If there was ever a Friday where I needed my weekly softball ritual, this was it! A little exertion, some sweat and some laughter was the best way to end a tough week. I could leave all my pent-up aggression on the field and walk away on an endorphin high, much less stressed and ready to enjoy the weekend...
Or at least that was the plan. But I didn't expect to see Joe there.
It had been well over a year since he'd left the team to move out-of-state, yet there he was in the dugout, unpacking his bag like he'd never missed a game. My heart lurched as he glanced up and saw me, a slow grin spreading across his features.
He looked good – really good, and his arms felt the same as they closed around me in a warm embrace. But what did I expect? Fourteen months wasn't that long, after all – did I expect that he'd no longer be the tall, dark bad-boy I'd secretly crushed on?
"Ah girl..." he murmured, pressing a kiss against the top of my head. "So good to see you!" Then, raising his head from mine, he looked around, "Your husband going to kick my ass for mauling you?"
Color flooded my cheeks, and I laughed, "Uh...no. Tom was never the jealous type."
He took a step back to look fully into my face as my words registered. "Was?"
"We are not married anymore..." I said coolly, like it was no big deal.
The surprise on his face was evident, but before he could say anything, we were interrupted by a teammate, eager to welcome Joe back to the fold. As the dugout filled, I turned away and opened my bag to retrieve my glove, ruthlessly tamping down the unwelcome emotions that had bubbled to the surface.
And then I felt Joe's hand on my elbow as he walked by me to take the field for warm-ups. His voice was soft as he murmured in my ear, "Later, okay? We'll catch up later..."
I nodded, not raising my head, "Yeah, okay..."
It was a hard game to get through. Every time I looked at him, my heart ached. Why did he have to come back?
Joe and I had met years earlier on the ball field and struck up an unlikely friendship. He was younger than I was with an irreverent sense of humor, athletic – the kind of guy who liked to make diving catches just for the fun of it. At the time, I was 34 and more than a few pounds above my fighting weight – struggling to get back into a sport I'd once been good at. He was kind to me, encouraging, and I loved him for it. He was like a younger brother... yet not quite.
And now, seeing him again, it was almost like no time had passed. He was still aggressive, and talented, and so much fun. We'd picked up a few young female players during his absence, and they were both big fans of his before the end of the night. But what was not to love?
Most of the team was headed out for the customary drinks and wings after the game but, as usual, I bowed out. Joe did too, much to the chagrin of his new groupies. "Can't ladies," he shrugged apologetically. "I've already got plans..."
He caught up to me in the parking lot. "Eve...wait..."
I didn't know where to begin with him so I didn't say much, just welcomed him with half a smile. "You played great tonight..."
His grin was contagious, "It feels so good to be back!"
Reaching my car, I popped the trunk and stowed my bag, making a conscious effort to keep my voice even. "So, you're back then? Not just visiting?"
"Yeah, I'm back." He sighed as though there was so much more to say, "Do you need to go home right away, or do you have time to talk?"
"I thought you had plans..."
With a wink, he slid an arm around my shoulder, "Only with you..."
And there it was again, that insistent, idiotic surge of hope that had me agreeing to whatever he asked. We ended up sitting on the tailgate of his pickup truck, watching the parking lot empty out as we sipped on beer he'd smuggled in.
"It just didn't work out," he was saying. "Jen thought that if we lived near her parents, it would be easier to take care of Alex – you know, with their support. But in the end, she couldn't do it. Couldn't be a mom – didn't want to be a wife..."
I was surprised, not that I knew Jen at all. "You got married?"
He shook his head. "I asked her. Thought it might make us a family, you know." Exhaling deeply, "You know I love my boy... I'd do anything to make him happy..."
I nodded, "I know..."
"Anyhow, she said no to me, and then a few months later told me to take Alex...that she couldn't handle him... wasn't ready..."
"Wow..." was all I could say.
His smile didn't quite reach his eyes, "Yeah, wow. So... here I am, back in Texas."
I leaned my head against his shoulder, "I'm glad you're back, Joe..."
"Me too..." Silence reigned for a few moments as he reached for another beer from the cooler. Then, after sliding the fresh can into his koozie and popping the top, he said, "So...you're not married anymore..."
"Nope..." I replied calmly, taking a long slug of my drink.
"Damn, Evie..." He paused, pressing his shoulder against mine in a gesture of support. "What happened?"
I didn't want to tell him – didn't have to, either. He'd been gone a long time and, in my mind, had relinquished any right to ask me about my personal life. Besides, how do you explain that you're a failure?
But those velvety brown eyes beckoned to me – made me forget my righteous indignation – and I found myself answering him.
"Well..." I became suddenly very interested in a chip in the paint of his tailgate, and ran one finger over it as I shrugged, "Why do most marriages end? People fall out of love..."
He shook his head, "Come on, Eve. It's me..."
Breathing was painful, I discovered as I dragged in a deep breath. "Joe..." I protested.
"Babe..." his voice softened. "When I left for Arizona, things were fine, right? What happened?"
The look I gave him brutally conveyed that he didn't know jack-shit about my marriage. "They weren't 'fine', Joe! In fact, I can't remember the last time things were 'fine' with Tom..."
At the sound of anger in my voice, his arm was around me, pulling me into his side and offering comfort, "I'm sorry..."
I rested my forehead against the curve of his neck, and exhaled sharply. There was nothing to do but just say it. "I wasn't what he wanted. I couldn't be that person for him."
Joe pulled away from me to look into my face. "So, he left you?" he asked incredulously. "After what? 20 fucking years?!"
"I asked him to leave..." I straightened my spine, summoning the inner strength that had deserted me moments earlier. "I was tired of feeling like I wasn't good enough and would never be good enough. He was unhappy and I couldn't change that – and I didn't want to be miserable for the rest of my life." I sighed, "Even though my best years are already behind me..."
"Now that is bullshit..." he shook his head at me. "You are a beautiful woman Eve – Tom's a fucking idiot if he couldn't see how lucky he was to have you!"
I didn't know which of his comments to dispute first, so I laughed shortly, "Spoken like a man who's never lived with me..."
He hopped off the tailgate then, and started pacing. "How long have we known each other? Five years – maybe more? You don't think I've learned a little something about the person you are in five years?" He started ticking points off on his fingers, "You encourage others, you're humble, you always give 100%, you love the game but not as much as your girls..."
