The question obviously is, "Why didn't I delete Sara's number?"
Well, I couldn't answer that. I wasn't thinking I could get some side action with Sara. Fucking Sara again was the last thing I was thinking about. Why my head works the way it does is anyone's guess.
If I had to try and explain it I would say, do you know why most self destructive people are so self destructive? One of the answers as I understand it is that people who know nothing but chaos in their lives can't cope with being calm. If all you know is constant instability you get comfortable with it. That becomes your normal.
When the calm comes you get uncomfortable with it. You aren't allowed to be happy, so something needs to go wrong. Maybe it makes no sense, and believe me I think it is stupid too.
Still, I can't explain it any better. I was not allowed to be happy. My way of making sure something horrible would go wrong was keeping Sara's number.
I was doing well in the week without Elizabeth. I didn't really think about drinking, and I kept up nicely on my studying. I even got back in a good rhythm of going to the gym. Before I was always either drunk, or recovering from a hangover. Neither of those states were very good for working out.
The week drifted by, and when Saturday came around I was feeling pretty good by myself. Something I wasn't used to. Of course, that meant something awful had to happen.
I was getting ready to head off to the gym when I got a message. It was Sara of all people. She had gone dark since the day she saw me with Liz at the mall. My blood ran cold at her name, but I managed to pull myself back in. Some defiant part of my brain refused to let her have power anymore.
"How long have you and Elizabeth been a thing?" she asked with some obvious nefarious purpose behind the question.
"Why do you want to know?"
"Just tell me."
I decided to humor her for some reason. Maybe I thought It would be fun to rub it in her face that I was dating someone who cared about me for once.
"Over a week. Not that long"
"I need to show you something," she responded ominously.
I frowned at the screen not sure what she meant. She typed again, " I need to show you this in person."
"Why in person?" my fingers typed out the words hesitantly.
"Because you wont believe me. Can I come over? It wont take that long I swear."
I was going to say no. I was just about to tell her to fuck off, and be done with the conversation. I had been on such a hot streak with taking care of myself, and I wasn't about to relapse by giving her an in. She cut me off before I could message back.
"It is about Elizabeth."
Icicles formed in my blood again. I didn't know what that meant, but it led off with an obvious undertone that wasn't good. It was the wrong move to make in every play book you could think off, but I told Sara yes. She was over within the hour.
She came flying into my place like she owned it. She didn't pause for a second when I opened the door. Just came right in pushing past me on her way to the kitchen.
It was for the best. Seeing here again tripped a switch in me. A sick feeling bubbled up in my gut threatening to overflow. Just seeing that satin black hair again, and those sapphire blue eyes had my blood pressure up enough to warrant a trip to the hospital.
She stopped, leaning against my sink motioning for me to come over. That black sweater she was wearing failed to hide anything, and the bare skin she was showing on her belly in the Fall told me she was well aware of how provocatively she was dressed.
It took all I had to keep myself from running. Every time I saw her without alcohol in my system I was always on the cusp of an anxiety attack. Still, I managed to make my way over to her.
"I knew something was weird when I saw you two at the mall," she launched into a monologue at the drop of a hat.
"Before I start, I want to say I'm sorry Liam. I'm just trying to help you here."
"Like usual huh? Because you're always trying to help me right?"
She paused mid breath, "What?"
"Don't give me that Sara. Don't act surprised. Just tell me whatever the hell you need to tell me, and leave."
She looked caught off guard. I thoroughly enjoyed that expression on her face, but the effort of telling her off had my pulse pounding in my skull. I couldn't fake my confidence for much longer.
She let go of an aggravated groan, "I've always been looking out for you Liam. Just because we aren't together doesn't mean I don't worry about you."
"Bullshit!" I snapped, "I don't mean a damn thing to you! I'm a fucking toy at best!"
Sara opened her mouth like she wanted to say something, but shut it quickly hanging her head. I could hear her breathing pick up speed as she opened her phone and started to look for something.
"Remember you said that while you look at these."
She delivered the line monotone, but slammed her phone on the counter face up clearly angered. I was confused now. Too confused to keep as angry as I was before, but that undeniable heat was still clawing its way up my chest.
I was afraid of what the pictures would show me. I was absolutely terrified. The context clues I was given up to that point told me Elizabeth was probably going to be on them. Sara simply stepped back, and crossed her arms waiting for me to see the screen.
The first picture was fairly benign. Just Elizabeth walking down one of the roads at our university with a guy I had never seen. Some tall guy with short brown hair. Styled a little spiky with a sheen of hair gel.
