The next morning I resigned.
When my boss questioned my decision, I told him I had been offered a job at Peter's firm. They were opening up an accounting section. It was the truth. I guess my boss was disappointed because he had lost an accountant as well as a client, but I didn't care. Some weird magic was at work inside me. I had given myself over to Peter. What I did not tell my boss was that I was going to marry Peter.
That first night was without any doubt, the greatest night of my life.
After I was dressed we ordered the Chinese food. Peter asked me to relax on the couch and he poured me a glass of wine. Then, sitting by me on the couch, and with the occasional stroking of my hair, he told me the story of how I'd come to be there.
About six months earlier he had seen me in the office of another client. The way Peter always told it, he recognised me right away. He had a talent for intuition. All his life he believed that one day he would see 'his' woman and instantly 'recognise' her. He trusted his intuition and lived by it. But man does not live by intuition alone. To solidify the intuition and ground it, he had an old fashioned investigation taken out on me.
I suppose many women would be offended by this approach, but I found it strangely beautiful and comforting, in a weird way. Somehow, Peter was right. There was darkness in both of us. It took us on this strange path and I could only feel grateful that Peter seemed to know so much about all of this. I didn't understand at that time what the cost of this intuition was. Women are allowed to be intuitive as long as we don't compromise the world by imposing it. Men are allowed to be intuitive as long as they call it reason or logic. Peter was as sophisticated a man as you will find, and he was an adept at justifying his intuition. There was no question that he was disciplined. It was much later that I found out how disciplined he really was.
As he was starting to tell me what was revealed by the research, the doorbell rang and our food arrived. Peter handed me a file then moved to the door to attend the food. Two waiters from a local restaurant came in as I looked through the file. One waiter set up table for us with a tablecloth, cutlery and crockery while the other one prepared our food in the kitchenette.
As Peter was busy giving instructions I went through the file that was basically a day by day analysis of my last six months. There were pictures of me running in the mornings and on my way to yoga classes. There were photos of the weekend I spent with my parents as well as coming and going from work. There were the four dates I had gone on in that time, (all unsuccessful) as well as pictures of my light on late at night at home as I learnt about and studied up on clients files. There were lists of books I'd borrowed from libraries, DVD's borrowed, films I had attended, plays, restaurants I'd eaten in. There were even shots of my family, best friends and my pet dog 'Paris'. It was nothing more than a catalogue of my previous six months.
I felt as though I were in another world. But as I said previously, for some reason it worked. I felt comforted. Peter already knew so many things about me. And he chose me still. He wanted me so much. I did feel as though I belonged to him, and I guess that is not a desirable situation. However it was not like possession. At least not a possession that rendered me without my independent self. It was more like we were an inseparable team. For some reason, Peter even seemed to know that I would not be offended when I read this file.
Peter dismissed the two waiters with a smile and a substantial tip, and called me to join him. I ate the food with relish only then realising how hungry I was. We talked over food and wine and wondered about his oddities and what I was to make of it all.
"You must think me so strange."
"No, I only think I am strange for being flattered and feeling safe. Do you tap into strength in me or a weakness?"
After our meal, he reached over and took my hand. I felt so good. I felt as though I had known him for years and I felt deeply known by him. There was a dire potency to our connection and everything we did operated on a difference plane.
He looked me deep in the eye and said:
"Anna, I know this is strange, but I want you to promise to marry me tonight. I have done everything in my power to be sure of you, and I feel ready. I know I called you in only at the last possible moment, but I needed to know I could trust you with my darkness. It is a beautiful kind of darkness really, but not everyone can appreciate it.
I know that not only can you meet it, but also you can match it. I felt it when I first saw you and there were corresponding vibrations in our souls. I know I can tell you I love you. I loved you before I knew what you looked like. I just knew that this is how it would be. So now, we are here. I want you to quit your job and set up practise with me β and I want you to marry me."
"Yes Peter, of course I will marry you." Was all I could say.
I can't explain that moment. I know it seems foolish. I have gone over it a hundred times wondering what it was that made me agree to be this man's wife under those circumstances. Even after years of a happy marriage, when we tell new friends of how we met, it sounds incredulous. It was just all there was to do. Peter and I were made for each other. It was that simple.
After I told him I would marry him, he stood and walked over to me. He lifted my hand and gently kissed the back of it, and rubbed it against his cheek, where I felt two stray tears had fallen. He pulled gently on my hand so that I was raised to my feet, and kissed me. He kissed away all my loneliness, all my fears. He drew me into him with his lips and his tongue, and from that moment on I lived inside of him.