Found in the Cold

Disclaimer:

All characters depicted in this story are over the age of eighteen. This is a work of fiction intended for mature audiences only and contains consensual adult content. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

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Chapter Six

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Part One

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I searched for her outside, but she knew the streets better than I did. And the weather wasn't helping. The temp had dropped into the single digits, and I had run out without my coat. Even still, I was able to search almost two blocks before sprinting back to the hotel.

I asked the desk clerk, but all he could tell me was that he saw her leave.

I don't know how long I stayed in the lobby, but the clerk had to wake me at least twice.

It was funny, in the lobby, I could barely keep my eyes open, but in my room, I was wide awake. My thoughts were all over the place, worried about her but also mad. There was no warning, nothing, one minute we were laughing and then she was running out, saying I didn't love her.

I lay in the bed, tossing and turning until I stared at the ceiling like it had the answers I needed.

And if I did start to nod off, I'd turn to reach out for her. It'd only been a day, and already I was instinctively reaching out for her warmth... but it was never there.

Eventually, I gave up and moved to the couch. It was nice and fairly comfortable, but it wasn't the bed. The bed just held all the wrong memories, and it hurt to think about. The problem was, I couldn't stop.

I turned the TV on and let it buzz quietly in the background. The show was something inane and bright. I let it play, but it helped fill the silence.

I think I fell asleep, or maybe I just dozed off, I don't know, but I finally got up for the day when the sunlight pierced through the opening in the curtains.

The mirror above the sink showed a tired, exhausted man who looked like death warmed over as I brushed my teeth. As I showered, I started locking down my feelings.

One by one, I crushed each thought that rose until I could function. It was a cold and empty feeling, but at least I would be able to get through the day before I dove back into my emotions again.

Out of the shower, I dressed and ordered room service. It wasn't much, some eggs, toast, and coffee... a whole pot of coffee. Then I started making calls.

The first was to the front desk to ask if Katie had returned. Still no word. Next, I called Erin for a progress update. I could've used my computer, but I needed to feel like I was moving.

"Alex!" she answered, bright and upbeat. "You are officially a miracle worker. The dashboards are lightning fast, usage heatmaps are loading in real time, and Jonah says the backend makes him weep."

"Good, I'm glad," I said, keeping my voice even.

She paused. "Everything okay?"

"I didn't sleep much."

"Yeah, hotel beds'll do that," she said, trying to keep the tone light. "Too cold, too clean."

"Something like that." I glanced at the empty bed through the bedroom door. "But I'm glad the systems are running smoothly. I'll keep monitoring them on my end."

"Appreciate it. Let us know if you need anything."

"That's my line."

She laughed again. "Fine, we'll let you know. Go get some rest."

"Will do."

I took a deep breath and looked at my hands. They were steady, and my voice had been steady. A bit monotone, but it never cracked. That was a good thing, it meant I was controlling my thoughts and they weren't controlling me... regardless if they refused to stay in the pit I crammed them into.

What had I done wrong? What had I missed? Why the hell did she run?

It was a trait I hated about myself, but until I had answers, one way or another, I couldn't let it go. So, I pushed them down again and made another call.

"Jefferson," the chatty taxi driver said as he answered. "Where do you need me?"

"It's Alex. Have you seen Katie?"

"Not since I dropped you two off yesterday. She disappeared on you?"

"Something like that."

"She robbed you?"

"No, she didn't take anything. You know her, right?"

"I've seen her around, but I don't know her. My cousin might, and some of the other vendors, too. Want me to give him a call and ask?"

"If you wouldn't mind. There'll be a big tip if you find her for me."

"Then consider her found."

"Good, and I'll need a ride to the airport tomorrow. Plane leaves at noon, pick me up at ten?"

"Will do. Oh, have you checked the shelter?"

"I don't even know where it is."

He gave me an address and hung up.

I sat there for half an hour, then I started moving again.

I took the same path Katie took when she left, but unlike her, I stopped at the front desk and left a note with my number.

Katie--

I don't know what happened.

My flight's at noon tomorrow.

I'll have a ticket waiting.

If you don't want to come, just call. I'll send your things.

--Alex

The clerk took the note, and I headed out.

I found the shelter easy enough, and it was mostly quiet, but it took a few moments to find someone who worked there. I tried asking the residents, but they were less than helpful, and more than one asked if I was a cop.

Finally, I found a woman who remembered Katie.

"She was here last night," she said. "Left right after breakfast. She looked... upset. You have something to do with you?"

"Honestly, I'm not sure. She's an old friend, and we were reconnecting. Last night we went out, had a great time, then she took off without an explanation."

"Sounds like her. Unfortunately, the people who come in and out of here have issues. I can give her a message, if you'd like. Don't know when she'll return, but with the weather like it is, she'll probably be back tonight."

I nodded, thanked her, and left a note with my number.

My plane leaves at noon, and Jefferson will pick me up at ten. Please call me.

I walked back to the hotel, searching as I went. Every face I passed, I looked twice. Every figure bundled against the cold could've been her. But none were. I found what could've been the bagel shop she spoke of, but no one there had seen her, so I kept walking.

There was nothing, and sooner than I wanted, I was back at the hotel with the TV on again--more noise, more static, and an unrelenting inner monologue.

The rest of the night passed in a weird combination of disjointed speed. One moment seemed to take forever while the hours flew by. I replayed the night before a hundred times. Every look. Every word. Every moment, I might've missed the warning signs.

The party was great... except for that moment when she became a bit clingy. I didn't think about it at the time, but looking back, it was glaringly obvious something was wrong. It must have been when whoever recognized her, but I already knew she was homeless, so it still didn't explain why she bolted.

The only thing I could think was that it was something I'd done. Maybe I had said something offensive? I just didn't know, and it was driving me crazy.

Eventually, the sun dipped low again. Lights blurred against the window, and I lay back onto the couch.

It was going to be another long night.

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Part Two

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She was there.

Standing just outside the hotel doors, hands deep in her coat pockets, eyes locked on the sidewalk like they might tell her what to say. Her shoulders hunched against the cold. Not moving. Not coming inside. Just... waiting.

My heart pounded in my chest, but I steeled myself and stepped out into the freezing cold morning air. Jefferson was already at the curb, also waiting. I hated her in that moment for waiting until the last moment. Not for all the questions still in my head. Not for the fight I wasn't sure I had the strength for.

Her head came up when she saw me, eyes wide, tired, and scared. She stepped forward, hesitant.

"Alex--"

"I don't have time, Katie." My voice was tight. Controlled. It was the only way I could speak and not fall apart. "If you want to talk, you'll have to come with me." She hesitated, and I said, "Jefferson will take you wherever you want to go afterward."

She nodded and got in.

Jefferson watched through the mirror, brows raised. "We good?"

"Yeah," I muttered. "Airport, please."

He nodded, pulled away, and for a long minute, the only sound in the car was the hum of the heater and the distant rumble of the city waking up.

Katie sat beside me, small in her coat, hands twisted in her lap. She looked down at them like they might hold her courage. Her knees were angled toward me. Her mouth opened once, closed again. She took a breath.

"I'm sorry," she said softly. "For everything."

"Just tell me why you ran off," I said, not giving an inch.

She flinched, and I could see her emotions roll across her face. She finally landed on anger, and I thought, Good, maybe she'll finally be honest. And she was. I almost wish she hadn't been, but what she said needed to be said.

"Fine," she said as if she'd lived this conversation again and again in her head until it had to come out. "You want to know, Alex? I ran off because it started getting real."

"That doesn't make any sense."

"Doesn't it? When I saw you the other day, I wasn't thinking about Jesse or how we used to be; I was thinking about a nice, warm bed. I was thinking about food I didn't have to fight for. I was thinking about anything but my feelings for you. But you better believe I remembered your feelings for me."

She laughed. It was cold and bitter.

"I thought, here's my little Alley-Cat looking good and wealthy. I play this right, I can get off the street and walk away with a bit of money."

"You're lying," I said softly, not wanting to believe her.

"I wish I were. Dear God, I wish I were, but I'm not. And you know where I fucked up, because believe me, I royally fucked up. It was when I climbed into bed with you. I've known since we were teens that you were in love with me. Should've known someone like you, someone who loves with everything they have, would've still been in love with me."

She shrugged.

"Maybe I was hoping you were, I don't know, but then I pushed until we were naked. You were clumsy, like always. But you were sweet, too--so damn tender. You actually cared if I was okay. And yeah, it hurt. But in the best way. And I could see the potential. Not just yours but ours, and I let myself get swept up in it all."

She took my hand. I wanted to pull away, but I didn't.

"That's how I fucked up, I let you love me. You weren't supposed to actually love me, you were supposed to just use me, then leave, but you didn't. You were proud to have me with you, not just in the bed but with your friends.

And I know, they're work associates, but I saw you the other night. You were in your element. I'd never seen you so... complete before. Then that guy thought he knew me, and it all started to crash down around me. Suddenly, I was drowning, and the only one who could save me was you.

Do you know how scary that is for someone like me to not only admit they need saving, but to know who could do it? It's fucking terrifying. Because if you've got the power to save, you've got the power to destroy. So, I did what I always do. I ran. But this time, someone followed."

Her hand caressed my face.

"I saw you, Alex. At the shelter, talking to Lydia. You looked so worried I almost ran to you right then and there, but I was so afraid."

"She said you'd left."

"Lydia's a good person; she was trying to protect me. Especially after seeing me cry all night."

"Crying?"

"I lost you," she said, "or at least I thought I did, but then there you were. When you left, I followed and made sure you made it back to the hotel alright. You really have to stop going places without me to protect you," she teased.

I just nodded, thinking about what she was saying.

"You're here now, why? Money?"

She shook her head. "I deserve that, but no, it was Jefferson. He found me at City Finds and told me to stop being stupid. Said even he could see how happy I was with you. The little picking and the way we talked to each other, he said he'd never seen anyone smile so much."

I looked toward the front and caught the driver's eye. He gave a small smile.

"What can I say, I'm a romantic."

I smiled, but was still confused.

"That still doesn't explain why you left," I said.

"Because it became too real. You, me, the whole thing. I could have sex with you forever... and it's good sex, but when you spun me into your arms, I felt myself become yours. That scared the holy hell out of me. You could love me, that was fine, but I wasn't supposed to fall in love with you. Anyone but you."

"Why anyone but me?"

"Because, dammit, I already lost one Anderson I loved, I couldn't risk losing another."

I nodded, understanding.

"I can't fix that. I wish I could, but I can't. And you're right, I have been in love with you for always, I've said as much. But here's the deal, I've been so closed off since Jesse died that I didn't think I could ever love someone again. Then you came back into my life, and it felt like something was cracking inside of me."

I frowned.

"If you come with me, Katie, I'll make sure you never want again, but that kind of life comes with strings. You couldn't run away again. You can get angry, but you have to stay and talk about it. Maybe not right then, but you can't hurt me like that again. You're not the only one who lost someone when Jesse died. I lost you too," I said as the tears welled in her eyes.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"I'm not done. You also can't hide from your past. I'll want you with me everywhere I go. If someone recognizes you, oh well, you're with me now, and I don't care that you were homeless. I feel whole when I'm with you, Katie, and I think you feel whole with me."

She nodded as we pulled to a stop in front of the airport.

"Then you can come with me, and we'll be whole together, or you can stay in the cab and let Jefferson take you back to the shelter."

"But I'm scared."

"Good, then that means you'll keep trying. I know I will because if you go with me, I wouldn't be able to handle you leaving me again."

"You're giving me a lot of power right now."

"No more than you'll be giving me."

She thought about it for a moment and then got out of the cab.

"Alright, Alley-Cat, I'll be yours, but you know what that means, right?"

I stepped out with her. "What?"

A fierce smirk blazed across her face. "That you're mine."

"That doesn't sound so bad," I said, pulling her close.

"Oh, poor Alley-Cat, you have no idea," she said as she kissed me, hard.

I was breathless when she took my hand and led me into the airport... into our future.