This is a sappy romance story and contains strong religious and particularly Christian themes. If you are looking for erotica or kink, my other stories might be more to your taste. There are only a few sex scenes, and they are decidedly vanilla. If you are going to be upset by the religious themes, or if discussions of God will bother you, this probably is not the right story for you. (Check out my others though!) Note that I believe in a loving and inclusive deity, and I hope that shines through here. I thank Tallulah for absolutely golden comments, suggestions and editing on an early draft. A lot of thanks to Breezy, Cassie and Mr.T. for valuable comments and editing (and especially help with some Rhythm!). If you see any errors, I blame the gremlins in Lit.
February
Kate sat in the All Saints parish hall, while the cold Michigan wind blew snow outside, listening to the presentation by Sarah, the associate rector.
"You guys know I've led J2A youth pilgrimages, but pilgrimage is a long-standing tradition for adults too. We've contracted with Chicago based Amazing Journeys, who do a great job, to lead this one."
Kate kept thinking, Steve would have wanted to go.
When the presentation finished, they moved to a light reception and Sarah buttonholed Kate, "You need to do this! I know it's been a tough year, it would be good for you."
"I," Kate began and paused. "Maybe. I just don't," her voice trailed off.
Sarah put her hand on Kate's arm, "I know. That's why you need this so badly. I know you're still hurting over Steve's passing, and I know your faith has been shaken. This will help both. Think about it. Please?"
Kate nodded as she fought the tears again. Steve's death just under a year ago left a deep hole in her. The church had been such a large part of their lives that just being back in the building made the hole seem so dark and so empty. Kate had relied on Sarah for more than just the typical pastoral care from a priest through the last year. Their long-time friendship had served as a light in the dark tunnel. She sipped her wine and ate a little cheese but left the hall before anyone else.
***
"Mom, of course you should go! You've always wanted to visit England, and this is the perfect chance."
"The perfect chance is gone, your Dad wanted to go, and we ran out of time." The last words bitter and almost angry.
"I know mom, I know." Beth comforted. Their conversation just one of so many like it in the last year. While a bit older than Kate, who had recently turned sixty-one, Steve had been healthy and vigorous. The massive stroke that took his life came as a surprise to everyone. "But Dad wouldn't have wanted you to..."
Kate cut her off abruptly and sternly. "Don't tell me what Dad would or wouldn't have wanted. He would have wanted to live, and he didn't get that."
"But that doesn't mean you can't keep living!" Beth argued just as sternly and forcefully. While they did not quite hang up on each other, the conversation ended quickly. Beth knew that when her mom dug in, there was no reasoning with her.
April
Kate slid into a back pew, far from her and Steve's usual spot, just as the first chords of
Jesus Christ is Risen Today
began on the organ. She appreciated the pageantry of the Easter Procession and the lovely spring flowers adorning the church. The message of rebirth and hope filtered into her slightly, but like last year, she just could not embrace the idea of resurrection. She had skipped Maundy Thursday and Good Friday, the dark undercurrents of death still too much for her. The service ended and she made her way toward the door. She hoped to slip out and avoid the usual coffee and donuts in the parish hall, but Sarah waylaid her again.
"Kate, I'm so happy to see you here!" Sarah's enthusiasm perhaps a little over the top since they had met for lunch just two weeks prior.
"Happy Easter Rev. Helms! It's good to see you too!" Kate managed to smile and put on the affectation of Easter Joy.
"Kate, next week is the last week to sign up for the pilgrimage and get a deposit in, can I please put you down for it? You would love it so much." Sarah had talked up the pilgrimage to Kate a few times since February, including their last lunch.
Just as Sarah finished, a man Kate did not recognize turned and closed the short distance to stand next to the two women. "I couldn't help but overhearing Sarah pitching the pilgrimage. I signed up myself and I'm really excited about it. You should think about it." He paused, "And happy Easter, I'm John." He held out his hand.
"Thanks, John." Sarah's enthusiasm dipped just so slightly. "John, this is Kate, she's a long-time parishioner. Kate, John's joined us recently from St. Michaels."
They passed around the usual pleasantries and Sarah bade her farewell as she moved to mingle with others, "I hope you'll sign up; you can do it online, or just call, text or email me!"
"I don't know, let me think about it today, I'll call you Tuesday?" Kate deflected the decision and extricated herself from the parish hall as quickly as she could.
***
Kate enjoyed a pleasant Easter dinner with her son and his girlfriend. It almost seemed like the old days. Her daughter Beth had graduated from college three years before and Tom had left for college a year after that. The transition to empty nest had been challenging. She found it even more difficult now, with Steve gone. Kate sat with her laptop in the living room, sipping her wine from dinner. Tom and his girlfriend had headed back to college right after dinner, leaving Kate alone again.
She expected her Facebook feed to be full of the usual Easter greetings and pictures of families together at Easter egg hunts. The top post was from an old college friend, Chris. It featured a picture of a priest and a few others gathered in the setting sun outside a small stone church in England. Chris had moved to England a few years earlier, but she hadn't paid attention to the details. The breathtakingly beautiful picture featured an Easter Vigil service from the night before. The flowers blooming throughout the graveyard and the priest igniting the paschal candle in the dying evening light spoke to her in ways that the service that morning simply hadn't. Tears ran down her cheeks and she sobbed.
Kate had cried over Steve's death only once before, when the doctors had turned off his life support. She believed she needed to be strong for her children, and the emotions themselves scared her. The guilt of that last decision weighed so heavily. She missed him desperately and each day seemed like punishment. The image of beautiful tulips bursting through moss covered graves overpowered her defenses and the emotions she had resisted the past year rolled through her. Sometimes, she thought, you do just need a good cry.
Monday morning, she logged into the All Saints web page and put her credit card information into the form, "OK, England, here I come." She said out loud as she hit send.
