Sometimes she would show up to practice with a hard look in her eyes as if she were angry. Jack and I usually made it a point not to press too hard on what was bothering her, but it was obvious that she wasn't happy at home. On those days, I was more than glad to bow out and let one of the older guys spar with herâand for
them
to go home with a veritable rainbow of bruises on their forearms and ribs.
Once in a while, she would come to training in a getup that looked more like something from an aerobics class five years ago than her usual jeans and sweatshirt. In her headband, tights, legwarmers, and wide-necked sweatshirt, we soon took to calling it her "Flashdance" gear. I couldn't help the longer than normal glances when her extra-wide sweatshirt neck drooped down over a bare shoulder and revealed what little cleavage her sports bra allowed.
As the autumn passed and winter approached, I never got over my initial attraction to her, but at least I was able to successfully hide the occasional stiffness when she would bend over to pick something up. She came to my bluegrass band gigs, went to Jack's Eagle Scout ceremony, and we both went to her art shows. She was an assistant curator at our town's tiny little art gallery, and occasionally sneaked a few of her own paintings into the displays.
They weren't Dali or da Vinci amazing, but I loved the colors. She had a great eye for color and the little details that made things seem real. Sometimes they were abstract and strange, but still made you feel something. They seemed like the sort of paintings you would see in a successful businessman's house. She had a whole room in her house that was devoted to painting. It was draped with painters' cloth and had half a dozen canvasses kicking around in various states of completion. Her old, paint-spattered tape deck was always playing something different whenever we came over for movie night and caught her still working.
We all independently dressed up as characters from movies we had watched for various Halloween parties that we had been invited to, without knowing that the others were doing it. We all laughed at the next knife practice when we talked about itâJack as Conan the Barbarian at his paintball club hangout, me as Connor MacLeod the Highlander at my buddy Ty's fancy party, and Cary as Catwoman for her husband's office party. I would have paid money to see that.
As the year finished up, she invited us to her Solstice Exhibitionâan event that featured more of her art than she usually showed. It was a big deal for her, so Jack and I agreed to go. My parents had long since ceased to express concern about my hanging out with an older lady, and started hinting about trying to make connections for my college application letters with what passed for the artistic community in our town.
Going to Cary's exhibition was the first time I saw her in anything but old grubbies for knife training or regular T-shirt and jeans for grabbing tacos and coming to the bars or restaurants where I played with my band. I guess it was the first time she had seen me in a suit, too. I had gotten itâpartially with my own moneyâfor senior pictures. A blue three-piece suit with a silver tie and shiny black shoes. I guess it looked pretty good on me, for being a gangly 18-year-old. I certainly thought so at the time.
But CaryâI had to sit on a bench in the entryway and breathe for a moment when I saw her in her little black dress and rhinestone choker. I had the idea it was called a "cocktail dress," and it hugged her curves, scooped open around her cleavage, and left her arms bare. I was so jealous of her husband, it stung the back of my throat. I'd had a couple of semi-serious girlfriends before, sure. But seeing Cary dressed like that really made me put them mentally in the "girl" category.
"Matt! Jack!" she called, bouncing on her toes a little as she waved. As she did so, one of the straps of her dress slipped, revealing a spaghetti-thin strap for a burgundy-colored bra. Even that was enough to make me stick my hand in my slacks pocket in what I hoped was a debonair manner. She trotted over to us, excited as a kid showing off a macaroni craft. Behind her glowered the sandy-haired man I recognized as her husband.
He looked angry. As I had begun to find, he was often angry-especially when he couldn't control what Cary was doing. I didn't realize at the time what a piece of shit he was, but even as a clueless self-absorbed teenager I could tell he made her tense and anxious. She gave both Jack and I a quick hug and thanked us for coming. I savored the fractions of a second her body was pressed against mine.
"Wow, you look totally respectable!" she said to Jack, and then turned to me, "And I
love
your suit, Matt!'
Jack grimaced. "Hey, why does
he
get 'love your suit' and
I
get 'totally respectable?"
Cary's husband stepped closer. "How soon until you do your speech and we can get out of here?" he asked sourly.
Cary's expression curdled. "Not long. Have another drink. I'll come get you."
He walked away, posture surly. I pretended not to notice, and said to Cary, "I can't wait to see what you've got in store this time!" She smiled again, and moved on to say hello to a knot of women in colorful dresses and pantsuitsâone of whom was wearing an enormous decorated sun hat inside.
"Dude," Jack muttered as I watched Cary go. I pushed a hand through my getting-shaggy hair and tried to look at home in my suit. I hoped he hadn't noticed how turned on I was from Cary's hug. And her dress. And her slipping dress strap. Hey, I was 18. It didn't take much.
"What's up?" I asked, trying to sound casual.
"Did you get a load of her asshole husband? What a buzzkill. Looks like something crawled up his ass and died." Jack made a beeline for the nearest refreshment table and started to munch down what looked like fancy crackers and cheese. "How did someone as cool as her end up with such a dickweed?"
I'd been wondering about that myself over the past several weeks as we get to know Cary better and better, and to contrast her with the happily infrequent glimpses of her husband we got. I was hardly a relationship expertâboth of my serious relationships had ended after only a few months. Still, it didn't sit right with me.
We were standing beside a series of paintings that looked like old Renaissance scenes when Cary came back from socializing with her coworkers from the gallery. She was leading a willowy blonde-haired girl our age, wearing a lacy antique dress and satin gloves. Cary looked delighted. The girl looked nervous.
"Hey, Matt! This is Saschaâshe's the violinist I was telling you about the other day," Cary beamed. I dimly recalled a conversation we had had after movie night when she mentioned that there was somebody she wanted me to meet. After a few moments of chitchat about the difference between mandolin and violin, it became obvious to me that Cary was trying to set me up with a friend's daughter. I was more amused than annoyed. Cary had been asking about our social lives outside of knife-fights, hiking, and movie night, and I guess she had decided that it was up to her to help Jack and me find girls.
Sascha was nice enough; she reminded me of sort of a cheerful Wednesday Addams. Once we started talking about hiking, things warmed up. She really liked to go walking in the woods and in the hills at night. She was one of those witchy girls who loved Silver RavenWolf's book and burned incense made of herbs she'd gathered by moonlight; I liked hiking and trying to spot wildlife. Pretty soon we were joking about falling into patches of poison ivy and being surprised by snakes.
Jack wandered off, but circled by a couple of times to see what was up and told some funny stories about his scouting days that made us all laugh. We chatted about the most recent Simpsons episode with Mr. Burns' casino, and I did an impression of him that had both of them chuckling. I kept an eye out for Cary, who strolled by once or twice. She kept giving me encouraging smiles, and I nearly rolled my eyes.
Subtle
was not a word in her everyday vocabulary. Every time she swung by, her husband hovered behind her, looking like he had just swallowed a lemon. And each time I frowned internally a little more. What the hell was his problem? If he couldn't be happy for Cary's big day, he could at least act like an adult.
After close to an hour, Sascha had found a few excuses to lean on me or slap me playfully with her satin gloves. I wasn't complaining. As Jack returned, looking like he'd had enough of appreciating art, she excused herself and went to talk to one of her friends. They kept looking towards Jack and I, and giggling.
"Man, how is it that you're too scared to say boo to anybody at school, but you get the only unattached girl our age here to talk to you?" Jack muttered.
"What about her friend over there?" I asked.
"Dude, that's Rob Morton's girlfriend," he snorted. "No way."
"Fine." I scuffed my feet a little; I didn't like it when it felt like Jack and I were in competition. "Anyway, Cary basically threw her at me," I answered. As if summoned, Cary appeared nearby and made a beeline for us. Sascha's lacy dress had been pretty, and it really highlighted her cute, slim assets. But as soon as Cary came over to us, all I could see was the sway of her hips under the close-fitting black cocktail dress she wore.
"So?" she asked, gray eyes sparkling. "What do you think?"
I played dumb. "The exhibition is great. Your picture of wildflowers in the meadow is my favorite."