Franie (female) Meets Randy

CHAPTER 1

BACKGROUND: Jack and Jill Hill have five married children and Frankie. Frankie has stringy hair, wears glasses, still suffers the occasional skin eruption, had been a straight 'A' student and her given name is Frances.

* * *

Unknown to Frankie Hill, the big worry for her parents, siblings and many of the extended family was her parents turning sixty within the next twelve months and having a 30-year old child still living at home. Really appalling for Jack and Jill was the thought of entering married quarters in a retirement facility in a few years with a child still living with them. They would be ridiculed. But Frankie had no problem with sticking around home. Her stock and intelligent reply was, "Why leave home when you're happy?"

Privately Jill fretted that Frankie might leave home and then who would do most of the cooking, the washing and ironing? And Frankie's weekly payment for food and lodgings was generous.

The parents had long given up scrapping over which one of them was responsible for calling Frances Frankie. The origins had been lost in time and none of the kids could remember. The other kids had names that appeal like Ellen, Harry, Jackson, Elizabeth and Wendy-Lou, the pretty one of the family.

Privately each of the other children was happy about Frankie living at home. Their mom was forgetful including over the timely payment of bills and habitually throwing away payment reminders thinking she'd paid that bill, and with Frankie she had support when she was worried about the threat of war in Europe or the rising price of food.

Frankie was always there when their father called for Frankie to come and drive him home because he was so drunk he couldn't find the car (their mom didn't drive) or to be with him when mom was away visiting either of the grandmothers because he was hopeless staying on his own. With Frankie also away he'd expect someone else to feed the cat and would use the best china and wash it in the dishwasher and wouldn't get to work on time and would sometimes want all the kids home because he was missing Jill and Frankie.

Then one day it happened: Frankie met Randy.

It wasn't one of those explosive meetings, like in the films, where they met in the library and 'bang' they were suddenly having sex on a reading desk much to the amusement of everyone else in the library except elderly blind women (in the audio books section). But they did meet in the library.

"Excuse me that was an impolite thing to do."

"What was?"

"Passing wind with a garlic odor."

The guy said he did not.

Frankie said he did.

The embarrassed guy seated opposite them got up and left, emitting an explosive fart that practically shook the reading room.

Frankie and the guy seated next to her howled in laughter and the supervisor, obviously with no sense of humor, pointed to the SILLENCE sign (spelling isn't a strong point of library staff) and when the laughter continued she evicted them.

Frankie and the guy stood outside, mirth wiped from their faces and holding their expulsion card that stated they were banned from returning until February 30. Frankie and the guy looked at one another after looking at the date again and burst out laughing and acknowledged it was unfair to believe that supervisor had no sense of humor; at least she had a warped sense of humor.

"Coffee?" said the guy.

Frankie automatically said 'yes please' whenever anyone said 'coffee' ending with a voice rise, indicating a question. As the guy had already taken her arm to assist her across the street as if she were a 30-year old geriatric she offered no resistance.

"It's a lovely day?"

He frowned. "What? It's raining."

She smiled and said where would Earthlings be without rain.

He momentarily looked surprised and nodded in agreement, almost leading her into the path of an on-coming cab.

"Oh Christ, sorry," he said as they leapt back at the strident blast of the vehicle's horn.

"Accepted. That was more dangerous than the blast of that fart."

Frankie had to help the poor guy finish crossing the street; he was almost doubled up laughing.

He recovered and standing outside the coffee house said, "What's your name babe?"

"I'm getting wet. Inside."

Frankie couldn't believe it. For the first time in her life a guy had called her babe.

"I'm Frankie Hill, an itinerant music teacher and part-time professional violinist."

"Oh hi Frankie. I'm Randy Lewis."

"Hi Randy. Get the coffee; I'll grab a table."

"Wait, why didn't you laugh or recoil in horror?"

"What at your name?"

"Yes."

"We have a family called Lewis living right opposite us."

"No I mean Randy. Women either laugh with embarrassment or recoil in horror."

"There's no accounting for ignorance Randy. I really don't think all guys called Randy think they are randy no more that all guys named Allan think they are a rock, or Branson's think they are a sword or all Michael's believe they are god-like."

"You're different."

"And you're making me wait for coffee."

Randy grinned and went off, returning with a cappuccino for her and am expresso.

She smiled, showing great teeth and pushed her chest forward and watched Randy tilt the tray dangerously. "Is that cinnamon or chocolate?"

"Chocolate."

"Ah, good man. You pass the test in producing my favorite coffee."

"The truth is I didn't. At the counter I realized I hadn't taken your order so I asked the woman. She looked over at you and said, 'Cappuccino with chocolate is a safe bet for that young lady sir'."

"Well done and that suggests you are both resourceful and honest."

"Are those the qualities you like in men?"

"Well, the truth is since I left college there haven't been men in my life in terms of dates. My fellow teachers are predominantly female and the females in my orchestra are a bit over three for every male."

Randy smiled. "With a name like mine I've also had a drought. The name used to be very popular in the 1950s and 1960s but since then more and more people associate the name with the mainly foreign slang usage taking the meaning lascivious or lecherous. Mothers take a stand against me with a name like that and their daughters dutifully back off me."

"Oh you poor guy. I suppose like me your stringy hair and wearing glasses doesn't help either. Would you like to date me?"

"Well yes; that was the idea of inviting you to coffee. I was attempting to seize the moment but shyness seized me instead."

"So an artful farter is responsible for getting you to this point?"

"Er yes. You have a direct way of expressing yourself Frankie. Is your real name Frances?"

"It was, but I have long since adopted Frankie and it's the name on my passport, driver license and legal documents. Please don't call me Frances."

"I won't and don't you call me Ran like my family does. I consider my given name is Randy and that's it."

"Oooh. That's taking a stand Randy; I like it."

Randy stirred his coffee, the movement being unnecessary because he hadn't taken sugar. "May I get you food?"

"No thanks. I watch my weight very carefully. Lose that fight and because of all my other faults I'm dead."

"What about your other great assets?"

Interested to learn what Randy had noticed, Frankie looked away to reduced the embarrassment he faced and said, "Great assets?"

"Yes, your teeth, your brain, your breasts and your legs, for example."

Frankie felt giddy. She squeaked, "My breasts?"

"Oh god, did I say that. I just meant to say teeth and intelligence."

"Well you didn't."

"No, sorry."

"How on earth did you have time to notice my legs?"

"When we were ejected from the library; I followed you out."

"Ah, yes. My memory wind-back missed that. It only covered from outside the library until I was seated here. I noticed you almost tipped the tray when you peered at my breasts."

"Peered."

"Gazed, stared, gaped, gawked, looked, viewed, watched, ogled, eyeballed – ah perhaps not gaped, they're not quite in that league."

"I-I'm sorry."

"Well I'm not. I look forward to the time you ask to see them."

"I have to go Frankie. My mom and dad expect me to arrive home when they expect me. If I don't they worry that local youths may be stoning me again and chanting Randy, Candy, Mandy, masturbator."

"Buy a gun Randy."

"What?"

"Ignore that Randy. It was just a random thought."

Randy looked concerned. "Aren't you put off by what street Trolls call me?"

"No."

"Do you really think I need to pack a gun?"

"Actually I think taking the more passive reaction and call on the police to crack down on street Trolls as you call them could possibly be more productive and avoid you illegally gunning down street Trolls."

"You have a way about you Frankie. Um, before I take you out mom will have to approve of it. I know I'm thirty-one but I live at home and mom makes the rules."

"It's called Home Rule Randy and I also live under it. Here's my card. Call me about meeting mother."

* * *

As arranged, Randy met Frankie at the rail station. They shook hands like two guys so Frankie reached up and kissed him. Randy said 'Gosh' as his glasses fogged.

He lived three stations out from the central business district. As they reached the corner of his street four Trolls appeared from nowhere and circled them chanting, "Oh Randy Dandy has found a Fucky Ducky."

"Cut it out guys. Call me names but you be respectful to my lady or you'll be sorry."

"Oh yeah," snarled a guy, throwing a pebble hard and close range and it hit the shoulder padding on Randy's suit jacket.

Frankie charged, swinging her handbag and smashed the lout's glasses against his face, twisting the frames.

"You bitch."

Frankie kneed him in the lower gut and he went down gasping. The other Trolls bolted. Frankie helped the guy to his feet. He was still gasping and very white.

"Lay off my fiancé and tell your buddies that. If I find you have disobeyed me I'll come after you with a .45 loaded with soft-nose bullets and gut-shoot you, understand?"

The guy groaned and vomited, Frankie ducking behind him and pushing him down into the mess.

"I-I can't believe it," Randy said as they walked off.

"Well please forget it Randy. It's a bad example for you to follow but street-teasing for me stopped when I stood up to the mother-fuckers, girls included."

"Do girls really...." Randy tailed off.

"You are not very worldly are you Randy? Perhaps you better let my go and find a more refined female."

"No, no. I want you."

"Oooh Randy," Frankie said, grabbing and kissing him.

Disapproval was all over the face of Randy's mother as she stood on the porch, arms folded over her flat chest.

"Good evening Mrs Lewis, your spring bulbs are looking wonderful. I see daffodils, freesia and um, I'm afraid that's where I stop."

"Oh hello. I'm pleased flowers interest you. I also have hyacinths, crocus, tulips, glory lilies and ranunculus in my garden, not all coming on together."

"Of course not. I understand. But they are coming along when there's not much other color in the garden, right? At least that's what my gran taught me."

"Oh my gran taught me more about gardening than anyone else. My mom was just not interested."

"My mom prefers to buy cut flowers. This modern trend is such a pity for people who do have gardens."

"Oh come in dear. Randy please do your duty and introduce us."

Later that evening as the train approached the station Randy worried, "Are you really okay traveling alone?"

"Of course I am Randy. It's you walking home that I'm worries me."

"Trolls have removed themselves from my street corner, at least for the moment thanks to you. M-may I kiss you?"

"Of course you can. I was fearful that wasn't on your mind."

"Oh that's on my mind along with other things. Oh god, why did I say that?"

"Just kiss me Randy. And walking home think about working up to those other things."

They locked in a wonderful kiss and Frankie just made the train before the doors closed.

The girls Frankie tutored were the first to notice changes in her; her parents were the last. Comments at students taking violin lessons included, "You are wearing nail polish Miss" and "You have had something done to your hair Miss. Mom says your hair care is appa something."

"Appalling?"

"Yes Miss. That's what mom said."

Randy and Frankie were soon visiting the library again. The afternoon they returned the supervisor who'd tossed them out and red-carded them appeared not to recognize them, but grinned. The duo was now into holding hands.

Frankie touched Randy's heavy-framed glasses and asked, "Do you want to look like a nuclear physicist rather than a modern guy around town?"

"I-I don't know."

"Well you should know. Damn it Randy, these things are important even to an assistant accountant."

"Well I don't know."

"But I do."

"Well yes, I ought to have guessed that. I suppose you want me to change to pink frames?"

"Oh very droll dear. I was thinking rimless glasses."

"God they're expensive."

"Of course. Good things tend to be expensive Randy. If I change to rimless will you?"

"Yes, of course."

"Oh excellent. And we may as well look for a couple of Italian-style suits for you at the same time. I'll look for tighter and shorter skirts. You told me when you first met me I had lovely legs."

"I did but haven't seen much of them since then."

"Would you like that omission remedied?"

"Yes, very much so."

"Then let's go away for a weekend."

Randy's jaw almost hit the book on the table in front of him.

Frankie knew he'd scramble out of this if he could. She looked across at the supervisor who smiled and winked at her. "When did you last have sex Randy?"

He coughed and mumbled something.

"What was that? How many years ago?"

"A bit over ten months."

"It may fall off if you don't use it Randy."

Randy blushed hugely. "Shut your mouth Frankie. People can hear us."

"Tell me Randy, what affect will that have on our lives?" Frankie whispered.

He whispered back, "What, having sex or people hearing us?"

"I like it when you're standing up for yourself. I ought to have whacked you one for telling me to shut my mouth but I went all soft and smiley and could feel my pussy twitching."

"Frankie, please. Shut up."

"I'll whisper this and gradually my voice will become louder as I repeat the request. "Randy, please take me somewhere for a naughty weekend. Randy, please..."

"Yes Frankie soon. Now please shut up."

"Oh darling, now my nipples are rising. Want to see them? Oh Frankie, don't turn purple like that. I'll shut up."

Frankie and Randy had their eyes tested and Randy was told he only required glasses for close reading. He had no idea why he'd been wearing them continuously. They both loved their look in their new glasses and Randy was rather disappointed when Frankie made him put his glasses in the case and pocket it before they walked out to the street. Frankie told him he appeared to be walking taller and Randy straightened even more.

Two afternoons later they met after Randy finished work and he boggled. Frankie had been fitted for new bras and her breasts now rode higher and appeared to be even more prominent. She was also in a new black skirt and near sheer black stockings.

"Oh my, you look gorgeous."

"So said some of my students and some of the females teachers and a couple of the guys appeared to see me for the first time. This is a sample of what you'll get when you take me away my potential lover."

Randy, well into training, didn't attempt to look around before replying. "Will I need condoms?" But his head swung around wildly when Frankie smirked and said, "Only if you're thinking of going in the backdoor."

"Christ Frankie, you'll get us arrested. Don't talk so loud."

Frankie marched him over to a women's hair salon.

"Barbers cut my hair."

"Not this time. This is my hairdresser Maria. Your appointment is with her."

"Hello Randy. Call me Maria. Frankie tells me you're taking her away for a hot weekend soon."

The entire salon fell quiet. Maria and Frankie grabbed hands, blocking Randy's escape.

"Yeah, we're thinking of nature walks in the wild," he said, and sat in the chair and attempted to pull the protective sheet over his head.

Maria gave him a layered razor cut, creating some shape at the back of his head and cutting the top quite short. She finished by shaving his neck.

"God Randy, I could take you away for a weekend myself," Maria said, looking at her work proudly. "Now you must use this product I've used to give your hair apparent bulk. The instructions are on the pack."

"Darling," Frankie cooed, touching the side of his hair lightly, "You're the man."

Randy called Frankie after she finished school next day sounding very excited. "The CEO called me in to his office a few minutes ago. He's elevated me to senior accountant status with a raise and congratulated me for my new look and what he called my sharper attitude. Then the fool asked me had I got a new woman."

"I see and what did you say. Told him off for being unprofessional I suppose?"

"No, I said, 'Rick, as a matter of fact I have; a real honey' and he said then hold on to her son. Then he floored me. He said the chief accountant retires at the end of the year and I'm in the running to fill the position."

"Oh darling, congratulations. I'm so proud of you. Let's book into a hotel tonight and I'll give you a reward... or two."

"Mom would never forgive me if I did that."

"Oh dear."

"Look let's go away for the weekend after next but this weekend I want to meet your parents. If they don't appear to approve of me I'll not take you away."

"Oh dear."

"Don't worry Frankie, I'll do all the right things."

Frankie asked her mom could Randy come for lunch on Sunday.

"Ah, so we get to meet this guy of yours at last."

"Yes mom."

"A guy like Randy will be a weed and feminine. I'll lunch out," said her father but Jill shrieked "Jack, stop teasing your daughter; apologize or there's no sex for your tonight."

"What, you guys still have sex?" Frankie said, mouth agape.

Her mom ran from the room crying "Oh no, oh no" and Jack told Frankie she shouldn't upset her mom like that. "She wanted to keep that a secret from you kids."

"I'll not tell anyone. Dad, I'm really proud to learn that you can still maintain an erection."

Her father smirked and told her to go wash her mouth out with carbolic soap.

They shared a great laugh, unaware Jill was in the bedroom inviting all the kids for lunch on Sunday. When Frankie was informed about that she called Randy who said that was okay. "I'll get it all over with in one bang."

"Oh, I thought that was what I'm to get next weekend?"

Frankie expected to be told not to be so coarse but Randy laughed and told her if she thought she would get only one bang she was in for a surprise.

"Oooh."

His easy laugh made her feel very sexy.

CHAPTER 2

Jack, his sons, sons-in-law and Randy were drinking beer on the back porch while the females where in the kitchen helping Jill and Frankie with the food. With the grandchildren, there were twenty-six people for the buffet lunch.

"God, he's so sexy and handsome. How the hell did you manage to land him?" asked Wendy-Lou, who'd also noticed Randy was the tallest of the men and the best dressed in a black shirt, cream pants and snazzy Italian shoes.

"Oh in the library and then he's just come out of his shell," Frankie said vaguely.

"And my god, look at you," said Jackson's wife Priscilla. "I've never seen your hair looking so good and you now have sprouted the best tits of us all, even better than Wendy-Lou."

"Oh these things happen," Frankie said vaguely.

Elizabeth asked if Randy wanted her to revert to being Frances and was told no,