Copyright 2004, All rights reserved
California Zephyr
Train 6 (eastbound) Car 0631 Economy Bedroom 6
There was some magic about this train, according to the friend who told me this story. In the rolling movie set known as the California Zephyr, she played parts in a dream scenario, led by the power within an ancient ring.
- Prof. Richard W., formerly of (_________ University)
oo0000oo
Karen had suddenly faced a moment which she had been dreading for several years, the death of her grandmother. For the ailing, elderly lady, "it was a release" as people said. For Karen, it meant a sudden trip back to Galesburg from her home in Berkeley. And, despite years of women's liberation, the duty (as the only granddaughter) to sort through grandma's belongings.
It also turned out that the airline fare for this sudden trip would be prohibitive. It was too late for an excursion fare.
"For that rate," Karen told me later, "the airline president should have driven me to the airport. I got the last Economy Bedroom on the Zephyr instead." Karen boarded the sold-out train in Emeryville in mid-morning, and in a little while, watched the San Francisco bridges fade away, and then the marshlands, and then...
The trip became a kind of blur. Her tiny room remained motionless, while America wheeled past her window. She went out to the diner for a meal at lunchtime and noticed nothing. After that, she tipped the car attendant to bring her meals to her room.
It wasn't just grandma's death closing a chapter in her family and dragging her down. It was her own life. She was thirty years old, and the guy that she had been going out with had dumped her last week. Jim DUMPED her, as she would put it. His reasons were shallow-sounding, but hey, he was kind of shallow! Now that she reflected on it.
In the night, east of Winnemucca, she opened the blind and watched the stars moving across the train window sky. The desert beyond the tracks was empty, just showing some distant lights from the freeway on the horizon. It was cowboy country. Jim would be at home here: no involvements, no one trying to touch him, no subtleties.
The train had passed a famous bordello earlier in the evening. She had read about it in a travel magazine, but perhaps she would have guessed what it was anyway. Expensive limos, dirty pick-up trucks, a slick-looking low-rider, were pulling up for the evening activities. She could picture Jim liking going there, if he wasn't so cheap.
On the empty desert she imagined that she was watching Jim through a one-way mirror, entering a room in the fancy house; she could picture the bustiered prostitute, a tall, bleached blonde, silently issuing her coded commands to Jim's ego. At the first signal, Jim would try to embrace her, bringing him close enough for her hands to begin working on his clothes. Then she'd have her hands in his pants, reaching into his briefs to straighten him up. She'd surely be sighing as if she enjoyed his groping of her breasts when they spilled out of the bustier.
Karen caught herself laughing harshly out loud as she realized that the picture, other than the image of the prostitute, was her own, but she let the imagery roll on with the scenery. The working lady pulled away from Jim with a squeal as he attempted to take off her last covering and then she stretched back on a brass bed.
With practiced coyness, the pro signaled her readiness by slowly spreading her legs apart, communicating directly with Jim's hormones. Karen watched his erection tighten up, and saw him take a glance at the mirror, admiring his own hardness as he rolled a condom down his shaft.
She decided that this train of thought was unhealthy, she would have to try to think of something else. Her body's memory of Jim was too strong, however, and she too easily imagined this enemy tilting her vagina up to Jim, guiding him into herself, stroking him, encouraging his desperate thrusts.
The bright lights of Elko slammed into her face, erasing the compelling one-way mirror image with neon promises of quick wealth, cheap liquor, and easy love. The train slid to a fast stop as expectant faces looked up into the windows from the station platform. A 19-year old cowboy swung smoothly from a coach ahead and a high school girl standing by an old pick-up truck at trackside went running to him, embraced him, ran her fingers down his well-muscled back. Karen snapped the blind shut.
The first night out on a train was never an easy night for her, but she was tired and would give it a try. She finished undressing for bed, putting on the blue shortie nightgown that she'd brought along.
"Damn!" Everything was reminding her of something. Bernard had loved her in a similar outfit a decade ago. Each step of putting it on reminded her of some smooth comment that he'd made. As she raised it up over her head, the powder blue showed off her blonde hair. She pulled it down over her breasts, "champagne glass breasts" he had called them, over the "silky, smooth curve of your tummy" and down over the "secret triangle" she had already covered with the matching blue panties.
Bernard was a reporter from France who had come to her office in the City on a project long before she had met Jim. She hadn't been so careful then, and her natural curiosity and his practiced Gallic charm had made their liaison seem so logical. He must have been more than just a news reporter; perhaps his family had some money. A night in San Francisco's rooftop lounges had segued into his room-with-a-view in the expensive hotel beneath.
He was just in it for the sex, she had warned herself then. But now, as she climbed into the lower berth, she wondered where he was. Men were strange beasts, she thought. Jim was demographically just right to become her husband, and he behaved like an animal. Everything was wrong about Bernard, but as she lay between the plain covers it was his hands which she imagined touching her, not Jim's.