I Love Red

I sat at my vanity wrapped in a fluffy black robe, drops of water clinging to my skin from my shower. I had my hair loosely wrapped in a cotton t-shirt, to prevent tangles in my freshly detangled hair. I massaged my mixture of body butter and shimmering oil onto my dark skin. I looked at the clock; 5 o'clock and two hours until I was to meet Richard at this swanky, new Italian restaurant that recently opened 15 minutes from my house. I gently ran a combination of aloe hair gel and setting foam, making sure to section my curls and coils for maximum definition. I texted Lilith as I dried my hair.

Lilith: '

R U still going out with Richy?

'

Me: '

Yes dear lol

'

Lilith: '

I think I'm gonna go out with Connor...should I *thinking emoji*?

'

An Instagram notification of a DM sent from Lilith from a cooking account the both of us followed.

Me: '

YES!!!!! Uk he's been on you for a minute'

Lilith: '

What r u wearing? U should wear ur black boots w/ the red sweater

*heart eyes emoji*',

Me: '

LOL that's the exact fit i picked out *

skull emoji

*'

Lilith: 'OMG should i really??????'

Lilith:

Girl, r u gonna fuck him

*three looking eyes emojis*.

Me: '

idk yet gotta see where the night takes me *

looking eyes emoji

*'

My hair finished drying and I began to dress in the aforementioned outfit. I put on my best lacy black bra, the one you save for special occasions. I slide the matching black lace thong up my ample thighs and hips, positing the triangle of the bottoms perfectly in the crevice of my butt. I pulled my thigh-high lacy stockings as far up my thighs as they could go, making sure the elastic grip was, properly, on my skin. I donned my black mini skirt and the blood-red off-the-shoulder knit top I had got on sale a couple of weeks ago. I styled it so my left shoulder was covered and the right exposed. I adjusted the bra strap on the right shoulder did not show. I put on my gold chunky cuff hoops, gold pendant chain, and gold charm bracelet on my right wrist. Finally, I slid on my black, patent leather thigh-high boots. The boots were my most expensive gift to myself; a thoroughly considered splurge. I sat back at my vanity desk, misting my face with toner and doing my skincare before applying my makeup: eyebrow gel, a light coat of mascara with demi wispy lashes, concealer for my under eyes, blush over my cheekbones and nose, highlighter on the tip of my nose and inner corners of my eyes, brown smoky eye with tight lining, and a brown lip liner with butter gloss. I finished my face and looked at the clock; I had 30 minutes until we met. I loved being early.

I did one last check in the mirror before cleaning up. I had to make sure my hair was fully fluffed and adjusted my top so it didn't bulge in unflattering places. Then, I walked towards the front, stopping in the kitchen to turn the stove light on. Before leaving, I put on my favorite black trench coat. Finally, I was ready to leave.

I drove the short time to the restaurant, still early. I waited in the parking lot for another ten minutes before finally texting Richard, '

im here :)

'. I stared at my screen, watching for a text bubble to pop up. After what felt like 10 minutes, but was actually two, he responded,

'Pulling up now. Which car are you?

' I described my car to him and saw someone pull into the spot on my left. I looked over, smiled, and waved after noticing him. He waved back and got out of his car. When I moved to open my door, he stopped me and opened it for me. '

Chivalrous

,' I thought to myself. He grabbed my hand and helped me out of the car. He handed me a bouquet of roses. I thanked him and took a good smell. Roses weren't my favorite, in fact, they reminded me of the candles my mom and grandma would get. I had told him that my favorite flowers were lilies a couple of days ago after I had sent him a picture of an arrangement Lilith had sent to my house for the second anniversary of my shop. I was grateful, nonetheless, though.

We walked into the restaurant and up to the hostess station, a petite young woman asked for the reservation name. "Story," I told her, and she led us through a cozily arranged restaurant with dinners of all shapes, sizes, and colors. I looked around the restaurant with decor that made an intimate environment, even with everyone packed together. The restaurant glowed from tea-light candles and flower centerpieces on every table with subtle recessed lighting. The wall with the entrance had a red-orange brick facade and was surrounded by climbing vines. The floors were a deep brown, scuffed with previous restaurant use. The other four walls were pale light blue wallpaper of floral designs and hummingbirds. She showed us to our table, a cozy two-seater along a wall with plush, off-white chairs. He assisted me in taking off my coat and pushing in my seat when I sat down. After he took his seat, the hostess handed us a wine menu. I already knew what I wanted. I'm the type of person to look up a menu for a restaurant before I get there, so I don't feel the pressure of the people I'm dining with to make a decision. The waitress came back and took our orders.

He stared at me as we waited on our orders, looking over my face and hair. I appraised him, too. Richard wasn't an ugly man; he was quite handsome. He was older than me, having turned 35 last month. He had deep brown hair with a taper fade, showing off the waves created by his kinky hair from diligent brushing. His skin was a dark honey color. He had dark brown hooded eyes with inky black lashes. He had brilliant white teeth with a slight gap in his two front teeth, surrounded by plush lips and a well-trimmed beard that connected to his taper. He obviously spent time in the gym- broad-shouldered and muscle all over.

It was different seeing him in this setting. We video-chatted a few times after I asked him out, and had texted consistently. He was my type, and I felt the flutters of attraction as we looked each other over.

"How was your day?" he started.

"Really, good, actually. I did some errands, organized a scent list and ideas for labels, came with more flower arrangements," I responded. "How about you?"

"I had an early morning meeting with an investor for one of my clients. Then I went to the gym, did some work from home, and took my parents out for lunch."

"How are your parents? Did your mom like that arrangement? Your dad gave me creative freedom over the flowers."

"They're fine. I'm trynna convince them to move to a smaller place because the house is too big for them to be in it by themselves. And yeah, she loved the arrangement."

The food came and the conversation stopped as we prepared to eat. I moaned as I took my first bite of shrimp scampi, the extra sauce I added enhancing the garlic-butter taste. He paused, his fork full of chicken parmesan to his lips.

"It must be good then," he said with a smirk.

"Oh, absolutely! Shrimp scampi is one of my top pasta dishes and this one has to be the best yet," I responded.

He chuckled and continued to eat, cutting the chicken into small, bite-sized pieces before piercing them with his fork and bringing them to his lips. We split the bread and salad that were on the table and poured more wine, making small talk as we got into the date.

"So," Richard started, "how did you beat me to the bunch on asking you out?"

I wiped my mouth and sat the napkin down, "Well, I find you attractive and I wanted to get to know you better. Simple as that."

"I think you're a very gorgeous lady. I've had my eye on you ever since my mom asked me to pick up an order in July. Since then, I've volunteered myself to be their errand boy when it came to your products."

"Well, that's sweet," I said, blushing. "Your parents are very loyal customers, and I'm glad you've come, giving me some eye candy as I'm going around the place."

He stared at me a little before speaking again. "So, what are you expecting from this? Me? I'm in the market for a female who can be my peace."

I bristled at the use of 'female'.

"I'm not seeking, but trying to actively attract. I've been through more than my fair share with men, so I'm trying to practice openness and discernment. So, if I meet someone who checks my boxes, then, I'm open to settling down. I don't want to rush things, anyways. Also, I'm only 25; kids are not on my radar with all that I still want to do. I'd feel like a teen parent if I had a baby now," I finished with a chuckle. He crossed his arms and leaned back in his seat, a pensive look on his face.

"Before you know it, you'll be 30. Don't you want to start settling down? Females usually want to start around your age. You're already successful and thriving. I looked up your business. You're making enough money to hire more people and not be as hands-on."

I shifted in my seat, a little uncomfortable. "Well, I don't see the need to settle down when I'm still discovering myself. And, yes, my business is doing well, but I love being hands-on and in the shop every day," I began, "And I must not be like other

women

because, at the moment, I am not interested in getting married as soon as possible."

He came forward, placing his hands on the table. "I don't mean to start an argument, especially on our first date. I was just wondering where your head was at. I like you, though, and I want to see you again."

The waiter came over and asked if we were ready for the check or wanted to order dessert. Richard looked at me in question. I shook my head. "We're ready for the check," he said. Richard paid for our food, and we left in a tense silence. As we walked to our cars, he put his hand on my hip, gripping it with possession. I allowed him to do it. It was nice to have the extra warmth, and I wanted to smooth things over.

We stopped at our cars. As I went to bid him goodnight, he kissed me. He pulled me towards him, his hands guiding my waist closer. I fought, at first, surprised by it. But, against my better judgment, I sank into him, craning my neck to meet his lips and tongue. My hands went to his shoulders as his kisses stirred my desires. I missed the touch of a man so much. His hands slid through the sides of my coat, coming around and gripping my ass. His fingers slid past the hem of my skirt and onto my bare cheeks. He pressed me into his growing erection, and his right hand moved to paw at my breast. I whimpered. Richard moaned, and I was slammed back into reality. I pulled away, hands on his chest. We stared at each other, our heavy breaths creating puffs of steam between us.

"If that was your version of an apology, then I guess I accept," I said with a small smile.

"Yeah, it was. I'm sorry. And I probably shouldn't have kissed you without asking, but I wanted to put another look on your face, " he chuckled, "and it worked."

I brought a hand to my cheek, feeling the heat. "I do have to go," I started, "I have to get up early to make more candles."

"I understand. When will I see you again?"

"How about Wednesday? You pick the place and I'll meet you there?" I offered.

"There's a moving playing that day, some action movie I've been seeing previews for. You wanna do dinner and the movie? Possibly drinks after?" He asked, hopefully.

"Yeah, sounds great. Text me the time and restaurant and I'll see you there," I said.

He moved his face to mine and kissed me again, a short peck on the lips. I kissed him back and he opened my car door, ushering me in.

"Get home safe," he said as he closed the door. I took a moment to collect myself, trying to slow down my racing heart and mind. I had just put the key in the ignition and turned the car on when he sped out of the lot. That soured my mood. I hoped he would have waited for me to leave first. I sent a quick text to Lilith, hoping it was too late for her to respond.

Me:

'Just finished with Richard. Heading home now'

Lilith:

'So ur not going home with him??? What happened? I want details!!!'

Me:

'Nothing much, I'll explain in the am lol'

Lilith:

'Geeeeeeeeeem, don't leave me hanging' *pout emoji*'

Me:

'Nope...talk to you when after i get my 8 hrs *kissy face emoji* good night'

I drove home, the music quietly playing. I was confused and horny, two emotions I cannot stand to be. I walked into my house, hung up my coat, and neatly set my boots in the closet. The bra came off next. I carried it with me into the bathroom, peeling the top and mini skirt off and putting them in the hamper. I rolled off my stockings and put them away. I unwedged my thong, slowly sliding it down my thighs, my obvious wetness sticking to my thighs. I turned on the shower next to boiling, the steam relaxing my tense muscles. I put on my shower cap and got in. The hot water hit my skin, the beads of water rolling down my skin. I was very horny. I bathed without incident. Then, started my nightly body oil massage after turning the water off.

I started at my neck, working the muscles that were so tense from the hours of making candles and floral arrangements. My hands moved to my shoulders and armpits, then skipped to my feet, working up my tired calves and thighs. My mind took over, imagining Richard giving me the massage. I returned to my shoulders, my hands gliding over my slick skin. My fingers slid to my sternum and then down to my breasts. As I cupped my breasts, I imagined Richard's hands instead of my own, kneading and massaging, palming my nipples. I gasped at the feeling, feeling the ripples of pleasure course through me. I kept my left hand on my breasts while my right traveled down my fecund stomach, grazing over stretch marks and my belly button, to the thatch of hair in between my legs. I whimpered as my fingers made contact with my clit hiding under its hood. My fingers traveled further between my thick folds and I felt my juices gathering between them. I curled my pointer and middle fingers up and into my aching hole, gasping in pleasure at the sensation. The heel of my hand pressed against my clit as I raised my right foot to rest on the shower edge. My curled fingers sought out the spongy spot behind my clit and I saw stars. I pressed the spot, creating throbs of pleasure that made my juices flow harder. "Yes! Fuck me Rich! FUCK ME!" I yelled out. I continued to press into my G-spot and massage my breasts, increasing the pressure on my nipples. I threw my head back against the shower wall, shaking as I began to increase the speed, pistoning my fingers in and out and grinding my clit against my palm. My breath grew heavy as I fucked myself, bearing down as my hips gyrated over my fingers. I moaned out, on the precipice of orgasm, and my heart hammering in my chest. I chased my orgasm furtively, becoming frustrated that I wasn't tipping over the edge. I closed my eyes and focused, seeing Richard trying to bring me to completion. It wasn't enough. I refocused, trying to come up with a different scenario. My fingers didn't slow as I brought my left hand down to play with my clit. When I closed my eyes, there was a different hand- a different, pale hand. My mind's eye looked up to see Caleb's icy blue eyes staring into mine and leaning down to suckle on my neck. I came, hard and wet, pussy pulsing around my fingers, clit throbbing in time to my heartbeat and whimpering Caleb's name. I stood there, gasping for air and lightheaded as I came down from my high. I pulled my fingers out of me, leaving a trail of sticky fluids stretching between my thighs and fingers. I rinsed off and got out of the shower.

As I readied myself for bed, I decided not to ponder over the fact that imagining my date could not bring me to orgasm; in my head, at least. I didn't want to contemplate that it took the face of my best friend's brother to make me explode. Nor did I want to think about what that meant. Simply, I would ignore it.

And ignore it I did. For several days, I did not touch myself or put myself in a position where I would become aroused. I surrounded myself with the fresh flowers, waxes, and essential oils of my shop. When Monday came around, I still felt guilty. I stared at the text message Richard sent me Saturday morning, 'Grand rising dear.' The use of 'grand rising' gave me an icky feeling. But I pushed past it. I texted him back, mostly to assuage the guilt I felt.

Me:

'Heeyy :)'

Richard:

'Grand rising. I wasn't sure when I would hear from you again.'

Me:

'Yeeeaaah...sorry about that. I was busy designing labels with Lilith and I got sidetracked lol....Soooooo are we still on for Wednesday?'

Richard:

'That depends'

Me:

'On what?'

Richard:

'If you can make it up to me'

Me: 'Make it up to you how?'

Richard:

'I want to come over.'

Me:

'When?'

Richard:

'Wednesday'

Me:

'Wednesday? Like after the date?'

Richard:

'Yes.'

Me:

'I'll be frank, im not having sex unless I'm in a serious, claimed relationship'

Richard:

'Who said I was only looking to have sex? What is I want to make you my woman?'

Me:

'LOL make me your woman *thinking emoji*'

Richard:

'Yes. I know we've only been on 1 date, but I see something with you. I want to get to know you. I want to be the man who made you release the reigns on your shop so you could come home to me and our family. I want you to be part of my future.'

Me:

'Ooooh, okay. A man who knows what he wants'

Richard:

'I sure do and I want you *kiss emoji*'

A flash of Caleb came to mind. Inside, alarm bells were starting to ring. Something in me was trying to wave me away, that he was promising too much, too soon. However, I tamped down those feelings. This was part of "attracting" right; giving the people who want you a chance to be with you, a chance to explore options. I felt that maybe

I

was doing too much, being too afraid to open up. I'd already been through so much with the men of my past, so yes, I was a little haunted and guarded. Despite the red flags, I wanted someone whom I could trust to lower it. So, I set myself up for a year of mental and emotional hell when I texted back,

Me:

'I want you too'

.