No one to thank for this one. Nope. Not at all.
Oh, who am I kidding? Of course I have to thank SoCalCynic for editing this, once again. Can you believe we went through *8* edits of this chapter? But I think we finally got it right. Seriously, someone get this man some free booze and cookies, stat!
I know it's been a longer wait than usual, so without further ado ... enjoy!
*
Jill watched as Jason and Casey's house shrank in the side view mirror of the car. Rory wove their way through the quiet neighborhood as the sun set, the silence in the vehicle nearly deafening.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Rory finally spoke, his voice almost a whisper. Jill could hear the raw pain in his voice and it made her chest ache in response. She turned to examine him, but he wouldn't look at her, opting to focus on the road instead with his jaw clenched.
"I told you it was complicated," she sighed.
"Then just start at the beginning."
Jill took a few nerve-wracking minutes to try and compose her thoughts and slow her pulse. It was difficult with the man she had been losing so much sleep over sitting within reach. She could sense his impatience so she just took a quick breath and began to speak.
"When I was in high school, I had to work really hard for my grades. There were people in my class that got straight A's without even trying, but that wasn't me. I barely had a social life. I would study for hours a day, and still sometimes I'd have to do extra credit. But I got my 4.0.
"I had to work just as hard to pass the tests to be a nurse in the Army. I guess I'm trying to say that I've never been super intelligent, but I always made up for it with hard work. I fell in love with helping people through medicine, so I applied to a pre-med program and through some miracle, I got in." Jill knew she was rambling, but now that the words were finally coming, she just couldn't stop herself. She had to tell him this; he mattered too much now.
"So a month ago, I show up in Denver, ready to commit to years upon years of nothing but endless textbooks, studying, and papers so that I could be a doctor. There was no way I could be in a relationship; I just wouldn't have the time if I wanted a prayer of passing. And then you showed up ..."
"Sorry," Rory quietly apologized, flashing a sad smile as his eyes stayed on the road. But he did risk reaching over to briefly squeeze Jill's hand before dropping it. That single touch was enough to set her pulse racing again.
Jill took a few deep breaths and continued. "I figured it was just going to be the one night, that there was no harm in bringing a stranger to bed, just once." She paused as she shook her head, then continued in a bittersweet tone, "For meaningless sex." Jill laughed, once, then went on in a quiet voice, "But it wasn't meaningless. We ... connected, and you left me that note, and you showed up at my door at midnight ...
"So I had to think about it again. Surely there wouldn't be any harm in seeing you until I moved into my apartment? School didn't start for another week. You couldn't distract me from classes when they weren't happening.
"But then you took me to Elitch Gardens and we rode that damn Ferris wheel. And we came back to the room and ..." she trailed off, unsure of the words that threatened to fall out of her mouth. "And we ..."
"Made love," Rory supplied for her.
Jill blushed and nodded. "And you left the next morning without saying a word."
"Maybe the stupidest thing I've ever done."
"Why? Why did you just disappear like that?"
Rory considered her question for a long moment as Jill's heart raced even faster the longer it took for him to respond. But his answer was simple enough, and certainly one that she could relate to. "I got scared."
"And then you came back that night ..." Jill had to breathe deeply to stop the tears from coming. "It broke my heart not to let you in the room. But I had to. I couldn't start a relationship with you." She continued in a ragged whisper: "I still can't. But now I don't want to be without you either."
Jill watched Rory's knuckles go from tan to white as he gripped the steering wheel harder. They drove in silence for what felt like an hour before he finally responded tensely. "So what do you want to do?"
"I don't know," she replied softly. "I just feel so overwhelmed by it all."
"I know the feeling," he sighed. They drove in silence for another few endless moments, the atmosphere strained. Jill watched as Rory's fingers continued to tense and release on the steering wheel, his knuckles flashing white. His jaw seemed set when he finally reached his hand over to take hers. "Do you have a problem with me taking you back to my place?"
"Not as long as you can take me home later."
"Later tonight, or later tomorrow?"
Jill couldn't help but laugh. At least he wasn't being presumptuous this time. "I'm not sure yet," she admitted honestly.
"Fair enough."
Jill felt like she did all those weeks ago at the hotel, after their first night together. She spent the rest of the drive out of the suburbs and into the city staring out the window, not really taking in the changing scenery, weighing her heart versus her head, logic against emotion. She was no closer to a decision when they finally stopped, Rory stating, "We're here," in a whisper.
Jill looked up, startled to be suddenly still. "Wait, I thought we were going to your place?" she queried, not understanding their surroundings.
"We are." Rory's expression matched her confusion. Something seemed to click then, because he started chuckling.
"What?" Jill asked when he made no attempt to explain. He shook his head instead, holding his stomach from laughing so hard. "
What
?" she asked more insistently. Jill hated being on the outside of a joke.
"Don't tell me," Rory managed out between guffaws. "You moved into Jason and Casey's old place."
"Yeah, so?"
"A month. I've been depressed for over a month, and the entire time you've been three floors away?"
"
No
," Jill replied, finally catching on. "You don't live here!" She finally joined him in the humor and the irony of it all. Fate was most certainly a cruel mistress.
"Jason recommended it when I was first traded here years ago. Come on, let's see what you've done with their place."
Jill watched Rory unfold himself from the driver's side of the car, still somewhat in shock by all of the day's revelations.
"You coming or what?"
Her door was open and Rory's had was outstretched towards her. "Yeah, sorry." As soon as her fingers touched his, electricity sparked all over her skin. That was when she knew that she was in trouble.
Rory let them into the building with his key. They rode the elevator to Jill's floor in silence, their fingers still intertwined. It was the most innocent of touches, but after weeks of heartache and longing, the simple feel of his hand enclosed around hers was enough to make her head spin.
Jill let them into her apartment. Rory made a low whistle as he took it all in; she couldn't help but quietly chuckle. It was quite a change from the muted colors that had adorned the walls a month ago.
"It takes some balls to paint a wall orange," he commented innocently. "And a purple couch too?"
"It's aubergine," Jill laughed out.
"It's fucking purple, beautiful." He took an almost menacing step towards her with a hungry expression on his face, causing Jill to unconsciously take a step back. A flash of memory from their first night together ran through her head, when he had briefly frightened her with a similar look after she moved her hands. Warmth crawled over her skin at the memory of what had followed.
Jill let out a short burst of nervous laughter that Rory silenced with a look, taking another few steps her way until she was backed up against the wall. "If you don't want this, you need to tell me now," he warned. He took one final step towards her, sandwiching her between his body and the wall. Rory grabbed onto her head, roughly at first, before threading his fingers in her hair and forcing her to look into his eyes. "Tell me now, while I still have the ability to walk away."
Jill half-considered it for a moment. But who was she kidding? He was all she had wanted, all that she had dreamed about for weeks now. There was nothing in the universe now but him, and her. Jill's voice cracked when she finally responded: "I want you."
"Oh thank God," Rory groaned in relief before crushing his lips against hers, Jill's heart exploding in elation and relief at finally having him again. There was no gentleness to his touch. Jill could nearly taste the desperation and absolute need emanating from him; it echoed her own.
Her head was spinning, her blood humming as they kissed passionately. The intensity of the moment had her moaning into his mouth. Rory swallowed every noise, every whimper as they clung to each other, afraid only of letting go.
His grip on her hair was bordering on painful, but she didn't care. She needed him, every last bit of him. The harder he pulled her against him, into him, the closer she wanted to be.
Jill was trying to breathe, trying desperately to stay conscious, to stay in this moment. But she was so
dizzy
. She tried to break the kiss to direct him to her bedroom, but apparently they just weren't going to make it that far.
Rory's hands were already pulling her skirt up to her waist, just as he had done the last time she wore that dress. But this time when he went to cup her between her legs, he broke their kiss with a rough laugh.