"I guess almost everyone thinks about the future Mr. Winters. What part of the future are you referring to?" I had an idea that he might be trying to set me up with a woman. Almost everyone I knew had tried to marry off their daughter or sister or aunt or cousin or whatever to me. I had taken a few of them to dinner or a movie or maybe even a concert but no one seemed to appeal to me. I had a few try to seduce me and that was an instant turn off. When they suggested that we go somewhere to have sex all I could envision was Dawn taking on three guys in a room full of naked dicks. Instant turn off.
"Well Rafe I'm getting on in years. The feed and seed has been good to me but I have always wanted to do a little traveling before I take that last ride so I was wondering if you would be interested in becoming my manager for a year. In that year I want you to consider buying the business. I looked at him as if he were crazy.
"You can't do that Mr. Winters. A lot of people depend on you and this business. And why sell it to me?" My mind was suddenly filled with a jumble of images of myself as a business owner. I could see myself running this place. It really wasn't that complicated. At least I told myself that.
"Why you Rafe? Why not you. You are hard working, you are honest, you have been around this business for almost ten years. You are young and have the energy to run a business. I can think of a lot more reasons but that's good enough for now."
"Can I think about it? Mr. Winters, I don't know the first thing about buying a business."
"As I told you. You will be my manager, for a year. After harvest you will take a trip up to Indianapolis for the farm show. There are some men there that I know that have contacts with the banking industry. They will take care of the money and all that. Is it a deal?" By that time I believed I could actually do it. So we shook hands and just like that I was the manager of Winters Feed and Seed.
I occasionally heard little tidbits about Dawn from time to time. She was back in school and living with her 'Mercedes man' Donny. They argued a lot I was told. I remembered the summers we spent together and couldn't think of a single argument that we had. That is until that day in the mill parking lot. No one ever said anything about a child and I wondered if she had been lying about that also.
More years went by. I was 25, and I was the Winters Feed and Seeds new owner. I had financing and quite a letter of credit for the slow times. As I said I didn't know much about buying a business but Mr. Winters friends did. I had signed a mountain or papers and walked out of the lawyer's office a different man.
Nothing really changed at work though. I signed the paychecks as the manager. We didn't have a huge payroll so that wasn't an issue. In fact we really could use some help. Aunt Rose and my mom could handle the office work and the store during the off times but in the summer we really could use more help so I canvased the local high school and found two kids for part time work. One for the store and one to help me on the dock.
I had just turned 30 when I next saw Dawn. It was at her Aunt Rose's funeral. When I entered the funeral home I noticed the red hair at once. I didn't want any theatrics on this day of mourning so I sat on the opposite side of the room and just behind her. As could be expected there were a lot of tears shed for this woman that had been the salt of the earth. She was laid to rest and I needed a new office worker.
Dawn and I spoke only briefly at Rose's get together after the funeral. She was as beautiful and youthful as ever. She seemed lonely and quiet as we engaged in some small talk but she seemed to want something more but after I learned that she had married 'Mercedes man' Donny and had three of his brats I wasn't much interested in small talk. I made my excuses and quietly left.
When I got home that day I sat in my mom's family room with a beer and considered what was my life. I was still living with my mother in her home as a single bachelor. I didn't date or have any desire to. Most of the girls my age were married or had moved to some other town. Of the few that were left, most weren't the marrying type. One was an exotic dancer in a honky tonk outside of town and rumor had it that she could be your overnight guest for a price. The only other single women that I knew of were living together as a couple if you know what I mean.
My business life was my only bright side. Winters Feed and Seed was financially in the black and growing because we picked up the business of several other mill failures in a 30 mile radius in the past few years. Old Man Winters had developed a solid customer base that grew when I took over the business. I knew that most farmers had good and bad years so I was lenient when some of them got behind on their feed payments. Most did business by a handshake and I quickly found that I could trust them. I had the idea that some of the mill failures were simply due to mismanagement but sometimes it just amounted to bad times.
The bankers that I did business with had come to me the previous week with an idea to expand my little empire. They would provide financing and accounting assistance if I would consider taking over several Feed and Seed operations that they held title to. Several had closed and the employees were out of work. It was a good deal for me and for them also. I was not really sure if I wanted to gamble my success away but these people assured me that I could do it. I had a meeting in the morning to discuss the joint venture. I still considered myself as a country boy at heart not someone to manage an empire.
Two years later
I left the office building in Indianapolis that my attorney's office was situated in again with my head spinning. I had just doubled the number of business that I owned. I owned or controlled most of the mills in southern Indiana, southwestern Ohio and northern Kentucky. I had several district managers that reported to me and all were predicting another profitable year.
I headed south on I-65 in my old truck. I was a financial success at 32 and I wanted my mom to retire. She was still the head of our office at Winters and at 52 she was still going strong but I wanted my mom to have an easier life in her later years but she stubbornly refused to give up her security. She had no idea how successful I had become as I rarely discussed my business dealings with her. She knew I was doing good but not much else. As for my social life?
I was still single and not dating seriously. Most of my interactions with females were when I was away on business. They usually consisted of lunch dates or rarely dinners with potential clients and their spouses. When the subject of my bachelorhood came up I only told them that I had once been engaged when I was younger but it didn't work out and I had never found another suitable love interest. That never satisfied a nosey or busybody spouse but I was adamant that I was not interested at that time in marriage. Further digging into my life was met with silence on my part.
I pulled into the parking lot just before closing to check in with my mom. I wanted to take her out for dinner to celebrate my successful day. When I entered the office all conversation stopped. My mother was sitting beside a tearful red haired woman.
Dawn
Her cheeks were streaked with tears and her clothes looked like she had slept in them. She was wearing a simple house dress that looked wrinkled and cheap sneakers. My plans for the evening disappeared as my mom turned to me.
"Nice to have you back Rafe. We have a little problem though. Dawn's husband has left the country with her children and filed for divorce. He also emptied their checking, savings and changed the password to their retirement account. She doesn't want to stay in their home alone and she doesn't have any money. Her parents have separated permanently so there is no home left for her in Chicago. She is moving back here to our little town." At that point I was a little confused.
"Mother that's a fanciful tale but why does that mean that we have a little problem?"
"Rafe don't be dense. She will need a job now. I took it upon myself to hire her here. She will be my assistant. That means she will be your employee. I know some of what happened and why you two broke your engagement but that was years ago and you have to forgive and forget. Now do you understand the problem?"
I looked at Dawn's tear streaked face that was still covered with freckles.
Damn it. Why now? I asked myself. And why her? And why does she have to look so beautiful? I suddenly made a decision. I was scheduled for a series of meetings the following week in Evansville. The meetings just got moved up to tomorrow. I would use some of my time to consider what had just happened to my life.
"Mom I was just checking in to let you know that everything went well up north and that I am on my way to Evansville for a conference. Nice to see you again Dawn. Bye." With my announcement I left the office and the mill. I was tired from the long drive and was hoping for a relaxing evening but not now. Now I had a drive of several hours to look forward to.
As I was repacking for the week away, at home, I wondered what was going to happen now. Was my mother trying to get us back together again? The image of Dawn with three guys pushing their dicks into every orifice of my fiance suddenly went through my mind. I was suddenly nauseous. I had not felt that way in years. I swallowed the foul taste as I finished packing and hurrying out the door to my truck.
I felt prematurely sleepy as I negotiated the two lane highway west. The outside the next town there was a family owned motel and I needed sleep so I pulled into the gravel drive and registered. There was a Walmart on the other side of town so I went there and bought myself my first cellular phone. I had resisted the advice of my banker friends to purchase this device because I had never saw the need to be in contact with the world at all times. I needed my privacy and some time that was my own to consider business dealings but because I was traveling so much and I never knew where I would be the following day so I finally relented to technology. I took an unlimited everything plan and paid in cash. That was another thing I needed to change. I was used to, paying cash while on the road. I was going to get a credit card to ease the pressure on my accountant. It was so much easier to show my statements than try to keep every receipt. My life suddenly seemed more complicated and to be spinning out of control. 'Why Dawn? Why?'
Later that summer
My new office was ready. I needed the space anyway for my records so with the advice from my banker friends I incorporated and opened my home office in a location more central to all my mills. I had become too large and the individual business had gotten too complicated for one man to operate efficiently. My mother was heartbroken when I told her that I was moving out and into a condo over an hours drive from our home. She knew that someday this would happen but it didn't make it any easier. Before I left for good she insisted that I show her my new home. It was a new building and my condo was a three bedroom affair. I was going to use one bedroom for a home office and the other for a guest room. She gave it her official mom's seal of approval and we left the movers to complete their job. I wanted to have one more night with her so I told her about a small restaurant on the way home. She was hungry also so we stopped. She had been a bit emotional all day so after we were seated, I asked her if she was going to be okay with my plans to leave.
"Rafe, you have been my rock ever since the day your father died. I watched you grow up into the son that every mother could be proud of. Every time I felt weak and overcome with life you would come up behind me and hold me. I felt so close to you when you did that. Then I watched as you and Dawn grew so close during her summer visits and I was planning on babysitting your children someday. Did you know that Rose and I had already planned your wedding even before you were engaged? No? Well we did. When you two broke up I was almost as devastated as I knew you were. After all you two were best friends throughout all of your teen years. Dawn has told me some of what happened and without prying I think I know the rest. I only have one question for you. Is what happened that night so terrible that there is no chance of reconciliation?" I was sure that at that moment my mom was pleading Dawns case.
"Mother when I picture the woman that had just a few months before pledged her fidelity to me with three men inside her at the same time, to this very day I get ill and want to vomit. Even the thought of touching her lips has been forever sullied because of the sight of some random black guy sticking his thing down her throat while two other guys ravage her other two holes." At that point mom's face had turned white.
"Rafe I never imagined it was that bad." she whispered while looking down at her unfinished meal.
"I'm sorry mom I didn't mean to be so graphic but I wanted you to know how deep my feelings are. Just between you and I though, I will tell you that I still love her as much as I ever did. I'm only going to give my heart to one person in my life. I promised Dawn that I would go to our marriage bed a virgin. So far I have kept that promise."
"You mean that you have never...that you two never?..."