I had done my A-levels and like many of my friends I was still debating whether to head straight to university or take a gap year when the letter arrived. I'd been offered a full scholarship at an American university. I was ecstatic. I'd almost forgotten the audition pieces I'd written for the creative writing course that I was so desperate to do and now I was offered a chance to get an English degree for free.
The thought of moving to America for 4 years was a bit daunting. The campus of the university I would attend was bigger than the little mining village in the north of England where I'd spent all 18 years of my life until then. My parents encouraged me to go though. They knew that it was a once in a lifetime opportunity for me, a chance to do something that nobody in our family had ever done and a chance for me to discover the world. It was simply too good an opportunity to miss so I soon found myself on a plane across the Atlantic.
In order to save as much money as possible on my airline ticket I ended up having to stop one night in Chicago. I stayed at a motel near the airport and didn't have a chance to see the city as I was too tired from my long flight. The next morning I felt a lot fresher and by the time I got off my morning flight to the place that would be my home for the next 4 years I was wide awake and eager to take in everything.
As I'd picked up my suitcases I went looking for a representative from the university. He was dressed in jeans and a casual shirt and leaning against the counter of a car hire firm, holding the sign nonchalantly. I walked up to him and was struck by how tall he was, probably 6'6".
"Hi," I said and shook his hand. "I'm Rose Taylor."
"Pleasure to meet you, Miss Rose Taylor," he said with that sexy drawl that I would become so accustomed to. "I'm Professor Danner from the English faculty and I'm here to pick up the international scholarship students."
"Oh," I replied and looked around. "How many of us are there?"
"Normally there's half a dozen," he said with a wry smile. "This year we only accepted 2 applications and the other one pulled out so it's just you."
"Oh, I see," I bit my lip nervously. I'd been told that I'd be attending a one week orientation course with the foreign students to get us used to the American educational system and get us prepared for the start of the semester. "So what happens with the course then?"
"I guess it'll just be you and me, unless the replacement for the other student manages to sort out his travel arrangements within the next couple of days."
Right... Well, this Professor Danner seemed OK. I wheeled my trolley out to the minibus and he picked up my suitcases as though they didn't weigh a thing. He seemed quite young for a professor. In my imagination professors were ancient men with pipes, dressed in tweed, not tall, blonde, muscular cowboy look-alikes. He pointed out some landmarks as we drove and we soon arrived at what looked like a ranch.
"This isn't the university?" I said insecurely.
"Yes and no, the university owns this ranch and it's used for all kinds of events. We always hold the student orientation courses here because the foreign students get a kick out of being at an American ranch, and also because campus accommodation isn't available for freshmen until next week."
"So are there others here now?" I asked nervously.
"No, just the English faculty. The other faculties are doing their own thing."
He showed me in and let me pick which room I wanted. He then proceeded to explain what the next week would be like. The accommodation was completely self catering so he suggested we take turns cooking and then the days would be spent doing a little bit of sight-seeing, a lot of form-filling and generally getting me acclimatised. The first afternoon went by quickly and as a consolation for not getting the social interaction with other students that I had expected, Professor Danner took me to a steakhouse for dinner. The next day continued where we left off and it went by very quickly.
That evening I volunteered to cook spaghetti for our dinner and we were just about to sit down when Professor Danner stopped, looked at me and looked a bit sheepish.
"I'm gonna get fired if anyone finds out, but I do like a good wine with Italian food. What's the legal age for drinking in England?"
"18."
"So do your parents let you drink?"
"My mum spent her childhood in France. She's been serving me wine with my food since I was 12 years old."
"So they wouldn't kill me if I offered you a glass of wine?"
"They'd probably kill you if you drank wine without sharing it with me," I laughed.
We had a pleasant meal and afterwards Professor Danner cleaned up while I took my glass of wine out on the veranda and enjoyed what was left of the sunset. I couldn't believe I was there. I looked out across those wide open spaces, the landscape was so different from what I was used to. Soon Professor Danner came out and joined me.
"Professor Danner," I turned to speak to him. "Have you lived around here your entire life?"
"Please, Rose, I know I'm Professor Danner while we're at school, but I'm only 30 years old. Call me Todd."
"OK, Todd," I felt a bit embarrassed to call my professor by his first name.
"And yes, I've lived in this county my entire life. I've travelled a lot, but I'm always happy to return here."
"It's beautiful. Very different from what I'm used to, but stunningly beautiful."
"I'm glad you like it."
Maybe it was the wine. Maybe it was the rising moon. That night we talked for hours about the most intimate and personal matters. I found out that Todd had initially gone to college to play football until he realised his love for the English language. I found out that Todd had been engaged and left at the altar at his Christmas wedding the previous year. I found out that he took his grandma out on a "date" once a month. I told him about growing up in a poor pit village where everybody struggled to make ends meet. I told him about the boyfriend I'd had in the prep-school I'd attended on scholarship, who dropped me like a hot potato when he realised that I wouldn't let him do what he wanted to do with me. I even told him about feeling ugly as a child, being tall and lanky and having freckles and bright red hair.
"I can't imagine why that red hair would make you feel ugly," he smiled at me. "In the right light it's like a fire, it gives you an air of something untouchable, like a goddess from an ancient myth."
Our eyes locked. His cool blue eyes looked into my green and for a moment it was if we were the only people on earth. All too soon the magic was broken as he cleared his throat.
"Right," he said and put his hands in his pockets. "It's 2 a.m., I think it's time for bed."
He opened the door for me and then told me to sleep tight and he'd see me in the morning. Once I was in bed I couldn't sleep. His words from before echoed in my head. Did Todd mean that he found me beautiful? Did his words mean that he found me desirable even? I saw his face before me. His tanned skin, his strong jaw, and those blonde locks that kept falling across his forehead. For the first time in my life I realised that I was sexually attracted to a man and the man was my own professor.
I spent a restless night alone in my room. No matter how much I tossed and turned I couldn't get to sleep. Every time I closed my eyes I imagined Todd kissing me, touching me, making love to me. I was still a virgin, I knew very little about sex, but I knew that the aching feeling in my gut was an ache for Todd to fill me and complete me as a woman and I nearly cried because I knew it could never happen.
The shower the next morning did little to wake me up and to my surprise, Todd looked even worse than me when I ran into him in the kitchen.
"Morning Rose," he mumbled. "Sleep well?"
"Not really."
"Me neither, Must've been the wine."
"Must've."
"What do you say we get started while we're having breakfast? The sooner we finish the more time for an afternoon nap."
I agreed and we got straight into the thick of things. We were careful to keep the dining table between us as long as we worked, but when we took a break for lunch we kept bumping into each other. Every time I felt his body next to mine it was as though a shockwave of heat went straight to my pleasure centre and I could feel myself getting moist. Todd looked uncomfortable too, almost jumpy. He quickly stepped back when our bodies made contact and he avoided my eyes.
The last task of the day involved looking at a big display. I sat on the sofa and Todd placed the display on the table. As I started pointing things out and asking questions he sat next to me to see where I was looking. We both made sure there was plenty of space between us. When he'd answered my last question Todd looked at me.
"Any other questions?"