Cafe Lawyer

Copyright @ shuttlepilot and calibeachgirl

All rights reserved, 2012

*

The momentary clink of her fork hitting her dish brought me back to my senses, refusing to accept the confused look on her face. The people at the next table were now watching, their gaze piercing the small distance between us.

"Oh, my God, Jim," she whispered, "oh, my God, yes."

"I think we should go," she said, putting her napkin on the table and standing up. I waved for the check and after leaving five twenties, we left.

..... .....

The next evening, I returned home to find that Carol had left her ring on the bedroom dresser, emptied out the closet and was gone. I slept alone for the first time in weeks. The bed seemed so empty without her and as much as I didn't want to, I cried that night.

A week later, she was still missing... not a word, not even a "Dear John" letter. Not exactly what I was expecting, given everything that had gone between us. I mean, what the..., right? How had I misunderstood our relationship so completely? I guess I was foolish, thinking that love could really come my way. At least this time, I found out before making the serious mistake of getting married again. It's like being able to look into a person's soul and see their deepest secrets and darkest fears and I had been hit in the face with both of them.

..... .....

I tried to settle back into my original routine of eating at the café. I went so far as to return to my original breakfast of waffles and coffee. What did I care if I lived longer if I was condemned to be alone?

My aunt finally spoke to me. "What did you do? I thought you were both in love."

"I was," I said, quietly. "I was." I was.

After I went home, I laid on the sofa, my arm over my eyes, wondering just what had happened.

I didn't go in the next day which caused an angry phone call from Suzie, wondering where the hell I was. I had totally forgotten about my eleven o'clock appointment. I apologized, said I'd be there in half-an-hour and to offer the woman a free lunch.

"I'm sorry I'm late, Mrs. Grant. Car trouble, you know. I hope you enjoyed your lunch."

"Yes, thank you," she replied. "I trust you have all the forms ready?"

"Yes, they're all here," I said, passing the folder over to her. Another marriage had self-destructed and I had been delegated to document its death as it spiraled its way through hell.

There were still a couple of months remaining before Carol's own divorce became official, so I hoped I'd be seeing, or at least hearing from her then but as time went by I began to doubt it.

That evening, I looked through the refrigerator for something to eat but found only a half-gallon of milk, some cottage cheese and a head of lettuce that was starting to wilt. I threw away the lettuce and poured myself some milk. It was sour.

How had my life come full circle to this? I knew I'd have to get myself together and chalk it up as another one of life's miserable lessons.

..... .....

I looked at the calendar that I had been counting the days on. Carol's divorce would become final tomorrow and what should have been a day of rejoicing was approaching with a whimper. I had not seen her in three months and began to wonder if she would ever come to talk to me or not. I didn't know if I wanted to see her or not, my feelings were so unsettled.

"Jimmy." The sound of her voice floated across the room, giving me a start. I had given up hope of ever seeing her again, knowing full well that she didn't have to even acknowledge the six months that had passed to make her divorce final and there she was, standing between two men who anxiously looked around the room.

"Carol..." I tried to say, suddenly at a loss for words.

"I just wanted to come by and say 'thank you' and 'goodbye.'"

"Goodbye? What do you mean, 'goodbye'?"

"Jimmy, I have to leave."

"On God's green earth, why?" I couldn't believe it. Here she was and now she was leaving me, again. What had I done to deserve such a cruel fate? I thought our time apart had been enough to break me of feeling sorry for myself but her arrival had brought it all back to me.

"Why did you leave me?" I had to know, even if it killed me. Why DID she leave me? It couldn't have been just because I asked her to marry me; that would be insane.

Her face reddened. "May I sit down?"

"Please do," I said and went to close the office door. I looked at her, wondering how bad it possibly could be. "Sure," I said, "if that's what you want to do."

"I don't want to do any of this but it's not fair to let you go on thinking... what you're thinking, when I'm never going to be able to marry you." She took a deep breath. She started to speak and then paused to take another breath and I wanted nothing more than to take her into my arms and hold her but I thought she might leave and I needed to hear what she wanted to say.

"The next morning, you know, after you asked me to marry you, I saw something very bad. I can't tell you what it was, just that it destroyed our lives together. The FBI..." I sat there while she continued to speak. "put me into protective custody and held me in what they call a safe house and now I've got to go into Witness Protection and I'll never be able to see you again. They wanted me to just disappear and be gone and then just write you a letter explaining what happened but I insisted on coming to see you... to say 'good-bye'."

I cursed under my breath. She started to cry. "I'm so sorry." Her voice became very soft and high, like a small child. I tried to imagine what terror she had undergone but couldn't. I wanted to comfort her but found myself unable to do anything. No matter what I did, it would seem not enough.

"I'm sorry. You have a life here and I can't be part of it. I love you too much to take all that away from you. I'm sorry."

"You had your turn, now it's mine. I love you."

She looked at me with a wistful look in her eyes.

"My point is nothing you've said has changed my feelings for you. Just because... I LOVE you."

"You'll get over it, you have to."

"That's crap and you know it."

All this time, she had been crying, the tears flowing down her cheeks. "It's over."

"What do you want to do now, Carol?"

"I have to leave. What we had has been the most intense, wonderful and exciting thing that's ever happened to me. You're the dearest man I've ever known and I thought that with you I could try this one more time. And, I do love you but I'm afraid I'm never going to be with anyone... after you."

"I can come with you," I said.

"No, you can't. They won't allow it and I can't do that to you."

"I know," I said, quietly, sadly, knowing it was over. The immediate sadness and fear when she had originally disappeared had tempered my feelings that last time I saw her but I was still crying. Our life together was stillborn and tumbled into a realm of possible futures that never came to pass.

I didn't know what else to say. I felt I would have been better off just wondering what had happened but then realized that would have ruined any future relationship I might have with someone else.

I had nothing to say left to say. What could have I said? I sat there, listening to her go on about things might have been different if we had more time or had been married.

She left while I was still sitting there, staring off into space. Her explanation made the situation only a little better for me. At least, according to her, it wasn't me, just a case of 'wrong place, wrong time.'

...... .....

Five months had somehow gone by and my aunt was once again getting angry with me. My lack of interest in anything had not spilled over into my work but, as she was wont to point out, had indeed spilled over my belt. Eating the wrong food and a couple of beers each evening had taken their toll on me and I was embarrassed to admit that I had really let myself go.

"Are you going to start taking better care of yourself or am I going to have to drag you around for your own good?"

I looked down at my shirt, its buttons straining against the fabric. Thank God, I thought, that it wasn't too bad; it was the same shirt size I had always worn. I hadn't fallen that far, just far enough for an important wake-up call.

"I've signed you up at the gym down the street," she said, "and you start tomorrow."

"Oh, all right," I said, realizing that resistance was futile, not that she looked like a member of the Borg.

..... .....

The next morning, I was at the gym at 7 am and after getting a tour of the facilities, started pedaling away on one of the stationary bikes. It didn't seem too bad until I realized I was winded and it had only been a little over fifteen minutes. Damn!

I stayed with the bike until a full thirty minutes had passed and then I shifted over to the treadmill. Eventually, I went into the sauna and sweated out my frustration with everything that had gone wrong in my life since Carol left me.

Five weeks later, with a change of diet and steady exercise, I lost seven pounds and two belt notches and I was not winded any longer. I'll admit, though, I missed my peanut M&Ms.

By the end of the second month my speed on the treadmill had increased, to my great relief and I, for a few strange moments, considered entering a local 5K. I laughed, thinking what a joke that would be and kept laughing all the way up to the point where my signature was on the entry form at the gym's front desk. After all, what was the worst that could happen?

..... .....

That Saturday, while standing with all the others, I began to question whatever intelligence I still had left when the gun went off and I began to move down the street with the rest of them, reminding me of a stampeding herd of cattle running through town like in a cowboy movie.

I didn't break any records but then I didn't embarrass myself too much, either, coming in ahead of the soccer moms pushing their jogging strollers.

By the time I crossed the 'finish line', my feet were almost ready to quit and I sat down on the street curb, getting run over by a charging soccer mom pushing an expensive stroller. I looked up into the eyes of a very attractive woman with long flowing blonde hair that reached past her shoulders.

"I'm sorry," she said, right after she crossed my foot with the back wheel. 'I didn't see you."

"That's all right," I said, "I'm used to that from women, I guess."

"Please, let me buy you a water or something."

"That's all right; I've got to get home."

"Wife?"

"No, turtle."

She bent over laughing and sat down on the curb next to me. "I'm sorry but that's so funny. Your first?"

"Turtle? Actually, yes."

"I meant, first race."

"That, too. My name's Jim."

"Hi, Jim, I'm Cecily but my friends call me Cee-Cee."

"Hi, Cee-Cee, glad to meet you." I glanced at her left hand. I don't know why I did it but I said, "Would you like to have lunch with me?"

"Well..." She shifted from one foot to the other.

"That's OK, I shouldn't have presumed, it's just that I didn't see a ring and all."

"I was going to say dinner would be better. I'm all sweaty and I don't have a sitter lined up."

"Great." I walked her over to her car and gave her my phone number. "I can meet you at the restaurant, if that makes you feel more comfortable."

"Oh, no, you can pick me up. I'll call with directions, say about four?"

"Great... uh, thanks."

I almost got hit by a car; I had turned around and stepped into the traffic lane so fast.

..... .....

I stayed as far away from the Charthouse as I could. It had lost its luster for me and I took Cee-Cee to the Warehouse in Marina del Rey. Its dark interior gave just the right amount of ambiance for a romantic evening and I was determined to take advantage of it.

As we walked in past the faux packing crates, I felt like a high school boy on his first date, which was almost what it was, anyway. Nervously, I tried to keep up a friendly banter until finally she put down her menu and asked, "You're really nervous, aren't you?"

"It shows, doesn't it?"

"Yes. Take it easy, I won't bite," she said, smiling.

After that, the evening went well. I told her about my law practice and the reason that I held my office hours in the café's dining room. I think she must have wondered why we were at the Warehouse instead of the café. She told me about being a widow, her husband having been killed in a car accident after returning from Afghanistan two years earlier. It had taken this long for her to decide to date again and I happened to be in the right place at the right time.

As I walked her back to her apartment, she gave me a kiss on the cheek and asked me to call her again. I promised to do so, very much.

I waited until lunch time the next day before I called.

"Hello, stranger," she said.

"Cee-Cee, I had a wonderful time last night."

"Me, too. Thank you."

"Would you like to take in a movie or something?"

There was a silence on the phone and I wondered if she was looking for a polite way to brush me off when she said, "How about dinner at my apartment and we could watch a DVD."

"That would be wonderful." I went back to work, trying to make sense of another divorce mess that had dropped into my lap when the original lawyer had died from a heart attack. I looked down at my belt and smiled, knowing that if I did die, it wouldn't be from being overweight.

Later, I went into the garage and use my drill to cut a new hole into my belt.

For the first time in a while, I slept well without the recurring dreams that had made me restless throughout the night.

..... .....

That afternoon, I stopped at See's to get a two-pound box of soft center chocolates and the florist next door to get a bouquet of yellow roses.

No matter how much she had tried to make me feel calm, I still had a little nervousness surrounding me as I rang her bell. That made me laugh, realizing how much I really would like to 'ring her bell.'

"Just a minute," I heard from inside the apartment and then the sound of footsteps just before the door opened. "Come in, Jim. Oh, thank you," she said as I gave her the candy and flowers. "Would you like something to drink?"

"Whatever you'd like is fine with me," I replied, not really knowing what her feelings about alcohol were or what she had in her cupboard.

"Would iced tea be all right?"

"That would be fine, thank you." I took the glass, squeezed the lemon and put in three teaspoons of sugar.

"You like it sweet," she remarked, watching me stir the sugar in the glass.

I thought for a moment a reply like 'just like you' but that sounded so inane that I was glad I was quiet.

We had roast beef, mashed potatoes, peas and a Marie Callender's pie that she had picked up from the grocery store. It had been a shame when the restaurants nearby had all closed. I loved their blueberry sour cream pie and we had worked on trying to copy the recipe for our own café.

"I picked up a few movies to choose from..." she said, pointing to a small stack of DVDs on the coffee table. "Why don't you look them over while on check on Mary?"

I walked over and went through them as she went to see how her child was sleeping. 'The Proposal' with Sandra Bullock, about an arranged marriage so she could stay in the US; 'Bright Star', the romantic telling of John Keat's love affair with Fanny Brawne, the inspiration for his writings but we settled on 'Love Happens', a romance about loss and new love.

By the time the film was over, I realized what Cee-Cee had been trying to tell me about life, love and the two of us. We kissed deeply when I left her that night and I felt better than I had in such a long time, I was surprised how life was changing for me.

..... .....

While I continued at the gym, I also found time to run with Cee-Cee every afternoon at the local park before dinner. After the first few times, I began to push the jogging stroller myself and bring little toys and other things for Mary. I felt bad for her husband, who through no fault of his own, had been destined to have another man love his wife and raise his daughter.

A month later, we were spending our Saturdays running along palm trees of the Strand in Venice Beach as early spring moved into Southern California. We stopped for hot dogs from a sidewalk vendor. Cee-Cee waited until I was looking and then made love to the hot dog in her mouth. I could feel myself blushing, the hot blood rushing to my face.

"I've finally got your attention, I see," she said, pushing the stroller with one hand while eating the dog with the other. "Tonight," she laughed.

I nodded my head in relief and gratitude? did that make sense? I wondered.

We spent the rest of the day walking around and stopped for a moment underneath the giant mural of Jim Morrison painted on the side of a building. The madness of the beach area was in direct contrast from the few remaining canals that gave the town its name. We were passed by a woman with wild orange hair leading a dog on too long a leash and the inevitable happened when they tangled up around a streetlight. Just to the side, the surf rolled in, carrying two surfers unafraid of the early chill of the California Current down from Alaska. Life was good.

For a while, our route took us past bus stops where wide-eyed girls stepped onto the warm pavement, glad to be away from the cold of the Midwest and East, unaware that even this Eden had its own snakes waiting for them.

We finally arrived back at the original canals and slowed to a walk past the shallow waterways. Cee-Cee fished her keys out of her pocket and we entered her apartment and while she put Mary down for a nap, I took a towel and wiped down my face and neck. I went to the refrigerator and got a bottle of water and drank half of it before I stopped.

Cee-Cee came back into the kitchen, her long blonde hair frizzed out from our run and hanging halfway down her back. Her running shirt was plastered against her skin and her breasts' nipples strained against the fabric as she breathed deeply, catching her breath as best she could. Cee-Cee took out her blender and threw a cutup banana and some yogurt, nutmeg and cinnamon into it along with some milk and made herself a smoothie. I stood there, drinking my water, watching as her breasts moved beneath her shirt, her nipples causing me to once again have an erection. I couldn't help it, I found her to be the most entrancing woman to come into my life since my disaster with Carol. Praying that nothing would destroy our relationship, I stood behind her, kissing her neck as she tried to drink. She giggled.

"Tonight, Jim... can't you wait?"

"No, not anymore. I've fallen in love with you." I tensed, wondering if I would end up with the same horrible response that ruined my life before.

"I love you, too," she said, "and I want you, now and forever."

Thank God, I thought.

..... .....

"I want you so much," she said, breathing hotly against my ear. She shut her eyes and inhaled deeply. I brushed my mouth along her jaw and then trailed hot, wet kisses down the side of her throat.

Cee-Cee dug her fingers into my shoulders as I dragged my tongue to the underside of her chin. Her body shook in response as I began to suck her skin, knowing I would leave marks.

She met me with an openmouthed kiss that tasted of a light sweetness that was all her own. I matched her, thrust for thrust, drawing her ever deeper into our kiss as my hands slipped beneath her dress, caressing, rubbing, teasing her in ways that left her trembling with an urgent need to make love with me.

I unbuttoned her dress and slipped it down past her shoulders and stared. For the first time, I completely saw her breasts, the tips of her breasts taut and proud and her cheeks burned as she appreciated what we were about to do.