there for you."

"Me too. But why are you here Melissa?"

"I wanted to hear your side of the story and see if you are still interested in Jackie."

Keith lets out a loud sigh. "I am still interested in Jackie...I just don't think after last night she is still interested in me."

"That's because you're giving up too easily this time Keith," says Andy from the door. "The difference between Jillian and Jackie is that Jillian was never really interested in you as more than a friend. Jackie wants to be with you."

Keith looks at his best friend like he is crazy. "Did you drink a lot last night or something? I had an Asperger's blowup in front of and at her. If everything else didn't scare her off before, that sure did."

Melissa grabs Keith's hand trying to comfort him. "Let me talk to Jackie and see where her head is at."

Keith just shakes his head. "I'm pretty sure I know where her head is at."

"No you don't Keith," Andy says approaching the two. "You only see the bad right now and believe that because of what happened between you and Jillian. Let Melissa talk to Jackie and see where her head is actually at. At this point, you have nothing to lose."

Keith sits there thinking for a few minutes trying to decide on what to do. He can't help but think that there is no way Jackie will even want to see him again. However, he knows Andy is right that his Asperger's is only having him see the worst case scenarios. Even with that, he still feels hopeless.

"I don't know Andy. Everything just happened so fast."

"Keith, I'm going to talk to her about this," says Melissa. "I'm taking the decision out of your hands. I will have her text you though letting you know how she feels about everything."

Keith is just feeling frustrated at this point and wants to just relax. "Do what you want." He gets up and heads into his bedroom and closes the door.

"Is he going to be alright?" Melissa asks, worried that she might have gone too far.

"He'll be fine," Andy says reassuring her. "He needs some time to himself now so we might as well leave."

Melissa gets up from the couch and heads out the door with Andy behind her. "From one uncomfortable conversation to another one."

"Do you want me to come with you? I can help answer any questions she will ask that you don't have answers for."

Melissa turns towards Andy and smiles. "I would like that. You really are a great friend."

"I didn't use to always be this great. Keith actually helped me become what you see before you. I know he thinks I've only helped him but he's helped me become a better person too." They walk out of the building and towards where their cars are parked. "Mind if I just follow you? Be easier for us getting to our separate homes in the end."

"Sounds like a good idea."

Jackie couldn't sleep most of the night. Her thoughts always ended up about Keith losing his temper and finding out he had Asperger's. While she knew very little about it, it scared her the way he had just gone off. While she hadn't had the best luck with men before, it just seemed like her choices were getting worse and worse.

Around seven she resigned herself to the fact she wasn't going to get any more sleep and got out of bed. She walked over to the kitchen in her sleep shirt and shorts, figuring out what she wanted for breakfast. Opening the fridge she found a couple of options and opted for bacon and toast. Of course she made some coffee because she loves coffee in the morning and knows sooner or later Melissa is going to come and talk about the previous night. She had let her know via text when she got home that the date had ended horribly with yelling and Keith revealing he had Asperger's.

After making everything she sat down to start eating. She got halfway through when she heard a knock at the door. Melissa had the spare key to get in the building but Jackie always preferred her to knock as to make sure Melissa never caught her in a situation she would be made fun of for a long time.

Jackie opens the door to not only find Melissa on the other end but sees Andy is there behind him. "Umm, hi Andy. How are you?"

"I'm doing good. Yes, I know you're wondering why I'm here."

"That thought may have occurred to me."

"I'm here to answer any questions you have about Asperger's Syndrome."

"I think I got all the answers I needed last night."

"No Jackie, you didn't. If anything you got to see what happens when Keith actually lets his guard down for you to see him."

Jackie was taken a back a little bit by that statement from Andy. There was more to Asperger's than just some getting mean and angry over nothing? She thinks about it more for a few seconds and realizes she has been wondering why Keith acts the way he does. This would be her best opportunity to find out.

"I guess I am a little curious about why he is the way he is. Come in. Would you like some coffee?"

"No thanks," Andy answers as he follows Melissa into Jackie's apartment. He looks over at the table and sees Jackie's half eaten breakfast. "Sorry for interrupting your breakfast."

"Oh, it's ok. I accidently burnt the toast anyway," said Jackie as she grabs a coffee cup and pours some coffee for Melissa. "Please, take a seat at the table."

All three of them sit down around Jackie's kitchen table. There is an uncomfortable silence until Andy decides to speak up.

"So, what is the first thing you want to know?"

Jackie takes a few seconds to think about what it is she wants to know most. Her mind floods itself with questions until she decides on the one that is biggest on her mind. "Does Keith always get that angry so fast?"

"He has lost his temper quickly before but he's actually gotten a lot better at holding it in. Actually I'm surprised he didn't blow up earlier."

"Earlier?"

"Yea...I wish I could explain it better. Asperger's doesn't help him keep his cool but since I've first met him, he's gotten a lot better at it."

Jackie isn't really satisfied with Andy's answer but doesn't believe she will get a better answer if she pushes. "Ok. What are some other ways Asperger's affects him?"

"I'm sure you've noticed he's a bit weird when it comes to the food he eats."

"Yea, like when I treated him to Red Robin he almost stripped the burger down to basics."

"He's wired differently. While we may eat and enjoy food mostly based on the taste, texture plays a more important role for him. If something feels weird or disgusting in his mouth, he won't like it."

"That's interesting. Is there anything else with food affected by his Asperger's?"

"Yea, he has trouble trying new food. I don't know why he does and he even has trouble explaining to me why. The only thing I know, I will never try to make him try anything new. If wants to try something, he will."

"Ok, is there anything else I should know?"

Andy thinks for a minute before answering. "Yea, Keith has a tendency to think in extremes."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Umm." Andy thinks for a few seconds and realizes there is an example he can give right in front of him. "Let me put it this way. If I have a few bad dates with different women I would get down on myself but know I just need to keep trying. He would lose self-confidence and think there is something wrong with him. I've actually seen that happen to him where he had three bad first dates and didn't try again because he thought he was meant to be alone. He didn't try to date again for well over two years."

Hearing that causes concern for Jackie about Keith. While she knew the night ended horribly she thought he would be ok. "Have you talked to Keith?" She is met with silence by the Andy as he looks over at Melissa. "Why are looking at her?"

Andy knows Jackie might go off on them but decides it is better to tell her the truth. "We actually just came from Keith's apartment. He is doing good considering."

Jackie looks over at Melissa with a confused look on her face. "What were you doing at Keith's apartment?"

"Umm, well I was worried that his Asperger's would put him in a depressed mood," Melissa responds hoping Jackie doesn't push the issue.

"Ok, but that still doesn't explain why you were there. What do you know about Asperger's anyway?"

"Melissa was at Brownstead last night when you sent her the text," Andy responds in an attempt to protect Melissa. "She told me what you texted her and I could tell she was worried about something. I told her that Asperger's can sometimes cause Keith to get really depressed and she asked if we could check on him in the morning." It was a simple lie that he hoped would satisfy Jackie's curiosity.

"Do you want me and Keith to work that badly?" Jackie asks turning, keeping her attention on Melissa.

"Yes I do. I have never seen you so happy with any guy like you are with him. You have had a glow about you that tells me you love him."

"I wouldn't say I love him."

"Jackie, you can't hide it from me. You love Keith."

Jackie knows her best friend is right as usual but she's not sure if she feels the same anymore. "I did love Keith. He made me feel loved and protected. Now I'm not quite so sure and I doubt he loves me."

Andy lets out a little laugh at the situation. Jackie and Melissa look at him wondering what he is laughing about. "You and Keith are two of the most stubborn people I know when it comes to admitting you love each other. He does love you Jackie. He would not be as hurt and beating himself up so much on the inside if he didn't love you as much as I believe he does."

"Is his Asperger's preventing him from believing he loves me?"

"No. His Asperger's is causing him to be more guarded on how he really feels about you because his last relationship ended really badly. He made some big mistakes and he is still haunted by them."

Jackie takes a sip of her coffee thinking about what Andy is telling her. More and more she is understanding why Keith is the way he is. There is so much more she wants to know about him but Andy can only give the outsider's perspective.

"Do you think it would be a good idea if I went over and talked to him?"

"Not today Jackie. He needs some time to relax and get his mind straight. Give him a couple of days."

Jackie really wants to talk to Keith about all of this but admits to herself she is not in the best emotional state either to talk about this. "Thank you Andy. You've helped me understand more about Keith."

"You're welcome Jackie. I'll let you two have your girl time now and talk bad about me behind my back."

Both women laugh at Andy. "Why would we talk bad about you?"

"Because I'm the best friend of the crazy guy."

"Oh don't worry about that," says Melissa with a grin on her face. "I'm just going to fill Jackie in on my date with my boyfriend before I got her text."

"By all means, give the postdate review. I have errands to run anyway."

"Thank you again Andy for all the information." Jackie gets up from her seat, walks over to Andy and gives him a hug.

"It's no problem Jackie. Have a great rest of your day." Andy separates himself from Jackie and leaves the apartment.

"Are you actually okay Jackie or were you just putting up a front for Andy?" Melissa asks concerned for her friend.

Jackie turns towards Melissa with a sad look on her face. "I honestly don't know. This is a lot to take in."

The next few days for Keith went by dreadfully. He couldn't focus well at work and he slept horribly at night. On Thursday his boss called him into his office. When he got there he was asked to sit down.

"Is there something I can do for you Mr. Smith?"

"I wondering if everything is okay with you. I've heard several people say you've been distracted by something all week."

"It's nothing. Just stuff going on in my personal life that I need to get over," Keith says with his eyes looking down at the floor.

Mr. Smith leans back in his chair and takes a good look at Keith. "Does it involve that woman you saved at the Brownstead two weekends ago?" Keith eyes look up to his boss wondering how he knows about that. "More people know you two have been dating than you know. Last week Amanda and her boyfriend saw you two at Ruby Tuesday. We all know well enough to just let you work and not have you worried about what the whole office is talking about you."

Keith lets out a sigh knowing he might as well admit what is going on. "Jackie and I had a falling out Saturday night and...I just haven't been able to get my mind straight."