A Totally Unromantic Love Story

I wanted to play with a different idea in this series. The theme is this... Your life isn't scripted. It changes based on the actors you encounter in each scene. In that respect, you control your destiny by understanding the situation and acting no matter the odds. Getting a handle on the things that make you happy can require genuine out-of-the-box thinking. And going after them might take a tolerance for pain. How much of that is what I am working out here.

A word to those of you who like their stories accompanied by women buried in the back yard, neither of our heroes is perfect. But they are both decent and well meaning, just like most of us. So, although I haven't worked it out yet, I am guessing that the final outcome will not involve any intricate acts of revenge. There are plenty of stories on this site that DO provide that. So please read them with my best wishes.

~

I heard Mattie before I actually met her. I was at one of those interminable parties. The hour was late. People were getting drunker. And strange and disturbing things were taking place in dark corners. As usual, none of that involved me.

I was hanging around the fringes because I hadn't chosen to take up Holy Orders, YET. Nonetheless, the chances of my solving my chastity problem weren't looking good.

My abstinence was a matter of other people's choices. It wasn't that I was Quasimodo. I just didn't have that light flirty touch. In fact I don't have a subtle bone in my body.

Women have told me that I am way too honest. I kind-of get that. Everybody expects some beating around the bush, at least in the feeling-out stages.

To me, life is short. Or perhaps I am THAT insecure. Anyhow, I am not subtle.

Apparently, nobody wants that; nobody female that is. What they want are lengthy bouts of flattery and sophisticated innuendo, suggestion, not bald statement.

I had worked on my game throughout my twenties. And I had gotten enough pussy to dispel MOST of the rumors that I was gay. But it wasn't until my twenty-ninth year that I actually bagged a woman.

I always get the needy ones. Linda was attractive, beautiful actually. But she was almost as socially retarded as I was.

She was one of those girls who liked to pick out the wedding china on the third date. I thought she was "the one". That was mainly because she didn't run screaming into the street when I told her that I had absolutely no problem with doing that.

It was obvious from the beginning that she was the best I could do. Our personal deficiencies just played into each other. We meshed very well. In fact, we meshed so frequently that she was knocked up two months after we met.

It seems she didn't believe in birth control. And I was simple-minded enough not to ask.

Her view was that if she was spreading her legs it was for a meal ticket.

Frankly that was fine with me. Marriage at that stage was something you just did. Sort of like joining the boy-scouts when you were eleven.

I already had a very successful career. I am in the pen testing business. I break into other people's computers and tell them how I did it.

Companies pay a lot of money for that knowledge. It is probably the only job that a socially dysfunctional nerd like me can excel at.

So Linda and I set up housekeeping in a condo in Germantown, Maryland and pretty soon baby made three.

That's when I discovered to my absolute astonishment and delight that I really loved the little guy.

I admit that, up to that point I was a real nowhere man. I drifted along, grabbing targets of opportunity wherever and whenever I found them.

Nothing interested me, at least not enough to care very much. And there was no actual emotional investment in relationships; EVER. That included my marriage.

Bill junior changed that. I knew that I was hooked the instant that I laid eyes on him. I spent a lot of his early months just playing with him. I would do anything to see Billy smile.

Most of what I did was in the virtual world. So I was around the condo more than Linda was. She had a big-person job at NIST, which was right down the road in Gaithersburg. And she was gone from morning to early evening.

I didn't care because I had my little guy and my very well paid, zero knowledge, cybernetic universe.

In fact Linda was always more of a roommate with benefits than she was a wife. I don't know what I expected from that arrangement. But, what I GOT was divorce papers.

It seems that Linda had received a better offer from a guy she had met at a party down in DC. All the time I was watching the kid they had been fucking.

Honestly, I was relieved to get her out of my life. Fact is that, once she birthed Billy, she went back to being a spectacularly self-centered bitch.

Neither Billy, nor I, needed her. So we split up the DVD collection, which was pretty-much all that we jointly owned. She took her clothes and disappeared into the wilds of Reston.

I wished her the best.

That returned me to my horniness problem, which I had been trying to solve for months.

Billy was at my parents that night. In the time since his mother went MIA my parents had been his only family. Like me, they loved the little guy.

They both wanted me to couple up. They said that Billy needed a woman in his life. So they were more than happy to take care of him any time I went looking for a replacement.

We would do the IHOP shuffle the morning after. But tonight was my night to prowl.

The hunting was sparse. So before heading back to my place I went upstairs to take a last piss.

That's when I heard loud sexual noises coming from across the hall. My ears pricked up, along with something else. Voyeur that I am I had to see this.

I slowly eased the door open. I didn't really need to be delicate. There were four guys in various stages of arousal and undress wandering around the room.

None were wearing pants. Most were still wearing shirts. Except the fifth guy who was between the legs of the woman on the bed.

The soles of her feet were pointed at the ceiling fan, which was slowly turning over their head. She was emitting the loud moans that had brought me there in the first place. Occasionally she came up with an even louder, "Oh Yesss!"

There was a running play-by-play going on among the two guys who were actually watching the action.

The one said, "Look at that bitch fuck."

The other told the person fucking her that he should hurry up because it was his turn. To which she added, "That's it! Fuck me harder baby!"

I sat down in a handy chair to watch. At that point it was self-education as much as it was prurient interest.

Of course I knew about gang-bangs. I had just never witnessed one. I was truly interested in the motivations of the participants.

It was obvious that the guys wanted to get their rocks off in a real pussy. Most guys my age would fuck a hole in the wall. So the enthusiastic involvement of those five wasn't a mystery.

Nevertheless, it was not clear what the woman was getting out of it, except a whole lot of sexual stimulation.

Mind you, I am not saying that sexual stimulation is a bad thing. It was just that by headcount alone she must have been going at it for at least two hours. So you would imagine that some of the edge might have been taken off of her initial ardor.

Nonetheless, she was still fucking back at her partner like she had never had a cock in her before. Based on all of the fluids that were smeared on her she apparently had no problems with messy either.

The guy currently doing the honors let out a loud grunt and I could see his butt flex for a few seconds and she muttered a satisfied, "Yeeaaah!"

Then he reversed off her. It was almost like he was holding the door for the next fellow. The guy following in line replaced his buddy and smoothly inserted himself.

At that point he and she were off to the races again. It didn't seem like she even broke stride. She just emitted a lurid groan of satisfaction and went back to slamming her pussy up to meet the new intruder.

That went on for another twenty minutes. The garish moaning and cries of passion were getting so monotonous that I almost dozed off.

During that time all of the guys, but one, had pulled on their pants and left. The last one seemed to be waiting for his buddy to finish.

Finally I heard an, "Arrrrrrghhhh" from him and a "Give it to me baby. Give it ALL to me!!" And the last guy made his own contribution to the girl's already overflowing receptacle.

He slowly withdrew as she continued to loudly cum. Then he began to dress. He was doing it leisurely, like he was getting ready to go off to work. She was writhing on the bed, finishing herself with her fingers.

Both guys left, joshing each other about their performance. It was a truly touching moment.

She was lying quietly on her back now, knees bent outward. She looked totally used. She had that thousand yard stare that people get when they have had so many orgasms that they lose count.

I couldn't honestly say that her pussy was leaking because she had so much cum on various parts of her anatomy that it was hard to tell.

Meanwhile her chest was heaving with exertion. I noticed a dandy set of round, full tits puddled out on that chest, big brown nipples still erect.

She finally got back from whatever mystical journey she had been blown on. She said almost casually, "So are you going to fuck me or not?"

I said just as nonchalantly, "No, I was just curious." For a change my mind filtered out my usual response, which was that I wasn't into catching things.

It was an odd situation. This was clearly a slut on the hoof. She wasn't drugged, tied up, or even very drunk.

How a woman who had just willingly fucked five men to death could look THAT vulnerable and destitute was beyond me. But I was actually feeling sorry for her lying there. The main emotion though was curiosity.

She said, "Well if you aren't interested in fucking me can you at least give me a ride home?"

This whole conversation was going on like we had just run into each other at a Starbucks and she was about to order up a taxi. It was eerie.

I said, "I would be happy to, if you take a shower first." I thought it would be a little tasteless to tell her that I didn't want my car seats stained.

She rose wearily from the bed. I have seen the exact same faltering gesture from people who had just finished a marathon.

She groaned and said with a rueful grin, "I'm going to hate myself in the morning" as she disappeared into the bathroom.

I said, "I'll bet you will" trying to hold down the sarcasm. It was like we were discussing the weather.

I noticed that the naked ass that was disappearing through the doorway was as exquisite as the set of big, beautiful round tits that preceded her.

I wondered why a girl with such a smoking hot body would feel like she needed to pull a train of smarmy policy wonks to get attention. That piqued my interest.

She was in there for a while but she had a lot to scrub off. She appeared back in the bedroom looking fresh and pink, wrapped in a towel and drying her wet hair.

Her face was as world class as her body. It was a perfect oval with thick auburn hair framing it, big dark eyes and a wide sensual mouth.

This woman was a once in a lifetime babe. She should have been riding in a fancy litter, with those guys bearing her like a queen, not wantonly fucking them. Now I was truly curious.

I don't have a degree in psych. And I am not a rescuer. In fact I don't give a shit about the human race in general. But this woman's behavior was way too bizarre. She was a mystery that I HAD to unravel.

I was thinking that she might be a hooker. She had on expensive clothes. Maybe they PAID her to do that? She certainly was handling the gang-bang thing like a pro. It was as if fucking five men for almost two and a half hours was no big deal.

All the way out to the car she was bouncing along next to me prattling about how it looked like a beautiful spring.

She was only about five two. So I was looking down on her from almost a foot over her head. She had not put her bra back on. Her big full breasts swayed tantalizingly as she walked.

She kept cutting me flirty glances. I finally said a bit more gruffly than I had planned, "Give it up. It ain't gonna happen."

She looked confused. It was like she didn't know what I was talking about. She said, "What's not going to happen?"

I said, "You know." She clearly didn't.

I opened the door. She hopped in. She said, "Nice car."

It WAS nice. Like I said, I live in a condo. I make a lot of money and I don't have anything to spend it on except the kid. So a lease on a Range Rover is not too extravagant.

I drove. She provided the directions. We ended up at an apartment complex in Chevy Chase. She definitely had money.

I said, "What do you do for a living?"

She said nonchalantly, "I'm a lawyer with the FDA."

I thought Holy Shit! I was glad that I DIDN'T blurt out, "So you're NOT a hooker?" Instead I just stared.

She added, "Would you like to close your mouth and come up?"

I said, "Sure!" I might be socially retarded but I am not stupid.

We entered an almost palatial lobby and rode up to the top floor in an elevator that would have done the Willard downtown proud. I was gazing around her hallway like a yokel who had never seen luxury buildings before.

Her place had the "single girl with a lot of money" look that suggested she had more than a career as a GS 13. I wandered around it touching things. She had nice things. Her place had floor to ceiling windows. The view of the emerging dawn was spectacular.

She said, "Do you want a drink?" It was hospitable not sultry.

I said, "I really have to be getting back" and yawned.

She said, "Why don't you just stay here? Miss Kitty is too sore tonight but I will be ready to go tomorrow bright and early."

I didn't know how to address that elephant in the room. Hell, it wasn't an elephant. It was a Wooly Mammoth.

I said, "Maybe some other time. But I have to pick up my son in the morning."

She said, "I never thought! Are you married?"

I told her the entire gory story. I only omitted the part about my being a candidate for the short bus with women. She seemed fascinated. She was a fantastic listener. The sun was coming up as I talked. It had been a very long day.

I finally said, "I have to get Billy in Gaithersburg in two hours."

She said. "Great, let me change and we can go get him together. Why don't you take a shower to wake up and we can get some breakfast on the way?"

I was beginning to look around me to see if I hadn't inadvertently fallen into a "Twilight Zone" episode.

I said astonished, "You don't even know me and you want to come with me to pick up my kid?"

I didn't add that I was a little weirded out by her attitude. I mean we weren't exactly buddies. In fact we weren't even acquainted.

After what I had just witnessed, I might be a little over-familiar with her physiology. But I didn't actually know her name.

I said, "I don't even know your name."

She said, "That's easy it's Maddie, short for Matilda." I thought that her parents must have had an exquisite sense of humor.

Then without missing a beat she added, "I love children. We can take him to the DC Zoo. The Pandas are out now."

I had no response to that proposition. I had the feeling that, control-wise I was up that proverbial creek without a paddle with this woman. She might have some very odd sexual practices but she was a force of nature.

What she said made practical sense though. Given the hour I might as well go directly to the IHOP from her place.

Her lavatory looked like it belonged in the Taj Mahal. In fact, the potty gave new meaning to the term "throne".

I dragged my weary ass into her shower, which was about the size of my whole bathroom. I was soaping myself when the shower door opened and she appeared naked behind me.

She said, "Let me do that" and began to lather up Old Lucifer. Her giant tits with their stiff nipples and her tight little body were pressed against my back as she industriously polished my rod.

The traitorous organ immediately stood straight out for her.

I turned to face her. She was laughing merrily. What we were doing did not feel explicitly sexual, even though we were both stark naked. It was more like we were engaged in a pillow fight or some other form of naughty teenage hijinks. She was giggling.

I held her at arm's length. She looked inquiringly at me and I kissed her. I couldn't help it. She was so alive and full of joy. Our tongues dueled for a few seconds. Then she pushed herself away, chest heaving.

She smacked me on the arm and said, "We don't have time for this. We have to pick up your child."

I thought to myself, "She participates in an all-night gang-bang and NOW she is the responsible one?"

I dried off with a towel that must have denuded an entire cotton field. She got herself ready in her own room. I thought to myself, "This woman has serious money." Her contradictions were driving me nuts.

The hot shower and the even hotter stimulation had my blood pumping again. I was waiting in her living room when she reappeared. She was the girl next door, complete with pig-tails.

She was a stunning beauty. I couldn't reconcile the fresh scrubbed look with the gang-bang queen of several hours ago. The puzzle just kept getting more-and-more interesting.

We went back through the lobby and walked out to the car. She cheerfully grabbed my arm and squeezed it against the side of one disturbingly full, floating boob.

It was a possession move, almost like she had adopted me as a boyfriend.

As we walked across the parking lot all I could think about were the five boyfriends she had fucked last night.

There was a struggle going on inside my head. I couldn't reconcile my feelings. I should have been grossed out by her. But instead I was wrapped in a sense of comfortable ease that you have with a long-time friend and companion. She was reinforcing that idea with her jaunty familiarity.

I drove to the IHOP in Gaithersburg. It was where I had planned to meet my parents. She wanted to know everything about my kid.

I told her that he was an inquisitive three-year old. I told her that his mother had lost interest in him about ten minutes after he was born. And I had done all of his child care.

I added that the only thing that Linda did in the eight months before she left was the actual breast-feeding. And that was simply because she was the only one with the relevant technology.

Billy is a bright little boy. He was overjoyed to see me. I was even happier to see him.

He was sitting in his high chair with a big pile of crackers on his tray. My parents were sitting together on one side of the booth in anticipation of my arrival.

I slipped in opposite them with Maddie.

They looked confused. I got it. Needless to say, they had never seen me with a woman as attractive as Maddie; at least one who seemed to have the slightest interest in me.

Maddie was acting like we always hung out together on a Saturday. I was wondering if I was witnessing another instance of a slipped cog.

My parents just looked at her like she would excuse herself and leave, once she realized that she had sat down in the wrong booth. In the meantime she was already fooling with Billy.

Billy is normally very shy. I was waiting for him to start to cry. Instead, he looked puzzled and then some little switch toggled in the "mommy" recognition center of his brain.

He produced the brightest, ear-to-ear grin and held out his arms to her. He wanted to be picked up and hugged. Maddie picked him up and the two of them smiled and cooed at each other.