February Sucs Until May Shines

Chapter 5

"Any sign of her?"

Jason shrugged his boulder-like shoulders and shook his head. "Sorry, boss, she's a no-show again."

"Fuck," I whispered to myself. Sam hadn't turned up to work on Monday - a first for her. More worryingly, she hadn't even phoned in. I knew the likely reason why and I felt terrible.

"Is there anything I can do?" Jason offered.

"No, you've been amazing stepping in for her. Just keep things running as they are and I'll pop around her house after work."

"No problem, boss man!"

I went up to my office and sagged in my chair. The weekend had been... something of a dream. After declaring our love, May and I had proceeded to show each other physically just how in love we were until late into the night. Sunday was spent in bliss, picking up Marie, making progress on the house, and spending every second in between talking and laughing.

Unfortunately, our blissful bubble was burst on Sunday night when May had to return to her hotel. She had photoshoots, interviews, and meetings scheduled throughout the week, so seeing each other was going to be difficult.

I woke on Monday to a cold bed that felt empty without May beside me, and then found out that Sam was a no-show at work. To make matters worse, the meeting with my lawyer went as I expected, which is to say I was going to be royally screwed financially in the divorce. Losing money was the least of my concerns, though. I hadn't seen my children for days and being without them was wearing on me. So, finding out on Tuesday morning that Sam was a no-show again was the rotten cherry on top of the shit pie that was my week thus far.

I forced myself to focus enough that I had a relatively productive day at work. Sam and the team ran most of the day-to-day things while I looked after the 'big picture shit', as Sam put it. With the string of concerts in the city, I'd pushed for short-term memberships to the gym. The big bosses had been reluctant, wanting long-term commitments that looked better on their finance records, but I'd argued the point that the nearby hotels were a source of untapped money that wouldn't impact our long-term membership potential.

They'd eventually given in, and to my immense satisfaction, my plan had worked. Our profits trebled compared with the previous month, and the big bosses asked me to come up with a proposal to present to local hotels that included short-term membership packages for their customers.

I completed the presentation and sent the finer details off to the finance wizards to make sure the prices made sense. They would do their tweaks, send it to the big bosses for their approval, and then it would be down to me to head out into the world of hotels and present my ass off (the bosses mentioned giving me a commission if things went well).

After work, I tackled the problem at the forefront of my mind: Sam. She lived about fifteen minutes from the gym in a block of newly built flats. I drove over and parked outside without really considering how to approach the conversation. All I knew was that I had fucked up and I wanted to apologise. "Well, I suppose that's a good opening line," I said to myself as I left my car and pressed the buzzer for Sam's flat.

"Hello?" a voice crackled through the intercom.

"Sam, it's me," I said. "Open up."

"Go away, Jim!" Sam said, sounding upset.

"Fuck, Sam! I'm so sorry! Please, can you let me in so we can talk?"

She hung up and I thought that she might have ignored me. But then the door buzzed and I was in. I jogged up the stairs to her floor and along the corridor. Sam's apartment was at the far end, overlooking a small communal park.

I knocked on her door and waited anxiously until Sam let me in. She looked bad, far worse than I'd ever seen her before. She was always well put together and presentable at work. I hated myself for what I'd caused.

Her flat was modern, furnished with white furniture and artistic photos on the walls. She walked barefoot to her sofa without talking and sat on it, tucking her legs underneath her. I sat on the armchair opposite and looked at her helplessly. Gone was Sam's cheer and towering personality, all that remained was a scared girl I'd hurt.

"Listen-"

"Have you told anyone?" she asked.

"What? No! Why would I tell anyone!? Look, I'm sorry, I should never have watched you. It was a huge mistake and I feel terrible about it."

Sam frowned. "Watching me? I don't care about that."

"Then what did you mean... have I told anyone?"

"About me!" she burst. "About being gay!"

"N-no! Why would I do that? I mean, it was a surprise, but-"

"Oh, so you think I'm weird now?" Sam's eyes filled. I was so confused.

"Sam, I've thought you were weird from the day I met you, but that has nothing to do with you being gay. I mean, why does that make a difference?"

"Because... I don't know! I haven't told anyone and then you saw me and I didn't know what to do, but I was lost in the moment and-" She broke down in tears.

"Woah, hey! Sam!" I jumped on the couch with her and pulled her into a hug. "Sam, are you not showing up at work and ignoring me because you were worried about what I'd think about you coming out?"

"Y-yeah! What else would it be?"

I laughed and she pushed me away. "What's so funny, you prick!"

"I was shitting myself because I thought you hated me because of me and May watching you. I didn't realise it was because you were worried about my reaction to you being gay!" I took her hands. "Sam, who you like doesn't change who you are in the slightest. You are still the best friend I could ever ask for. You're amazing, Sam. I'm sorry that I found out about you in the way I did, I took the option to come out away from you."

Sam's eyes filled again. "You really don't see me any differently?"

"No! If anything, I'm more proud of you than I've ever been. I mean, I'll never unsee what I saw in the jacuzzi - not that I'm complaining - but no, Sam you are you, no matter who you love."

Sam threw herself onto me and gripped me hard enough that I thought I was going to pass out. "Thank you, Jim! I can't tell you how scared I was. I didn't know what you'd think, if you'd tell anyone, what I would say to them... it's been horrific."

I patted her back. "I'm sorry, Sam. I should have come over the next day and had this conversation with you then."

She sat back, smiling. "It's OK, I'm sure you were plenty busy enough." She smirked and added, "It looked that way the other night."

"Ah, uh, yeah... about that."

She laughed. "It's OK. It was actually one of the hottest things that's ever happened to me. When I saw you both, I sort of froze, and then I saw Maeve-fucking-Whyte's tits. I mean fuuuuuck! And then she came with me! Holy shit!"

"Well, I'm not going to lie and say that we didn't love it, but we were sort of worried about how you would take it all, it was wrong of us to spy on you."

Sam relaxed and hints of her normal self were returning. "No, I loved it... but how did you know I was there to spy on me?"

I coughed and rubbed my neck. "Well, in the spirit of honesty, I kind of saw you once before, after work by accident. I promise I didn't wank whilst watching you, but I did stay and enjoy the show."

Sam laughed and slapped my arm. "I can't even be angry at you. It all makes sense now why you wanted to bring Maeve to the gym when it closed!"

"You and the redhead were my inspiration," I said with a mock bow.

"That's Alice," Sam said with a warm smile. "She and I have been seeing each other for a while now. She's actually the one who helped me realise who I really was."

"Well, I'm glad and I'm proud of you." I hugged her again and everything felt right in the world.

Sam rubbed her eyes, her spark back again. "Jim, I was dreading this conversation, I've barely slept. But now we've had it, I need to thank you. Your response was exactly what I needed to hear."

"Hey, what are best friends for, eh?"

"Best friends who watch each other cum." Sam winked. "OK, we have so much to talk about! I can actually talk to you about Alice now and you can tell me all about Maeve! Fuck, this is so good!"

We spent the next hour filling each other in about our personal lives. Sam insisted on hearing every last detail about May and spent particular focus on when we'd watched her and how May had orgasmed. Judging by how Sam adjusted herself, I think she might have been getting turned on as I described how wet May was. I told her about making love (she snorted and told me I needed to give her a good fucking), and I told her about the house.

In return, Sam told me about her journey to self-acceptance with Alice's help. They'd met at the gym and started out by training together. Training led to drinks, and drinks led to 'friend dates'. Over the course of a few months, Sam began to understand and accept her feelings towards Alice and what they meant. Having gone through it before, Alice had helped her every step of the way.

When she finished, I whistled. "Wow, that's amazing, Sam. It really is."

"Yeah, I never thought I'd fall in love. The guys I'd been with just never seemed to click but Alice came along and... well you heard us."

"I heard you, alright! I noticed you were more in control."

Sam nodded eagerly. "That's the best part! In the outside world, Alice is this hotshot lawyer, but in the bedroom, she's a complete sub! When we started doing things, I realised that I loved being in control. We fit together perfectly!"

Lick my ass, you fucking slut!

Echoed through my mind again but I didn't mention it and risk ruining what had been a heartwarming evening with Sam.

We had a drink of water and talked a little more before Sam said, "Thank you, for everything, Jim. You're the first person I've come out to and you've given me the confidence to open up to my parents. Do you think... do you think you could go with me to talk to them, just for moral support? I'll be a lot less nervous knowing you're with me."

"Of course I will, just say when and where and I'll be there."

She glanced at the clock. "I was actually thinking maybe tonight? I feel like I should do it now rather than wait and worry."

"Worry?"

"Yeah, my parents are very old school, especially my dad. You'll understand when you meet him." She chewed her lip. "I don't know how he's going to take it."

"Well, that's what I'm there for, right? No matter what happens, I've got your back."

Sam hugged me and even gave me a kiss on the cheek. "Thank you." She jumped up and pulled her hair back into a ponytail. "OK, let's get this over with."

I chose to drive. I had told Marie that I was heading to Sam's after work, so I wouldn't be able to give her a lift. She told me I needed to stop worrying about her and that she'd catch a taxi like she used to.

Sam directed me to a small group of quaint houses on the opposite side of the city. She was nervous and didn't say much throughout the drive. I tried to reassure her but I don't think it did much good. I wasn't surprised, I imagined that coming out to her parents must have been up there with the most stressful things to do in life.

Their house was a small one with bundles of character. I hadn't met her parents before but immediately saw where Sam got her looks from. The woman who opened the door looked like an older version of her. There were a few more laughter lines around the eyes, sprinklings of grey hair, but she had retained what would have been every bit of Sam's beauty from her youth. Her father was a big man. I'm over six foot, but he towered over me and was twice as wide. He was balding but made up for it with a beard that I couldn't grow in three lifetimes.

If Sam got her looks from her mother, she got her foul mouth from her father.

"Fuck me, you're a good-looking one!" He shook my hand in his meaty paw and Sam made the introductions. As we entered a cluttered living room, he caught Sam in a bear hug and lifted her off the floor.

"Daddy!" Sam cried, slapping his chest uselessly. I grinned. It seemed that Sam was a daddy's girl.

"You're never too old for one of my hugs," he said gruffly, kissing her cheek before putting her down and ruffling her hair. She ducked out of the way and flipped him the middle finger which he responded to in kind.

"That's enough of that, you two!" her mother said. "What will Jim think of your foul language?"

"Oh, don't worry, Mam, I hear more than enough of Sam's swearing at work."

"Yuk, please don't call me Mam, it makes me feel old. I'm Terri, and the oaf over there is Fred."

We sat around the table and her mother poured us mugs of tea. As the initial energy from our arrival quietened down, her father said, "So what brings you out this way, Sammy?" His eyes flicked to me. "New boyfriend we should know about?"

I coughed and Sam's face was ashen. "N-no, not quite that," Sam said. Her face paled and I noticed her hands were shaking. I wasn't sure whether to help her or not. After a brief deliberation, I decided to wait until she built up the courage. This was her journey and this was a defining moment, I didn't want to take it from her.

Her mother leaned forward. "Samantha, is something wrong?"

Sam took a deep breath and lifted her head. "No, nothing's wrong, mum. Jim's not my boyfriend, he's here to support me... over the past few months, things have changed for me, personally. I-I discovered something important about myself and I needed to tell you. Mum, Dad... I-I'm gay."

I wasn't sure what I expected, but the thick, tense silence that followed wasn't it. It was horrible, pressing down on the room. I realised I was holding my breath and clenching my fists for Sam. Why the fuck wasn't either of them saying anything!?

Sam's father spoke first, slowly and hesitantly. "Sammy, I-I'm not sure how to take that. I mean, are you sure it's not just a phase? What about kids?"

Her mother chipped in. "Sweety, we know you get swept up in these crazes, but think about your future... what about a husband and family?"

All the energy drained from Sam. Her shoulders slumped and her head dropped down. Her shoulders shook as she began to cry. I quickly scooted my chair around and hugged her. Pure, white-hot rage burst inside me.

"Is that the best thing you can think to say!?" I spat. "Of all the fucking things in the world you could say, that was it!? You fucking idiots!"

Her father, floundering in a sea of shock, grasped onto my anger like a life raft. It gave him something to focus on, something he could take his emotions out on without facing his daughter's admission.

"Don't you dare fucking speak to me and my wife like that in my house!"

"I'll speak to you how you deserve to be spoken to, you ignorant piece of shit! Sam has just opened up herself to both of you, the people who brought her into this world. You're supposed to accept and love her for who she is, not destroy her!"

I wrapped my arms around Sam protectively and let her sob into my shoulder. "Tell me, is she a brilliant, intelligent, fierce young woman?"

"Yeah, of course she is!"

"Does being gay change any of that!?"

"W-well, no but-"

"THERE IS NO BUT!" I shouted. I took a deep breath and calmed myself. "I've never seen Sam scared or upset about anything, not once. But, coming here today she was petrified. Isn't that mad? She was scared of talking to you two! Now I can see why! Shame on you, shame on both of you. Sam's bravery should be celebrated, not destroyed!"

I pointed to a photo of Sam's mother and father playing with her as a baby. "That little girl there just opened her heart and you stabbed it with a knife."

Sam was still crying on me but lifted her head. "Come on, let's go. At least they know."

"NO!" her father shouted, jumping up. He looked disgusted with himself, and rightly so. Her mother looked ashamed as well. "Sammy, I-I'm sorry, baby. Jim was right, I fucked up."

Sam took her head away from my shoulder but held my hand in a bone-crushing grip. "Have I disappointed you, Daddy?" she said in a small voice.

The huge man almost knocked me off my chair as he charged over and fell to his knees. "No, baby, never! You could never disappoint me! I just-"

"We fucked up," her mum said, making Sam gasp. I'm guessing she never swore. "Our beautiful, brave daughter came to us seeking acceptance and we let her down. Jim was right, we were ignorant fools. She stood up and kneeled on the other side of Sam. "What we should have said is that we love you, no matter what. You'll always be our daughter and all that matters is that you're happy."

"But you said-"

"Fuck what we said!" Her father said desperately. "I spoke without thinking and I've never been more ashamed in my life. A family is what you make of it, if you find a lucky woman out there one day and you decide to start one together, we'll be the luckiest and happiest grandparents in the world. I'm sorry, Sammy. Please, we were idiots."

Sam wiped her nose. "And you're not ashamed of me or think any less of me?"

"No, baby, never! Jim was right about that too, we've always been proud of you - although we've given you nothing to be proud about us tonight. I know we can't take back what we said, but I'm going to try my fucking hardest to show you how much I love you."

"Me too," her mum said. "Can you stay here tonight, Samantha? I want to hear everything about your last few months, including how hard it's been for you. We're going to help you and support you, just like Jim did and just like we should have done. We're both ignorant fools, so give us a chance to make it up to you, please?"

"O-OK," Sam said. She let go of my hand and her dad picked her up into what could only be described as a gentle bear hug. Her mother joined them and all three shed a few tears. I felt like I was intruding on a family moment, and I was very aware that I had called two people I'd just met 'fucking idiots'.

Before I could do anything, her father broke away from Sam and caught me in a rough hug that tested the strength of my ribs. "I'm sorry, I was a fucking idiot." He let me go and held out his hand. "Thank you, for being there for our daughter when we weren't."

I shook his hand and patted his shoulder. "It's OK, I think you both have come around admirably."

Her mum also hugged me followed by Sam. She squeezed me tightly again and I realised that she'd picked up her hugs from her father as well as the language. "Jim, I can't thank you enough. I-I wouldn't have been able to get through this without you."

"Hey, it was nothing. Stay here tonight and don't worry about work tomorrow. I'll cover your shift and sort it out so that it isn't deducted from your pay or holiday. Spend the day with your parents and tell them your story." I leaned forward and whispered. "Well, not all of the story, if you know what I mean."

Sam laughed and slapped me on the shoulder. "We are going to talk about those parts again at a later date."

I saluted. "Yes, Mam. Have a good evening. Sam, I really am proud of you."

Her smile was all the thanks I needed.

*

It was late when I left Sam's. Yellow light shone in shafts from lampposts lining the streets and cars whizzed past on their way home. I felt... happy. Sam had come out and I had played a small part in helping her. It felt good that she could be herself around me and her family without worry.

I was passing Marie's work when my phone rang through the Bluetooth in my car. I answered assuming it was Sam but grinned when May's voice sounded. "Hey stranger, I missed you today," she said.

"I missed you, how was your day?"

"Meh, average. For some reason, I couldn't stop thinking about our weekend together."

"Oh really? Were you thinking about anything in particular?"

"All of it, but there were some parts that stood out. I know it's late, but are you free, even if it's only for a little while? I need my Jim fix."