I woke up, the warmth and light of the morning sun pulling me from my sleep, and for a few seconds I didn't know where I was, but then it all came back to me. I was safe, at least for now, sleeping in a borrowed t-shirt, in the tiny guest room in Gabriella's house. I was lying in a somewhat sagging bed on sheets made soft by the many times they'd been washed, covered by an old, heavy quilt that had at first made me feel constrained but that now somehow made me feel less anxious and almost... secure.
I stretched and tried to ignore the slight stings from sore muscles and bruised skin, even though I knew that not thinking about bad things wouldn't actually make them go away. One thing that most certainly wouldn't go away was a pressing need to visit the ladies room. I sighed and sat up; it would have been nice to stay in bed for just a little while longer, after all, I didn't have to follow a strict daily plan anymore, did I?
I backed out of the guest room, smiling at the tiny flowers that covered the wall and the only slightly larger flowers that someone had put in a teacup on the windowsill. The room looked like it was made for a small princess, and I could almost imagine the shelf on the wall holding books for children, the wooden box in the corner being filled with toys and a giggling baby girl lying in the bed I had slept in. I sighed and smiled sadly at the thought of the daughter I would never have. My biological clock kept ticking, but even if I sometimes I dreamt about children of my own, I kept reminding myself that there was no sense living in a world of what if's.
I closed the door both to the room and to my pink princess dreams and turned around to the picture of a slightly gaping, wide eyed Sean. I had forgotten that the room was directly connected to the kitchen. I tugged at my t-shirt and walked quickly out of there, my face red and embarrassed, needing to take care of that increasingly urgent matter.
Minutes later I stood staring at my face in the mirror, scanning my image for signs of the life I had lived and the escape I had made. My skin was pale, my eyes big and sad-looking and there was a tightness around my mouth that I hadn't seen before. I sighed and shook my head; I was still scared, little old me. And without makeup and the smile I had worn day in and day out, this was as good as it got.
Gabriella knocked softly on the bathroom door and told me she'd put some clothes for me to wear on the chair just outside the room. Oh good, I thought, at least I wouldn't have to parade almost naked in front of a wide eyed police officer again. I sneaked the door open and quickly retrieved the bundle of clothes. The pants and sweater set Gabriella had brought me was soft and a bit larger than my usual size, but I didn't feel like wearing anything tight and constraining anyway; I liked feeling soft and smooth and... free.
I walked back into the kitchen feeling shy and awkward, tugging at the sweater and biting my lower lip. I tried to avoid looking at Sean, not wanting to add embarrassment to the insecurity I was feeling. Instead I looked at Gabriella, who of course pointed me to a chair across the table from her nephew, effectively spoiling my efforts at ignoring him.
I sat down and I looked at the dark-haired man in front of me, there really wasn't much else I could do. He sat staring fixedly at his plate, as if he was also trying to avoid looking at me. I looked up at Gabriella as I heard her laugh quietly. She was glanced at her tense and tired-looking nephew before muttering something about silly boys and pretty girls. I looked back at Sean just in time to see his face turn just a few shades redder; Gabriella's continued low laughter made me think that she had seen it as well. It felt good to know that it wasn't just me that had felt the tension and embarrassment of our early morning meeting.
I looked away and tried to familiarize myself with the small kitchen, finding it just as nice as Edward's, with the same lived-in feeling, but without the many memory items. Despite my newfound fascination for kitchen areas I just couldn't keep glancing at the man in front of me, his face somehow drawing me in. I realized that I had come to rely on his face to tell me the small things I wanted to know, because it didn't lie but was always completely honest. He really did look tired, and I wondered if he had been up all night, since the house only had two rooms and two beds, or if he had gone home.
"Did you go home to sleep last night?" I asked him, before taking a small sip of the strong coffee Gabriella had poured and given me.
"No..." he answered, stretching his back and neck "I slept in the car..."
"He didn't want to leave us poor women out here all alone," Gabriella added with a little bit of bite in her tone "and he put his stubborn face on, so I knew there was no way to talk him out of it!"
The small giggle that bubbled up at the thought of that particular facial expression, that I knew so well, was stopped by the realization that Sean felt we needed protection, and that meant we weren't as safe as I had felt just minutes ago. I sighed, surprised that I had actually been able to suppress the bad thoughts for a short while even though I knew that no one would be safe until my husband was caught. I looked down at my hands, sighed again and took another sip of coffee.
Movements on the other side of the table made me look up to follow Sean's hands as he quickly assembled a sandwich. I smiled as I watched him dig deep holes in the previously flat surface of the butter, and thought about Edward and his short list of bad habits. It seemed I had found one more thing they had in common, in addition to the heart-shaped birthmark. I wondered if Sean had the habit of singing in the shower too, but that thought led me to distinctly kitchen-inappropriate thoughts about birthmarks on butts in showers, and I forced myself to start making a sandwich, hoping that busy hands would mean that my mind became a little less... preoccupied.
I took a bite of my sandwich and turned to face the window, admiring the view of the small, glittering lake, calm beneath the clear blue sky. I understood why Gabriella loved this place, with a small forest beyond the house, a simple garden in front of it and just a few hundred steps below it, the small lake. Size-wise it wasn't much, but the view and the feel of the place made it so infinitely precious. I sighed, let my head rest on my left hand and kept looking out the window. I really didn't need all that much in my life, I thought; a small house, a garden, a kitchen full of memories and someone that sang in the shower and didn't feel the need to hurt me would be more than enough.
"Please try to eat," Sean said, his words hurried "you need to stop worrying about other people and start taking care of yourself."
I realized I was still holding the half-eaten sandwich and quickly finished it off. Before I could turn back to my dreams of a happier future, he handed over another sandwich, nodding towards me and my hand. I looked at him, surprised and a little bit annoyed. What was it about him that kept making me feel edgy, instantly angry or annoyed?
"Please stop trying to 'handle' me!" I answered, before I could stop my angry words.
