Matter Of Choice

Sarah and I grew up together. We were from the same country stock, hard working families that sweat together from daybreak to dark with almost no thought of weekends or vacations.

Living on farms away from all of the rich kids that lived in town, with parents who had jobs and money caused us to gravitate towards each other.

We were friends, the kind there is no explanation for. No matter where I was, she was somewhere nearby and vice-versa.

Sometimes we would have a few hours free from work around the farms. Even as little children it was that way. Sarah and I would go down to the slough that ran by our places and splash and play with all that magic energy of youth, the kind only children can enjoy.

We had no suits, we just stripped and carried on naked, no thought at all to the difference between us.

I suppose I was about 10 or so when one day I was climbing out of the water, Sarah was looking at me oddly.

"It is supposed to be that way?" she asked.

"Is what supposed to be that way?"

"THAT!" she said, pointing at the tiny lumps between my legs.

I was suddenly embarrassed and I had no idea why, I pretended to not know what she was talking about, grabbing again at the rope to swing out and drop in the water.

I sneaked a couple of glances at her after that, she looked the same as me until...I looked THERE!

But I forgot about that in short order, the farm and work called as my Mom rang the bell to call us to the house.

Sometimes Sarah and I would wrestle too, she really had no trouble at all handling me, delighting in taking me down and tickling me until I would scream. She always stopped before I cried, she always was careful to not hurt me.

One day we were wrestling up in the hay loft, she was pressing my arms back and I resisted. I began to get the edge, somehow I was now bigger and stronger than her. I pinned her that day in victory, the first time ever.

I remember the flushed look on her face, it turned reddish and it scared me so I let her go.

It was about that time we went down to the slough to splash, we were climbing out when I spotted the reddish streak down her thigh.

"Did you get cut?" I asked her.

Sarah looked down, darted for her clothes and was off like a shot. I ran after her thinking she was hurt, I had no chance of keeping up with her.

As I ran up to their door, concerned, her Mother met me and pushed me back.

"Sarah is all right." she told me, looking at me oddly. I ran all the way to my own house, telling my Mom that Sarah got hurt. My Mother looked at me with that exact same expression, I was confused.

We never swam naked after that, it was another year or so before I figured it out, partly from some things my father said and partly from taking notice of the farm animals around that had just been "there" before.

Sarah began to change, I remember that day we waited for the bus to come and take us into town to school. Sarah was wearing a dress, I had never seen her in a dress before. She looked so pretty, I even told her that.

All she did was turn bright pink and sit looking out the window all the way to town, quiet.

We didn't wrestle anymore, either, there was no point. By now I was a good 3" taller and much heavier, it was like she stopped growing and I just kept on.

The best description of our high school years was study, then go home and work. That never changed, there was always work, something to fix. I was doing more of the hauling hay and repairing the machines, Sarah now brought water and food to us out in the fields.

Around the farm she wore the simple clothes a farm girl wears, but I liked her at school in the pretty colors and flowing dresses her mother made for her. The lumps that formed on her chest didn't shock me, by then I knew about that change, expected it.

It was my junior year in school when I met Patra. Patra was a dark skinned, dark haired girl that had the ability to stand out in any room. She could not be missed.

I was smitten by the new girl in school, so was every other boy in the classes. They all hovered around her, I was shy so I just watched from the sidelines as the other boys strutted around and acted silly trying for her attention.

One day I was down at the feed store getting some grain sacks, I looked up and it was her behind the counter. Old man Johnson had hired her to tend the counter.

She smiled at me and my world wrapped around me and made me stupid.

"I need 100 of the ten..."

She laughed.

"You mean 10 of the hundred pound bags, right?"

"Uh...yea..."

Patra filled out the ticket and had me sign it, I reached out and shouldered a bag to carry it out to the old truck we owned.

"Want a cart?" she still had that same smile.

"Naw, I can get them." I wanted her to see how easily I could handle the feed sacks. I managed all 10 of them nicely and looked around to find her waiting on someone else and ignoring me.

But now at school Patra always said "Hi!" with a big smile as she breezed by me. It always left me with a funny feeling, I liked her.

It was late in my senior year before I got up the courage to actually ask her for a date. I had the use of our old car now, of course I could drive, I had been driving farm machinery since I could reach the pedals.

I scrubbed and scrubbed that day, dressed up in my best clothes. My mother came out beaming, telling me I looked "so handsome".

"Danny, Sarah will really be pleased." she told me.

"Sarah? I'm not going out with Sarah, I have a date with Patra."

Mom looked surprised.

"Oh! I just thought..Sarah is such a nice girl." Mom really looked at me strangely.

I thought a bit about that as I drove the old family car down the road towards town.

Sarah? Mom thought I was DATING Sarah? She was...just my friend.

Patra and I dated quite a bit after that, Sarah and I drew apart some because of course she couldn't be hanging around while we were off to the movies or the park or somewhere. The rest of the time though, Sarah was always there, always.

But something was different, I just couldn't quite put my finger on it. We talked, we worked together, but she was a little..standoffish?

It was just the first Fall after graduation that I asked Patra to marry me, she said yes. At the reception, Sarah came up to me, she stuck her hand out like she wanted me to shake it. I hugged her, happy with myself and my future. My lips touched hers, they were soft and something happened. She pulled free and darted away, running inside.

I stood there staring after her with my mind completely blank until I realized someone else was talking to me. Then came the rice and Patra and I dashed for the car, off to what would be.

Our union that night was our first, they way it was in our world. It was painful for her but I tried to be gentle.

All was fine for several months, the nice mobile home Dad and I set up down by the old swimming hole was nice. I worked the farm like always, Patra did a fair job of keeping house and cooking, but she really was a bit out of her element.

Sarah had gone off to college, I did miss her.

It wasn't long before Patra began to want things. Farm life is hard and different, there usually is little money, but there usually is plenty of food and comfort. Patra spent any money that did arrive as quickly as I could make it. If she had spent it on things we could use, or things we needed, that would have been one thing. But the day she came home with a set of Diamond stud earrings I blew my stack. That was $600 we needed for seed and fuel.

Of course we fought, she pouted, our sex life dropped to non-existant. One day I came home and she wasn't there, she arrived several hours later. She was drunk, not falling down drunk but giggly.

There was more fights. Then one night I finally blew my stack, it was 10 PM and she was off somewhere, so I went looking.

I found her, too. She was sitting in at Clancy's, a seedy bar in town down by the mill parking lot. The guy she was sitting way too close to I didn't know and I didn't care. I walked up to her and told her to get up and come home.

She didn't want to, the guy got up with the usual "Look bud."

That lasted 5 seconds. Patra came with me but when I got home the next day she was gone, so were her clothes.

So was the remains of our bank account.

The papers arrived, I didn't put up any fight. I lived alone, worked the farm. It was the way things always had been. A dozen long years went by, my Father fell ill and my Mother was caring for him all the time. All of the work running the farm became my job. It was a full time job, too, balancing loans for seed and fuel against time and weather. Some years slipping ahead, some years falling behind.

I was resigned, I had made my choice.

One day there was a knock on my door as I sat finishing my evening meal. I answered, It was Sarah. I was happy to see her, ushered her in.

We sat until the wee hours of the morning bringing each other up to date. Sarah had been to Paris, travelled, seen the world.

I had seen the highway into town, and the fields of our family farm. She told me that she was taking over her family farm next door. I knew her mom had passed a few years earlier, and her Dad was getting long in the tooth and it was becoming difficult for him. I had even been thinking of trying to buy him out if my crops had a solid year, the extra ground would add to the work but improve my chances.

I was surprised, I was wondering just how she planned to do all that by herself.

"I was hoping perhaps...partners?" she smiled at me.

Partners. Maybe, yes, just maybe.

I reached out and hugged her, happy. I was thinking of all the years we had worked side by side, satisfied with what we had. Her body pressed against me as my arms encircled her, I looked down at her face.

For only the second time I leaned down and let my lips touch hers. I felt her hands reach around my back, her fingertips pressing, pulling me even closer.

The sensation of our lips touching made my head swim, a vision of our kiss at my wedding, a vision of her dashing away crossed my mind. I gripped her more tightly, I did not want her to dash away again.

Then we were fumbling, pulling at each other's clothing. I picked her up and carried her to my bedroom, her arms wrapped around my neck, her face nestled against my chest.

As we began to explore, memories combined with the here and now poured through me. I touched my mouth to her soft breasts, the darker nubbin was firm, I kissed and licked all up and down her body, then my mouth found her sex. She exploded at my first touch, again moments later. I slid into position, she opened her legs, allowing me access. I pressed, felt a resistance as she stiffened for a second.

I stopped, afraid I had hurt her. Her hands reached back and grabbed my buttocks and pulled, I felt her relax and entered.

Our union was magic, it had been there all the time, I hadn't seen it. A choice, we all make our choice.

After, we lay encased in each other's arms, we both dozed. I woke, it was perhaps and hour or so later. I sat up, looked over at Sarah, she lay there smiling at me. Glancing down, I spotted the blood. She saw my look, glanced down at herself.

"You mean?" I asked her.

"Yes, for you. It's always been for you."

I hugged her, held her, happy.

I had been such a fool.

As I sit and write this many years later, I can see out the window. Our two fine sons work the fields, tending the next year's harvest. It looks to be a good one if the weather holds. I watch as the Wilson twins from just a mile down the road bring water to our boys.

They are both pretty, just 14. I can see they both took the time to look their best, something I simply missed as a youth myself with Sarah.

I know that our sons will one day have to choose, the choice is theirs of course.

But I am thinking I just might prod things a bit.