My Mothers Boyfriend

I am a librarian at the Corpus Christi Public Library and I do my job very well. Usually I ignore the younger girls who volunteer, because all they ever talk about are how cute some of the men that come in are. But there was only one man that had ever piqued my interest. Connor Davidson. The first time I saw him I barely had a glimpse of him. All that I saw was a glimpse of his profile, his midnight black hair and a broad back as he walked out the door. It was enough for me to know that I wanted to see more. The next time he came in I was speechless. He was so handsome it was all I could do not to stare.

That day I happened to be stacking books in the fiction section when he brushed past me. It was as if my whole body filled with this electric current as his arm brushed against mine. It was impossible not to take notice of him. He wasn’t gorgeous and none of the other girls drooled over him like they did over some of the other male patrons. But he was handsome in a way that put all those other men to shame. He had this incredibly thick black hair that was always tousled and falling into his crystal blue eyes, as if he was always running his fingers through it. There were little flecks of gray sprinkled through it, giving credence to the fact that he was quite a bit older than I. He had sharp, angular features that were defined by the little lines by his mouth and under his eyes. But when he smiled those lines disappeared and he seemed infinitely younger than I guessed him to be. I had never in my life been attracted to an older man, but oh, how I wanted Connor.

The next week he came back in returning a couple of mystery books that were long overdue. I shoved Sherry out of the way, just like I did every time Connor came to the counter, so that I could be the one to talk to him, even if it was just to assist him in paying his late fees or check out books.

“Hi, how are you today?” I asked him, trying to keep my voice from squeaking. I could feel a blush starting to stain my cheeks as he stared at me. It was unnerving, because for what seemed like minutes, but was probably only seconds, he just stared at me. It was as if he was reading me somehow.

“Fine,” he finally answered abruptly, dragging his gaze from mine. “How much do I owe?”

Flustered, I looked down at the computer and quickly scanned the library card that he placed on the counter. I scanned the books and told him the total. He pulled out the money and as I went to take it from him, our hands brushed lightly. I grabbed the money and was about to snatch back my hand when he grabbed my wrist. I could feel his touch course through me. I started shaking and couldn’t hide the fact that I was so attracted to him. I looked away but his other hand came up and caught my chin, forcing me to look at him. Thank god there was no one else in line, otherwise people would have been staring. As it was, all the other librarians were just standing there watching this little scene unfold, their mouths gaping slightly.

“I’ve seen you watching me,” he whispered, his voice deep and rough, just like him.

I shook my head no, tried to tell him that he was mistaken, but the words wouldn’t come out. My lips refused to utter the lie.

“Yes,” he said. “I’ve seen you. That day that I brushed against you, you stiffened so fast I could tell the effect that my touch had. You were fair trembling with desire. It was a beautiful sight to behold. I’ve never seen such an innocent touch have such an affect. I want you to have dinner with me. Tonight. I’ll meet you here,” he said, slipping a small business card across the counter. “Eight o’clock. Don’t be late, Marian.”

I looked at him with startled eyes. How did he know my name? He let go of my wrist, and I rubbed it, still feeling the lingering throb that his touch had caused. He laughed lightly at the gesture before walking out the door.

It took me a moment to compose myself I was shaking so hard. When I turned around, I had the business card clutched in my hand. Sherry and Jan were just staring at me. I was about to go in back when they came out of the shocked states and huddled around me.

“Did you see the way he grabbed her wrist and chin?” Sherry twittered nervously. “I thought he was going to hurt her?”

“Where does he want to meet you, Marian?” Jan asked, her voice full of curiousity.

Her question reminded me that I had yet to glance at the card I was clutching so tightly in my fist. I looked at it. It was a business card for a small Italian restaurant on South Padre Island.

“Lordy, child,” Jan said in her motherly way, “I thought you two were going to spontaneously combust you were creating so much heat.” She fanned herself dramatically to prove her point.

“I don’t know what just happened. I’m kind of dazed.”

“Well no wonder. You were shaking like a leaf. The second he grabbed your wrist you started trembling,” Sherry said.

“So are you going to meet him?” Jan pressed.

I didn’t know what to say. How had he known my name? Was I going to go? How would I face him again if I didn’t? I didn’t know what to do. It was Jan who helped me make up my mind.

“Honey, you need to go. He asked about you a couple of days ago on your day off. I watched you watching him every time he came in, so I told him your name. And obviously he saw you too, otherwise he wouldn’t have asked. You shouldn’t deny yourself something you know you want. Forget the age difference. He’s probably only about fifty at most.”

“Forty-four,” I whispered softly. “I took a peek at his birthday on the computer.”

“See. There’s only an eighteen year difference between you.” I looked at her like she was crazy and she seemed to realize that it was a pretty big age gap. “Okay, so it is a big difference. But who cares. You’re attracted to him right?”

I nodded affirmatively.

“Then go out with him. It’s been ages since you’ve dated. What’s the worst thing that could happen?”

I couldn’t think of anything right then. Little did I know I was about to find out tonight.

When I got off of work at five o’clock, I raced home, desperate to take a bath and get ready for my date. When I walked in the door my mother was sitting at the kitchen table perusing the newspaper. “You’re home early,” she said. I usually didn’t get home until around seven.

“Jan sent me home early. I have a date.”

I could see the shock on her face. It was plain as day. I haven’t had a date in over six months so this was kind of out of the blue for her.

“With who?” she managed to ask.

“His name is Connor. I met him at the library.”

“Connor, huh? I’m dating someone by that name.”

I knew this already, though. We share everything. Even though she is my mother, she is more like my big sister. She had me at a very young age. She was seventeen when she became pregnant. My father left and she raised me herself. Thinking about it, I realized that she was the same age as Connor. What a coincidence. I should have thought more of it than I did, but how could I have known what lay in store for me later.

I got ready leisurely, enjoying a nice long bubble bath. I shaved my legs and used strawberry smelling shampoo and conditioner. When I got out of the tub, I wrapped myself in my warm terrycloth robe and went to my room to do my hair. I hate my hair. It’s really curly and it hangs down to the middle of my back. I wish it were blond, like my mom’s. She has this incredible long, thick, straight golden blond hair that shimmers in the sunlight. My mousy brown curls make me seem so…drab. Determined to look anything but drab, I pulled the errant curls back from my face and up into a loose chignon leaving just a few curls tumbling around my face and nape.

I wore my best dress, which isn’t saying much. It was a plain white sheath with spaghetti straps. It doesn’t sound like much, but it clings to every curve of my body. I usually don’t like to wear it, because it emphasizes the fact that I’m not stacked, but I figured Connor wouldn’t notice. I pulled on the small bolero jacket that went over the top and a pair of white sandals.

Kissing my mother goodnight, I walked out the door. It doesn’t take long to get from Corpus Christi to South Padre Island. I was there a good fifteen minutes before eight, but Connor still somehow managed to be there waiting.

I walked through the door of the restaurant, glancing around in search of him. The hostess inquired if I was meeting someone and I said yes. I was about to say that he must not be here yet, when I spotted him sitting at the bar.

He was wearing a charcoal gray suit with a white dress shirt underneath. His hair was slicked back, something different for him, and he stood, tall and erect and came to greet me. He lifted my hand to his mouth and gently touched it with his lips.

The small touch took my breath away. I gasped slightly and his eyes shot up to meet mine. It was as if no one else in the world existed. In all my twenty-six years I’d never felt that kind of instant connection to anyone.

“Shall we sit?” he asked softly, placing my hand in the crook of his arm.

“Please,” I answered politely.

The hostess led us to our table and Connor pulled out my chair for me. He was such a gentleman. It was a nice change from the boys that I usually dated. They wouldn’t know what the word meant.

He ordered a nice Merlot when the waitress came. She lit a small candle in the center of the table before going to fetch our wine. For several minutes we just sat there, gazing at each other over the candle. It was one of the most erotic moments I ever experienced, just sitting there, not saying a word, looking into his soul. I was shaken when the connection was severed by the reappearance of the waitress.

She poured the wine and took our orders after we perused the menu for a moment. We found that we shared similar tastes in food as we both ordered a small Caesar salad and a plate of fettuccini alfredo with blackened chicken.

As we waited for our food, Connor took my hand in his. Every touch was like a spark that sent an inferno of desire blazing through me. It was as if he knew this and he stoked the inferno by rubbing his thumb over my wrist, feeling my pulse increase under his soft caresses. I knew in that instant, when I looked into his eyes, that I was going to be his. I was certain of it. He was preparing me for what lay ahead.

When the food arrived we ate and talked about our lives. I had more in common with him, than I ever expected to. We liked the same books and authors. We enjoyed staying home in front of a warm fire. Neither of us liked being around a lot of people, preferring to have a few close friends. We enjoyed the same music and both had a huge appreciation for art and theatre. I was in awe of some of the places he traveled to, places that I have wanted to go my whole life. When he promised that he would take me anyplace I wished to go, butterflies began to dance in my stomach. This was moving so fast. I couldn’t be falling in love with him. But I felt like it. I wanted to spend every second in his company. I wanted to be cherished by him for the rest of my life. I wanted more than anything to wake up each morning with him by my side. And I think he saw that in my eyes.

Right after the waitress cleared our dishes, he leaned forward and caressed my cheek softly, cupping it in his palm. I closed my eyes, savoring the feel when he said, “I feel the same way, Marian.”

My eyes shot open in surprise, but I didn’t have a chance to say anything. His lips slowly brushed mine in a feather-light kiss that sent my senses reeling. For a moment I couldn’t move, but I slowly began to respond, placing my hands softly against his cheeks, pulling him closer, deepening the kiss. I don’t know how long it went on, but the waitress interrupted us by clearing her throat.

She smiled as she placed the bill on the table. Connor paid, insisting that it was the way things should be done. After all he’d been the one to ask me out. I agreed, but only if I could pay for our next date.

He smiled, and it hit me. Next date. So this was going to become something. I guess I knew that from the beginning, but I’ve never been controlled by my desire for someone. It was frightening.

As we made our way out of the restaurant, I asked him if he would like to come over. I knew what I was doing at this point. Mom was going to be out on a date and the house was empty. It wouldn’t hurt anything.

“Are you sure you want me to come over, Marian? It’s only our first date. I don’t want to rush you.” His arms came around me, and there in the middle of the parking lot, he pulled me close. The second our bodies touched it was as if fireworks went off around us. His eyes darkened, passion blazing in their depths. I gasped as I felt desire coursing through me, nearly sending me to my knees. I held on tight to him, my arms draped loosely around his neck.

I was ready for his kiss. And when he swooped down and claimed my lips with his, I responded with everything in me. I pressed myself against him, wanting to become one with him, as his hands began to wander up and down my back and over my butt. They rested there for a moment, squeezing slightly. His tongue dipped into my mouth, tangling with my own and as it did, he pulled my lower body tight against his so that I could feel how much he wanted me.

It went on forever. It ended too soon. He pulled away first, gasping for breath. I rested my head on his chest as we stood there, trying to gain some sort of equilibrium. He reached up and took my chin in his hand, tipping my head up. “I want you, Marian. More than I’ve ever wanted anyone.”

“Come home with me, Connor. I know what I’m doing. I want you just as much.”

“Do you want to drive your car, or should we take mine, and I’ll run you back here for yours tomorrow?”

I pulled away from him, hoping that my knees would hold up. “Why don’t you follow me. It will be easier on you that way.”

With one last quick kiss we separated and got into our own cars. The drive wouldn’t have been so bad if I had been able to concentrate on the road. But I kept having flashes in my head about what the night was going to bring. My body was humming with desire. By the time I got home I was quaking with repressed emotion. I wanted him. Not just his body. I wanted his heart.

I got out of my car and before I knew what was happening Connor swept me up in his arms and started toward the front door. I noticed my mom’s car in the driveway, but figured her date drove. Connor was kissing me passionately as I tried fumbling with my purse to find my keys. When I finally had them in my hand I pulled away from Connor for just a moment to unlock the door, but was surprised when the door opened from the inside.

There was my mom, her hair pulled up in a ponytail, wearing a black and red kimono. She was staring at me as if I was some alien from another planet, but when she looked at Connor her whole expression changed.

“Connor?” she said quietly, a question in her voice.

“Miranda.”

It was then that it hit me. While they were staring at each other, too stunned to speak, I realized that the Connor my mom was dating was the same one I had planned to spend the night with. The one I had given my heart to. I launched myself out of Connor’s arms so fast I nearly fell when my feet hit the ground. That broke the spell. He reached out to steady me, but I pulled away from his grasp. Tears slipped from my eyes, even as I tried to hold them in. I couldn’t believe this was happening to me. It was like a really bad soap opera.

“Marian,” he whispered softly. “I didn’t know…”

“And that’s supposed to make it better. You’re dating my mom!”

“I was planning on breaking it off. I met you and my whole world turned upside down. I couldn’t tell which way was up. I …”

At this point my mother burst in the conversation. “You were planning on breaking it off so you could date my daughter! You scumbag. I thought you were a gentleman, but you’re just a lecher. My god, she’s practically young enough to be your daughter!”

“She’s perfect for me, Miranda. In every way that counts. Age doesn’t matter.”

“She’s not going anywhere near you ever again. I forbid it”

The yelling was giving me a headache and making me feel even worse. I was going to sleep with my mother’s boyfriend. I fell in love with him. This was a nightmare. Their yelling got louder and louder and I couldn’t take it anymore.

“Stop it, both of you!” I screamed. Connor looked at me and I could see the way he felt in his eyes, but I couldn’t be with him. He tried to touch me, to wipe away my tears, but my mother batted his hands away.

“Don’t touch her. You were mine and she can’t have you.” I always knew my mom was selfish, like a little girl in a woman’s body. But I never really knew the extent of it. Until now.

“I’m not your possession, Miranda,” Connor snapped.

“Well your not going to be hers either. If I can’t have you, neither can she!”

They went back and forth, hurling insults at each other. I could hardly believe they ever dated. They were so wrapped up in their argument that I managed to slip away quietly. I got into my car and started the engine.

I saw Connor look up at me. Ignoring my mom he ran toward the car. Pressing my fingertips to the passenger window, I stepped on the gas and took off. I watched in the rear view mirror as Connor ran after me in the middle of the street, but I didn’t turn around.

I drove around for a while, not knowing where to go. Finally fatigue sent me to Sherry’s house. I rang her doorbell. It was one in the morning.

She answered the door wielding a baseball bat for protection. But she dropped it the second she saw my mascara covered face.

“Oh…Marian! What happened?” She hugged me tight and dragged me inside.

The whole night came spilling out of my mouth while I sobbed hysterically, crying on Sherry’s shoulder. She was really great about it. When I was done crying she told me that she would have Jan cover my shift for the week at work. I told her that I didn’t have anyplace to go so she told me I could stay with her. She was great.

The next day, after Sherry went to work, I went over to my house, knowing that my mom would be at work, and packed up all of my necessities and put them in the car. I was getting ready to pull out when she showed up.

“What are you doing here, Marian?” she said, pure venom in her voice.

“I’m just getting my clothes and some other things of mine.” I couldn’t bear to look at her.

“I don’t want you coming back.”

“I know,” I replied sadly.

“I bet you don’t know what a wonderful lover Connor is. He drove me wild in bed. But it takes a woman with experience to hold on to a man like him. Not some innocent little virgin.”

“I’m not a virgin.”

“But you don’t know how to keep a man like him. All you’ve ever dated are those intellectual geeks. Connor is a real man, with a real man’s needs. And he needs a real woman to satisfy them. Not some child.”

I didn’t know what to say. I had never known her to be so vindictive. It was all I could do not to cry again. “I’m leaving,” I said shakily as I got into the car.

“Don’t bother to come back.”

I drove away, sick to my stomach at the thought that I’d just lost everything that mattered to me. I didn’t have any other family. And now my mother and I would never speak to each other again.

The week was passing by so slowly. I spent my days watching television and writing in my journal. Finally after spending three days on her couch, Sherry dragged me up and told me that we were going out. Jan was coming over and it was going to be girls’ night out.

She forced me to take a shower and afterwards she pulled my hair back in a loose bun and put some eyeshadow on my eyes. Finally she handed me a short, swingy black dress. Grudgingly I pulled it on, determined to enjoy this night, no matter how bad I was feeling.