No one to thank for this one. Nope. Not at all.
Oh, who am I kidding? Of course I have to thank SoCalCynic for editing this, once again. Can you believe we went through *8* edits of this chapter? But I think we finally got it right. Seriously, someone get this man some free booze and cookies, stat!
I know it's been a longer wait than usual, so without further ado ... enjoy!
*
Jill watched as Jason and Casey's house shrank in the side view mirror of the car. Rory wove their way through the quiet neighborhood as the sun set, the silence in the vehicle nearly deafening.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Rory finally spoke, his voice almost a whisper. Jill could hear the raw pain in his voice and it made her chest ache in response. She turned to examine him, but he wouldn't look at her, opting to focus on the road instead with his jaw clenched.
"I told you it was complicated," she sighed.
"Then just start at the beginning."
Jill took a few nerve-wracking minutes to try and compose her thoughts and slow her pulse. It was difficult with the man she had been losing so much sleep over sitting within reach. She could sense his impatience so she just took a quick breath and began to speak.
"When I was in high school, I had to work really hard for my grades. There were people in my class that got straight A's without even trying, but that wasn't me. I barely had a social life. I would study for hours a day, and still sometimes I'd have to do extra credit. But I got my 4.0.
"I had to work just as hard to pass the tests to be a nurse in the Army. I guess I'm trying to say that I've never been super intelligent, but I always made up for it with hard work. I fell in love with helping people through medicine, so I applied to a pre-med program and through some miracle, I got in." Jill knew she was rambling, but now that the words were finally coming, she just couldn't stop herself. She had to tell him this; he mattered too much now.
"So a month ago, I show up in Denver, ready to commit to years upon years of nothing but endless textbooks, studying, and papers so that I could be a doctor. There was no way I could be in a relationship; I just wouldn't have the time if I wanted a prayer of passing. And then you showed up ..."
"Sorry," Rory quietly apologized, flashing a sad smile as his eyes stayed on the road. But he did risk reaching over to briefly squeeze Jill's hand before dropping it. That single touch was enough to set her pulse racing again.
Jill took a few deep breaths and continued. "I figured it was just going to be the one night, that there was no harm in bringing a stranger to bed, just once." She paused as she shook her head, then continued in a bittersweet tone, "For meaningless sex." Jill laughed, once, then went on in a quiet voice, "But it wasn't meaningless. We ... connected, and you left me that note, and you showed up at my door at midnight ...
"So I had to think about it again. Surely there wouldn't be any harm in seeing you until I moved into my apartment? School didn't start for another week. You couldn't distract me from classes when they weren't happening.
"But then you took me to Elitch Gardens and we rode that damn Ferris wheel. And we came back to the room and ..." she trailed off, unsure of the words that threatened to fall out of her mouth. "And we ..."
"Made love," Rory supplied for her.
Jill blushed and nodded. "And you left the next morning without saying a word."
"Maybe the stupidest thing I've ever done."
"Why? Why did you just disappear like that?"
Rory considered her question for a long moment as Jill's heart raced even faster the longer it took for him to respond. But his answer was simple enough, and certainly one that she could relate to. "I got scared."
"And then you came back that night ..." Jill had to breathe deeply to stop the tears from coming. "It broke my heart not to let you in the room. But I had to. I couldn't start a relationship with you." She continued in a ragged whisper: "I still can't. But now I don't want to be without you either."
Jill watched Rory's knuckles go from tan to white as he gripped the steering wheel harder. They drove in silence for what felt like an hour before he finally responded tensely. "So what do you want to do?"
"I don't know," she replied softly. "I just feel so overwhelmed by it all."
"I know the feeling," he sighed. They drove in silence for another few endless moments, the atmosphere strained. Jill watched as Rory's fingers continued to tense and release on the steering wheel, his knuckles flashing white. His jaw seemed set when he finally reached his hand over to take hers. "Do you have a problem with me taking you back to my place?"
"Not as long as you can take me home later."
"Later tonight, or later tomorrow?"
Jill couldn't help but laugh. At least he wasn't being presumptuous this time. "I'm not sure yet," she admitted honestly.
"Fair enough."
Jill felt like she did all those weeks ago at the hotel, after their first night together. She spent the rest of the drive out of the suburbs and into the city staring out the window, not really taking in the changing scenery, weighing her heart versus her head, logic against emotion. She was no closer to a decision when they finally stopped, Rory stating, "We're here," in a whisper.
Jill looked up, startled to be suddenly still. "Wait, I thought we were going to your place?" she queried, not understanding their surroundings.
"We are." Rory's expression matched her confusion. Something seemed to click then, because he started chuckling.
"What?" Jill asked when he made no attempt to explain. He shook his head instead, holding his stomach from laughing so hard. "
What
?" she asked more insistently. Jill hated being on the outside of a joke.
"Don't tell me," Rory managed out between guffaws. "You moved into Jason and Casey's old place."
"Yeah, so?"
"A month. I've been depressed for over a month, and the entire time you've been three floors away?"
"